We've had ours down since the day after Christmas. But we really don't have many decorations. ^^;;

I get every CI on here. One set for my main and if I like them I get another set for my mule. Even if I don't see myself using them...I like to have them. And it supports the site. On Gaia for a while I was buying every set, then I started to greatly dislike their items and then I'd get the ones that I liked...and then I just got bored. I couldn't take the amount of BUY THIS they shoved in my face so I just kinda stopped going to the site.

Yeah I pretty much stopped going to gaia in general because of that. and I think I might be quitting the sims Facebook game in a bit here. At first its all nice. you can have cool things without much real life currency involved but lately they release new items and its all that rl currency for the things that are nice. so I'm just like Hmmm... time to leave.. I did the same with farmville but farmville was also because I hate spamming my wall with requests. For the most part other games i play let you ask people directly so I can just ask people that I know actively play and be done with it rather than having my wall plastered with game stuff.

anyway yeah. I've kind of stuck with the habit I had towards the end of my gaia days and only go for items I really like. I do like supporting sites. but mene works a littler differently. it might be a while before I make another $20 donation.

I'll donate at least $5 a month so I can get both CI's on this account. Generally I'll do $15 though. :3 One set for me and two on my mule.

I started cramping and bleeding today. -_- I knew that I should expect it, but with Owen it happened before 10 weeks. and now I'm at 11. I thought I was in the clear. So I'm a bit worried. Because the cramps aren't going away either. It's like one long cramp. It's not strong though, just long and kinda painful. I hope it ends soon.

and I'm having issues with Insurance stuff right now because I need to switch from prime to prime remote and that takes 5 days+ mailing time. So I don't know when I'll get that sorted so I can get to an OB around here. Right now, I just want to hear the heartbeat and know everything is okay. I could go to the ER...but it almost seems like a silly reason to go you know? Because this happened last time and everything was okay.

my miscarriages were all sharp. very sharp cramps that felt like my insides were being wrenched like a wet towel. Just really sharp cramps and a lot of blood. Sometimes it would start as just dull cramps and some spotting but then it'd just pick up and get so much worse. But a few times that would start and the laying down and resting would help and it'd just stop. So I guess I suggest just laying down and resting and not stressing about it since it hasn't gotten that rough. everything is probably just fine. especially if you've felt this way before with owen. have there been any changes in the meds you were taking? maybe its just a result of that change? I'm sure its ok. but if it gets any worse, go in. if anything, going in would help calm your nerves. Its a scary thing to go through... thinking baby might not be ok.

It'll be ok Mellie <3 Your pro at being and staying pregnant <3

I agree with jaz. :) You're pro at the pregnancy stuff. I'm sure it'll all be ok.

It's been 14 hours, and I dare say the cramps have gotten stronger. Almost birth strong and I'm in tears over it. I don't think it's the pain so much as the thought of losing this little one now.

I've been weaning off my meds for the past two weeks. I'm off of shots, off of pills and today is my last vaginal pill.

It hurts. But there still isn't a lot of blood. Which is what they go by. So I'm at a loss of what to do. I can't sleep. It's 4 am and I've been up since around 2. Laying down isn't making them go away. Neither is sitting or standing. They're quite content to stay it feels and I am freaking out. ):

It was like 2 hours with Owen. This is far beyond that.

Do you have any doctor you can call even with the insurance change that's pending? like the doctor doing the transfers and overseeing the whole process?

and yeah. It's blood they go by. I used to freak out at the start of every cramp and would always want to go in. especially considering my history. but if it was still just spotting, they told me to just keep resting :/ but that's a good thing definitely that you aren't bleeding lots. just keep your spirits up mel mel. I've always heard every pregnancy is different so maybe that's what this is. This baby is just being different than owen.

I'm hoping it all stops soon. *hugs*

I went to the ER. I did manage to call my doctor at yale, and they said to go in as well. Ultrasound confirmed that I miscarried today. I feel like total shit. I know it's not my fault, I know there's nothing I could have done, but I still feel like shit.

I got off the computer shortly after that post because of cramps. Passed a lot of blood. </3

Awww mel mel. I'm so sorry...

they are right. nothing you could have done. remember that. I have a hard time remembering that...

Scott took me in, when we were done he called work and they gave him the day off. Baby daddies are sad, but they're glad I'm okay. Apparently a lot of things can go wrong with a miscarriage. Bleeding that won't stop, fevers, dizzyness (generally caused by the blood loss). But I'm okay, doctor said other than losing the baby I look good. I have to see him on Monday to make sure my numbers are dropping. If they don't or I get a fever or things get worse I'll need to do a D&C. But as it stands this should all pass naturally.

Today was my last day of meds too. ):

Awwww... *big hugs Mellie* I am sooo sorry <3 I wish I could do more... :'(

Originally Posted by Melody Xyelle

Scott took me in, when we were done he called work and they gave him the day off. Baby daddies are sad, but they're glad I'm okay. Apparently a lot of things can go wrong with a miscarriage. Bleeding that won't stop, fevers, dizzyness (generally caused by the blood loss). But I'm okay, doctor said other than losing the baby I look good. I have to see him on Monday to make sure my numbers are dropping. If they don't or I get a fever or things get worse I'll need to do a D&C. But as it stands this should all pass naturally.

Today was my last day of meds too. ):

true. there are a lot of things that could go wrong with miscarriages or just pregnancy in general. I've only had to have D&C done once. every other time my body just took care of itself. :/ which just made me sad. I'm normally a very rational person I think. But, whenever I'd miscarry I'd always have the illogical panicked ideas that it could be stopped or reversed somehow. That just made it worse. :/ So like I said before just remember that it wasn't your fault and there's nothing you could have done to have changed that outcome. you rested. you did everything right. remember that.

I would get the dizzy and once they even did a blood transfusion because I had lost so much. Too much for my doctor to be comfortable with and that time they were thinking I might end up losing my uterus if it didn't slow down. But that was one of the farther along miscarriages.

I'm glad you're ok though. Just rest. Give your body its time to recover. I'm not sure of how attached you were but give yourself time to just be sad too. I'm glad scott's there with you. Its amazing how much better the man you love can make you feel.

I'm definitely always here if you need someone to talk to.

irrational me thought there was a way I could have saved it too. But some things just aren't meant to be. Better now than at 20 weeks or later right?

I feel very empty. Like it's weird. I always knew baby was there. Even when Daddy was thinking that the transfer failed, I knew baby was there. And now, I don't feel it. It's very very strange because I didn't realize how much of a presence it had taken up. We were just there together, growing together it was a very natural yay I'm pregnant sort of thing. And now that I'm not. It's empty and sad.

Scottie is amazing. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Even if I am just sleeping curled up around him while he plays Zelda.

I've talked to my doctors. Tom wants to try again with a fresh cycle once my body heals. So we're giving me time to just be and I think we'll both just take our time mourning little one until then. And probably after then as well. I think I'm still in shock. I didn't believe this could happen to me. Everything has been so by the books on the right side...I thought I was immune.

It is an empty feeling and a grieving feeling even with it being a surrogacy it still is, I'm sure. You knew that little life. knew it better than anyone. like you said, you knew it was there even before anyone else. Don't worry about trying again or any of that. Just don't even think about it and don't discuss it with the daddies or the doctors. not yet. you need your time. and the daddies need theirs too. but you just need to heal. physically and emotionally and its going to take time. besides it will be better for you to just heal without being rushed if/when you try again later.

That's why I was discussing it with them. They're going to be keeping tabs on me to make sure everything is healing right, and on how I'm feeling. While they can tell Tom "These things can take around 6 weeks" he would run with that and have my plane tickets purchased for then and the egg donor lined up. So long as I'm talking with the doctors they can slow him down and keep him focused on my recovery and what not. I don't want him to come across as shallow, when he called me this morning he was in tears from the loss too, so I know he's grieving, I think his way of grieving includes pushing on to the brighter future where as mine includes wallowing for a bit longer.

Definitely a good thing you have the doctor as a mediator then. But yeah. Don't commit to any timelines. take as long as you need. everyone deals with loss differently and no one should really be on anyone else's timeline for it. I'm sure they know that and it sounds like they've really always had your best interest/well being in mind. so just remind them of that. that there is no deadline for being done with grief for anyone. miscarriages are heartbreaking. they just are. :/

on the other side of it, it is good to have people that are positive. that know and believe that "everything is going to be ok" and it will be. just with time.

I've never experienced exactly what you are feeling right now but I think Empress is giving wise advise. <3 Let yourself heal, in every way before you proceed again. If you aren't healed emotionally you will worry more the next time. And the stress could just as easily cause another miscarriage. Get yourself back to rights <3 And know we are all here for you should you need us <3

:Hugs and love to Mellie:

:heart: to all 3. Thanks guys. :heart:

So onto happy music and manga. Probably some painting tomorrow.

yay happy music and double yay for manga. I miss manga... :(

and painting. you should try your hand at that asain feeling painting you wanted for your living room. I bet it would come out really nice.

Peter got me glass paint for Christmas, so I think I'll start working on the vases I wanted to do for the mantel above the fire place.

I bought the first 10 Bleach manga off of Barnes and Nobel.com. They were something like $2 each with like $6 shipping used. Where as new would have cost me about $10 each. I'm on #4 now. I quite enjoy the first part of this series. We watched a lot of it on Netflix as well. But then they started getting into vampire like things...and I'm just not that into vampires, so I haven't watched any more of it yet.

Kura also wants to start a painting for Vicky of a sea turtle. So I figure we'll work on that together. :3

I forgot about the vases you mentioned so that's cool your got the paints for them.

you should so post kura's turtle when she's done. her other pictures were just too cute. you can so tell she's got that artist side in her. not many kids her age would actually pay attention to form like she does.

Right? She's totally awesome. (:

She is. She gets it from her mommy. :)

artist types are awesome imo :P

I didn't realize bleach was on netflix. I just added it to queue so I don't forget to start watching it.