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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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03-25-2012, 10:05 PM
It was more than a year ago that I had it. Owen is coming up on 18 months now! My God...I feel old. D:
I have 3 kids, a 7 year old, twin 5 year olds and I had a baby as a surrogate 18 months ago. (: It was with the surro baby that I had mastitis.
I find that I actually click with a lot of people, but a lot of those same people will also un-click with me when my kids are around. Like I'm cool as a person, but as soon as I become a mother I'm no longer someone that can just hang out and do things spontaneously. I had a coffee date last Sunday with a couple of people I've become friends with at work, we spent 4 hours talking about fabulously nerdy and amusing things and past experiences etc. They wanted me to join them going down to...i forget where to go hiking around a lake but I couldn't because I had to go grocery shopping. My priorities have changed a lot since the kids were born and it's them that comes first. I would have loved to go, but it would have been completely irresponsible. What I really want are people to hang out with that also have kids...but I can't seem to find any. The parents of my childrens friends aren't interested in hanging out with people outside of their cliques. The PTA is almost over- and I haven't technically joined anyway- but I figured they would be the ones I would get along with, I mean it's the parent-teacher association, aren't these the people who find themselves most invested in their children? But even with that I felt quite out of place. I don't know. It doesn't really bother me so much now since I'm working and getting outside conversations with other adults. It was just those years of isolation that really got to me. Babies, twin babies at that, and so much housework, yard work, baby things...babies alone take up most of the day, I didn't have time to prep for parties or anything like that, and I never got invited out so...yeah. I forgot where I was going with this.
Having friends that stick around with you even after you have children seems to be a rarity. Finding friends after you have children is even more rare it seems.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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03-25-2012, 10:46 PM
Chi... I am not sure when he will be able to leave just yet he got a job at A&W it is the slowest fast food place in town O_o, but I don't know if that means they only have 1 to 2 full time workers per shift (where places like McDonald's has like 15 part timers and 4 full timers (over all shifts), or if they only do part time work... Part of me says it is going to be part time work... :/ Which means he could be bringing in between $150-500 every two weeks... Depending on sales and such... A one bedroom apt costs 450+ (plus deposit which is usually equal to a months rent) if he is lucky (and smart) he should look for one that has utilities included...
Mellie... I feel much the way you do...
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ktbee
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03-26-2012, 12:05 AM
Melody: Aww, that's so sad. :( It's not like a person's personality changes from having a kid.. Probably non-parents are uncomfortable around kids or don't know how to handle them? I guess my sister got lucky then. She's doesn't spend a lot of time with her friends anymore, but she didn't lose them either. They still hang out from time to time (though I do help by babysitting some nights) and sometimes the friends play with Mia as well. :)
Jaz: That's awesome about your son (or.. was he a step-son? I'm losing track already. ><) getting a job. :) Haha, are you going to tell him to look for places with utilities if he's planning to move out? :P
Last edited by ktbee; 03-26-2012 at 12:08 AM..
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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03-26-2012, 01:43 AM
That would be neither my son nor my step-son :P I was talking about my brother... He's been living with us almost 4 months and I am dead sick of him... I will advise him to look for all utilities paid apartments but he's a grown man and getting him to listen to me is like pulling teeth...
My oldest is only 7 (a couple months shy of eight) he better not have a job yet :P
ktbee... Personality may not change but for most priorities do... It's a matter of drop of the hat lets go to the movies guys and you having to stay home because you didn't have enough time to find a babysitter... Or having plans with friends and needing to cancel because the baby is sick... People eventually start overlooking you.... Even with friends who have kids, sometimes it is hard to spend time together... Because you are chasing kids instead of hanging out or kids don't get alone what have you....
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ktbee
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03-26-2012, 05:18 AM
Jaz: *facepalm* Ugh, yes! That is definitely what I meant to write.. Haha... Fail. Maybe I should mention that my memory is atrocious. :/ Ah, I have a brother like that, too. I especially like when I give him advice, he doesn't listen, then gives me the same advice when he finds out I was right. Haha. Good luck with him! It's very nice of you to let him stay with you.
Michael? Perhaps a job of being cute and causing trouble? ;)
Ahh. I see how that could make having a social life difficult. I probably.. Will have none if I get kids haha. As it is, I always have to make plans at least a month in advance. >< The school kids I spend most days with don't seem to share the same type of structure I do so I don't get invites out a lot or do many things already haha. Oh well.
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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03-26-2012, 06:05 AM
I moved when my daughter was about three months old to Northern California (from Southern California) to be with my husband. So I had to make new friends there, I made one amazing friend, and still have her. I count her family as friends, they're amazing people and I love them, but they now also live elsewhere. xD Um...yeah but I don't really think I lost friends from it, at least not any that mattered. But there will be times that I will go home for a couple of weeks and be like Hey who wants to hang out!~ and get crickets as a response or "hey sorry we can't make it" and the latter seems to happen more often then not. We've all got our own lives going on now, we keep in touch via facespace and what not, but once in a while I'd like to go out with them and have some fun. All of the friends that I bothered to keep in touch with, were people that were still friends with me and didn't mind my daughter tagging around with us, actually, I think they quite enjoyed her, she was a very sweet baby. :heart: But the way we spent time together changed too. We would still go out to eat, and out shopping etc, but we stopped going out to movies, and started renting them and watching them at home with snacks, We'd take walks instead of driving out to the middle of nowhere to waste time, I dunno, a lot changed for us at the time when my daughter was born and some of my true friends accommodated those changes for me, and others just dropped out. I can't really say I'm sorry that they left, really they were never there for me to begin with. But moving after the Nor Cal move to NC made it even harder to stay friends, and now I'm living in AK. Hubby is military so we move every 3 to 4 years, friendships that require face to face time don't last long for military spouses. ^^;;
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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03-26-2012, 11:05 AM
I'm disheartened this morning, ladies...
Dinner went fantastically last night, a much needed refresher. I mentioned earlier that our kids go to the same daycare, and they've been there longer. A year and a half? They received a letter saying the daycare may close for an entire year.
Yep, an entire year. The director has been going without pay for quite a long time now, and financially it's too hard. They also run it out of their own house, and with so many kids now, it's too much. So they want to apply for a non-profit status and relocate.
I don't know what we're going to do. There's a meeting this Thursday, and I'll be going to pitch ideas. There are some agencies here that may be able to help, but I could see why the director wouldn't want those options. If something is "yours", you may not want to network and have people butting in.
Side note? The daycare doesn't run when the grade schools are out for the summer. Well, it does a little, but not for toddlers. So Cole can't work this summer anyway. I want to throw up right now.
Time to get dressed and go to work. :/ Just cross fingers and toes that something can be done. On top of not having a care provider for her, she's also going to miss out on an entire year of developmentally strengthened play. If I took the year off, then it would allow me more than enough time to care for her in that capacity, plus side.
But I may not be able to graduate, either. It's a pilot program that may not run again. With student loans so high we could buy a house, you can see why I'm frightened.
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ktbee
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03-26-2012, 02:04 PM
Mel: All the moving sounds exciting somehow, even though I'm sure it's hard work with the whole family. I move a fair bit myself, though mostly for school, but I've never lived with the same city borders more than 4 years, and my parents move more frequently than I do. Hurray for instability! Haha.
Chi: Oh no!! :( I don't even know what to say.. I hope there's a way for the daycare to maintain itself, since it sounds like you and your daughter like this particular daycare. I'm so surprised the director went for so long without pay.. It must've been rough. :( Is there no other one in the area, or is this one the best? I'll pray for you.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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03-26-2012, 02:23 PM
I am so sorry to hear that Chi... But I can understand a lot of it honestly. From the daycares perspective. I am assuming her kids are school agers? Toddlers require you to lower your numbers (In Colorado 1 care provider to every 5 mixed age todder-school ager while you can have up to 8 for every 3 years and up and if I remember correctly if you only take 5 years or up you can have 16 I want to say but that sounds high... And that isn't even qaulistar numbers it's state numbers, qualistar are lower...) so when she has her own kids who she isn't getting paid for, she is trying to maximize her income. Though running a daycare out of her home and not making any money doesn't sound right.... There is a lot that goes into a daycare money wise but a LOT of it is one time deal stuff... (It was our graduation project to set up what could essentially be a fully functioning daycare [on paper] including finances)... She should be rolling in the dough so to speak if she is doing it out of her home... At least from what I have figured out financially here.... One child would pay our mortgage (a little less then our mortgage but very close too) one would pay water, gas and electric, and other smaller bills and the rest would be totally profit. Granted our mortgage is decently cheap. But anyhow, toys, books, curriculum material (this should be yearly if I remember correctly) most of those things are one time purchases with replacements here and there...
Anyway... I am sorry Chi. I wish there was something more I could do for you..
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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03-26-2012, 10:24 PM
@ktbee
I live in a very dodgy area where child abuse is common, be it emotional, physical or sexual, none of which I want my daughter exposed to. She's currently enrolled in a local Montessori school that has a smaller population and a smaller instructor-to-child ratio. We enrolled her into Montessori because of its curriculum.
@Jaz
Their tuition rates are ridiculously cheap to help parents out. I would have no problem paying higher tuition rates if that helped. Right now they have enough to cover staff and that's it. I'm hoping they're open to the idea of fundraising to help coast them along while they keep open, apply for non-profit status, and search for a spot in which to relocate.
I'll let you guys know how it works out. I've been thinking about it a lot last night and this morning. I have periods at work where I just drive, by myself, for an hour or so. Where I live in bumpkinville, some clients are 60+ miles away. So it gives me time to think!
I should be able to juggle work and practicum in between Cole's schooling, if he doesn't work. That's this Fall. Cole and I would keep Terra and work on our own Montessori-type teaching in the house. I'll then postpone interning until Cole graduates. That's the worst case scenario, at least.
Just keep fingers crossed that it keeps open. We can't afford one of us not working. ;_;
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@ktbee
I live in a very dodgy area where child abuse is common, be it emotional, physical or sexual, none of which I want my daughter exposed to. She's currently enrolled in a local Montessori school that has a smaller population and a smaller instructor-to-child ratio. We enrolled her into Montessori because of its curriculum.
@Jaz
Their tuition rates are ridiculously cheap to help parents out. I would have no problem paying higher tuition rates if that helped. Right now they have enough to cover staff and that's it. I'm hoping they're open to the idea of fundraising to help coast them along while they keep open, apply for non-profit status, and search for a spot in which to relocate.
I'll let you guys know how it works out. I've been thinking about it a lot last night and this morning. I have periods at work where I just drive, by myself, for an hour or so. Where I live in bumpkinville, some clients are 60+ miles away. So it gives me time to think!
I should be able to juggle work and practicum in between Cole's schooling, if he doesn't work. That's this Fall. Cole and I would keep Terra and work on our own Montessori-type teaching in the house. I'll then postpone interning until Cole graduates. That's the worst case scenario, at least.
Just keep fingers crossed that it keeps open. We can't afford one of us not working. ;_;
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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03-26-2012, 10:30 PM
ktbee- Moving can be exciting, I love exploring new places and whatnot...I just wish that old friends could come with me to new places so I didn't have to try and make new ones! lol. Though, I guess I have made at least two good friends each place I've gone...and since I keep in contact with them still there is always a chance of an old friend becoming a new friend again. :P
Chi-that stinks! I hope they're able to get the help they need and remain open. It seems that things were just falling into place!
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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03-26-2012, 11:12 PM
**Fingers and toes crossed for you Chi** I hate to be awful but it is still a business where would all those parents be if they have to close! There are two sides to the daycare business... the touchy feely of getting to be with kids and teach kids etc... and the cold and hard of well you have to have money to run...
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ktbee
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03-26-2012, 11:33 PM
Chi: I hope everything does end up working out~~ When will the decisions be made, at the meeting?
Mel: Haha, if only things could be that convenient. :) Does your husband plan to retire any time soon?
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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03-27-2012, 03:01 AM
The meeting will be about learning what the current state is and brainstorming to help keep it open.
I firmly believe this is for the kids, but in the end, it is a business and needs money to run. The owners will burn out without money, and it's not unreasonable to ask for it... not at all. I just hope it works out. ;_;
*zombie shuffles off to bed* So much coursework... so much work work... need nap. D:
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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03-27-2012, 04:09 AM
That is exactly what I mean Chi... Not just burn out but burn up... Nothing in life is free... :/ Bring your "A'' game and do your best to help brainstorm ideas to help... See how many of the other parents are willing to pay more etc... And much luck to you...
I need to get to bed as well now... Though my brain is far from zombie and I am praying it will let me sleep in general...
Bryan starts his first day of work tomorrow 2-7 then again 2-7 on wed... And then he is closer until sunday... It sounds like he may have landed himself a full time job!
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ktbee
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03-27-2012, 04:12 AM
Good luck tomorrow, Chi!!
Hurray for Bryan! I hope he does well at work. :)
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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03-27-2012, 06:09 AM
Congrats to your brother! (and to you, since you may get your house back soon!)
Hopefully they come up with a way to stay open Chi.
ktbee- Nope, no retiring anytime soon. He's got another 3 years with his current contract with the Coast Guard and that will bring him up to 10 years in, and since you can retire at 20, he figures he may as well put in the last 10 too. It's a free check for the rest of his life + MWR and some insurance benefits. Totally worth it. (:
Quite a few friends are hoping for San Diego next, and since there is only one CG base there, we do have a chance of meeting up again. Though, I'm also kinda hoping for San Fran. I miss that place so much!
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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03-27-2012, 10:31 AM
Thanks, lovelies. At the very least, I figure things out and make things work regardless. That I do know. >.>;
Jaz, I'm stoked to hear it sounds like his job is full-time. Hopefully by summer the latest he's moved out, and you guys will get your home fully back. I imagine it would be harder wrangling everyone when school lets out for the summer.
Mellie, how are you doing? You've been quiet lately. *nosy*
And the extra 10 years is definitely worth it... definitely. Where he started so young, you guys would still have piles and piles of years together thereafter.
*looks at weather forecast*
Last week we had a day of 80 degree weather, no joke. Yesterday it snowed (didn't stick) and today it's 23 degrees with a real feel of -1.... O_o
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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03-27-2012, 01:27 PM
The weather has been between mid 70s and mid 80s here.... Which usually means snow... Plus the awful 40-50 mph winds even more usually means snow! But nothing yet... It would have been nice to play outside with the kids but alas we are all STILL sick...
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ktbee
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03-27-2012, 04:27 PM
Mel: ah, ok, that's what I was wondering. :) Sounds like a good plan. Hope you get to go to San Francisco then! Have mini vacations to San Diego if it becomes feasible?
The weather confuses me lately.
Argh, I don't want to pay attention to lecture right now.. Time to get back into it..
Last edited by ktbee; 03-27-2012 at 04:31 PM..
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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03-27-2012, 05:44 PM
I'm doing good Chi. Not a whole lot going on outside of normal mommy things, cleaning, cooking and work. I'm helping in the mornings at Kindergarten all week so my mornings are a bit shaken up. The kids are putting on a concert tonight at the high school auditorium that should be fun to watch. I should probably charge my camera. but yeah, not a whole heck of a lot going on in my neck of the woods! Which, I think is a blessing for now!
Re: Weather- it's raining! That means: it's not snowing! Temps around 40 today, and I'm SO FREAKING THRILLED for it! Spring might actually be making it's way to this little island in the middle of nowhere! /happy
Scott will be retiring at 38. That's young enough to get another career and retire from that one too if he so chooses. xD It's freaking awesome. Hopefully at some point we'll both be able to finish our schooling so we can get into the careers we both want later on. -and I learned that if he takes some test he'll be qualified to fix commercial helos as well and where as right now he's getting about 34k a year, doing it commercially nets around 80k. Not that he wants to, but the opportunity is there should we need it.
Ktbee- San fran as our station would make trips to SD totally possible. I've done the drive a few times (okay probably once a month for a year+) when we were stationed up there first when hubby was still on the boats instead of the aircrafts like he is now. So he would go on 2 month deployments and I'd head back down to spend time with family and have an easier time dealing with babies and having friends around etc. Also did a trip with a friend up there to SD when our hubbies were docked there for a weekend. It was awesome!
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Keyori
Stalked by BellyButton
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03-27-2012, 06:37 PM
Snow? I know not of what you speak! :talk2hand:
This week is rough for me. Hubby is in Long Beach for business until Sunday. I'm alone with the cats. Unfortunately I can't do a whole lot since we're expecting packages throughout the week to build a new desktop PC. Not really something I want left on the porch. Otherwise I need to take my car into the shop for smog checks so I can get it registered. After almost 6 years I'll finally OWN my car! xD
Mellie if that pans out let me know! You could visit me! We live right off of the 101, we'd be your little "halfway there" pit-stop between SF and SD :lol:
At least... for now. We REALLY want to move out of this apartment. I can't tell if it's us getting itchy after moving at least once a year for the last five years (and our one-year mark in this place is coming up soon) or if we're just anxious for a permanent place of our own or maybe a combination of both... I certainly don't want to DO the moving but I am definitely not in love with our current housing.
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ktbee
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03-27-2012, 07:48 PM
I'm out in the Inland Empire... Too far for anyone to stop by. D:
Mel: A concert?? Exciting! Yes.... charge the camera.... Haha :)
Yay, sounds great! Good luck getting into San Fran. When do you find out?
Key: Woohoo! Your own car! :D Haha, maybe both. I know I'm itching to move out of here, but it's not really realistic for me right now, so I probably won't. :( I want a place of my own, too, but I'm afraid I'll become restless since I'm used to moving too, hehe.
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Keyori
Stalked by BellyButton
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03-27-2012, 08:39 PM
Yeah. I've been the primary driver on it since we got it, but the title was in my dad's name and he's paid the insurance on it, but I covered all the other costs (it was so I didn't have to pay tons for insurance on my own and so I wouldn't have to worry about property tax... which Cali apparently doesn't have for vehicles). Now that I live halfway across the country, I have to get plates for Cali, which requires me to have the title and registration in Cali. Since my dad lives in Missouri, he can't take care of it anymore. So now it's mine! *evil cackle*
It's not realistic for us to move either. I really really really need to get a "real" job first. Or I guess just a job, since I have none. :ninja:
Property is so expensive out here though. I have no idea how we're going to afford an actual house. We've found some pretty affordable housing for sale, but it's in awful neighborhoods... ones I wouldn't want to raise children in. I did find a place though that would come with a really cheap mortgage though... like $150 a month! Which would be AWESOME. And also not awesome, because it's a high crime area and a 30-year mortgage (which I wouldn't want on a home like that, where I know I wouldn't even live for 30 years).
But, we're keeping our eyes out. It's still a buyer's market so we're not in a hurry to buy property right now.
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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03-27-2012, 11:02 PM
Right now interest rates are low and there are still a lot of foreclosurers happening, so you may be able to snag one of those at a good deal. But if you're not planning on staying there (think forever home) I don't think it's worth buying. Trust me, I'm currently in a situation of buying a house because we could...and now we can't do a damn thing with it but rent it out. And honestly, that sucks. :/ But meh.
We won't be moving for at least another two and a half years. xD
ktbee- where in the Inland Empire? I grew up in Moreno Valley.
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