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Jaz
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Old 05-31-2014, 02:19 AM

We got a denial letter today on Dillon's unemployment claim.....i know he can appeal it but come Monday he has to have a job and will have to withdraw the claim... I just don't know.... I am sick, physically sick with anger and worry. What makes it worse is he almost doesn't seem repentant. Even if he sleeps 12+ hours he still falls asleep the second he stops moving. I kid you not he fall asleep standing, sitting and of course laying down. If he isn't fully engaged he passes out.... Wtf. I get so made because he's done it while we are talking bit not during tv shows he wants to watch. If it weren't for that last part of consider getting him to see a doctor... But he CAN stay awake on his terms.... Ugh I am so short fused now... I keep snapping at everyone....T.T

I hope your closing goes smoothly. And that your grandfather heals quickly <3

Chi
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Old 05-31-2014, 03:00 AM

I'm so sorry you got the denial. I just... can't even, wtf. That place is a shitstack to work at based on what happened to him.

If he's falling asleep like that I would guess first that it's depression over everything, because he can stay awake on his terms. It doesn't make sense otherwise. :\

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Old 05-31-2014, 05:16 AM

Now I am not one to talk I am fairly good at hiding depression when I want/need to. Anxiety/panic etc I fail miserably at hiding... but he sure doesnt seem depressed. In fact quite the opposite. When he gets depressed he mopes and cleans... while cleaning has been happening it is mostly at my prompting and the last time he moped it was because I scolded him for being insensitize the last time I had mentioned him being in a " mood"


From what he says he is fairly proud of himself about landing the new job. Stressed of course because we quite literally have nothing in the way of back up... I spent it all on my midwife and we havent regained stability since... I am so mad that I couldn't allocate the money we had from taxes towards giving us the extra flux on the mortgage honestly I know whe had a lot go into fixing our cars. But I am not sure where all the money went. I am getting the swift kick in the kisser to remind me why I do need to do this...

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Old 05-31-2014, 10:44 AM

We all screw up, and you know? When money's available it's extremely difficult to not do something with it. If my house needed things (new bedding/new furniture), I would likely get it. I would also send my car right to the garage right now if I had extra cash. Most people would. And, if I were pregnant, I would be spending out of my comfort zone to try for a home birth. Don't kick yourself down, because the money was spent in what was best for your family at the time.

I always say I want to have extra in the bank for when shit hits the fan, but I've been yet to do it. Our tax return went straight to the credit card, yet it didn't take care of it completely. Hang in there. Make a goal for 2015 to put two mortgage payments in the bank and chip down some bills the best you can. The good side of furniture is that usually, within a year, it's still good. It's just stupid expensive up front. :/

And cars? Pfft. You already know my epic 2014 battle with VW. >>; I have no faith in those fucking things.

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Old 05-31-2014, 01:00 PM

I totally spaced that we bought furniture. I dont know how I feel about that now that I remember. Dont get me wrong I love our new beds and I am so gkad to be rid of the billion year old used beds. But I am tired of feeling dried up.. we never have money and Dillon being pleased with a job who doesnt pay as well and is a step backwards from his previous job. I dont know it irks me. I've spent nearly 10 years in complete struggle. Never having enough to fully survive. And going backward is just crippling... I cant control my husband, and shaming him or getting angry, will just end in him resenting me... ugh I woke up in an extremely sour mood... I was to burrow into some blankets and hide.. sean is the only kid awake and between him and Dillon I will never get to... then adding the other kiddos... I am completely screwed... and today dillon is hoping to be gone all day im pretty screwed all the way around

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Old 05-31-2014, 05:06 PM

I remember, despite trying to feel otherwise, feeling so frustrated at Cole when he worked at the family business in complete and utter misery and ridiculous hours. His pay sucked, and he had always had the potential to go to school and focus on something. I've known him for half my life (scary, that literally this October I've known him for 15 years), and his self esteem is way better now than it had been back then.

Point being, I was irked because he refused to change his situation. "I can't.." was said a lot. "The time has passed.." or "I'm too old.." Really dude? He was saying that almost ten years ago. He had no idea back then. But point being, he finally moved into action and made changes. People cannot survive on minimum wage, and people cannot survive on just a little above it. Someone said in order to scrape by, most families need at least $15/hr, and I don't think that figure included multiple children. It can't be done without some type of assistance, even if it's "just" SNAP. It's still not enough. Yet there are so many judgments against those receiving benefits, when most have a working parent (and let's not even get into the whole "parent who doesn't make a paycheck isn't working"... a mother is a job, and a relentless one at that).

Where is Dillon going today?

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Old 05-31-2014, 06:52 PM

Dillon has been working on a friends back yard. They offered him $200 ($100 upfront from our friends and $100 from their mother who owns the house when it is finished, unfortunately the first hundred went to keeping our cars moving quite literally)...he is also suppose to donate plasma today... I am having a hard time relinquishing him but it is nap time so he is leaving now... Liam is very awake after a very short nap. I have yet to do much of anything but god willing I am going to shower and bust some butt on the kids rooms and maintenence stuff...

I feel trapped in a lot of ways. I wish Dillon would do better I kniw his enthusiasm will wane and I know this type of job makes both of us miserable.. i just wish hed get his head about him... and soon...

on the feeling old note, I just got a political survey and the end of it was they asked what year I was born... when is said 1986 the girl responded with "man I feel so young" and all I coukd say was me too. Since when did 86 become an "old" year o.o

---------- Post added 05-31-2014 at 02:42 PM ----------

Wow you know you are desperately lonely when....

I just spent 2 hours hoping for someone to talk to on one of ANY of your three sites while praying for you kids to take an nap in conjunction with each other long enough to allow some barely warmed up water to drizzle over your head (still hasn't happened)... I feel pretty pathetic right now... Pathetic and gross

Last edited by Jaz; 05-31-2014 at 08:43 PM..

Chi
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:20 PM

Ahh, I remember you mentioning the yard work!

I wish Dillon would too, and soon. It's mid-shift, right?

WTF. 1986 is not old. x_x; I'm 29 and don't consider myself old. Little shit! She'll soon learn. :P

Hang in there Jaz! It WILL get better. <3

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Old 05-31-2014, 09:56 PM

I dont believe I am old... but man she made me feel it for a second... I always thought it would be cool when my kids are old enough to know my birth year that can say I was born in a different CENTURY. But she had to be born somewhere in the 90s to be working... my borther was born in er... 96/7 and is going to be 19 soon.... so 3 years forward would be 99/2000 no no no I am misfiguring things... mikes was born in 04 and has 5/6 years before he can legally work.... so it has to be 1999...

The work will be varying... nothing stable from what it sounds.... varying from 9am starts to overnights. He is first up for getting the overnight as a regular shift because it offers more money...

I sure hope it gets better.... I am beginning to worry...

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Old 05-31-2014, 10:39 PM

I still say, try for TANF. Even if you know you won't stay on it, you've been over five weeks without pay, and you're eligible now. You just have to report income ONCE he has it. It's okay to set it up saying he has a job, but that right now you don't know what his hours are. It would give a boost, especially if you report income (pay stubs) just as you receive them. It may be worth more than the hassle, but the temporary money sounds like it's really needed right now.

Hah. I think I said a while ago my laptop just up and died without warning, and I can't access my HD. I used the backup laptop that the dead one had been purchased to replace. I put Linux on it in hopes the errors would stop. They didn't. To boot, the actual monitor lid cracked, so I can't close it. I don't think this puppy will survive until we move, and there's no way to replace it. Meh.

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Old 06-01-2014, 07:02 PM

We set up to try for tanf about two weeks ago we have an appointment on the 5th I want to say...

I feel you on the laptop front. We have two busted laptops. Mine is 4 years old I want to say, and 3 Dillon's worked 2 years and busted, mine worked for 6 months busted under warranty then a year after that, then fixed on my dime and busted again after another year... I have tons of pictures on both it an my busted pc that I can't retrieve and it is making me nuts at least supposedly the pc can be gutted and I can make it a slave to my current pc. But I don't have the tech skills to do so... the laptops are sol and may need new hardrives :(


In other news I have a brilliant idea today. I love cucumber water but I hate having cucumber chunks getting stuck in my water bottle straw. So I decided to puree some of the cucumber we had and freeze it in an ice cube tray. It worked perfectly one cube is the perfect amount of flavor :)

I am glad to better mood today, after my shower last night I decided I would turn in early in hopes extra sleep would prevent another cranky day... It seems to have worked. I transplanted a few plants. I have four more containers to transplant to. I also was able to get my niece a cheap present for her birthday today. :)

Chi
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Old 06-01-2014, 09:15 PM

I am almost positive my hard drive is okay. Cole has a little device that he can use to essentially make the hard drive into a USB plug in to my current laptop (or whatever laptop). I would be able to access my files if that were the case. I just hope it's not busted... I had so many commissions. So many. And my resume.

Oooh, that cucumber water idea sounds awesome (and tasty)!

I've been meaning to do the iced coffee method by freezing coffee into ice cube molds so that nothing dilutes.

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Old 06-01-2014, 10:49 PM

I bought a international delights iced coffee thing I want to do that with. It is cookies and cream. I've wanted to do brewed coffee too so I can make frapps :)

Chi
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Old 06-02-2014, 01:51 AM

I think that's top priority once we get moved. <3

Tomorrow I begin my week's vacation of "me" time. Or "me" time between the hours of 8am and 3pm. Then it's packing packing packing. I did get grocery shopping done and out of the way tonight. I went by myself. Another $200. O_o; Darn our fruit consumption!! But we were also out of things like olive oil and crap that doesn't need to be purchased every trip. Bad timing I guess, hah.

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Old 06-02-2014, 05:05 AM

I wouldnt shop a whole bunch between now and moving day... food is a pita to move...

I am trying to get my drinking habits more managable. I cant donate milk I pump right now.. i am drinking too many caffinated drinks. Part of me is debating not donating at all... I had stopped using fenegreek around the time that I was pumping regularly, but it is an herb that is on the banned list. So i am all panicky that i may have drank the tea at that time which has the herb, and i didnt think about it... i like the tea and i will drink it even when not lactating. But other teas are off limits too.. or at leas herbs in teas and i am a tea drinker... like big time...and i have no clue what teas I may have drank at that point and I dont want to change my diet simply so I can donate. Reducing my caffiene intake is one thing I have been trying to anyhow but this gives me a reason other then health. But my other intakes...? /sigh

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Old 06-02-2014, 12:25 PM

The very sad thing is, I didn't. I bought fruits, meats, and things that will be eaten up within seven days (max). I'm home this week too, so food consumption goes up. We have about three weeks to go before moving, and I think (think) we can get most of the food packed up in two boxes. We've been pantry consuming machines!

I... don't think I could give that much up to donate. I could if I were donating directly to a loved one, but otherwise, I dunno. It's an awesome thing to do, but I don't think I could do it.

So... my laptop monitor/lid finally snapped yesterday. There's about an inch gap on the left side of the screen, and I suspect the whole thing is going to fail soon. That, combined with needing about eight attempts per boot, this laptop isn't going to make it. I about threw up doing it, but I ordered a laptop this morning. Takes three weeks to process, so... now I'm just crossing my fingers. I need one for work, so even if I could justify going without my own wants (internet addiction anyone?), I couldn't not have something for work. Not when I'm at a distance, and Skype will be a lot of my supervision sessions.

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Old 06-02-2014, 01:42 PM

Someone posted about a site that sells human milk... $3 an ounce.... I am really really tempted is that terrible or what? The milk bank only goes through the hopitals so the milk goes only to preemies. I could pay our mortgage on what I currently have... and it would go to mothers who may not have other options. Ugh I dont know what I want to do now...

sorry about the laptop... thiings like that make me sick to my stomach too. I hate spendimg money... you should have seen me when we bought all the beds.. what is bad is that I dont get that way spending $200 in small items.. it is worse in a way bwcause I am terrble at nickle and diming myself to death.

I desperately need a shower... but liam is awake... Dillons off hopefully for his official first day... so I am going to try to bathe quickly before ellie wakes up and liam is no longer content spinning circles in his play yard

Chi
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Old 06-02-2014, 02:07 PM

Mothers have to purchase formula. If they want to put that money towards breast milk, and that can help you guys get the mortgage caught up, feel no guilt. Seriously.

lol. The imagery of Liam just going round and round was so cute...

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Old 06-02-2014, 02:23 PM

He does.... No exaggeration... He spins he lifts his butt with his feet and rotates. When he is in a good mood anyhow... Dillon said in about 20 /minutes he rotates about 10 times lol... He tries to roll back to tummy but those darn shoulders lol. He's got tummy to back down but he loves tummy time so he controls it and doesn't roll unless he gets too upset or excited about something..

I don't know... I already signed up for donating it... And ugh I don't know... I have read about weirdos who use those kind of mom to mom sites to get their jollies... It wouldn't bother me as bad but my milk going to someone like that would make me crazy

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Old 06-02-2014, 02:37 PM

He's so freaking adorable. I love how well he's growing. >3<

Oh man... seriously? Then again. people get their jollies with everything. But... agh. Yeah. :\

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Old 06-02-2014, 02:59 PM

He is gettimg big so quick just like his brothers and sister...

Ellie is cranky ahe was allowed to run a muck with her friend last night until nearly 10:30pm!!! She woke up while i was in the shower i got in and wet amd Liam started crying, so I think she woke up because of that. She will hopefully take an easy nap for me. She hasnt gone down easily in almost a month... :( so the prospect of not having two people to work nap time today has been utterly horrifying

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Old 06-02-2014, 04:02 PM

Terra has been ridiculous to get down too. Makes me wonder if it's in the air. :\ She refuses sleep (for me) until 9pm, wakes between 4:30-5:00 (for me)! ARGH.

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Old 06-02-2014, 07:39 PM

Ellies been fighting worst about nap... bed hasnt been too bad.. most of the time... she went down with only minimal fight today... dillon is back they pushed back his first day of training to Thursday now... /sigh

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Old 06-02-2014, 08:58 PM

Oh jeeze... :\ Seriously?!?!

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Old 06-02-2014, 09:33 PM

Oh more great news... /sarcasm... Our mortgage company is so stupid. We had been called by collections like 15 times since the 15th and each time they said we can manage to break up your bill but we need to know how much your making... Well wtf are we suppose to say? What option does that leave us exactly?!? Well they call again today after I applied for a forbearance (which collections told us didn't exist) on Friday and tell Dillon we have options for those who are unemployed and NONE of the other collections people said ANYTHING. They just say they need proof of income v.v

 


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