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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-09-2014, 11:15 PM
Jaz, this is your life, not your mother's. Your life. If you don't want to do this job, don't do it. Please, don't do it. Follow what your gut says to do. If your gut says you need to work now in spite of the struggles, listen. If it's telling you to stay home with your kids, don't ignore it. :(
I wish I could help...
---------- Post added 06-09-2014 at 07:29 PM ----------
Here's what I know, though. Regardless of what you do, you are NOT a failure. You are not a failure if you work, you are not a failure if you stay home. You are enough, Jaz.
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Melody
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06-09-2014, 11:53 PM
On base housing 10 is old enough to be home alone, but then I look at Kura and I think...no. 10 is not old enough to be home alone. Granted there's still another 6 months before she turns 10, but still. I'm just not feeling it. But per base rules it is NOT old enough to stay home with any younger children. So even the twins at almost 8 she wouldn't be able to stay home alone with. (I mean, I allow it when they're sleeping because I can sit in the guest house and watch my house like a creeper...but otherwise I wouldn't do it.)
I agree with Chi. While I think it's fantastic that you're working, if you're not feeling it right now, remember that you can always do it later. If you feel the kiddos need you more now, be with them. Do what's best for you and your lovely littles, because in the end that's all that matters.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-10-2014, 12:38 AM
I am so mad so so irate and upset.
I am so angry that I can't shake some really nasty feelings that vary from just wishing I was dead to wanting divorce Dillon and leave him with the kids. I want so badly to just not be.... I feel so betrayed. He might as well be jumping with glee for me having to work. Almost like it is some sick revenge for him "having" to work shitty jobs these past 6 years. He did nothing to better himself in SIX FUCKING YEARS... And now to make up for him losing the job and then HANGING ON LIKE A FREAKING BABY CALF TO IT'S MOTHER'S TIT to this new piece of shit job I have to work... I can't see anything positive in working. Nothing what so ever. I am a nervous wreck about driving their van/bus. This place is the epitome of a HOLE/ The director who I am currently working with until the other teacher gets off of vacation left me ALONE with 16 kinds. SIXTEEN!!! that is over the limit for TWO teachers... She spent most of the day as high commander screaming at the kids.... I get she has a bad hip but seriously, bring them to the table with you, engage them... And screaming to "go to sleep" isn't going to get them ANYWHERE... Not at all... WTH IS WRONG when you see a kid fidgeting not really talking or anything and you risk waking the FIFTEEN OTHER SLEEPING KIDS to scream that at him because he is fidgeting... I watched the baby teacher leave the infant room repeatedly with babies both sleeping and eating...Babies like under 2... They are a non profit center. I can accept that they don't have the best lot when it comes to finances and therefore the building is far from the best but this place is gross. I really like the kids so far but I just don't know... The first thing she went over was explaining the time card. And telling me I don't get breaks. Like none. I then explained that I NEEDED breaks to pump for my son. And she was ok with that. But where I can pump is FAR from private. It's in the baby room and it is basically just sectioned off part where the babies nap. Then the toddler teacher asks "what are YOU doing in HERE..." when I came in to tell the infant teacher that I would be behind the patrician and not to freak out. WTF ARE YOU DOING IN HERE??? WHO THE FUCK IS WATCHING YOUR TODS??? I want to be starting to get out of debt already not further into it.... This is just asinine.... This is day one... When I should still be ecstatic about the idea of working.
At $8.50 an hour 25 hours a week with my pump breaks being off the clock... I still face losing food stamps, medicaid for the kids, and pending childcare cost. But it will make them more "independent" have you met my pig headed daughter she doesn't NEED more independence... I am at a new all time low....
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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06-10-2014, 02:17 AM
Oh Sweetie. I wish I could give you a hug. Internet hugs just aren't good enough for what you're going through. I'm feeling the exasperation. So much rule breaking going on and getting essentially spit on by the current employees...just wow. I expect so much more from people that work with kids. You would think the parents of the kids would as well. Who screams at day care kids? They're not yours to scream at unless there is like imminent danger. Take something for the hurt hip, if you're at work, you have to do your job. It's not the kids fault she's hurt. ugh.
Do you think you could get some time to yourself tonight? Take a bubble bath, or use some bath bombs and just relax? It sounds like you could really use some you time.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-10-2014, 02:46 AM
I got a little after pretty much blowing up then breaking down....I am pretty numb now aside from my refusal to relinquish Liam at the moment and uncharacteristically letting the big kids stay up to read with us... Dillon and I talked while I finished the Apple crisp I was making when I exploded.... I was trying so hard not to blow...
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-10-2014, 11:03 AM
I am going to sound extremely negative... *rubs face* For $8.50/hr, it's not worth losing what benefits you have, unless it was a fulfilling job and worth the money you'd have leftover once benefits were removed. If you haven't, you might want to check income guidelines and whatnot to see if you'll lose stuff. Just weigh all the options you can... :(
As it is, it sounds like the facility needs to be reported to the state. There is no excuse for screaming at children, ever. If my daycare provider was caught screaming at Terra, Terra would be pulled, immediately. I have no tolerance for shit like that. I digress though... change and transition is going all around. Change for staff there getting to know you. Change for you being away from the kids, being around strangers, and wondering what the heck to do with an overwhelming amount of children. Keep your eyes peeled for more dodgy things. Thus far I'm left with horrible imagery of the "Under 2" category choking on their dinners with no one present, and the other children scared and wanting their parents. I'm hoping it was just a "bad day".
I'm... just gonna say it. As someone who has been there, whose first job "in the field" knocked her family off benefits, it wasn't worth it. I'm not advocating being dependent on state funds forever, not at all. But I am advocating keeping your medical insurance, because now it's mandatory for families to have it unless you can slip in under the 9.5% income guidelines. If this were "later", and it were a full-time job, and it paid enough... it would be different.
We had more money when we were on benefits than when I was working my case management job. However, I worked because it was fulfilling. It was a 20 hour position, Terra got light daycare, and the rest of her time with her dad. It worked for us. I learned so much about the field, and it made ME feel good. THAT was the reinforcement to say "meh" to the money and keep going. As it was, we ended back up on benefits over a year later when my internship (unpaid) became too demanding.
I don't know what I would do, Jaz. I do know if after childcare costs, possible medical insurance premiums, and additional household expenses made me either break even or worse--go further into the hole, I couldn't maintain it. If I made enough to make it worthwhile, I would.
Take it all as a grain of salt, though, because you gotta make the decision based on what your gut says. If Dillon gives you flack for it, do up some online calculators to figure things out and show him why it's good or not good to continue. I'm not sure what the argument was about last night exactly, but I'm hoping you guys get a heart-to-heart soon.
---------- Post added 06-10-2014 at 11:56 AM ----------
Update on my end? It's pretty amazing.
The realtor put himself out on the line last night (he's both the sellers' agent and our buyers' agent) and offered to take a substantial commission decrease if the sellers would cover the remaining $3k gap. So essentially he's losing out on $1.5k and the sellers are losing out on $1.5k, but all parties agreed. The generosity there is amazing. I'll be making him something... likely fudge or something really tasty as a gesture of thanks.
That said, I've been finishing up the odds and ends for scheduling crap for the move. Tomorrow through Friday is going to be a packing frenzy. Then we're going away Sunday afternoon 'till Monday evening (one last exam for me), then sitting pretty until we pack the truck on Wednesday I guess. o_o
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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06-10-2014, 09:31 PM
Does that mean... You have the house?? OMG! I'm so impressed by your agents generosity! It's so rare that people are willing to make a sacrifice like that! I mean, I had a friend whose father sold houses for a living, and he got like 10% of the cost as his pay, so when it happened it was a pretty big deal, I can't imagine him taking any sort of cut like that though. It's so awesome that he did that for you guys and that everything is going smoothly now! (THough, he probably just wants the sale to go through already! It's been a few months haha)
Jazzy- I've always felt that blowing up is somewhat therapeutic. While I feel crappy that it happened, I often feel better that the thoughts/feelings finally made it to the surface. Hopefully things are going better for you today.
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-10-2014, 10:33 PM
I am reserving excitement until we have the keys in hand. The agent is beyond generous! <3
The bank is going to drive me batty though. They jumped closing costs from $10.5k to $13.3k. Um. Yeah. This was after our email about a month ago where I asked if ANY other charge could occur to raise the closing, and he assured me that no, it was just taxes and homeowners, and I know the insurance was only $15 a month more, and at 14 months going into escrow, that doesn't account for nearly $2k of a raise. *tugs hair*
The worst bit? Cole got infuriated and started the, "Did you..." and "You need to tell him..." and I finally nipped it in the bud and said, "How about YOU call him? I've done x, y, z." He has done nothing in this housing stuff. Period. And when I asked him again, he just shrugged. Fucking RAUGH.
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Roachi
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06-11-2014, 12:14 AM
Hey guys.
Sorry i keep coming and going. Sometimes hard to keep up with the convo in here! :P
How is everyone?
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-11-2014, 12:35 AM
Too tired to type it all out again. I'm "hanging in there". ;D I hope you are too. <3
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Melody
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06-11-2014, 01:25 AM
I just finished booking a bunch of pain in the ass to book flights. xD
Companion fares needed to be done together, but the kids were under the age for booking with out an adult...but then they will be accompanied one way by my mother and back the other way with my husbands mother, then the discount code for the third childs tickets-needed to be booked seperately for the same issue we were having with the companion fare flights linking to the adults... 3 hours after I started the process I've finished! Using miles and discounts, the total is less than $2,500, which is awesome considering the last time we all flew down there it was over $5,000. D:
That's going to be 2 weeks with my mom, she flys back out with the kids to so cal, they're there for 3 weeks, then scotts mom flys back up with them before school starts. AAAHHH!!
So things are going quite well for me right now. I just started the night audit during the week...so that's taking some getting used to, midnight to 6 am 5 days a week. @ [email protected] Scott just found out that he is NOT deploying this week to Cordova, he took care of the issue with our bank (Same issue as two months ago, they're not allocating our payment correctly :/ ) AND We all get to go to the farmers market together this weekend. Selling bread, bagels, Kura has some dragons made out of sea glass she wants to try to sell and I'll probably have some duct tape wallets ready as well. (: So uh...busy and productive and happy for the most part!
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-11-2014, 03:39 AM
Hey a roachi.
I am surviving... kinda... got a job and such... how have you been?
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Roachi
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06-11-2014, 09:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chi
Too tired to type it all out again. I'm "hanging in there". ;D I hope you are too. <3
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Lols, i understand chi.
So almost done with the house process heh?
So close! Can't wait too see the new house!
Yup i am, it's getting harder each day to move normally. But i haven't long to go at work. 1.5 more months.
Only thing i am super worried about is not being able to have enough time off with baby :(. Unfortunately bills need to be paid, i will have to go back after my maternity pay runs out. Boohoo!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaz
Hey a roachi.
I am surviving... kinda... got a job and such... how have you been?
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Ohh yay! What kind of job?
Congrats hon :)
Ahh i've been sick mostly. But i am doing better :)
Just very fat n lazy haha.
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-11-2014, 10:54 AM
Roachi:
How long does maternity pay there last? Rest when you can!
@Jaz
How did yesterday go? :o
@Mellie
I'm nauseated at the flight prices... yikes! @ [email protected] At least you got it sorted. We need to fly or drive to Wisconsin at some point, but we're not flying for a while. I don't think we're going anywhere major until the bills are paid. With any luck, we can plan something for Fall 2015. It'll give us time to get our passports. Cole's the only one with one! If we drove to WI, it's faster to go through Canada.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-11-2014, 11:49 AM
Roachi I am working for a local daycare. And thank you!
Your not fat and lazy your pregnant and lazy totally different things.
Chi it went better still not great but better. I don't have much time to get into the kitty gritty of it as I have to wake boys and start getting ready to go now
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-11-2014, 07:21 PM
Oops I meant to say pregnant and building a baby lol not lazy that's a lot of work :P I am sleepy as heck
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Melody
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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06-11-2014, 08:39 PM
xD That typo totally had me giggling. I've so been pregnant and lazy before, and damn it it's fabulous!!
Chi- My mother in law is paying for half of the trip...so I'm looking forward to getting that check so we can pay back off my credit card. It's now up there with like $50 left in space on it. :x Why is traveling so expensive?
I should probably start the passport process. We currently all have one, but we have them as military passports not civilian. So we'd be more screwed if we got stuck in a country we decided to go to war with. (Not that I fear the US going to war with Canada or anything...but still)
This whole working nights things and sleeping until noon is working out quite well. The kids have been great for me. They've gotten their chores done in the morning and then remained relatively quiet until I get up. Scott gets home at either 11 or 12 for lunch, and he makes sure they eat and then my day is just making sure we all have fun. It's pretty glorious. I was afraid it would be lack of sleep and anger and exhaustion...but it's not.
Jazzy- just so you're not surprised, you should have a package showing up from me tomorrow. <3
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Roachi
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06-11-2014, 08:58 PM
@Chi - 14 weeks.
But a month of that i will be at home waiting lol. So technically i will only have 2 months with baby. I might be able to push it out a tad further if this loan i am going for goes through! Fingers crossed.
@Jaz - Aww that's awesome :)
Bwahahaha just pregnant and lazy, that's about right though hehe.
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-11-2014, 11:24 PM
Mellie, I'm glad the new schedule is working out. Night shift can be so hard sometimes. I know it's hard on Cole. He ends up leaving here 6:30pm and getting home around 7:45am, then he'll sleep from 8:30am(ish) 'till 3:00pm(ish). Usually he's too exhausted to do anything...
Roachi, oof... two months is not long. :( I hate money and how hard it makes everything.
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-12-2014, 03:53 AM
CHI...I don't know if I said congrats or if congrats are in order. But congrats anyhow!!!! I think you are over the hard part (aside from the actual moving part)
MELLIE: A package??? Goodie! I am excited now!!! Something besides a sick baby girl and a teething baby boy and two monsters to get me through the work day!
I don't know how you do it! Dillon has worked the past one day overnight. He has been trying to adjust his schedule for 4 days and then he has one day in between tonight and his next shift to get his schedule back to days. I do not envy him. And with me working he has gotten only about 4-6 hours sleep in the last 2 days.
ROACHI: Are you getting excited? Do you plan on sharing baby pictures? Babies are divine, hard but divine.
this is a minor /rant because i am to beat to type much more. I got my employee handbook and I got really mad. Basically everything in the handbook... they do the opposite. The whole thing is a stupid joke. Why bother printing the stupid thing up. No one has paid any attention to it... a baby yesterday was told "shame on you <-----name> you are bad no sleeping on the changing table" this is an infant under 1 year old. Wtf people he is baby and a little boy... comes with the territory don't you think.? I have a list... No joke a list of the items I need to provide my employers too. They want my transcripts from school which seems fishy as he'll to me for some as on. Three letters of reference and some normal things like cbi and traditional trainings. I am so over this but Dillon keep urging me that it isn't for long and blah blah blah... It is a stipulation of getting the lump sum from tanf to either hold a job or search for a job. I have a feeling they are like unemployment insurance that you would have to take whatever you get. No turning down a job. Though there is nothing for sure as the lady said she'd get in touch within the week and tomorrow makes a full 7 days with no calls...
I am exhausted with having an expectation that damned college put.in my head and reality might as well be wading though festering refuse... there is no such thing as the kind of facilities they painted in my head... I am fair certain they don't exists and that all the money lost on going to school is going to eat my life away forever and for no purpose as these people don't even use basic child are protocols. Neigh on 20 kids in a classroom with a single teacher...
What really sucks is I have already fell in total love with a couple of the kiddos. One omg he is a doll. He reminds me of Swanky before all the troubles these last two years. I want to squeeze him in a hug bear hug every time I see him! A little girl there too. One no one had bonded with yet. I got her talking and eating and all the things they said she has refused for months.
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Roachi
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06-12-2014, 09:56 AM
@Chi - Yeah it sucks. But ya gotta put food on the table and keep a roof over ya head heh.
@Jaz - YES! Well yes and no. Worried about the labour part. But excited for it to be over and to finally meet my son lol. But most of all i am excited to get time off work hahaha.
Yes i will share baby pics :). I dunno how i will contain myself lol. I will try not to be crazy mum who puts up a bazillion pics of her baby everywhere xD.
Aww poor sweetie! Whats the big deal about sleeping on a change table?
I'd be pretty pissed knowing this stuff about a daycare. I mean parents take their kids their in the hope that their children will get nurtured and looked after properly.
Did you study early childhood? My mother in law is a early childhood lecturer and program leader :)
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-12-2014, 10:01 AM
Unless TANF is giving you a lump sum date, they will fuck you over by saying you've made too much income. If Dillon is on board with you not staying, look into what needs to happen to get out of debt. Be persistent, call. See what the hold up is... just say you're scared as it's a long while before a paycheck when so much is due.
That environment just sounds so... so... so bad. It may be you who creates something better for the future. I'm being dead serious. It's the people who can see the wrong and refuse it, and make a better space that make the difference. If the people there are too burned out to give a crap, hostility would be their response right now.
Anyway... keep hanging on. :( I'm crossing fingers you find out how long you have to hold out. Crossing fingers that something shifts and it's better. Hell, I'm just crossing fingers. :(
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-12-2014, 12:12 PM
I have a degree in Early Childhood yup and my kindle auto corrected me it was suppose to be peeing not sleeping. I want to call off today too much to do not enough time
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Chi
Dancing to her own beat..
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06-12-2014, 07:02 PM
Today was awful, and for once I don't have it in me to type out a huge post. Let's just say I might be looking for a new job before even getting through the training period of this job. And more housing shit happened. Tomorrow I will hopefully be at ease. Tonight BOTH Cole and I are on pins and needles. x_x;
I hope everyone's doing okay. Jaz, hang in there. :(
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Jaz
Death warmed over
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06-12-2014, 08:52 PM
** big hugs** hang in there Chi <3 If anyone can get through this you can <3 <3 <3 Let us know whats going on when you feel up to it... We're here when you need us...
I am riding out this week... Tomorrow is going to be hard with kindergarten graduation and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I am praying the other teacher who will be back on Monday next week will be amazing and want to try new things. She seems younger, so maybe she will be flexible. I really hope she is. Despite my grumpiness about everything I am starting to get the feel of things a little better. I am still iffy about putting Liam into daycare but with all the other things I don't have too much as far as choice...
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