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Old 08-27-2016, 12:03 AM

Well Catholic Charities was who we technically got the items through, and they are nation wide, the specific program inside of catholic charities I can't remember but it starts with house bill then a few numbers (I think it is 1451) but becausw our last OT was not understandi g what we were asking them to do we also went throught the ARC which helps with children and adults who have disabilities! They were actually the people who purchased and picked up the items we asked for, and catholic charities is reimbursing them. It was super simple once I got around the OT complicating things. Did I mention Liam's new OT has taught me to do compressions properly. Those are helping a lot!

I am more then panicking about this interview because of what you mentioned. I don't function well when we do opposite shifts like that or when we are just working to death. I feel like a nag but when we did work like that I would get a honey do list that I expected Dill to get done. And then have my own, but I struggled to get my own everyday so I eventually stopped because it was plain overwhelming to ask things of him and not complete my own.

I don't exactly have a to do list. I ahve a runningnlist of things I have started, want to start, or need to happen etc and I for lack of a better description basically walk around aimlessly until something kicks me in the teeth. Like the pictures, they have been in a box taking up a bunch of space for over a year. The frames have been all over the place too before that. The back room has been 6 years solid of almost getting to having a functioning art room and then bam panick-mode something is coming quick stash all the things!!! I am hoping to get it completely finished at least with the declutter part so that I can find shelves that I like to use for the storage of the supplies.

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Old 08-27-2016, 01:02 AM

At least with the WIC job you can get hired, but before accepting you can review the pay, benefits, and anything else before finalizing the acceptance. That way you guys would know exactly what it entails. I'm gonna remain positive!

The house to-do list at this point is to do basic cleaning because it's nasty in here. lol.

I got final approval to take my big state exam. I've done free practice tests online tonight to see where I stand without any prep, and I've failed them all. I'm very strong in the sections of informational gathering, ethics, referrals, and all that, but less so on specific diagnostic tools to use. Hell, I'm strong in diagnosing for the most part, but it's the tools themselves I don't have access to, which makes perfect sense based on the work I do. If I were in an outpatient setting where I saw each person for only 60 minutes a week, I'd be using those like mad. Most kids and families I work with came with a diagnosis from someone more specialized, like a neuropsychologist.

Eh, anyway. The only point I'm making is, I have to study. And, despite the terror I'm feeling, I scheduled my exam for September 15th. So, it's crunch time. I didn't give myself any screw off room, and I won't bail or reschedule because it's a $200 test. A lot is riding on me completing it because I get a bonus from work which could cover most of Christmas.

So, yes. I'm hopping on the anxiety boat with you! ^o^ We can cry together.

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Old 08-27-2016, 02:00 AM

Weee!!! So exciting though (despite the anxiety because lets be real that crap sucks!) I know you will do well! You always do :) and you are great at focusing and buckling down when you have a goal. So I think you have got this!!!

My sister in law and a couple other people I know just got their some of their certifications for different types of the work you do. One is working on her masters, I think my sister in law just finished her masters (higher education confuses me sometimes so I lose track) and both just received some part of their certifications that allows them to practice! I am super excited for them! But no less confused :P

Is it just me or does basic house stuff really suck? I can't seem to work on anythong else because I spend so much time on dishes and vacuuming and wiping the table etc. Its so annoying, especially when you have two pack rats who had a couple years of independence to acquire random crap we now need to go through. Re... the art room and all the supplies there in.

I am sucking at the ability to say no. Income alone will be more then Dillon makes by nearly double. Plus it is government with night and weekends and holidays pretty much all off. That all by itself is better then Dill's crap job that is cutting hours, telling him he's "too quiet and "unassertive" to have the asst. Manager position." If I had enough faith in myself that my job could be the only job. I would say he could quit and go back to school and be home with the kids. But I am always worried about my ability, and about how I handle that position because Dillon and I have been in it before and I became extremely bitter with him. It might be different because my mom isn't breathing down my neck but I worry it wouldn't be :(

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Old 08-27-2016, 01:03 PM

I wonder if it would partially depend on what Dillon got done while at home. I sometimes feel annoyance if the house is a disaster pit when I come home from a long work day, but rationally I know it's not easy to get things clean. Honestly, it's impossible sometimes. I know because I've been there and had those days, as have you. It's hard to say though.

If you both worked, would you lose Medicaid? That would be a key deciding factor since the boys have varying services, Liam likely needing continued care for a while until the puzzle pieces come together a bit more. (Glad the compressions are helping, by the way!)

If he's not inclined to change things or go to school to further his education, maybe there can be a mix of part-time options so you're both out and about and at home more often? I dunno... Cole and I looked at the possibility of being able to do that and finances just won't allow.

I am hoping with the raise I got, I can stay full-time. The raise was generous but it doesn't heavily impact the budget. I'm going to crunch numbers this weekend and see how much my bi-monthly paycheck increases by. I think it'll be $50, but I could be wrong. I view extra money in terms of stuff that's purchased. That's (almost) two tanks of gas, which is definitely a big deal.

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Old 08-27-2016, 02:41 PM

I just did a quick search for medicaid and I think that we would be still qualifying. It's hard to say so I will need to actually call the medicaid office and see before hand. I think we may significantly decrease food stamps if not nix them all together but my estimations say we should be find as far as that goes. $600-$700 of my income if I don't get aid will go towards Liam's daycare, that would knock me down to just a little over what Dill makes. Then pending him still working, I would be able to put aside $800-900 (which is more then we get in SNAP) for food and the rest could be used as needed. This is all assuming that Dillon keeps working, If not, we would likely keep all of the benefits of the aid we do have and possibly not have to worry about care or me missing work for the insane numbers of appts I have each week and field trips etc, and I could make bills a lot more easily then Dillon is right now.

I do worry he wouldn't put forth the effort to go back to school so far he has been less then motivated to do anything like that, though he always blames work and housework. Which is a sure fire way to piss me the hell off because I worked two jobs, went to school full time and had mikes and an apartment. Was my apartment an absolute disaster! YES! It was what I chose to sacrifice (though I didn't realize I needed to choose at the time and it was just what I decided wasn't worth my time... And occasionally I left Mikes at daycare on a day I didn't work to get my house into some kind of order. It was a lot rarer then me just letting my house turn into a scene from hoarders. So Dill working 30-40 hours a week where he gets off in the middle of the day (if he can kick his boss into getting him on a regular schedule) I just don't see how he couldn't manage house and school and work... Especially because I would be helping at least with house and the other income.

I started considering filing for bankruptcy recently. I have applied for multiple loans to consolidate debt, reduce monthly payments etc and I just can't get approved. And I think part of it is because after putting our money together (including income from tax return, and child support arrears AKA my exes piddly return that they take from him) and we make just a little over 32,000 a year, with EVERYTHING... Our debts are nearly $12,000 our actual earned income is only 19,800 so I wouldn't want to loan to me too... But if we were just paying back one bill that 12k wouldn't be as hard to swallow, but for some reason lenders think paying 6 different bills, with 6 different interest rates on 6 different days is easier and more doable... It is just exhausting I am so tired of having a really good credit score and crap to show for it because all we ever qualify for in an emergency is a credit card.......

I hate money so much, it is such a great concept that completely blew up in our faces. I hope your raise helps more then you expect though. I hate knowing that Dill got the max raise and he is now making less each week then he did last year....

Last edited by Jaz; 08-27-2016 at 02:45 PM..

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Old 08-27-2016, 07:59 PM

I crunched the numbers and it's a help. It's not going to save us, but it is a help and it's HUGELY appreciated. Our credit card debt is nearly gone, but our student loan debt isn't even close to being done. I've looked at bankruptcy before, but it won't take care of student loan debt. I keep crossing fingers that we'll make it the 10 years, and then maybe things will be dismissed. It's not like they wouldn't have gotten the original loan amounts back by then. When Cole graduates school, our monthly payments will increase even more when his loans come into play. We could buy a house with what we owe. It's stupid.

I hate money too, but I'm going to really sit down and focus on what I can control versus what I can't. There are options. We very well may sell the house and buy a smaller, more affordable one. If we did that, we'd likely temporarily rent a storage unit to put all of our stuff in and find an apartment to rent for a few months while we went house hunting. It'll be a last resort, and one I don't want to do, but it's an option.

All I can say is, make sure he commits to whatever plan you guys do. If school isn't something he's going to do, he should at least be able to work and split the household stuff with you. Cole and I split the miscellaneous stuff the best we can.

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Old 08-28-2016, 11:48 AM

I am not very good at figuring out how a raise will effect us so I guess I must always assume that are poor at that calculation too. When we get a .25 raise I assume it will make no big difference and I ignore it. When we get .40 I expect a drastic difference and either the change is too small to recognize or hours are cut and there are literally no differences. I did't realize bankruptsy doesn't do anything to studen t loans. Man our system is screwy. Giving really young students many of whom are financial infants like Dill and I were is INSANE! I was told to take max loans out to take care of Michael. Mind you he was soully breastfed for 4 months of the time when this started so he literally only needed diapers because I had been given a lot of clothes though my baby shower and a couple of my bestfriend's friends. And after that it was baby food which probably wouldn't have been bad if I just started making food which I sort of did though thinking back on it he was my most self weaned to food of all the kids I just did it horribly wrong. I think he ate table foods only by 6 months. Ugh that makes me cringe. I knew squat about anything and WIC and doctors were ignored because my mom's word was law. Anyhow, so I took out my grants which fully covered school until my 3rd year (mind I have an associates it too me 4 years to get that I wasn't a horrible student but I was forced by my mom to take full course loads and I often had to drop 1 or 2 to survive while caring for an infant and eventually working). The loans were excess and I quite literally used it really poorly. My mom charged me $500 in rent which she SWORE was better then anything I would find in town and another $500 for my then 12 year old sister who watched Michael occasionally while I was in class. The child care bit was a joke, most babysitters here make $20 a day and rarely make more the $400 a month. Did my sister rock at it yes, did she deserve is, absolutely. But when you rival childcare with aid which I could have got and paid significantly less (Mikes first year in daycare was $20 a month to give and idea of how crappy my income was). The idea of taking all that wasn't teaching me anything. She also had prior to me getting pregnant paid me to care for her second job while she worked nights. Illegally mind, to do the work I did you are suppose to be 18 but she lied about my age when I was 16. I got $100 a week for respite care and she took that in exchange for letting me stay with her while I was pregnant. She quickly forgot about that and increased the amount I was working for her and demand money from my school loans, it slowed my ability to find work myself because jobs didn't want me if I could only work restricted hours. When I did find a job she complained about having to wake at 6 when Michael woke (I got a paper route and hoped my heavy sleeper would just sleep like everyone else, he didn't he had radar to me leaving) and later when I got a job elsewhere she kicked me out and I nearly lost that job because I had no care for Michael while I was scheduled to work. She kicked me out again because I said I thought I would have enough saved up by Mikes birthday to move out (six months) and that didn't happen. I had about half of what I should have had. I got fired the same day I moved.

Tl;dr I was wholly unprepared for life. Despite getting money as a child and young adult I had no idea how to budget (I still don't really, like how in the world do I budget for EVERYTHING especially when prices change on things like gas and clothes?). That unpreparedness led to poor borrowing and then poor credit use. And poor use of those funds, and as disrespectful as it sounds I blame my mom. I was never taught any kind of money management skills I just had money and was allowed to use it as I pleased. Until, I wasn't.

Is there a program you are in that allows forgiveness at 10 years? I think I am in one for 20/25 years. I am not sure, I really should call my loans ugh I hate calling them though *whines and writes it on a reminder list*

It is awesome that you can consider selling the house honestly. I have considered "downsizing" but really it wouldn't be down sizing in terms of room/bathroom amount just in square footage which would save us on utilities and I was hoping save us on our mortgage but short of moving deeper into the current bad part of town we are in or moving into another really bad part of town (there aren't really that many "good parts of town to begin with we have a lot of poor neighborhoods with high crime and good neighbor hoods have worse crime because poor want more :/ I guess). Even moving to these areas though we would have a higher mortgage cost by nearly double and that wouldn't do us any good wven with reduced utilities... so I think at least for now we really need to figure out how to focus on making this house the best we can for us.

As for Dill, agreed. I need to find time where we are not so dead tired to discuss this more, I mean I don't have the job yet so there is that, and I should really evaluate after tax what bring home might look like since I wpuld likely switch roles with Dillon me taking all of the dependants/tax breaks and him getting taxed through the eye balls. I am not sure is that how that is suppose to work? Or would splitting our dependants be better? I hate tax... it's just mpre money bs that lots of normal people don't understand fully. I need to really sit and figure put a bunch of stuff I guess.

In other news my boys reminded me it is a long weekend this weekend and Ellie starts school Wed! We met her teachers on Friday and she is super excited to go to school! She has been playing on reading eggs free trial and already knows 3 sight words!! She was eating it up.

I hope you have a nice Sunday! If I don't get back on. The event has me checking fairly regularly though :P
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Old 08-28-2016, 12:57 PM

Some married people split dependents on their tax returns, but I don't know for sure if it makes a difference. I only have experience with the one. I will say that you should double check with a tax professional.

I am trying to get into the 10-year forgiveness plan, but the problem is, while I do the qualifying work for such a thing, my overarching company is a for-profit, and that's one of the excluding factors in being accepted. It's something I'll keep working toward getting accepted. If I can, I'd stay working for 8 more years where I am. It'd be totally worth it.

I have two private student loans that won't ever be forgiven. If we get any sort of return this year, I want to see what we can pay off, because those won't ever go away. As for bankruptcy I think in only rare cases can student loans be dismissed. Usually the only way out is death or complete and total disability.

I really don't want to give up on the house. But it'll be a consideration. I want us to wait until I see what my new medical insurance premiums will be, and what happens with his arbitration. If he wins, we may be able to pay off the car or the private loans, but definitely not both. I'm not banking on that though.

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Old 08-28-2016, 02:07 PM

When Dillon and I were first together and both of us were working Mikes was the only dependant and I was head of house because I made the most, but I lost that job and Mikes and all the other kids and head of house etc all became his. When I worked in '14/'15 I claimed zero because I didn't make enough to bother though I think my boss changed that of her own accord to claim 1, but that was dumb too because I didn't make enough to claim even myself come tax time. I will wait and see if I get the job first I think, it's not something I want to freak about just yet especially since I am not sure it would be beneficial for Dillon to continue working at least not at Loaf n'Jug.... So yeaah... lol

I know I have a few loans that don't qualify when I try to consolodate and stuff because I took out was it unsubsidized? But there were two types of loans and in the later part of my associates as my grants started giving out I was taking more loans to help with Christmas and such as well as to maintain bills :/ I really need to ask about my loans and what all I can do for them to get myself in some working order. Not that we pay ours right now, they are in income based repayment which is 0 a month.

Also, I am remembering quite vividly why I hate potty training so much. Liam makes the other kids look easy they were all potty trained by this point and he absolutely is miserable to get to sit. :( or he refuses to leave the potty at all.. which is what is happening right now after he pooped his pants

Last edited by Jaz; 08-28-2016 at 02:11 PM..

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Old 08-28-2016, 10:40 PM

Oof. Hopefully he is more easily motivated as time goes on. It sounds hard. ;_;

I'm not sure if you know or not, but where you're in an IBR repayment plan, even the $0/mo counts towards the 15-20 years or whatever term it is you have. I was surprised when I heard that. We had one year of $0/mo, now it's nearly one of my paychecks a month. I've started looking into other options and learning about the things I don't know either, such as 401k, HSAs, and things like that. I bitch and gripe about the medical, but I know it ends up reflecting at tax time somehow. When the ACA came into effect, no household is supposed to pay more than 8.5% of their AGI for the year on health insurance. We're surpassing that, massively. So some should hypothetically come back in 2017. Enough that I hope we can pay off the back-owed 2015 taxes from when we didn't understand and know any better. -_-

My point is, health insurance and HSA and any other expenditure accounts (we have an option for child care, for example), all of that can come out of your gross pay before it's taxed. I believe it can be deducted at tax time, meaning, if I earned $1000, and $200 went to child care and another $200 went to an HSA, only $600 of my paycheck would be taxed, leaving me with more pocket money (because the child care and medical bills would still need to be paid regardless).

Every day is a learning adventure, right? I am not sure if only our health insurance changes in November or if all benefits do. I'll give everything a close going over, because the second half of 2014 and all of 2015, I was in a mind frame of, "Not spending anything, I need all of my paycheck!" Well, I did that, then realized that I'd have had more money over the course of the year if I had put money into accounts. Thousands of dollars went to medical last year, for example. If I'd had an account full of pre-tax dollars, it would have saved a bunch.

/ramble

tl;dr Money still blows, and I hate adulting. But, I'm trying to educate myself on what I don't know, so there's that.

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Old 08-28-2016, 11:36 PM

I did know it counted, but it also accures interest that we can't pay off.

I think what makes money suck so much, well at least part of it, is just how confusing it can be. Why can't all things be in lamens terms. Insurance confuses me too, like Liam's OT is billed as home health which is completely seperate from the in house billing for OT. But he can't utilize both even though both offer different aspects of need. It annoys the crap out of me how backwards those things seem.

Today pretty much blew. Liam has been miserable, no one wanted to listen its been a mess. Liam cries and screams when I take him to the potty. I make the mistake every time of trying to do too much. I wonder if it will be better when he is the only one I need to focus on and then just let chores go for a couple days. Or significantly limit them.

In better news I am addicted to the youtube channel ASAP Science and that has gotten me into watching Big Brother Canada (I think that is the name) because one of the two personalities is on it... It is really.... interesting. I don't understand what compels people into that craziness but different strokes for different folks I guess. I normally don't like things like those so watching it has been a mesh of anxiety, annoyance, entertainment, amusement and i don't know fascination. Its like watching a train wreck I just can't look away. :/ but it sucked me in hard. They have 2 different contestants who are from the UK and Austrailia which is interesting because I guess they play differently. /random

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Old 08-30-2016, 12:09 AM

I haven't watched any of the Big Brother shows. Granted, I don't watch much TV. We use Netflix and have the Amazon Fire TV because we have Prime. I dunno the last time I had cable, so unless something is loudly and freely streaming I don't usually see it/think of it to watch. We'll occasionally buy a season of something where we don't have a full cable bill. Just the $9.99/mo for Netflix and the cost of our internet.

Right now we've been on a Cutthroat Kitchen kick. xD

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Old 08-30-2016, 03:20 AM

I've been watching on youtube. It started with my obsession with ASAP science, it's not my normal but it is entertaining...

I had a good day today until the end... My brother came by, and asked to stay on our couch. I had the hardest time telling him no, it downright broke my heart. I held it together long enough for him to leave. He still has a jacked up knee he wears a brace all the time and doctors don't know what's wrong. He told me his medical bills are more the $20000 and he had medicaid!!! I have never been so torn up like this, I know he's living in a shelter, I know he isn't clean but I still love him so much. What a cruel card to play right now...

Oh and Dillon got a ticket for tags. The ones we paid for back in February. The ones Dillon never put on the plates so we have a $35 ticket for which we have no money for. So more plasma donation :/ not to mention my only experience with a ticket involved me getting a $50 ticket, went in to pay and that 50 was really $100 and I paid an extra 50 to keep my record clean since it was my only offense.

/sobby miserable rambling

Morning edit... I have my interview today! I am trying really hard not to be nervous. Trying to remind myself it is good either way. Etc. Wish me luck! It is later this afternoon so hopefully I will hear about what happened soon after.

Last edited by Jaz; 08-30-2016 at 11:02 AM..

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Old 08-30-2016, 12:07 PM

First, you're going to rock the interview. Tell yourself that you can do it! You're absolutely worthy, no matter what. If you don't get the job, you'd have practiced another interview. This won't make or break you because lots of decisions and planning need to happen either way. Keep me posted!!

As for your brother, I absolutely commend you for saying no. Letting him stay would have been "easy", because of the love involved. But you knew it wouldn't help him. My heart goes out to you and any family struggling with addiction. It's brutal. And frightening. People don't get it unless they're in it. </3

I don't know what to say about the ticket for the tags. Why didn't he put them on? :(

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Old 08-30-2016, 01:06 PM

We were both trying to figure that out yesterday, I swear he is the slyest procrastinator in the universe, or if he still struggles with ADHD then he gets distracted even easier then Sean. To put it the best way I can if I gulive him three chores at 3 different times say dishes, picking up laundry and vacuuming he will start dishes and I will say can you also gather the laundry he will stop doing dishes and start laundry. Then while he is doing that I somehow neglect to notice chore #1 is not done so I will tell him to also vacuum. He will stop gathering and start laundry. I think something like this happened I vaguely remember putting my own tags on and getting ready to leave, so maybe he just didn't think we had enough time to do his, which seems weird if I took the time for mine you know? I think it was more a case of him putting them in the lesser used van thinking it was fine we he would do it later, or got told to do something while in the midst of doing that and just out of sight out of mind because he found them in the van un stuck to the plate. They said they would knock the price by $12 if he has proof but I just don't trust that. I think I am just annoyed, not really mad, it was a dumb mistake that os costing stupid money. Dill pointed out that when they run plates they should have all of that information. If we paid for tags it should have shown. We have a really high rate of plate and tag theft here so what if someone just took the sticker off? Someone took a metal cutter to our taurus anout a year ago and we had to pay for new plates and a replacement on tags and I just find that crooked. The people being stolen from or making stupid mistakes are getting charged stupid fees for stupid things that should be traceable. Some cop just took advantage of the state fair which started last Friday, and because Dill works a block and a half away his car got hit. Those tags were due to be placed in Feb, Dill has been driving since then so I think said cop was looking to make quota or something by just hitting tons of cars that were parked for the fair. But it was our dumb mistake and we own it, it is just annoying me to realize that a lot of tickets are so bunk.... "but we don't have enough police staff to patrol properly or to respond to domestic disturbances" but they can patrol a parking lot with hundreds of cars to ticket for tags.

My brother is just, so.... difficult. I cried so much after he left I felt like absolute shit, I quite literally texted my sister and told her to tell me to say no because I was having such a hard time with it. She did thankfully and she is a walking poster child for "the truth hurts" she asked me if I wanted him doing heroin in my house where my kids sleep eat and play, or how much money we could afford for him to steal, or how many electronics we could afford to replace. I would say that is top tear one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Ellie and I are in battle mode today and I don't see it getting better. She is so damn stubborn I swear I am going to lose my mind with her.

Thanks for the vote of confidence! I thinknwhat makes this hard is that either way I need to make some serious discisions. Part of me thinks the easiest would be just jot getting the job but then I remember how much I hate struggling with finances and I start banging my head againdt a wall.

Last edited by Jaz; 08-30-2016 at 01:55 PM..

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Old 08-30-2016, 07:38 PM

Less then 30 minutes now, and of course my daughter woke her little brother who is having an epic melt down. I swear to god this crap happens whenever I need any semblence of sanity...

Edit: The interview went really well I stuttered a bit still but I feel fairly confident with my answers. It was a bonus that I have met/ knew two of fhe 3 panel, one of which was my absolute favorite WIC Educator. I had her as "my" educator from the time Mikes was 3/4 until just after Ellie was born :)then they went on the new call the day before for an appointment and I never remember to ask for her specifically, I don't mind most of the other educators, there is one or two who annoy me but I know her the best and she is so super sweet!!!

Somethings gotten into Liam I actually pulled back on compressions today to see if they may be the cause of his crazy emotional nonsense. He did fine this morning so I was beginning to wonder if he was reacting negatively emotionally but positively physically to them. But then nap happened and we had another 20 something minute potty related scream fest. This time he asked to go potty he was dry do I let him play my daniel tigers potty game. And then the fit happened, so maybe it is electronics related. He is soooo addicted to TV and games. I have been trying to use it to reward/help him but his behaviours go crazy when he gets it. So maybe I need to pull back again

Last edited by Jaz; 08-30-2016 at 10:22 PM..

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Old 08-31-2016, 08:09 PM

When will you hear about the interview results? It's exciting!!

I'm curious about Liam, and what that means. With his emotional outbursts, are they normal responses? Or are they brand new behaviors? If they're brand new, I remember you mentioning concern that it felt like he didn't have much empathy, and just laughed a lot when pinching or hitting in a way that he didn't understand what he was doing. If OT is helping, it in theory would make his physical side calm enough for his mental side to catch up? Or am I reading too much into it??

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Old 08-31-2016, 08:50 PM

It is something I started worrying about more. He still pinches and bites but less, and he does show empathy more now, a lot more then before, but it is something I have been worried about. We started the brushing today and his OT says its going to be a game of what is too much and what is not enough between compressions and brushing as far as what will calm and what will revv him. He has never really been emotional this is a new thing, where Sean was (is) crazy emotional from the beginning. He was so much better today, I know there is a lot going on with him lately, new OT, new school schedules, potty training, he seems to also be having allergy/ sinus junk making him feel gross... so it is really hard to say.. I keep thinking he is smart... Crazy smart... and I know some of that can be signs of certain disorders. He at 2.5 can point out and identify letters. I have never worked on letters with him, he has only seen them on TV on Super Why, and he has only just recently started watching that. My best friends daughter has not a diagnosis but a label I guess of "educational autism" and she learned similarly though she had early signs like speech and physical delays. In my town it is so difficult to get a diagnosis in general. My doctor jumped to aspergers then retracted the thought because he makes eye contact and gives hugs. It takes a lot of googling and forcing to get anywhere with care. It seems like doctors are ignorant, afraid, or maybe just absolutely uncertain about how to make these observations. My doctor tells us every time we are in that he is a handful and thanks me for not hurting him because that is the only thing parents can do when their kid is a crazy pants? But he never offers advice, or information or options. I have quite literally had to claw my way into getting where we are at right now.

I need to find a way to quickly get some brushes for Liam though we are only borrowing the one we have for the weekend. O.o

I will find out the results next week sometime I am going to assume if I don't hear from them by phone on Wednesday, I will likely have not got the job and will recieve the denial letter sometime later. Trying to keep a positive out look like you said it will be good practice if nothing else.

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Old 08-31-2016, 11:49 PM

Absolutely good practice! I'm super proud of you for going and pushing through.

Does Amazon carry the brushes, and do you have Prime? It's been a while since I looked. I wanted to get a bunch for work but we're not allowed to touch clients unless it's an emergency (or if they ask for a hug and it's appropriate, something similar to that.)

I am wondering, and granted I am absolutely putting a wall of positivity around this, that he has not had opportunities to emotionally mature yet due to his physical needs, and he's trying to navigate all the newness. Do what you can in helping him identify feelings and teach in the moments you can teach. It's so freaking hard because he's also inching toward being three years old, and everything is hard!

Jaz
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Old 09-01-2016, 12:44 AM

The threes are super hard! I am doing my best with it all. I am hoping once things settle more into a routine that he will settle and be more aware in his own skin. At least to a degree since he is only 2.

I have a listing for $35 of the brushes in my wishlist for $19, but I don't have the money on my amazon card (or bank account) stuff just keeps popping up lately. I don't have prime, I can never really justify it, and I wasted this years free trial month on something at the beginning of the year I think.

I suddenly have a head ache... ugh.. bleh...

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Old 09-01-2016, 12:17 PM

I love Prime, but we are 45 miles from a Walmart or any form of store. We use it at least weekly. >.> I figure, viewing it through the lens of paying $99 a year for free movies and TV, as well as 2-day shipping on stuff, the TV/movie aspect sells it for me. We don't do cable anymore. I sort of miss it, but then again I don't.

We're taking Terra to a fair today. Got the credit card paid off. It's scheduled to be paid tomorrow, so... I am hoping, hoping, hoping this month will be a good month. A turning point, so to speak!

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Old 09-02-2016, 01:54 PM

See I only use Amazon around holidays and sometimes birthdays.

I wish our fair was affordable, Turkey legs at the fair are now $24, they doubled their dollar day so each ride is a $2 each person's entry is $2. And ride bands are insanity at $40 a band. It is actually more financially sound to go up to Denver and visit six flags. Gas money and all (our fair is only a few blocks away so that tells you how bad it all is) plus the entire fair is inside of the times kids are at school.

I am really unsettled today. Michael came the other day that the girl who had accused him of assaulting her approached him (I told him to stay clear of her) and said "it was all a dare." This pisses me off I know my son well enough to kniw aside from being a "bro" and jacking around with buddies he really doesn't mess with other people (sans siblings) I kept thinking maybe he was "bro bumping" or whatever nonsense boys do and tried to do it with her and she didn't want to or didn't get it. And then Mikes would be in the wrong, but he swore he never got near her while in tears over the whole incident. He is pretty bashful with girls he likes (the case here) and he may have been able to make friends but I just can't picture him being more then goofy and weird around her.

But that isn't all, I am starting to question keeping the kids at CCA something isn't setting right this year. The lax attitude of thhe teachers and staff towards lost money over the years, the constant asking for more. The change in uniforms with only a months notice. I went looking for their version of PTO and can't find anything on it. Tons of "volunteer for us" and "donate to us" places but no pto (I think it is called PTSO). I want an opportunity to learn why the school can demand some of the things it does. I want to know why I can't request teachers. I want to know how a charter can't apply for grants other charters in town have... I am beyond frustrated.

I called the Vice principle about Michael, because girls like her who can potentially make false claims are why there are girls blown off for sexual assaults. I am not naive enough to believe that these things don't go both ways. If it would have been a call about Michael pile driving Sean I wpuld have believed it in a second. But there were no witnesses in a crowded hall? No teachers near when he was suppose to be in the hall just after school on his way to pick up his brother? Plus I see no motivation. Ugh I hate this I have tried for a few days to let all of this go and I just can't.

Edit. I just got a call back from the asst. Principle. She complimented the heck out of Michael, and said while the other parents had come in pretty steamed she more or less blew it off as an accident. I don't know I am still unsettled. Maybe Mikes lied to me because he still wants to be friends with her, maybe I am reading too much into it. It is so overwhelming I wish I could be there, that I could see for myself. I know Michael well enough to know he isn't likely to hurt anyone other then a sibling on purpose, and even then it is rare and usually a case of him not knowing just how strong/big he is compared to them.

Today is just bugging me, maybe it is amplified because of something else but I can't put my finger on what has got me so tense.

Last edited by Jaz; 09-02-2016 at 03:43 PM..

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Old 09-03-2016, 01:33 PM

Wow, that's an expensive fair. Granted, ours was too, when everything is taken into account. We went for the dollar day, and I suppose if we didn't eat anything it'd be truly doable. We did though. Heheh. No regrets though. We saved up to make sure we could go.

Speaking of, Cole and I got into an argument at Walmart. >.> Terra was sighing and asking us to knock it off. Backstory: For about two weeks now, there has been an absolutely foul smell in the kitchen that no amount of my scrubbing and steam cleaning has fixed. I even scrubbed the trash can. When we left to go to the fair, I put the trash can in the garage and said we'd get a new one, the cheapest one possible. We just got out of credit card debt, and I told Cole unless something has broken beyond repair, we're not getting a replacement, nor are we buying crap we don't need. Trying to be strict.

When we looked at the trash cans he got all sullen because I wanted the $10 one while he wanted the $50 one. Mind you, he didn't say this. What happened was he was looking sullen and I asked which one we should get, and he said, "What does it matter? What I want doesn't matter." Now, to me, it felt like his input on things doesn't matter at all.

If he would have said, "It doesn't matter. I want the $50 trash can, and we can't afford it," I wouldn't have felt slighted. What he said was, "What's it matter? It doesn't matter what I want." So, argument. =_=

Got the $10 trash can, and the horrible smell has disappeared. I don't know what happened, but even after scrubbing the old one, nothing helped.

Anyway, yeah. He's started talking about getting a new TV wall mount so that we can swivel it. Something nice to have, sure, but not needed. We're not buying anything frivolous until I get Terra's savings account restored and our own established. I don't think he'd want a swivel for Christmas, either.

Also wants a 50"+ TV to go along with it. It's like when he bitched about a new phone. His phone worked. It drained battery quickly, but it worked. He complained since I got a new phone last summer (when I ran into the lake to grab Terra when she fell under.) He has gadget lust, and it drives me absolutely bonkers. It angers me, actually, and I think it's because I feel he's not happy with anything, like he doesn't appreciate stuff. And, I'm sure in some ways he's not happy with life right now, and he thinks gadgets will help. He's always been like this, though.

Anyway, the long and short of that whole thing is, I've been digging my heels in hard with the budget and we're getting snippy. Hoping it was a one-time thing. It took him a year of whining before I broke down and said, "Fuck it, I don't care!" about a new phone. We are able to give ourselves monthly "allowances" to try and curb the frustrations I feel for his lust of things I feel aren't necessary. So, he's getting less allowance each month until he "pays off" his phone. The phone itself is actually paid off... but on principle he's going to take less allowance until it reaches the phone cost.

Reminds me of the year he whined, begged, and pleaded that he needed an iPad. I didn't have as much resolve back then and told him if he got one, and his laptop died, he wasn't getting anything else. Within a month Terra broke his laptop (she was a toddler). And, he didn't bitch for about a year after that until he complained he needed a laptop. >/

Endless cycle. And I hate always feeling like an asshole every time I say "no." I don't think we'd ever stand a chance otherwise though. He'll "pay off" his phone sometime in the new year, then I guess he'll have to save up allowance for anything else. My laptop is in bad shape but I'm not allowed to get anything else until it dies beyond repair. Unless, of course, I save up my own allowance for several months. I'm trying to do that anyway so that I might be able to take a week of vacation and go see my friend in Illinois next year. Depends on Cole's work contracts, though. It'd be near impossible otherwise.

Sorry... I needed that rant. I love my husband dearly. I'm just feeling massive amounts of relief that the credit card debt is gone at the moment, and I'm making plans to map out how to get a savings together and still pull of Christmas. I believe I can do it. Terra's going to reuse her Halloween bucket from last year, and she wants to wear a warm fleece Stitch PJ set (it's fullbody) for Halloween, and she understands we're not dressing up this year. That'll help October.

Work was frustrating as hell yesterday. My caseload is currently up in the air, and I'm struggling to figure out how to see everyone with the possibility of me not being able to work Mondays and Fridays. I'm getting nervous, seeing as I just got that raise.

I'm not sure what I'd do with the school. If you're still unsettled, I wonder if it's gut intuition telling you that something's not right. If that's the case, maybe you should check into other options?

Jaz
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Old 09-03-2016, 03:45 PM

You and Cole sound like Dill and I, except I have peices of both sides. I am the budgeter, and the gadget luster.... which can be massively complicated because I will make excuses for myself. Part of our problem is thag we don't have that allowance though, and yet another part is that I will make a LOT of allowances for special days for Dillon but the same is not generally made back. My birthday being a week after Christmas usually means I get no presents or outing because we plain can't afford it and he doesn't budget anything so it gets overlooked... a lot... so does mother's day occasionally and he will try to make up on Father's day which he still gets too plus his birthday etc. I buy him gifts that are things he pines for though and he doesn't. Not that I don't appriciate what he buys maybe I just don't actually pine for anything I jump around a ton.

Anyhow, I can see where the lust for something and the need to do extreme budgeting and both feel so crappy. Maybe just encourage him that once the phone is paid off he can use his money on the TV or mount or whatever he wants. We don't have an allowance so that is one of our major MAJOR downfalls, so we both tend to blow up at our budget in a major, bad way at the same time.

Hang in there. Money sucks...

The other option thing is one of the things that is making me unsetted. Michael is in 6th and most elementary schools only go to 5th so he would be in a new AND different school from Sean. Middle is a HUGE culture shock and so many kids fall to failing grades those 3 years because their body is changing, their priority is changing, their whole world shifts and for some reason adult thought it wise to do major building and class style changes (the shifting class schedule that doesn't happen in elementary) too... I don't know that this is a better option. He is doing well academically very well. He has a few friends and will attend the same school until 12th grade just in different buildings once high school hits. That is a MAJOR advantage because there is another grade drop come middle to high change over. That being said the best place for Sean right now there are two, one is close the other is nearly an hour away. Which leads me to feeling that this shouldn't be a matter of moving from one school to another to optimize education for each kid. There has to be something parents can do to demand that eqality between schools happens. I shouldn't need to take each of my 4 kids to different schools to get their needs met. That is where my unsettled feelings are stemming from in general. This girl is fleeting but it annoys me further that she is being taught that she can do that to a boy without reprocution... That bothers me as an adult. Mkes is still close friends with her, so perhaps he is lying and defending her "choice" maybe it did happen the way he said. How am I to know, but the schools lax response just pisses me off. She blew off that Michael did it when she came to the office. She blew off when I called with my concerns about the issue. She told me essentially "Michael is a big boy, of good character, and should be allowed to fight his own battles" which I don't entirely disagree with, but if what he told me was true, this girl is being sent some extremely strong messages about what she can get away with. If Michael is in the wrong which I just don't see, he needs to also understand that those actions are unacceptible too. This is very reflective of stuff we see in the media a lot, and we need to teach our childre the rights and wrongs of it all. I don't think many people disagree with basic moral judgement of "you keep your hands to yourself" and "we don't lie to get others into trouble, ever" so why not address them as a whole, I even proposed that it be brought up as a class wide concern. These are things all of these students should know, and she blew me off with no explaination at all.

Its just frustrating, I want my kids to get the best education possible but to say that is to take all of our schools and compare them and the best schools "which are the private schools here" are not affordable options for us and our public schools are a giant mess, and I am deeply uneasy about that. What potential do my kids have compared to other Colorado schools know for their parent fundraising, and excess budget to be spent on anything they wish, while our schools are known to use books for 15+ years and have taken the position for special ed director and merged it with the other district meaning one person runs both districts special ed depts on half the budget as before. It is sickening!

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Old 09-03-2016, 10:16 PM

Money does indeed suck. We'll see. I ordered more Christmas presents today. Terra is probably halfway shopped for. No one else is at this point, but my plan is to get something after each paycheck each week (if I can.) With any luck, there will be nothing put on a credit card.

I got some cleaning done this weekend. Mostly, the explosion from Terra's birthday has been contained. She desperately needs to clean her room, which has been the battle today. She's been restricted from all electronics and she still doesn't give a shit. It's one of those nights. I'm giving her until 8pm, which is two hours past her bedtime, to get it done. Otherwise, she won't get to do anything tomorrow, either.

I got to thinking about school. I'm not sure switching is the answer. I think in some ways, all of our kids will get treated like shit. We get treated like shit as adults. And, naturally, when it happens to our kids we fiercely want to protect them, more so when we KNOW they're getting mistreated. Yet, as adults, we can't do that. The world isn't made to allow it. They will get chewed up and spit out. We can help love them still and repair them, but we can't make it go away.

I think it's a good opportunity for social learning at home. To teach him to speak truth (which he has), to continue to advocate for himself, and to learn distance from toxicity (that girl.) To teach that he is male, and as many privileges as men get in this world, they are also quickly labeled by the unfair stereotypes, too. He's young for that lesson, yet, you could put all the time and energy investment into getting him somewhere else and another asshole kid will still be there to wreck him in another way that leaves you feeling equally powerless.

The world is freaking scary. :/ There are no good answers. There are no guarantees no matter what you do, and that just plain old sucks.

 


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