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Old 06-06-2014, 12:58 AM

Quick post before bathing the stinky baby girl. What need to be done in my resume? I am applying for a position tomorrow. One I suppose I wouldn't mind getting... Could you email it back to me and verbally give me the pointers? I did have some trainings previously that I can add too

I'll reply to the other stuff after the night routine settles

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Old 06-06-2014, 01:30 AM

I emailed you, with some notes. <3

I wasn't sure what position it was for, so I gave the edit for childcare based jobs... but if it's not that, it would be a case of placing your other job experiences. It may also be that an employer wants all work history, regardless of relevance, but that's usually on the application itself and not the resume.

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Old 06-06-2014, 02:11 AM

I'm sorry I haven't been posting yet again... I hope everyone is okay.

I pulled together a decent party for Mary's second birthday. It went off fairly well though a lot of people didn't show up that said they would be there. She also had her 2 year appointment, and there is worry because she is still not talking. They sent her to a hearing specialist for a hearing test. and the specialists just had her come in and go, oh you need a hearing test. we'll call you later....
So I'm mad.

Lilly has 8 teeth at 6 1/2 months, and is standing by holding on to things already. Crawling around at super speed.

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Old 06-06-2014, 02:16 AM

I hope you're okay too. <3 Are things looking better on the other ends of things?

I would be infuriated at that runaround. I am wondering if it's her hearing. When it was first addressed, she began making more sounds, right?

Eight teeth?! Wow! (:

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Old 06-06-2014, 02:59 AM

ummm no not really. she got her signing back. and she's picked up more signs. her words are still... not coming. its like she's at the og og at at stage.

yeah she's super chub chub too thats her nickname xD and we tell her it makes her beautiful.

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Old 06-06-2014, 03:03 AM

Chubby babies = sooo squishy. <3

And hrm... keep us posted on the updates! I hope her words come in soon. She sounds almost identical to my friend's child. She hasn't gotten him assessed yet. He'll turn two next month. I think it's his hearing, because I caught him the other day turning on one of his toys, but putting it to his ear before he enjoyed the sounds. He won't give much attention to you unless he happens to be facing you.

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Old 06-06-2014, 03:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chi View Post
Which isolates you further... and leaves you very very lonely. :( I really hope he doesn't just smile through this from now 'till... whenever. It sounds like he would have stayed at the other crap job if they hadn't let him go, and it was getting very difficult with all the management changes, yeah?

Night shift is what worries me for you. I have one child, and I get annoyed when it's days on end that Cole works all night and sleeps all day, because it leaves me doing all the errands and cooking/cleaning without breathers. With one child. He leaves around 6:30pm and gets back home around 7:45am, and then sleeps 'till 3:00pm. Then he does his internet stuff, showers, we eat dinner, and he's gone again.

I know this is pointless based on what you've said in the past, but have you considered urging him to apply to something more "normal"? I know the job market sucks... but looking and applying doesn't mean he can't work the job he has now while checking other options. ._. Sigh..

I got to thinking... I don't know how bigger families can survive with two working parents unless the children are in school. If we had two children, we would be paying $800 a month in childcare, and our provider is cheap! I cannot imagine the pull and tug and scheduling juggling. We need better wages for all, so that the struggle isn't there. At the end, it boils down to money. If there was enough money, there wouldn't be as much pressure to go to work and make a painful decision about childcare far earlier than wanted.
Dillon would likely still be at GCS if he did not lose his job yes. He has become very complacent and likely scared to take ANY leaps of faith. Schooling has been put off due to him repeatedly failing out of classes because he flat refuses to set time for himself to do homework. He was notorious for jumping on the computer and screwing around on his card sites and then when I would come begging for help, he would all the sudden be doing homework not playing so I always always looked like the bad guy. But somehow I managed to graduate without depending on him to watch the kids >.> and he had less classes to finish... And they are ART CLASSES FOR GODS SAKE!!! /rant... He needs to go back to school and finish his AA so he can either go for a teaching position or something cause the man drives me crazy and makes me feel shitty that I completed my degree and plan to go back while he has not.

He is supposedly up first for the overnight position but our friend holds it and it depends on his getting a tech support job with the company... The overnights come with added pay. That is the big thing and I think if he got an overnight position it would not be so hard for me (i think. I am so dependent on our constant give and take it is so hard to say.) but ideally one or the other of us would ALWAYS be with the kids. If I enroll the boys in some kind of daily program and Ellie into child care I think Liam would not be so hard to have about though as he gets bigger that isn't going to be so true... UGH this is so hard for me. I am excited to look at finding work. but terrified to leave my baby behind. I have NEVER worked when one of my babies was this young. I went to school... which isn't the same. I could book it if I got a call that Michael was sick or just stay home without repercussions. Thats not so with work.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadami View Post
I'm sorry I haven't been posting yet again... I hope everyone is okay.

I pulled together a decent party for Mary's second birthday. It went off fairly well though a lot of people didn't show up that said they would be there. She also had her 2 year appointment, and there is worry because she is still not talking. They sent her to a hearing specialist for a hearing test. and the specialists just had her come in and go, oh you need a hearing test. we'll call you later....
So I'm mad.

Lilly has 8 teeth at 6 1/2 months, and is standing by holding on to things already. Crawling around at super speed.
Sorry to hear that they are giving you the run around Shadami V_V she'll get there! Just be persistent about them seeing her and doing what they are suppose to.

Wow she is growing so fast it is hard to believe that she is only 3 months older then Liam. He's a cuddly not quite rolling little ball of smiles still and if he is like his siblings he will be much like your Lilly lol

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Old 06-06-2014, 03:32 AM

It would irk me too... all of it. And yeah... Cole does overnights because of the pay boost. Some day he'll go back to days I think, but not until he has enough wages/union raises under his belt to have him make the same amount. By then the night pay would probably entice him to stay where he was. Right now it works for what we need. I'm not sure how things will change once I begin my job. It completely depends on my client load, I feel. If I can get some clients wanting earlier therapy times, then I'm fine. If they all want 3-8pm, I'm screwed.

I firmly believe it will work out the way it was meant to. And let's say you start this job, and after you work a bit, if it doesn't feel right, quit. That's an option too. <3 You'd get caught up financially and still be okay.

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Old 06-06-2014, 03:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaz View Post



Sorry to hear that they are giving you the run around Shadami V_V she'll get there! Just be persistent about them seeing her and doing what they are suppose to.

Wow she is growing so fast it is hard to believe that she is only 3 months older then Liam. He's a cuddly not quite rolling little ball of smiles still and if he is like his siblings he will be much like your Lilly lol
yeah they were supposed to call back today and they didn't.
awwwwww all baby stages are so cute.!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chi View Post
Chubby babies = sooo squishy. <3

And hrm... keep us posted on the updates! I hope her words come in soon. She sounds almost identical to my friend's child. She hasn't gotten him assessed yet. He'll turn two next month. I think it's his hearing, because I caught him the other day turning on one of his toys, but putting it to his ear before he enjoyed the sounds. He won't give much attention to you unless he happens to be facing you.
yeah I will. She just had the iron/lead test bloodwork done today.. and.. something else? which i believe was actually to see if there is something besides hearing going on since she seems to hear just fine. I mean she dances the second BACKGROUND music in a movie comes on. the hearing test was only suppossed to confirm this...

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Old 06-06-2014, 10:22 AM

I'm going to cross my fingers that all is well... Hang in there! :(

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Old 06-06-2014, 12:53 PM

Thanks Chi. I'm going to try. I haven't given up yet. :]

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Old 06-06-2014, 01:12 PM

Good. <3 And that is winning half the battle right there!

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Old 06-06-2014, 01:23 PM

I am up... getting in the shower, going to do some cover letter started and finished /slacker. I seriously have an aversion to these things if I don't do them last minute I swear I cant even look at them. I did edit some of the resume last night but that is is about as far as I got lol. Off I go!

Sick with nerves blarg

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Old 06-06-2014, 01:42 PM

You can doo eet!! Thinking of you. <3

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Old 06-06-2014, 05:28 PM

Omg nerves but still the most confident I have ever been going into essentially an interview. I was pretty much told she will hire me but wanted to talk with the woman I will be working with. She will call me later today omg I am nervous. I want to have work but Lil Liam is so little... He gave daddy hell about taking a bottle today too -.-

My sister is my #1 person to watch the kids. So I called her first to see. What days she can do. This next week should be ok. Dillon is off Monday overnights Tues and Wednesday and off Thursday. He will just have to nap where he can I think. :/ she wants me to start at 7:30 Monday work lasts approximately until 1 Dillon is mid shift so he will start normal work schedules around 10-noon with eight hours following respectively... Well never see each other but the kids should have a parent with them 90% of the time

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Old 06-06-2014, 05:37 PM

Forgive me but I was so infuriated at your mother's callous comment on FB. I know you will find someone and it will work out. I'm keeping hope! And not snarking on your profile, lol. XD

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Old 06-06-2014, 06:16 PM

Thank you for the restraint. She pissed me off too... Limited my snarling... I called my sister immediately after coming home and talked with her first. I trust her most. My brother offered too but he would have to follow some guidelines MAJOR GUIDELINES... Or I will kill him... I am hoping someone else will step up. But I fear it won't happen.

---------- Post added 06-06-2014 at 12:19 PM ----------

By the way my mom is full of shit... We had several coverage baby sitters in our lives most were long term. I am still in touch with one who started babysitting us when she was in high school. So majorly full of steaming shit... Just fyi

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Old 06-06-2014, 06:51 PM

It just upsets me when a parent says, "It'll never happen." It's like my sister telling my nephew he was going to fall flat on his face in my wedding (ring bearer). Who does that to their kid? Why not encourage and give love? Sigh...

Did your sis say whether or not she could do it?

Do you know what hours you will be working at the daycare? :o!

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Old 06-06-2014, 08:34 PM

My mom has always been that way.... :/ she is so so so obnoxious with her negativity. "You are going to ruin your kids lives home schooling" "I am so happy Brendon is finishing high school district 60 is a disgrace" "early childhood education isn't worth the money you put in it. It's going to lead you to dead end jobs" etc etc etc. She has chronic negativity about everything.

My sister said we will need to sit down when we have a solid schedule. Dillon is on a training schedule until Monday. Then he's one in store training for overnights. We are semi ok until Thursday unless Dillon can't handle a shortened sleeping schedule. But it is only 2 days so fingers crossed. I am almost sure she can't do each day Mon through Friday so we will have to just kind of see. My hours are 7:30am to 1pm tentitively it depends on the numbers

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Old 06-06-2014, 11:11 PM

Early childhood education is sometimes the only thing that saves children living with a parent like your mother. It exists to give children a hand, to show them that they ARE worth it and CAN succeed, and I guarantee kiddos remember their mentors and their inspirations well through adolescence into adulthood.

How are you feeling about the transition?

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Old 06-07-2014, 01:24 AM

I am sick with the idea of it. I am never comfortable leaving one so little... but excited too... I dont know for sure. But I can always chose to back out.

I dont know what hppened to my mom she wasnt always so terrible. I read something in my love and logic book that made me worry. Essentially it says that some grandparents are toxic and their children are like moths to a flame repeatedly going back in hopes of a healthy loving supportive relationship just to be burned again.

my mom is her own mother. She use to rant how she hated her mother and cut her off from meeting me as a baby. But all the stories, you can replace my grandmother with my mom and they are almost 1 in the same. My mom torments my youngest brother about h his weight just like my grandmother did to her. Short of only allowing him to eat lettuce they are one in the same.

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Old 06-07-2014, 10:58 AM

Quote:
Essentially it says that some grandparents are toxic and their children are like moths to a flame repeatedly going back in hopes of a healthy loving supportive relationship just to be burned again.
This. All of this. And it's cyclical, until someone is aware (and strong) enough to break it. And it takes a lot to break it. And she would be hurt, and you would feel guilt... perhaps for a long time.

If I look at my sister and me, I feel my sister in part moved state while I was pregnant to get away from Mom. While she packed, Cole and I took my nephew for nearly two months while she got settled and got him enrolled in school down there... because my sister was scared of him being alone with Mom for that long. Her drinking had increased at this point, but I remember feeling it was something else, because she's left him with her any other time she's been drinking. (Leaving him the entire summer with her, so he'll just be playing shooter video games 24/7... no exaggeration, heartbreakingly.)

I know that a lot of bad things went down between them. I only got snippets though. Like Mom going over in the middle of the night to pick fights, ending up puking all over the walls... could you imagine?

I moved out because of her, and I remember for years feeling this disconnect with myself. It was "what I want to do, and what I am doing versus what I FEEL I should be doing", which was I felt I should be doing things to get approval from her. I felt like I had to answer to her, and I felt like I needed to please her. And there is no pleasing her. I know for a fact that she carries a lot on the inside and the negative spews out 9 times out of 10. But not always. She is always there if there's a crisis, without fail, and she is supportive when support is needed. She would give me the shirt off her back, and I consciously choose to NOT take advantage of it. Enough people already do.

However, my lens of her has changed, too. The 10 months I worked at the family business was the most time I had spent with/seen her in years. Years. And it was nice, because at work, she can't drink. I'm not around her when she drinks, unless I have to be. The last time was when Cole's parents were here in March. We were supposed to go down for a group dinner, and when we got there she was absolutely shattered. Ran toward Terra like a screaming idiot (overbearingly "playful"... think angry grizzly bear), and picked fights. I bite it, because Terra adores her and rarely sees her. It's very special time for her. But it's amazing to hear how angry she is with me when she's drunk.

Why is she angry?

I denied her Terra. And I did, and I don't regret it. I learned years after that my sister defended my decision, too, which surprised me. "Why do you think that is, Mom?" Brilliant response!

It happened when Terra was four months old. My dad had just gotten home from his brain aneurysm, and Terra and I spent the day with him. My stepmom had gone back to school (teaching) and I was with him because we didn't know how safe he was. His verbals were messed up, but he was walking and able to do simple things like fix a cup of instant coffee, go to the bathroom, etc. I cooked dinner.

The important piece to this is that it was the beginning of Spring semester (my third semester of grad school). I told my stepmom that I needed to head out by 6:00 to get there in time. Around 3:00, Mom called to say she was taking my stepmom out so she could "get a breather". What that actually meant was to go to their house to play cards and drink themselves stupid.

I checked in hourly, and nope. Excuses. Cole came to pick me up after his work shift at the university and I was so livid I couldn't see straight. Mind you, we had just spent a month in the hospital, most of it in the ICU with Dad. I lost all of winter break. That whole ordeal was beyond frightening. We had accumulated a good $1500 in hotel fares, gas, and food. I digress though. I was just extremely stressed and not as rational as I could be.

I ended up seething to him what was going on, in that they weren't coming home, and I needed to go to class. I didn't tell Dad (obviously, lol xD), and finally Mom said she (stepmom) was on her way... well after the time I had to go. It was BAAAAAAAAAAAAD. When the headlights pulled into the driveway and the car stopped, we realized Mom was with her and had driven. Stepmom was retching outside to the point I thought she'd break in half, and Mom staggered in ready to pick a fight.

She went for the baby to "snuggle" and I remember taking her from Cole and saying, "No."

"No?"

"No. You are beyond drunk. Get away from her, and don't touch her."

She then proceeded to grab her coat and leave, only to remember she had no car keys or vehicle. ;)

It goes on and on from there, but the point being, up until then she had visited (sober) Terra, and then it was less and less, and then after this incident it was maybe once a month, once every two months, sometimes once every six months... the times between just lengthened. I had consciously taken efforts to not have Terra near her when she's drinking, and that night solidified the need. *shrug*

Terra adores her, and I'll never darken that. But she's never been allowed to watch her. After Terra turned THREE (three!!), and Cole and I had NO choice, because we were doing ACA outreach at the library, I asked if she could come here after work (see what I did there?) and watch her for a few hours. That was fine. She also watched her two hours so we could go view the house.

And that's... been it. I don't trust it. And she knows it's her drinking, which I'm sure is on her mind every time she drinks.

There's a chapter from the life of Chi. xD The point is, step away from toxicity. Sometimes you have to, no matter how much it hurts you and hurts them. It took me a long time for me to realize that a parent doesn't own their child, and if a parent doesn't clean up their shit, they WILL lose their child. I cannot imagine Terra not wanting me around. And I actively fear some day she won't. I'm going to try and do enough so that it doesn't happen.

But at the end of the day, she won't owe anyone anything. She'll be her own person. All children will.
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Old 06-07-2014, 02:20 PM

I fear Michael not wanting to be around me. :( he already pushes me away in favor of his dad. I can't compete. I can't give him a new home every few weeks, and I fear he will never see what his dad truly does and I will forever be the bad guy. I know part of how he feels is his age. But it is forever my fear.

My mom isn't that bad, she is clean aside from necessary pain meds to manage her CRPS. She started acting like this with her first truly steady boyfriend after my dad attracked her. When my dad went crazy she took the opportunity to stop having to like the stiff parent. With my dad she never went on vacation. She never got to be the "fun" parent so she became our best friend. But when she started dating this guy named Paul, it all reversed she went power crazy. We were no longer people we were to be seen and not heard we were to never have bad days or failures. My mom became physically abusive towards my younger siblings and myself. Mind you I was around 15 or 16 while my next down younger brother was about 10 and my youngest brother was 6. I was pretty set in my ways and most of what she did just made me hate and fear her. My siblings reacted differently... I think my brother turned to drugs around this time. My sister clung to the new father figure and my youngest brother started to gain massive amounts of weight. Then when he left my mom and she started dating her now husband. More crap went down. My sister rebelled against him still does, my brother is now about 5foot 8 and can care less about other humans, he absorbs into his video games and is in horrible health. My adopted brother is into drugs and alcohol and my oldest younger brother is into heavy drugs and alcohol he's been in and out of prison and can't hold a job to save his life. My sister and I made it out the most unscathed but not completely undamaged. Both of us fall over ourselves to please her only to be told we don't do enough we aren't enough. My mom ruined mother's day because my sister told my brother not to come because mom was angry with him. My sister says she doesn't let what my mom says bother her. But she cried as did I when my mom walked out on us that day. I know she holds in her feelings to protect herself.

I read that part of the parenting book to Dillon and he refused to make eye contact. I bonded with my mom so much after my dad lead gone. But its almost all gone now. I saw the smallest rekindling of that bond when my mom was on a medication she turned out to be allergic to :/ we sat looking at wedding stuff together. And it was blissful. But I think it was the meds. Because everything between us is a push... I force myself to visit her, she forces civil conversation :/

I know it is only a matter of time before she and I blow up at each other again...

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Old 06-07-2014, 02:29 PM

It's sad. It shouldn't be that way, yet so often it is. I do think the 10 months working with Mom has helped our relationship, but I still don't see myself handing her my daughter for overnights or visits unless she's at our house. Part of me wonders if she'll stop drinking once she's out of the family business. I understand why she uses it to cope--I just don't condone it. I get it, and if I were in her shoes, I likely would be drinking too. She's had a hard go of it for as long as I can remember.

The only thing we can do is change things with our own kids. We're never going to be perfect, but if we work hard to build them up as opposed to tearing them down, that's over half the battle right there.

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Old 06-07-2014, 07:41 PM

Lord I had the perfect example of Mike's pushing me away. He got mad because I was/am mad/overwhelmed/ upset. And yelled that he wanted to go back to his dad's because "they know how to have a real family" if my mood is not super chopper all the time he gets mad at me. :/ and today situation combined with dreary lighting and Mike's giving a bunch of self centered self serving attitude. I am pretty damn depressed. And God dang it I have the right to feel something other then happy all the time.

I feel so utterly alone right now and I know it isn't going to get better.

 


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