Mikes had pumped milk about 6 oz (plus formula as my mom insisted he needed more then 6 oz which I more recently learned is NOT true. Ellie still should only need 4oz of milk, because the dietary content of my milk changes to meet her calorie intake.) he was MAYBE 8 weeks old at the time and I asked ahead of time... I lived with her so she had all of the diapers she could need for like 3 weeks since he was still sort of in that gross newborn poo stage. Toys a ton of aunts and uncles who adored him. And he was so far my most easy going baby. Ellie is a VERY close second she just has stranger issues. Sean was way out in left field with that one he was so hard on me T__T naughty boy. My mom wants fast solutions I'm amazed I survived as I was a colicky baby 6+ hours of SCREAMING bloody murder. If a binky bottle or diaper change don't make baby stop crying something you are doing is terribly wrong and she won't even TRY to fix it.

Maybe they didn't diaper her right lol. I know we had some diapers that were not able to be "re" fastened if fastened wrong. Oh what has changed in 9 years LOL. But most diapers had the velcro type tabs, even back then... Hrmm... That's the only thing I could think of lol.

Wow... that's a lot of diapers to blow (ha, see what I did there?) through. *shot*

We'd asked because WOW that was a lot of diapers, they said she'd fuss so they'd check and said it felt heavier then the empty ones and would therefor change her...I think it was just the difference in the distribution of weight between and open diaper and a folded up one. It was pretty amusing nonetheless though.

That's hilarious!

**Sigh** I am bone dead exhausted. I am not up to working today,or all the running I have to do either. I love my friends but they don't seem to get that even though I don't "work" by their standards I need sleep to manage well in the daytime. What's bad is one of them has a child he should know better but the way he and his wife work is really different from how Dillon and I do, in a way I absolutely could not handle personally but to each their own right? I mentioned several times that I was getting tired and that I work in the morning. I also mentioned that Dillon works early as well though Dillon didn't really advocate for me or himself and was in fact most of the reason that game night (d&d) didn't end sooner. I shouldn't complain, it was fairly entertaining, not that I was a lot of help personally my companion I posses control of was a big help though. /tired ramble

Now both Dillon and I are exhausted, and my temper is a huge problem when I am this tired generally speaking and I am not looking forward to having losing the one kid who helps and adding the other who causes a lot of tension. :/ I could do with 8 more hours of sleep and I'm cranky I didn't get even the standard 5 :( sorry for griping

"Terra. Don't put Peppa in the blender!"

We're home from our weekend away and Terra's already up to mischief. :p

Haha @ diaper adventures. xD

And oof, I don't function well without sleep. I tend to be nauseated and bitchy all day.

I have a feeling it is because of me but I am butting heads hard core with the kids. The three little ones are either at each other's throats or not listening at all or are full blown argumentative with me ):< I am bitchy and a half its like pms from he'll :( but it's obviously NOT pms...duh... plus I have heart burn wth?

I am praying for a nap... Sean is my only opposing factor in that though. I hate myself when I'm like this, and it seems like everything sets me off...

We all have those days. We do. Tomorrow will be a better day, more so if you're able to go to bed when the kids do tonight.

Got back from the doctor's. I'm getting a referral to a gynecologist and getting an MRI of my head. Might as well get stuff ruled out now!

I feel a little better after napping with Ellie.

Though I've noticed something, every time I nap during the day I wind up really shaky healthcare racing and often have some kind of terrifying dream. Today was no different and I am wondering if it has something to do with my heart rate. If I lay on my back, stomach, or right side my heart is racing like I'd run a marathon. It's kind of wierd considering heart rate is suppose to drop when you lay on your back. I am considering looking up what might be the cause of it. Or maybe asking my midwife at my first official appointment on Thursday. :)

I'd check for symptoms first and if it's concerning, definitely hit up a doctor or simply go to the ER. Racing heart rate doesn't sound settling at all. :/

I'm with Chi, racing heart rates are generally not something you want to ignore.

RE: Game night: I've got friends like that here too...we've had some people stay over until 3 am while playing. Normally we host them on a Friday night so that no one has to work in the morning...but we had Chinese New Year ON Chinese New Year, which I think was a Monday or a Sunday...so everyone had work the next morning. It was exhausting! And I didn't get the last people out of the house until I blatently told them they had to go because I had to work, and Scott has to work and neither of us can work with out sleep. (The kids had school so we all worked the same shift) Anyway, yeah, I totally feel you on that. I've learned that when you start to get sleepy it's a good time to call it a night and just put a hold on the game or put it away...depending on the game. We tend to play card games that are easily put away because there is no real point system, or whoever is winning is just declared the winner.

I have those cranky days too. The days when even things that generally make me happy just annoy me. ugh.

I haven't had game nights like that--not really anyway. We have a couple friends that we often do overnights with. The kids are close enough in age that they get along well. We usually talk it out beforehand as to which set of parents get to sleep in and which ones get up. But, Cole and I are fortunate enough that we have weekends off together. (Well... now we do again, anyway!) We try to keep it fair and share the weekend as to who can sleep in. That also gives us the ability to stay up late and unwind without dealing with kid stuff.

Though right now we're a picturesque of crappy parenting. I just put banana bread into the oven, and then got on my laptop to putz. Cole's playing Skyrim. Terra's on the iPad. I think we're all just tired from the weekend out. He's going to have a late night with her since she crashed at 5pm for a nap! I hope they just sleep in together tomorrow. I have work either way. Best I can tell, he works Wednesday and Thursday this week to end his employment at his current job, then this coming Monday he begins his RN job.

Mmm, hurry up banana bread. I hope it's good.

Rereading my post always makes me smh... healthcare rather then heart huh. I almost feel like some pixie comes behind me to screw up my posts...

Game night's happen on Sunday as it is the only day all 6 of us could get together... it was fairly perfect during the school year we start at 8pm after kids are in bed (I'm letting Mike's stay up longer this year I deal 8:30-9 is fair for his age) then we stopped at 10 cause my nearly 30 year old childless friend can't wake up for work at 7 if she goes to bed after 10:30. I feel that is fair. But my job STARTS at 7:30 Dillon's been leaving between 8 and 9. We wake together. I putz on the kindle for 15-20minutes (more on bad days) he fiddles with his cards and then it go go go... I had a long sleep in yesterday, I slept forever, and I was fairly ok until 11:30 -12. That's when the warnings started. Hey we have work in the morning. Mike's has boy scout day camp. We need to find a stopping point. I'll grant we were fighting an army of undead in game (omg I am sooo nerdy) and it was fairly difficult to find a Halt point but we STILL stopped mid combat last night. Thank goodness Dillon (he's dm) finally just said "we're stopping here" cause everyone else would have kept going....

You failed the crappy parent picture chi. Banana bread ruined the whole picture lol. You can't bake delicious and fairly nutritious food and fall in the crappy parent field. ;)

A racing heart comes sort of with pregnancy walking is equivalent to jogging on a pregnant mom's heart. Or so I've read. I think it has something to do with the heat in my room and the dreams that I have. Plus all the mentioned positions for sleeping are not recommended for pregnancy. Side sleeping only preferably on the left side. I haven't had trouble at night or if I am upright only when I nap in the middle of the day. I also think I am more on edge sleeping in the day because I am always listening, I heard every move Sean made upstairs today told him he doesn't need to brush his teeth 3 times between meals and that he'd gone potty enough for one quiet time. When I wake to those I am usually fine it is the final wake up I get shaky and feel like I ran a race. It's usually abrupt too so that has something to do with it.

Does your heart race outside of quiet times? Like if you know you're settled for the night?

Speaking of tiredness and needing more sleep, I'm there this morning. I set the alarm for 6, but Terra woke up with it. She usually doesn't. She went to bed late because of her late nap, so I cuddled her for a while until she fell asleep. Sad part is, I fell asleep too. Woke up at 6:30, and here I sit. Stomachache, nosebleed (no idea), and feeling generally poopy. I need to hop in the shower and get going. I think it's going to be a long day. :/

No not really just after waking from a daytime nap. It didn't happen on Sunday either when I went back to bed early in the morning at Dillon's request. It is strange but not terrifying. Most days my heart is fine. Lol The only others time it happens is if I get up to fast and get dizzy, or if I am moving about a LOT.

I hope your day improves <3 and that it doesn't struggle along as a bad day all day.

I wound up going to bed at 9:30 last night which is hard on me. I always wake 5 hours into sleeping like it is daytime and it takes a lot to get my body to go back to sleep. I am a bit sleepy this morning. But way better then I was yesterday.

I think my body has finally had enough of night nursing, I avoid laying near Ellie like she is the plague. I've also semi sub consciously been sleeping beyond her cries. :( I feel kind of bad but she has gotten really demanding st night and it leaves me restless and sleeping in strange uncomfortable positions to try and avoid her waking to my smell...

I should start packing Michael up and shipping some of my excess random stuff to send with my sister. Must get moving...

It wasn't a bad day overall. Busy. I'm hungry and cranky right now. I know why I am cranky, and I need to get over it. I've done all the cooking, and unless I cook, nothing wholesome gets made. My husband took leftovers out of the freezer and boiled pasta. Woo. *waves a flag* To boot, not enough for both of us. When I found out he was planning that for dinner I told him I didn't want it as I had it with me for lunch. I asked him to make enough so that I could take it for lunch leftovers tomorrow, and I'd figure dinner out on my own. Nope. He pulled something else out of the freezer, didn't look at it, and assumed it was what I took for lunch.

/grumble

I remember starting to feel twitchy with nursing around that time. I pushed through for her of course, but began limiting night nursing by 2. She was annoyed with it, but was okay in time. I cringe just thinking about it. Like you say... they wake and are incessant and the plague.

I'm gonna go make some eggs or something. I need to just let go of the annoyance. He offered to go get pizza. I don't want pizza. We just had an entire weekend of eating nothing but crap. I want something healthy. >:O

I don't mind up to 3 wake ups but she does sooo much more plus nursing has gotten really painful. I think I had a supply drop or something cause omg teeth marks and begging her to let go and try again. I can hand express a few drops though so I know there is something... I hate to sound terrible but I want her to sleep in her own bed, I've tried everything to get her to transition sans closing her in her room to cry which is what would happen if I confined her in any way to her room. :( Ellie hits me and kicks me repeatedly through the night and it is so hard to sleep even when she isn't nursing. I sleep at the foot of the bed more then I don't :/ I told Dillon it is more then just a want for a king sized bed now. At current state Dillon and or I don't sleep well because of space and proximity toward Ellie, and chances are against us that we'll have another Sean who hates co sleeping o.O it's a necessity to have a bigger bed or to start implementing the desperate beds all around idea. Lol though I am NOT sharing a twin bed with babies maybe we should just get 5 twin beds and put the together >…<

Dillon rarely helps with lunch or dinner, but he does make breakfast for me which is good. He got mad at me a few weeks ago for not having dinner done by the time he got home but it was because his needs major my affect his moods. If he doesn't have food or sleep or water etc, he gets super cranky. With food it only happens if I skip 2 meals in a row then I don't get cranky I get whiny and almost child like incessant about saying how "I'm hungry" :o excessive sleep loss makes me cranky or nights on end of poor sleep. But yeah Dillon too is quick meals, leftovers or bad for you kind of guy o.O unless we do something special.

You don't sound terrible. You sound tired and like your body needs its privacy back. I feel it's either because you're pregnant, or because you're exhausted and need to recharge yourself. It doesn't ease the mommy guilt, but it makes sense, and don't beat yourself up over it.

We have a king and if all three of us sleep in it, one of us usually doesn't sleep well. Terra will usually snuggle up to one of us, skin tight. She had been sleeping alone for a while and now she won't. We're rolling with it. I'm sure when she transitions back again I'll be nervous not having her close. e_e /ownworstenemy

Ellie generally snuggles close to me and it worked fairly ok most of the time, but recently between heat and waking problems from her nearness. I've been trying to put distance between us which is hard in a queen size O_o; Man that sounds whinny but it's true. If Ellie lays on her back or stomach, she is touching both of us (in fact she seeks us both out no matter which way she is laying unless she is on the side of the bed and I'm in the middle... I hate the middle... Body heat is evil!!! I just wish I could figure something out. I don't doubt that if we got her transitioned to her bed even as early as tomorrow once the baby came she'd be right back with us. So it seems almost useless to try but we still try... :/

I am less jumpy knowing the kids are somewhere "near" even with the boys when I am home alone at night for whatever reason they sleep on the couch or on my bedroom floor. I just feel safer that way.

---------- Post added 07-23-2013 at 05:48 PM ----------

Oh forgot to mention, remember how I was saying Dillon doesn't make healthy things. Well I hadn't done dinner cause the boys are gone and it is just me him and Ellie, and I suggested salad for dinner and he is making it >.>; so he proves me a liar. LOL... I am kind of hoping I can bribe him into mac and cheese too cause Ellie won't eat salad (she has a vendetta against greens >.>) and I am craving it big time!

Cole usually cooks. Or did before graduation. I think I'll soon be shafted anyway, as I graduate and will be home more. Being home = being able to do stuff.

Terra won't eat salad either. I think it's my fault. :( I was too scared of her choking.

Social Media Mommy Zombie

That was a fairly decent blog read. So I figured I'd share. I feel horribly guilty of it. And she hits the nail on the head with the "something needs to be happening statement.

Ellie has choked on apple peels she stole while I was making dinner the other day. I mean scary choked coughing and sputtering then no noise and I was up to my elbows in raw chicken. Then there was gagging and vomiting and she was ok again. All while I was struggling to rinse my hands off at VERY least and trying to direct Michael in how to help. I am usually very mindful of what Ellie's up to while eating so choking isn't a horrible worry of mine, but that day was horrifying. Thinking back on it I started thinking samanilla (sp?) is a "chance" while she was full on choking and could have gotten worse had he gag reflex not kicked in, but I know that samanilla has killed older kids in two days. So not sure whether chosing differently would have been any wiser. :/

I told my sister today, I kind of walked into it. My bouncer from Ellie was recalled, and when she came in to drop off Michael from day-camp, I was walking downstairs with the seat cover to the toy in hand. When she asked what I was doing and I explained about the recall she was like "why bother no one is using it anyhow" I didn't give an explanation and then she left with the boys (they begged to go visit her). When she came back I fessed up she was like, "Yeah kind of figured and ew gross why do you want a home birth." lord I have a big mouth sometimes. But she wasn't negative, well more then usual anyhow. But fessing up gave me anxiety :( I wish I could trust that everyone would at least fake being happy for us. I'm happy (when I think about it... still sort of wrapping my head around the idea and I'm 8 weeks today) Dillon's happy why do I care what others think.. Geez....

I think everyone deep down wants to be accepted. More importantly, most everyone wants to be accepted by family. It's easier to get over friendships ending. We can't really "end" family. It's possible, but harder. It's who we're born with. It's harder to let go. Still, this is your baby and to hell with anyone wanting to sour it. What the hell is a "ew, homebirth" comment?! :(

I'm guilty of what the article says, sometimes. I try to pull away when that happens. :/ So cultural.

Speaking of which, I am considering deactivating my Facebook account. I wish I had been more selective in my friendlist during undergrad. I had the boastful mentality of "lol, my page is private, clients won't see". It's really not private though. I have friends that have my clients as their friends, so any time they like or comment on my stuff, clients could see. I thought about just trimming my list to close friends. That may be better. Then it's the whole "sorry for removing you guys" thing if I do that.

I need to figure it out sooner rather than later.

And poor Ellie! And poor you. I would have peed myself, seriously. :( The only time Terra choked infuriated me. First, I'm embarrassingly protective of her, and I'm privileged to be ABLE to supervise her. Everything was baby-proofed and then some. I didn't have to chase multiple children. I could just focus on her and only her. If I was cooking, she was in the kitchen with me. If I was showering, she was in the bathroom with me. We'd be in the same room together so I could direct her away from chewing on cords or whatever.

When she was roughly 9 months, my in-laws came for a visit. I was cooking. Terra was in the living room with Cole and her grandparents. Everyone (minus Terra) was eating. All of a sudden she started choking--without breathing. When I ran into the living room she had a complete and utter look of panic on her little face. Turned out she choked on a piece of plastic that had been with my in-laws' food.

I was so infuriated and bit it back because I knew anyone could make that accident, but I clearly remembered feeling, "I HAVE PUT NINE MONTHS OF CARE INTO THIS CHILD AND NOW AFTER LETTING HER GO FOR FIVE MINUTES SHE NEARLY DIES."

*eyeroll* Overreaction, yes. But still.

I was cooking with Kura in the kitchen once, it was just after I'd started her on normal foods instead of mushy baby foods. I was making pasta for dinners. They were baby bow ties, The noodles were done before the sauce was and she was asking for noodles, I'd cut them in half (because I was over protective too), and Scott came in. So he said he'd look after her while I finished adding veggies to our sauce so I was like sweet! And then I hear choking, apparently I'd missed a noodle! D: So He's like OMG what do I do!? And I'm like OMG get her out of her chair! We both went through the baby cpr class cuz it was required for any parents of a child in the NICU. SO we get her out and turn her over and out the noodle pops. No hitting of the back required. But still, we freaked out. And I was so angry at my self for a while because it was me that missed the freaking noodle. I think she was about 10 months old or so, and child only had like 4 or 6 teeth. Ugh. I still feel bad about it actually. ;-;

I feel guilty of being a mommy zombie :x But at the same time, half of my friends are all online so if I check out of social media as well, I've just lost half of the people that I feel connected with and I'm stuck with only the people around here. And well, while I like the people around here, that just sucks. But I have started limiting myself, and the kids for that matter, because I'm pretty sure they would be video game junkies if they could, but I've got a time limit and so have they. I have been feeling less scattered as well, and we've been going out and doing more as a family and as the weather is SO PERFECT lately, it's been so easy to get away from the internets and all it's pulls.

I would however like to say that I'm glad I'm not the only one that's been dealing with this issue. I feel better knowing that I'm also not alone in getting out of it. I swear, there needs to be support groups for the internet. ><

There does! It's annoying to sit and be unsettled why you're waiting for the email, the post, the Facebook ping... all of that. But the same can be said for people waiting for a phone call. It's so easy to become addicted to the Internet. Hell, here I sit now!

Awww, poor Kura. :< I still cut Terra's grapes and hot dogs after reading horror stories of kids her age dying from them. Hell, I read a 12 year old choked and died on a hot dog at a picnic. Can't fathom it. *bubbles child up*

I have been totally unsuccessful with getting away from the internet. /fail. I see almost no good in Facebook itself. Ok one good thing my closest Gaia friends are on fb and I do not visit Gaia, ever. So I'd miss out on them though anymore we don't directly talk to each other. Even when we do its so very minor like "cool" "Yup"

My rl friends don't talk on there either really :/ so it really serves me no purpose... other then making me feel like a creepy stalker.. I actually did a test on myself about a year ago, where I could not access my fb for a week cause I was getting depressed and I noticed that the more I was on the worse it got.. The whole week I watched my mood improve dramatically. As well as my ability and motivation to do things. Then I got back on... I think my biggest problem is that I have a TON of social media sites I visit. Mene, Cafemom, pinterest, Facebook. And I'm sure there are more.. I jump from one to another to another hoping something has changed somewhere. I really need to do something about it :/

I cut up Sean's hot dogs still, not as bad as Ellie's get cut up, but they are still cut.

I should see if I can stay away for a while and check my moods. I can usually pull myself away. But you know, it serves to fill boredom. I just wonder if maybe if I didn't have it I'd do more with Terra. I don't usually avoid chores. I go to work just fine, and I don't think about email or Facebook while I'm there. If I'm home and bored (e.g. Cole watching something on TV I don't like) I use it to occupy my time.

Here? Menewsha fills a personal venting need, and connecting with other awesome people like you guys. Pinterest? Well, I like to cook. I love browsing Foodgawker and pinning tasty things to try cooking. Hobby!