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Lilith W
bookworm
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Lilith W is offline
 
#1
Old 05-26-2007, 10:08 PM

I would love feedback on any of my writing. Tell me what you thought of it, if you liked it or not, what needs to be fixed. Thanks a lot in advance.

Contents
Poem- post 2
story- post 3
poem- post 4
poem- post 5

Lilith W
bookworm
27757.86
Lilith W is offline
 
#2
Old 05-26-2007, 10:09 PM

Wesley Halfacre
He had a long and happy life.
Seven kids, two that died.
A loving and helpful man.
He was strong and lively out living many;
friends, family, and his own wife.
He loved nature.
The rows on rows of corn,
the flashing green and occasional glint of yellow.
The leaping brown of the deer.
The flashing under the blue pond as
fish swam by.
Behind his house in the woods,
past the flowers of startling colors and smells.
The great towering gray cliff with
the occasional splash of green trees.
The cliff he saw from every angle:
above, below, and falling beside.
He had broken bones and other things.
He had been shocked, trampled, and hurt.
But he always bounced back.
You can't call him unlucky,
he was very lucky.
He lived life to the fullest.
He lived always being healthier than others.
Nothing could harm him from the outside but
the day came and cancer took him away.
They laid him down to rest beside the ones he'd lost,
his two kids and his dear wife.

Lilith W
bookworm
27757.86
Lilith W is offline
 
#3
Old 05-26-2007, 10:12 PM

edited out

Last edited by Lilith W; 01-16-2011 at 04:18 PM..

Lilith W
bookworm
27757.86
Lilith W is offline
 
#4
Old 05-26-2007, 10:19 PM

I am not
What you see.
I am not
Who you think I am.
I am
myself.
I am
behind the person you see.
I am
behind the curtain.
I am waiting for you.

Lilith W
bookworm
27757.86
Lilith W is offline
 
#5
Old 05-28-2007, 06:45 PM

Apollo's golden chariot raced across the sky
The chariot so big and bright
Then Artemis races by
In a chariot of silver
Apollo's chariot the sun
Artemis's the moon
The twins of a vengeful god
Racing through the sky
one the sun
one the moon
then dive into the sea
one at day
on at night

 


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