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xDiCheyanneixD
(^._.^)ノ
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02-11-2014, 04:31 AM
Hey guys!~
I took a break from Mene for a while
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-11-2014, 04:38 AM
Nice to see you back :)
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xDiCheyanneixD
(^._.^)ノ
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02-11-2014, 04:38 AM
Thank you Jaz, I like your avi!
How have you been?
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-11-2014, 05:27 PM
Thanks...
I've been ok. Overwhelmed and good and everything in between.... how about you?
I've spent my morning between feeling horribly sick and crying for no reason at all... it's going to be a day... I want to nap already but I have too many appointments... I have the stupid 2hour window of sit and wait for us that was stretched to 4 hours of waiting because they said "10 to 12 but it will more then likely be earlier" then we have the vet and then Michael started math tutoring today.. It is almost 11 with no signs of the plumber yet I am hoping I can keep myself together this crying for absolutely no reason stuff is getting old
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
☆ Penpal
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02-12-2014, 12:22 AM
Yes! Rupture! Thanks, it's been a while since I had that conversation!
Oh Jazzy, crying for no reason is all part of hormones and pregnancy! It freaked hubs the hell out during our first pregnancy...poor kid. It was horrible.
eep. taxes. still have to get my ass in gear and get all of those papers together. :x
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-12-2014, 01:20 AM
I felt a little better after I took a nap but I am back to frantic psychosis again... :/ no weeping now but not good... at least I have reasoning though... the kids are going nuts and flat not listening... namely Sean and Ellie though Michael has had a couple of bouts of mouthing off.
I swear to God I am going to go postal on either Dillon or his job if his schedule doesn't return. I have no idea what to make for dinner I have no energy and I am cranky as hell... I am so tired of being dicked around
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
Penpal
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02-12-2014, 01:58 AM
I still cannot put into words the things that have happened since Monday. 9_9 It's not for a lack of want. I'm just that damned exhausted.
Hang in there, mamas!!!
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-12-2014, 02:35 AM
Is it school stuff still Chi?
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
Penpal
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02-12-2014, 02:51 AM
It's that combined with family drama combined with Cole's work situation either falling apart or being manipulative or perhaps being the best thing ever. It would honestly be one of those twenty paragraph posts. We've said more than once this week, "Well, we have each other, and we'll trudge on."
I'll copy paste crap to you soon. Dx I need to get to bed right now. Plus, I'm waiting for Cole to call his nursing board before I really know if the work thing is as bad as it feels.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-12-2014, 02:58 AM
Well lots of good thoughts, vibes, juju yours and Coles way!
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
Penpal
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02-12-2014, 01:36 PM
Thanks dear friend. <3 <3
How is everyone feeling today?
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
☆ Penpal
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02-12-2014, 04:38 PM
like the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. </3
I've got loads to take care of today since it's my day off...and before I can even get started on it I need to get the monsters off to school and Melody is making it difficult. As she has EVERY. DAY. THIS. WEEK. I've been late to work the past two days (hey, did you know that was frowned upon? Shocker!) And today is no different. It's time for drastic measures I'm afraid.
Hair cuts for my daughters. *sigh*
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Pistachio_Moustache
Thief of Your Intellectual Prope...
☆☆ Penpal
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02-12-2014, 05:01 PM
Work is depressing.
I finished early, but I still have more work to do.
I need to finish this one project by two twenty today, because I told my manager I would have it by yesterday, but I had other things.
So yeah, there's that.
I hope everyone feels better~~
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-12-2014, 06:40 PM
I went to the chiropractor this morning. I feel weird like everything in my body is off, but I definitely feel better. I am a skeptic and I was really iffy about a chiropractor being able to help with something not injury related. I am one of those people who shakes my head when I hear about someone taking a newborn into see a chiropractor. Though I do see some things that I may make exceptions for even that. Like traumatic birth. I sometimes wonder if Ellie could have benefited because even the lactation consultant said her jaw was probably effected by having her cord wrapped 3 times around her throat. And it may have made her early nursing nonsense better. But I still will argue that going in for toddlers not sleeping at night and for a cold seems a little silly...
Anyhow this chiropractor specializes in pediatric/ pregnancy and she asked about my previous pregnancies. Which I was totally unprepared for I think all I told her was that I've had 3 inductions and all were super fast labors. But I actually am in a better mood after coming back which makes sense if you know how sore I had been I guess. Some of the places I was sore I didn't even know I was sore which is common for me. Dillon will message my muscles every once in a while and I won't know I was hurting until he massages lol. /random
So yeah I guess I feel good. I have a lot to do today and I am not sure where I want to start. I want to work on baby stuff but the tee is a lot holding me up. Like getting a dresser for him darn it. I just need to see what I can do and do that... I need to pic up a hose adapter to fill the pool, and a ball pump to fill the birth ball... I'm sure the kids will have a hayday when I do that! I am totally everywhere and Ellie is due for lunch and nap soon so I don't think I will be going anywhere anytime soon...
Hope you guys have a better day <3
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
☆ Penpal
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02-12-2014, 10:45 PM
I'm glad you're feeling better! I'm skeptical of those things too. My grandparents would take my sister to a acupuncturist for colds. I never noticed a change, but she willingly went so it couldn't have been too bad right?
Granted, I've yet to get a professional massage. I'm afraid I'll love it to much and then make it a regular thing...and it tends to be really expensive. :x
I cleaned the bathroom today! I also cleaned the kitchen, did 3 loads of dishes, 2 loads of laundry, sold a loaf of bread and cleaned up the dining room. Still have the bookshelf, desk and living room to do...but I'm feeling accomplished. Even if my accomplishments don't include a ski mask like thing for Melody, the frame place in town, registering the kids for salmon camp or taxes. Yet. I still have time! And we have to go out to town anyway today for the drummers. I think I'll take that time to do what all I need to do in town. /having a better day.
So last Saturday night I left the letter on the desk for Scott. He wrote me back. because we communicate like high schoolers instead of like people who see and speak to each other every single moment of the day that we're both at home. Anyway, we've got some issues, but we'll make it through and hopefully with out another break down on my part. I wanted to thank you guys for letting me vent to you about it and everything. It helped. A lot. I don't think you know quite the difference you make in my life. It makes me so happy to know you ladies. <3
Good Luck getting it done PiM!!
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Shadami
the one and only
☆ Penpal Moderator
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02-13-2014, 12:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaz
Uterine scar rupture I think Mellie...
It is like a 2% chance... My HOSPITAL birth midwife told me that when I told her that my midwife delivers vbacs at home :P she freaked like omg 2% of uterine scars rupturing is a HUGE number or something... ok so uterine ruptures themselves can be very very dangerous to both mom and baby. BUT there are things that further reduce your risk of rupture too. Like low lying scar, horizontal rather then vertical incision a previous successful vbac, I think my midwife said she can do up to two previous csections before she has to risk out the patient (like the patient can have up to two sections and she can still attempt a vbac)after that they have to have a hospital monitored (or otherwise licensed professional) successful vbac after 3+ csections then she can do a home birth vbac.
/random...
If it wasn't obvious I got to read back yay! I was trying to distract myself while nursing cause I was having a hard time, it sadly didn't work and I wound up upsetting Ellie by not "finishing " our nursing session... My right side has always gave me hell but this is really ridiculous...
Oh I would come uncorked if I had to wait that long... there'd be hell to pay! I am already irritated that I am going to be delayed and that the company essentially 're released the same product with a New name and different color varieties at least improve the product people!
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My left size gives me hell cause its half the size of my left. But my left is so big that the nipple won't go hard. Or at least that's what i think causes it.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-13-2014, 12:40 AM
I am glad you are having a better day Mellie! I am too though the three kids all being home is a pain at the moment. I swear something about them all being together give me 1 or 2 of them and they are usually fairly good and mostly manageable... But all three BAM crazy, not listening pure defiance... Ugh...
I did manage to get a couple of things started but mostly I've walked circles... I am really good at those it seems... My muscles are sore which I was warned about and told to take an Epsom salt bath but I can't do that until the husband is home... :/ I did call on the stroller I had bought for Liam and Ellie that have missing/ partial parts. It will be 30$ + shipping to replace them but they aren't in stock so they will have to call when they are.. hopefully that isn't a never calling back because they don't manufacture parts for this model anymore type thing. I also emailed first years because the bassinet we bought for Ellie has never worked. So I am hoping they will replace the part(s) for that.
I think I did more but I can't remember... I am stripping the new diapers still and I'll be making dinner here soon... chicken wraps for us :) easy and quick...
Shadami that is interesting mine are the same size but one doesn't react to stimuli either my right, the inverted one
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Shadami
the one and only
☆ Penpal Moderator
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02-13-2014, 12:45 AM
i hate my boobs... i really do
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-13-2014, 12:52 AM
Aww :( I just am kind of self conscious of mine...
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
Penpal
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02-13-2014, 01:50 AM
I think I'm destined to not actually get off my chest what's going on over here. I lost a big post because I fat-fingered the keyboard. ;_;
First off, I'm really appreciative of you guys, too, and I don't know what I'd do without the support space some days. I am forever grateful. Thank you.
For what's been going on, let me see if I can type it out in a way that makes sense. Cole's job issues seem to be less scary, but everything's up in the air. Two weeks ago(ish), he and his coworker were asked to do something that they felt was outside of the scope of their practice, thus they said they didn't want to do it. Fast forward to this week, and management basically demanded that they do it, and assured them that the task was within their licensing purview. I insisted that Cole call the board of nursing ethics committee to run a hypothetical situation by them. He will, as will his coworker, but in the interim they have been getting exact specifics about the task.
It's long, and it's vague, but explaining the task out is so freaking long.
His job is within a grant position. It ends in October. As such, he has been looking at other jobs because we need the security more than ever with everything that went on with me this week. He has a second interview with the hospital on Friday, and I think his current agency caught wind of it. They called him into a conference call yesterday and essentially baited him, by intimating that if he "sticks it out", they will pay his way through Associates to Bachelors and Bachelors to Masters, as well as any examination fees, certifications, and the what-have-you along the way. I say "baited" because they aren't talking about contracts or anything of the sort. At this point, he is going to see where the second interview at the hospital takes him, wait until the end of the month, see if his probation (mandatory for all new employees within 6 months) is lifted, and at that point put in his resignation if they don't offer him some type of hiring contract based on October 1st onward.
That's the idea, anyway. It's a heavy decision for him to make. He could risk all stability and work through the grant with the possibility of being unceremoniously dumped, or he could get the night shift at the hospital, and get full time hours in for 3 nights a week, with the rest of the week off, which gives him free time to go to school on our dime.
Anyway... anything to do with that, he will make sure he has a contract and knows how long they own his soul before he does anything.
Me now. Lol. I don't even know what to do with me, to be honest. Monday at work was horrendous. My grandmother, who isn't well, came into the main office area to sandblast me, telling me I don't do what I'm asked, that I'm not pulling my weight, and that she's sick of it. I was admittedly taken aback, and immediately said, "What did I not do?" No response. "I asked you a question. What did I not do? What am I doing wrong?" No response. So, for a third attempt, I said, "If something else other than the work I'm currently doing (I was WORKING when she came in!) needs to be done, someone needs to COMMUNICATE it to me!"
She left the room without a word, and I got angry. It was the silence that set me off. Mom panicked, because apparently I was angry enough it was palpable in the room. I told her I was two minutes' breathing time away from walking away for good, because I am fucking done with the emotional bullshit. While she completely got it (because she's at the receiving end as well), she gently reminded me of the financial situation and how I am stuck because of the licensing issue. I told her that sometimes money isn't worth it.
Two hours later, I was then absolutely certain the apocalypse was coming because my grandmother came back and apologized. An actual sincere apology. Which never happens. Ever. EV-ER. To anyone.
The licensing issues have been... horrendous since I posted about them last. I told my two colleagues that are going to graduate soon because they need to know that they should secure Bachelor level (or whatever else) jobs before officially graduating. I also helped them get their licensing applications started because I know my application is correct.
I got the date of my hearing. It will be in less than two weeks. I have support going with me. I... am frightened to death because I will have to prove my competency. I will have to spit facts at them. Confidently express to them what I would do in x, y, z scenario.
Tonight I discovered that, most likely, I am a pawn in a political battle between my state board and my university. I cannot even begin to tell you all how insignificant I feel as a human being. I can't. To know that my livelihood means nothing, that my years of hard work means nothing, that my family's needs mean nothing... I feel completely toyed with.
I cannot wrap my head around this. I took the courses the university laid out for us all. I did everything I was supposed to do. And now I have to go and defend everything face to face? Bear in mind I will likely be the only person from my cohort to need to do this, because once I prove it, the others wouldn't have to.
I am depressed, angry, in denial, and a complete and utter wreck. I have eleven days to prepare myself.
That's pretty much where I am. I have been self advocating, and I assure you, I have lit every fire that could possibly be lit to get this sorted. Yet, right now, I still have to do this. If I didn't care so much about doing my dream job, I would just let it go. But anytime I think about saying fuck it, to just wash my hands of it, I see my clients in town, I SEE them doing the goals we worked on together. They didn't give up when they thought they didn't stand a chance.
And they're waiting for me to get back into the field. I know they are. And that gives me hope to just do it.
I am just so exhausted and so tired, that right now I'll probably just go to the hearing and sob, whilst simultaneously swearing I'm capable. Hah.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-13-2014, 02:45 AM
If anyone can do this you can Chi! I believe that the task was set before you because anyone else would have crumbled under the pressure! I sure would have thrown my hands up and said fuck it. Probably at the first or second road block which you have powered though and gracefully!
That being said you are amazingly brilliant, you will knock their socks off and prove that they are just giant ass hats for making it so difficult on you... You are going to get there, and once you do you are going to be kick ass at it it will be totally worth every year and struggle you have fought through! Don't doubt yourself! You are amazing! Know that you are paving the way, for people not as strong and resourceful as you. Take pride in knowing others will not have to deal with this as you have!
You are incredibly level headed and resourceful and while I agree what they are doing is flat wrong you can get through this! You've come this far! You can make this last hurdle <3
I love you all too by the way. It's been great to know such awesome gals! You guys are amazingx
---------- Post added 02-12-2014 at 07:48 PM ----------
As for Cole, it sounds like he's got his head on fairly straight. I don't doubt that he will find his way in this mess... hang in there!
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
Penpal
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02-13-2014, 03:08 AM
Thanks Jaz. I need to force myself to crack open the books this weekend onward, so that I can prepare myself. I need to think about how to sell myself (I struggle with this, always), and make a game plan.
Oddly, that's what my two professional supports had initially said in private. "They're lucky it's Kristina hitting this first."
I swear to fuck I'm taking a vacation after this mess is sorted. I need it. xDD
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Shadami
the one and only
☆ Penpal Moderator
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02-13-2014, 07:20 AM
i'm to drunk to read your full post Chi. But job stuff sucks. James got hired into car salesman during the worst time to be hired into it. So he lost his job and we're on unemployment and going by crappy checks each week. I have so many phone calls to make tomorrow. But he has me drinking each night to try to up my libido and keep me happy since i've been in full on panic attack lately.
Lilliana is sound asleep on the couch and has been since bedtime. So i'm just waiting for her to wake up. take a 2 ounce bottle up with me, feed her, change her and put her back to bed, and go to bed myself. It's been a long couple weeks.
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
Penpal
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02-13-2014, 11:09 AM
Does he pressure you a lot for sex? :\
Stress kills my libido... dunno about you guys.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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02-13-2014, 01:40 PM
Have they tested you for thyroid issues? Panic attacks were my biggest signs... But a lot of what you describe sounds so familiar to Sean's post birth! My libido is for crap when my thyroid is off and when breastfeeding. Both are common killers on that...
Chi we only say it because it's true you know! And yeah you totally deserve a vacation! If you can take one after do so!
I need yo get up before Dillon chews my face... I have to take the van into the shop this morning... fun stuff! And the hospital midwife too :/
Last edited by Jaz; 02-13-2014 at 01:43 PM..
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