Pardon while I bitch for a moment:

Last year for pi day I had a mini pie party, and I attempted for the first time in my life to make a lemon meringue pie. The first attempt (a paula deen recipe) was a soupy disgusting mess. The second one (i saved the recipe but remember nothing about it) was perfect.
This year after a recommendation of a Guy Fierri pecan pie recipe I decided to try that one out. it says to cook the pie for 50 to 60 minutes or until a knife comes out clean, well it's been in for 50 minutes now...and it's STILL FUCKING SOUP. I'm about to totally write off "food network stars" as knowing anything about what they cook. :/ This is really starting to piss me off. I'm OUT of pecans. i can't try to make up another one! And the worst part is that Scotts already told the guys at work that there would be a pecan pie! D: I can follow a recipe. I can cook, I can bake, I'm freaking awesome. I'm sure it's them that have the problems. Yes. It's them. So don't try to tell me otherwise!


;-; Today has been filled with pie baking and whining children. I'm so ready to be done with the lot of it and it's hardly noon. I don't have work tonight, but by golly...I almost wish I did so I could get away from them. /horrible

Ugh, I can't stand any recipes from the Food Network. I use AllRecipes and carefully read comments on what I'm making, because it's rare that there's not a "catch" of some sort that most commenters all change the recipe in the same way in order to get the recipe to work.

If I were you I'd just make cheesecake xD

Hubby doesn't like cheesecake (though honestly I don't like pie) -_-

Yeah Food Network recipes have me really skeptical now. This is the second one from a well known celeb like chef that's given me an issue. Follow the recipe word for word: get soup. Actually I guess it's the third. A couple years back we attempted a french onion soup by Alten Brown, and it was pretty meh as well. Though at least that one was soup and it was supposed to be soup. :lol:

I forgot to buy mozzarella cheese at the store because right when we got to the dairy isle the kids were all YOGURT and I'm like NO. So I got whipping cream and then walked a couple of steps and the kids ran to the front of the isle and were like ICE CREAM and I was like NO and just followed them out because I wanted to see if they had pie servers. Totally forgot the cheese. I'll have hubby pick it up when he gets off work. I'm not heading back out with the monsters.

We only go to the store once a week. If we forget something or run out of it, tough for us! It keeps us from impulse buying junk food (though since we're traveling this week, we bought a bunch of junk food... including fudge brownie ice cream :drool:).

It also forces us to eat stuff we bought... mostly pasta that we get tired of.

i agree with Keyori, Allrecipes is pretty good, as long as you read the notes people put on them. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time Melllie! :hug:

maybe there isn't enough of an ingredient? i know nothing about making pies from scratch, so i'm no help. :(

I followed the recipes instructions. So the correct amounts of everything. With the Paula Dean one it was just her stupid lemon custard part. It needed a thickening agent and she didn't have one in. :/ It needed corn starch I think that that was the main difference anyway. But yeah. It sucks.

But the pies are all done. I've got a nice tray out of mini pumpkin pies (think muffin size) apple pie pockets (about cookie size), chocolate pudding pie and pecan pie (added another 15 minutes to the recipe, the nuts on top look burned but the inside is the correct consistency. I'll have to try that one again at some point...) But none of them were especially difficult. I just wish the recipes would have worked properly! haha. I just started doing pies from scratch a couple years ago. Scott wanted me to try a pumpkin pie with a pumpkin we'd picked up at Halloween so I figured what the hell! And I've been doing them since. (: Pie crust is really simple only 4 or 5 ingredients, it's the filling that sometimes gets you. lol.

The commissary is really close to us, less than a mile, so making a couple trips a day isn't bad at all. I just didn't want to go out again with the kids. xD It's easy enough to keep from buying extra junk food, because we stick to the outer ring of the store and all the junk is on the inside aisles.

I love cooking from scratch, but normally I just don't have the patience. I start thinking about cooking when I start feeling hungry and then I'm like "okay what's going to get into my belly quickest?" xD

***stalks about***

I'm such a lazy chef. Most of our food was at some point frozen. D: I have a lot of recipes and I'm actually a really good cook, but.. I'm lazy.

We try not to get frozen food. Usually it consists of frozen veggies (because they last for several meals for us) and fresh meat that we freeze if we don't use up all of it straight away. Occasionally we get frozen pizzas.

Our freezer has more alcohol in it than food >3>;;

We keep very few processed foods in the house. Our freezer consists of bread, meat, ice, veggies, and booze. I try to cook from scratch whenever possible... more often than not, six nights a week. Tonight we're having pizza. The crust is premade while the sauce is homemade. I'll add fresh mozzarella and whatnot.

Or not, if Terra keeps clinging as she is.

I've been trying not to buy processed food because it costs to damn much! it's a lot cheaper to make stuff from scratch! Besides it's not good for you.

Chi- hope you get your pizza made, sounds yummy! i think we'll finally get around to grilling chicken tonight, gonna make our own bbq sauce! :D

By fresh mozzarella do you mean you made the cheese? I saw a couple tutorials on that and it seemed...not too hard. But I haven't tried it yet. >.>

I'm cheap so generally we do things from scratch. I make hubby do a lot of the cooking though. xD I think out freezer right now is mostly berries and meat...some frozen corn...uh...ice and ice packs and juice. Yup. Juice.

Juice here, too. Forgot! XD

Nope, I don't make cheese. I should as it looks easy enough! I just buy the stuff that is just milk, salt, enzymes. We do eat some crappy foods (who doesn't), but the bulk of our stuff is healthy.

Ugh, it needs to be 5:30. I want food. T_T I just don't want to make anything without Cole here. Cold pizza = ew.

**sigh** Why do I even bother :/ I am seriously coincidering disappearing from the face of the internet world for a while.... And I wish I could completely disappear from the relatives world forever :/

why what's wrong Jaz?

I made the mistake of calling my mom and talking to her about my worries for next month.... I got onto the state aid web site and it confirmed that we are loosing everything next month with no real reasoning behind it.... I told her that I was planning on going down there tomorrow morning to find out why exactly why it is being cancelled and when/if it is expected to come back... since getting through by phone is impossible.. She basically said "Don't get mad at me but you a horrible mom and wife" she said it several times and even said "she was distancing herself from the kids so that she doesn't get hurt when I take them away because I use them more as a tool then as children" She told me basically "get a job and do it opposite Dillon's schedule and weekends he'll probably be happier that way anyhow..."

I'm tired of seeing my mom BITCH about Target over and over and wanting everyone to pity her, but then she shows absolutely no care for anyone else... And she does it a LOT on facebook and in email.... Not to mention that I feel like if I got rid of my internet habits maybe I could be the 1950's house wife that she was LITERALLY comparing me to :/

Everyone screws up. Remember that. Your mom is no angel. You guys will be able to get back on assistance once the child support thing blows over. It's difficult because it now means when Micheal's dad bothers paying, you won't be able to spend the money--period. It will have to be saved for family food, which defeats the purpose of it being child support for Mikes.

It is over the SNAP benefits going away next month, right? Or did something else happen? :( Definitely get down there and have your case manager give you concise answers. I have faith that it won't be permanent if Dillon's income hasn't increased.

I'm sorry that your mother is pulling the "you're a horrible wife and mother" card. What was her rationale behind that? Because you guys spent the tax return leftovers and the child support on, you know, bills and upcoming expenses? I think you mentioned getting a few small gifts for birthdays. It's not like you went out and bought a car or blew hundreds on frivolous things.

The hell is she going on about the whole "get a job opposite his schedule"? Is she implying you don't like spending time together? Is she also stopping to even think about the amount of unhappiness you're in taking care of her son, out of the goodness of your heart?

Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't let yourself feel down about money. This is temporary, truly so. When Ellie's old enough, you'll seek work and get off benefits. I understand the frustrations dealing with the system, and how people will scrutinize everything. Everything. But fuck them. It's your life, and you're doing a job few women get any credit for.

Totally agree with Chi. Mothering tends to be a thankless job, paid in hugs and kisses...and tantrums/screaming/kicking/whining. Probably more so the latter than the former as the kids get older and start to rebel. But you're doing it, and you know for a fact that you're doing it well. Your husband is happy, your children (whether they show it or not) are happy, and you're there for them, whenever they need you, you're there for them. You're a good mom and a good wife. Clearly your mom doesn't understand the dynamics of your family or how things work in your household. Ignore those comments, they're not worth your time, you're awesome.

I've been wanting to try making cheese...and sourdough bread. i'm just scared to try it. lol.

The kids have found mine and Scotts game boy colors, and have been playing the original pokemon games on them. lol. They're so cute.

I am going to apologize in advance if this is incoherent... My mind is swimming and though Ellie is happy on the floor for the first time in like a week **knock on wood** she is talking a lot and as I said my mind is swimming....

I am not 100% what the cause of losing SNAP benefits was... The only thing I can really see is that his dad paid like 4 payments at once... Nearly 2k in payments in one month... Honestly I can understand to an extent why it was taken but take it the next month not 3+months down the line...

**strike the happiness thing... we are back to screaming ;.;**

We also received LEAP to help with our gas bill over the winter, which was credited to our account 3-4 months ago? And we reported it so it could ding us appropriately.... But I swear anything with the government takes MONTHS to process and by the time they do all the money is gone...

My mom rationalizes that I am not a good house wife unless I am doing what a TELEVISION 1950's housewife did... She says that this is what woman did before women's rights... My mother has a WRETCHED double standard... Woman can do ANYTHING men can do, but men shouldn't have to know how to do anything that is considered "women's work" Women have the right to work but they don't have the right to stay home.... It is awful.... I can count off what we spent our return and my ex. child support on Child support went to buying replacements for Sean and Michael new school clothes and we put some away for next years school clothes, and I bought a Manual breast pump (which as it turns out was a $35 waste of money since Ellie would rather try to drown herself then swallow breast milk from **gasp** a BOTTLE" and I think I may have bought Ellie a couple of warm outfits.... Taxes paid off almost 5k in credit card debt, bought Elizabeth some diapers since she was outgrowing hers (and we had used a gift to her on bills when we were struggling that was meant for diapers), Paid the school clothes fund back since we had to dip into it, we also paid off our washer and dryer and the final bit was used to buy each of my kids 2 birthday gifts (totaling to about $26-30 EACH KID) and my niece a clearance mini barbie for her birthday and my best friends daughter a Tangled Doll (which actually cost almost as I spent on an entire birthday for my own kids :/) and Easter stuff (a basket for Ellie, grass, 1-2 books each kid, and a small amount of candy) .... I was frivolous in a way, as we ate out a LOT more then we should have, but by not paying for the washer and dryer and credit cards we easily fell under the "excess" money from Dillon's checks with those, not that I am justifying it, cause I know I did major bad on that one... But still...

My mom doesn't see my brother as any kind of hardship... She ships him crappy microwave dinners over and boxes of cereal and lunch meat and a loaf of bread a month, he CAN'T be any kind of draining on our food stores when he has choice of a microwave burrito or stir fry, or whatever it maybe we are eating at the time.... And you know he doesn't need to do freaking 6 loads of laundry after only a week without a washer because she bogged him down with 30,000 shirts/pants etc... Lord knows he doesn't shower, or drink anything, or turn my heater up to NINETY when I ask him to turn it OFF... He doesn't spend ALL damn day one of the computers often times with a phone on his damn ear... He doesn't use the bathroom or blow his nose etc etc etc etc.... I can go on and on...

As far as the opposite schedule thing, she feels that I HAVE to get a job, and I've told her COUNTLESS times, putting 3 kids into full or part time daycare would more then likely pull OVER the amount of money I could make at a full time job in this area... Not only that but we would for sure lose any help we are getting (which wouldn't be bad if we weren't incurring MORE costs on top of it if that makes since) ... She's told me this since we made the decision when I lost my job at the daycare 4 years ago last month.... So this is her cure... If you ask me it seems like "a modest proposal" (I think that is the one I am remembering that was an "solution" to Ireland over population...) But part of it was twisting back to that I am a terrible wife who makes her husband SHARE the responsibilities of the house with her rather then say, I'll do everything all day everyday...

She added SEVERAL times in the 10-20 minute conversation that she stands by her decision to work instead of stay home and that it is the "right" decision. I find it ironic that she stands so firmly by the that choice but then says all of us have turned out to be miserable wretches.. She was the one who raised us, is she not? I'm not blaming her for anything but I know if my kids all turned out to be miserable wretches I know I'd be questioning my own decisions in raising them..

I'd also like to add.... or maybe it is just reiterating.....Who the hell is going to hire a woman with a boob leech who would rather kill herself rather then take a bottle anyhow....

The bulk of the purchases you listed were necessities. With regard to the food splurges (eating out), we're all guilty of wasting money from time to time. All you can do is hang onto funds the next time to avoid the struggle of going without. You're NOT a failure. This will pass. I don't know when, but you'll get back on funds. I'm not sure if the LIHEAP was new for you guys this year, or if you get it every year. If it's the latter, then DHHS should already have it on file that you receive LIHEAP funds. If I had to guess, you'll get food stamps back in 3-4 months. Definitely go see someone.

I have a hope that because your ex doesn't pay on time that they won't be as harsh. He isn't paying monthly, and to lose your food stamps when DHHS knows you're set up to receive child support payments is shitty. I'm not saying they don't do shitty things, because they do. I'm just hopeful they didn't realize you got a lump sum of child support that was meant to cover months and months of having nothing. I think it's reasonable to say, "I took the money and made a credit card payment, as the credit card has been the only thing keeping us afloat."

Anyway... to the bigger issue. Your mom.

Remember my FB rant a while back about the dude shooting his daughter's laptop, and how by the end of it I said something about how I plan on looking at my mother's mistakes so I don't repeat them with Terra? Yeah. YOU are the smarter woman. A lot of moms HAVE to work. You don't HAVE to, and you KNOW how important stability is for children. You're aware of how your siblings and you turned out, and no matter how you slice it, she holds responsibility. I don't blame my mother, either, but psychologically speaking? I can look at everything wrong with me and find at least some component of it being parenting. I don't do it, though, because I firmly believe that everyone can be dealt a shitty hand and fight it. We're all put here to make decisions... it's just that some people have harder hands to play and more difficult "appropriate" decisions to make to be healthier.

If that makes any sense. Basically, I'm not blaming others for the bad behavior of others. Bad behavior is one's own responsibility in spite of shit upbringing or anything else.

Your children are going to have a stronger foundation BECAUSE you and Dillon share responsibilities. They will see their mom and their dad working together, and they will learn that both boys and girls can cook, clean, tinker, fix, build, wash laundry and everything else. THAT is well-rounded-ness.

To hell with the nuclear family. I don't think it ever existed. I think the perfect picture of 1950s family life was shit. Women had fewer rights and sure as hell didn't speak up. We'd be run under the bus now. I do think gaining more rights has put insurmountable pressure on women to boot. Don't get me wrong--you guys know I value parenting and a strong work ethic (without the child being at risk). But do you think I'd be happy working, raising Terra AND doing all of the house work and cooking? No way in hell. It can't be balanced, therefore it must be shared.

Women can't stay home because they're lazy if they do, and women can't go to work because they're neglecting their children and the house if they do. And some men truly believe women who work need to manage the house on top of it because their job is the only thing they should ever have to do.

God. I'm ranting.

tldr; YOUR MOM IS WRONG.

Perhaps she's trying to defend her own actions during her own motherhood. It is extremely painful to have your own parent not get you, more so to hear them criticize you, call you a failure, and say you're doing everything wrong.

But you're doing what's healthiest for your children. Going to work 18 months from now (or later) isn't going to leave you guys destitute from now until then. If you go back to work, you lose benefits and have daycare to pay for. It's not worth it right now. And Ellie needs your breast milk as long as you're able and willing to supply it.

I am hoping Ellie's scream fit was due to OMG pooooo diaper back up... Cause as long as her dang brothers stay out of her face she is decently content... I spent the last what... 2ish hours??? No almost 3!!! Nursing and rocking and changing and holding and rubbing and talking to Ellie only to have her scream in return.. And when I get angry like this all I can think "I'll show you fucking 1950's" and to be strapped down completely drives me FRICKIN BONKERS...

I am ALMOST sure, that if I address the issue tomorrow that we should get our benefits back in May... I know that I've been complaining a lot for a miserable ONE month of struggling... But it puts a lot of stress on Dillon and I worrying about where the extra probably $400 on top of the $200 we have extra a month, to feed the kids...

**sigh** she's fussing again T___T but I'm going to let her just fuss because she is pushing her self backwards on her tummy while doing it... Oh wait she rolled back on her back and is happy again ><;; child GEEZ....

I am not trying to blame my mother for how we turned out but I will say her working gave us DROVES of opportunity to do some of the bad things behind her back not that I don't think we could have found opportunity without her working she just made it easy :P.......... I want to be better then what she was for us... So in that sense I TOTALLY agree with your previous rant, I always have said I was going to be better!!!!

Don't get me wrong--you guys know I value parenting and a strong work ethic (without the child being at risk). But do you think I'd be happy working, raising Terra AND doing all of the house work and cooking? No way in hell. It can't be balanced, therefore it must be shared.

That statement alone sums up my mothers belief on what a woman should be... She should cook, clean, raise kids, work while the man should be expected to do nothing but go to work and do hard labor.... Dillon likes being our bread winner, he says sometimes that it feels like the only thing he is doing right since so many men shuck the responsibility part of raising a family... Not to say he doesn't want to see me go back to work someday, or that he LOVES his job (cause the opposite is true honestly) but he likes knowing he can provide for us for the most part... Ok...


Takes a deep breathe... Onwards to make some chicken wraps and buffalo chicken wraps for dinner... and get some of the house together.... 1950's my fripping arse...


Oh and we have reported our LEAP benefits in the past... We have gotten help 2 years now... Freaking $166 gas bills are terrifying... I just wish I could split it between the insane electric company and the gas company cause our electric bill is ALWAYS $144 year round while our gas is only that expensive in the winter!

I also grew up with less supervision. My sister took more advantage of it than I did. :XD

It'll get better. <3 I hope you get feeling better soon. Just remember all the great things you're doing that no amount of paycheck could do. The paycheck will come later on in life. :3

Speaking of, I get my first on Monday. I'm slowly feeling better about being away from Terra, save for Wednesdays. Those kill me. The 4 hour breaks I don't mind. She loves the school, which makes it much easier. She didn't want to leave today! I may see if they can take her for two full days a week as I'll have to increase to 20 hours by May. Right now 15 is a lot, but I'm transitioning anyway...

It seems like you are transitioning really well Chi <3 I wigged for weeks after Mikes started daycare T__T though he did poorly at transitioning as well :( I am still touchy about him leaving to his dad's and he's been doing that 7 years now...

My mom made a huge FB post referring to me not saying my name but referring to me none the less... And saying that she remembered her mother saying that she didn't understand her generation, and now she doesn't understand ours and how our generation is "losing out" and we don't even know it... The world changes with technology and different things it changes, it is just the way of the world.... I am hoping I can change with it as it does!

>.> I make hubby cook dinner most nights. Your mom would hate me. Because he also does a decent amount of cleaning. But these things I do actually attribute to the way he was raised. His mom was a failure at cooking: Woman could burn macaroni. D: So while he was little he lived off of microwaved dinners. He started making rice/random other simple things like that at 13 and I taught him a bunch of random cooking things when we moved out together. Since then he's adored cooking. And chores...his mom is a lesbian, and all for womens rights to work/do whatever the hell they want that men are allowed to do. She also believed that a good man would clean up after himself, and keep a tidy house. My house is by no means tidy most of the time, but if something is bothering me he will take care of it. Specially if I'm pregnant and the smell gets to me.
Your mom just seems so stuck in the past, she's not realizing how much more beneficial the relationship is to both people when they're both working for what they have. When they're both putting time and effort into something. Dillon is bringing home the paycheck for now, you're doing the child care, you're both being invested into your house with cleaning, washing, repairing etc. You've balanced your life (er...as much as you can balance with a boob leech anyway) and you're doing a fab job of it. Really, I think she's the one missing out if her relationships are stuck with her not only working all the time, but then cleaning, cooking, mending, etc as well. Because seriously, I'd be one pissed off depressed woman if my life was just domestic and work related things. This mama/wifey needs some freedom time.

...I was going to post about something, but I forget what now. :lol:

Oh! I have a date! I'm going out for Coffee with a co-worker on Sunday. :D I'm all excited! (oddly because I get to wear jeans, and get away from the kiddos for a bit) But yeah. Totally excited Imma be going out with real people! rofl.