I sat on one of the beds in the guest room and watched King of Queens, but not really watching it. I was just a little disturbed after what happened earlier. I tried to discuss it with Mina and Tinsley but they didn’t really know what to say. They kind of understood that I was a little shaken, but it meant that Joe cared for me. Maybe it was because I actually wanted to with him one day. It was a weird thought, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that that was partly it.

1:23 a.m.

Ugh, if I wanted to be alive for the boys concert tomorrow I should probably go to sleep, and on that happy thought I pulled the covers back and slid under but as I went for the light my phone vibrated on the night stand. I looked at it. It was a text from Joe. Shit.

You up?

I quickly texted my reply.

Yeah, you?

Porch in 5?

Sure.

I slipped out of the bed quietly as to not wake the two sleeping in the bed next to mine. And I threw my navy blue varsity soccer sweatshirt from Grove on top of my tank and grey shorts. I hadn’t seen Joe since we came home, well actually I passed him on the way to the bathroom to wash up, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek saying ‘goodnight’ but that was it really. It was weird. I hate how it was weird after a simple thing like that. I checked my hair in the mirror, and slipped out the door of the room quickly, and down the hall passed the three boys’ rooms, and downstairs. I walked through the kitchen to the door to the backyard, and slid it open to find Joe sitting on the big swing on the tree across the lawn with his back facing me. I quietly walked up, and sat down on the large seat next to him. I looked at him. His hair was curly, and he had his glasses on. I smiled and picked up a lock. It was soft and had a cute boy-ish curl to it. They were more loose and tame then Nick and Kevin’s. It was nice.

“This is cute,” I said referring to the hair and he looked to where my fingers played with the strand. He didn’t reply, so I brought my hand down to his cheek and smiled, then put my hand on my thigh, where he grabbed it with a squeeze. I smiled and looked out to the night. It wasn’t that cold, but it wasn’t warm either. The breeze was enough to give me chills, and Joe’s hands rubbed my arms to stimulate heat. I looked to him. He wore a plain white t-shirt and black sweat pants.

“I’m really sorry about before Rox, I didn’t really think before I said that, and I feel like an asshole,” he said looking over to me. I smiled quickly, and kissed the back of his hand.

“It’s fine, I understand. Things happen you know,” I said and his face mangled, and he shook his head. I looked at him wondering why he was beating himself up so much about this.

“Roxanne, I’m a guy. And we say stupid things, and I have to admit, considering how I know about your last relationship, and how you feel about that, I shouldn’t have said it, but I couldn’t be more honest, and that’s why I can’t get over it,” he said and I looked at the grass for a minute thinking about what he said, “I know I’ve only you for a month but you’re the only person I’d give it up for,” he said and I looked at him dead in the eye. Did he really just say that? He couldn’t give up the promise, I can’t let him.

“Joe, I can’t let you give up the promise,” I said feeling the promise ring on his left ring finger. He smiled down towards the ground. I looked at him wondering what he could possibly be smiling about, but I couldn’t figure it out.

“I made the promise, but I’ve found someone I want to give it up for, isn’t that a safe promise?” he asked me dropping my hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I didn’t really know what to say.

“I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret like I did,” I said looking at the ground as well. He laughed at me again.

“If I’m made my mind set on you there’s no regretting anything,” he said and I couldn’t help but blush but I didn’t mind that he saw it. He smiled, “you’re cute, so I guess it’s okay,” he joked and I chuckled a bit, leaning my head back and looking up to the tree and the stars. This was a good moment, and it was nice until Joe popped his face in front of mine and made one of his weird faces again, practically scaring the crap out of me.

“Give me a heart attack why don’t you?” I said and he smiled I held onto my side of the rope that held the swing and my other held his hand. I smiled, and looked over at him through his glasses. His curly hair made me want to touch it again but I didn’t want to let go of his hand. He smelled good. The spicy scent that I loved. A mix of his weird deodorant and the American Eagle cologne that I loved. Ugh, and the smell of a fresh shower. It was a perfect mix. I looked down to his eyes and they twinkled a bit. I leaned over a placed a kiss on his lips softly, and held them there for a little bit, before pulling away. But before I could pull away completely he went in again, connecting. I laughed into the kiss, and he did as well, and his breath on my nose tickled for some reason, and pulled back and laughed.

“What the hell was that?” he asked and I explained it to him, and he chuckled at me, when he stopped he looked like he had a bright idea, I raised my eye brows a bit at him, “do you wanna sleep out here?” he asked me and I looked at him weird at first and then thought of how nice it would be to actually sleep out here.

“That would be a good idea, if there weren’t so many mosquitos out here,” I said swatting one off his arm. He understood, and said that he should at least walk me back to my room. So we both stood up and walked across the lawn barefoot, and into the house and up the stairs, and stopped in front of the closed door of the guest room. He pushed his glasses up on nose and I smiled. He was soo cute, “that was so cute,” I said with a smile and he laughed at me.

“Making fun of my glasses?” he asked and I shook my head no, “good, I’d have to find something to make fun of you for,” he said and I smiled, “I guess this is goodnight?” he said and I nodded. He frowned.

“I’ll see you in like what eight hours?” I said gently pushing his shoulder. He shrugged, and hugged me.

“Doodlebing,” he whispered into my ear. I smiled into his shoulder.

“Doodlebing,” I replied as he pulled back kissing my cheek and I turned to open the door, waiting until I saw his figure retreat towards his room, to close it.

He would really give it up for me...

End Ch9

Ch10

I was happily enjoying my dream, when I felt someone bouncing on the end of my bed. I opened my eyes to see Nick’s head of curls bouncing happily on the end of my bed with Riley and Matt and Tristan jumping on the other. Nick looked over to see that I was awake and he laid next to me on his stomach, and I looked at me, poking my cheek.

“Leave me alone you...you...,” I said and I racked my brains in order to find a proper name, but I couldn’t come up with anything decent. It hadn’t slept long enough to be able to do so, after all it’s generally acknowledged that I’m not at my best in the morning.

“You what?” he grinned standing up and hopping on my bed once more. I suspected he had the word ‘smug’ written all over him right now and that fact frustrated me even more.

“You irresistible studmuffin? You sexy thing? You-”

“Oh, give me a break, you self-complacent bastard,” I interrupted.

“Well well, it seems someone’s suffering from a bad temper,” Riley teased, deliberately adding to my irritation, and I sat up pulling the covers, and standing up walking to the bathroom.

“Yeah, and bad breath as well, so I suggest you leave before all hell breaks loose,” I said the bathroom. The boys hopped off of my bed, and headed for the door.

“Fine, but if you decide to climb out from that rock, we’ll be in the kitchen where there’s WAFFLES made,” Riley said leaving and emphasizing the word waffles. I smiled and closed the door to the bathroom, and did the deed.

Now I’ve never really been a breakfast person, and I get the lecture all the time. But breakfast is the most important meal of the day!! Yeah, well the most important meal of the day sometimes screws up my stomach, and I don’t like running around doing what I do in a day with the feeling of having to vomit following me everywhere. Yay. So I decided that I’d skip out on breakfast and call my brother, check up on things as college kid. I held down the number three on my phone and the phone speed dialed Hayden. After a third ring, there’s someone picking up the line, and what sounded like a glass falling in the background.

“Damnit, hello” came the voice of my brother over the phone. He sounded overwhelmed.

“What a way to answer the phone bro, should I call you back?” I chuckled and he laughed as well.

“Nah, it’s all good, just dropped a wine glass,” he said as if it were nothing. My mom would’ve flipped a lid if she broke one of her wine glasses but Hayden was just nonchalant about it. It was nice.

“Mom would totally be all on you’re shit right now,” I said with a laugh, and he sighed and gave an ‘eh.’

“Thus the beauty of going away to college, speaking of going away, when do you go on tour rockstar?” he asked sounding like he’d plopped down on a couch after a hard days’ work.

“Next Tuesday,” I said sadly, and his silence was enough to tell me that he knew about me and Joe.

“Aww, so the pictures were right. You’re with that JoBro,” he said knowingly, and like clockwork Joe waltzed into view with a tray with a bowl of fruit and a snapple on it. I smiled. God, it was only a month and he knew me well. He was so cute wearing exactly what he wore last night. The black sweats, white tee, and his hair curly with his glasses perched on his nose. I just wanted to eat him up! Kay, that’s not fat.

“You know me too well,” I said as I smiled big for Joe as he laid the tray over my lap, and climbed over next to me on the bed he laid on his side facing me with his eyes closed, and with a peaceful look on his face. He took off his glasses with his eyes closed, and set them on the tray with a sigh.

“Yeah, and knowing you he’s probably right next you, so I’ll give you a call later sis,” he said with a smile. I could tell, and I nodded to myself.

“Alright talk to you later bro,” I said and he gave an mhm, and hung up, me following suit to do the same. I picked a piece of cantaloupe out of the bowl popped it in my mouth, put the tray on the floor, and laid down facing Joe. He didn’t open his eyes, so I smiled and poked his cheek.

“Bloop,” was the sound effect I’d used. He didn’t move. Had he really fallen asleep? I went to go poke him again and he grabbed my wrist sharply and I yelped. He opened his eyes laughing. And I frowned as I chewed my cantaloupe, “you’re an evil man.” I said with a frown in his direction again. He pouted and looked at me.

“That’s why you like me though, because I’m a mastermindd!!!! Bwahahahahahaha,” he chuckled like a madman and I gave the raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, yeah yeah,” I said and he smiled a toothy grin at me.

“So how much longer do I have with you before you ditch me for a tour, “ he asked sliding his fingers to interlock with mine blowing the horn for a round of shivers to race through my body.

“The first show is next Tuesday in Mass, but we’re leaving on Sunday, to get our stuff together,” I said the reminder that it was Friday in my mind. I frowned. I only had two days left with the boy I... wait. What was I just about to say. Do I love Joe? No I can’t. I remember what happened the last time I was ‘in love’ with someone. You guys know too. It wasn’t pleasant. God and Joe’s eighteenth birthday is tomorrow. Everything is everywhere, and I don’t know what to do. Well, I know what I’m doing for his birthday, that’s a surprise. I mean, I think I do love him, and it’s scary, I want to tell him before I leave but I’m scared. Even though Joe is mine, the idea of telling someone you love them again is a scary thought.

“Roxanne?” I heard Joe question quietly and I blinked snapping out my thoughts, and looking over to him. He had a little bit of his curly hair over his eyes which he adorably jerked away as he sat up on his elbow, still facing me with those intriguing brown orbs.

“Huh?” I asked and he chuckled at me.

“I asked you what we were gonna do when you leave?” he said more of a question than a repetition of what he was talking about. He seemed a bit nervous to know the answer. I thought about it. I didn’t want to end it with him, but there was no way we could keep a relationship when we were both going on tour at the same time, “for Massachusetts,” he continued nervously swallowing back something I couldn’t exactly put my finger on.

“I don’t know,” was all I could muster up. Because I truly didn’t know. I mean I don’t want to let him get away from me, but I don’t want him to be tied down while I’m not around. I mean he’s a person just like I am, I’d want some freedom.

“I don’t wanna end it Rox, I really don’t,” he said scootching towards me and holding me close without burying his head in between my neck and shoulder like I always did to him. We stayed face-to-face, which made me even more nervous.

“I don’t either but... can we talk about this some other time, how about tomorrow night? Hmm?” I said and he looked a bit defeated, so I decided to do something I know would perk him right up again. I placed my hand on his chest and traced circles on his abdomen and I felt him shudder a bit. I tried to hide my smile as I felt him staring me down. I slowly traced my finger up his chest through the middle. I could feel him smile as his fingers clenched the side of my sweatshirt. I smiled once more as I softly brought the finger up his neck, and outlining his jaw. I stared as my finger magically moved like it had a mind and intentions of it’s own. I looked up for a moment to see a mesmerized Joe watching the finger like his life depended on it. My insides jumped around at the control I had over him, and I continued my assault moving my fingers up behind his neck and pulling his head to mine, and interlocking my lips with his.

It was a sweet connection. I don’t know what he had but he tasted like vanilla and I was loving every minute of it. I think he was a bit overwhelmed by my kisses towards him because his breath sucked in and he placed a firm hand on my hip, pushing it down, so I was laying flat on my back. Woah. Okay Joe. He smiled into the kiss as he climbed on top of me. I didn’t know why, but the taste of the cantaloupe from me and the vanilla from him sent off an explosion on my insides as Joe was fixated on making my tongue dizzy with the happy dance his was doing. His hand traced down my side and rested on my hip. I don’t know exactly what we were getting into but I didn’t really wanna stop it, but I knew I had to. But if I was going to do it, then I was gonna make it good. So I rolled him over so I was on top of him, a motion that I could tell he liked. I broke the kiss a bit and sat straddling his stomach.

“You know from this view you look more beautiful than ever Rox,” he said cheekily, and received a smack on the stomach. He laughed and hunched over.

“You’re a little perv,” I said looking down to him, poking his stomach that had grown more and more hard everytime we were in this... ugh I don’t wanna use the word.

“Well, it’s kinda hard not to notice this when you’re sitting on top of me, like that. I think you’re the evil one here, I’m just the victim of your devious ways,” he said taking my hand and pulling me down to lie next to him, but I refused.

“Nah, I think I’ll just sit here,” I said adjusting my sitting and I could feel his spine straighten, and I suppressed a smile

“Now someone’s being quite the mean one, I think you better get off me,” he said with a smile and I shrugged sitting next to him, Indian style. I looked at him, and saw his bewildered gaze at me.

“What?” I asked with a smile as I played with my fingernails.

“You really are a tease, and here you are expecting me to keep the promise. You are so confusingggg,” he grumbled and I laughed at him.

“It’s for the better in the long run, trust me. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, especially the first time,” I said and felt a little awkward pang course through me as I said this. He nodded making a face but trailed his fingers on my thighs with a smile.

“I’m never gonna know though am I?” he said slyly, and I playfully pushed his hand away.

“You’re a wicked boy,” I said reaching over to the trey and grabbing a slice of apple.

“You’re the muse sunshine,” he said pushing my knee. I made a face and he sat up, “I should really get ready,” he said scootching to the end of the bed, but I grabbed his arm.

“I’m helping you, and God help you Joseph if you touch that straightener, heads are gonna roll,” I said getting off the bed and heading for his room with him following close behind me.


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“You’ve have the talk with him?” Tinsley said looking me dead in the eye as her and Mina sat on their bed. Mina watching a video countdown and Tinsley having a magazine in front of her. I nodded and her and Mina shared a knowing look.

“I thought he had that purity ring thing. Kevin was telling me about it,” Mina said and I nodded again laying out some clothes on the bed. I’d told Joe I was gonna go get dressed so I hung out in the room with the girls for a little chat about the situation.

“He told me he’d give it up for me. That he just wants me,” I said and the two girls looked taken aback. I sighed.

“He’d give it up for you? But he made a promise,” Mina said, and I looked down to the floor.

“I know, I don’t want him to break it. I don’t know I feel like the bad guy, because I’ve done it already and I don’t know. I just feel like he’s racing with me to keep up, like he wants to show me he’s ready and good enough. I don’t think he likes that I’m a step ahead,” I said and I could see pain on Tinsley’s face. I knew what she was thinking.

“Wow, Roxanne,” she stopped, “have you ever thought that he just wants it to be with you. Not so much that he wants to race to be at pace with you but that he really does care for you. We all see it,” she said and Mina nodded, “he wants nothing more than for your approval. I know you’re not trying but I think with the whole purity ring thing he thinks your saying he’s not good enough.”

“Noo,” I said and they nodded, “shit. No I didn’t mean to, shit, no,” I said hopping off and putting my head in his hands. No wonder he’s been like that all morning. Dammit. Leave it to me, to make an idiot of myself.

“Talk to him. Just make sure that you’re ready before you do anything, you wanna be sincere,” Mina said and I nodded.

“Do you love him Rox?” Tinsley asked and I stopped for a moment. I do. I can’t deny that I do. It’s obvious really. I think that’s why I pick at the little things because I want everything to be perfect. Even though I know there’s gonna be a few bumps, I don’t know why I do pick at the little things. I should just enjoy whatever time I have left with him right. I mean in less than a month I’ll be going on tour and so will he. Who knows when we’ll see each other in between. I don’t wanna break up with him though. Don’t think of that now, I should enjoy this time. Fuck it I’m pushing everything aside.

“I do,” I said with a smile, “I’m gonna go get changed and go talk with him.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stood in his doorway and watched him for a moment. He didn’t really notice that I was there. I watched him as he ran around his room in just a pair of jeans. He had already straightened his hair and I frowned. No more curly hair. Making sure I dump water on him later. He turns around and notices me leaning on his wall and smiles.

“Checkin me out?” he said, I nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “be useful, pick something for me to wear,” I laughed and hopped over to his closet with him following me. I turned to him.

“You straightened it while I went to go get dressed? I told you heads were gonna roll right? You better watch yourself tonight bucko,” I said strolling passed him towards the closet.

“Ooo I’m shivering in my socks,” he said following me.

“You’re not wearing socks dumbass,” I said flicking on the light and walking in. He pushed my shoulder blade gently.

“You better watch who you insult, you’re talking to DJ DANJAA!!,” he said doing the butterfly and trying to look cool, I laughed at his efforts, and did that cool thing where people send a wave through one arm and it comes out the other. He sighed shaking his head.

“You have so much to learn darling, now pick something or I will...” he racked his brain for a threat, “pick something...” he trailed giving up.

“Good one champ. But fine, If that’s the deal you don’t say anything okay?” I said putting a hand on his stomach, giving me chills. He nodded and watched me skim through the racks of shirts and junk that he in his closet, I moved around the walk-in closet until I found the scheme I loved. I grabbed the plain yellow shirt from a hanger and turned to him, “hands up,” I said and he laughed putting his hands up, good he shaves his armpits. I hate it when guys don’t do that. Ugh. I slid the t-shirt over, his head disappearing for a moment and then popping up with a weird face. I laughed at him for a moment and then turned back to the hangers and found the blue and black striped v-neck tee that I loved, and I turned back to him, “and again,” he raised his arms and I slid this one over his head and pulled it down over the yellow shirt. Once I had adjusted it right I patted the sides of his stomach making him giggle like a girl, and I smiled, “you’re a freak,” he shrugged. I looked at him for a moment and I could tell he was going to kiss me but before his lips could connect with mine I put a finger to his lips, and he pouted big, “what’s wrong?”

“I just wanna talk to you about something,” I said grabbing his hand walking towards his bed, and sitting down. He nodded and sat down next to me, taking my hands in his, I looked at him, and smiled, “I’ve been thinking about what you said last night, and I just wanted to know how you feel on this whole thing...” I trailed and he nodded understandingly.

“Well, I meant what I said last night Rox. I would... for you. You’re perfect to me, and I’d want my first time to be with you. To tell the complete truth I had a dream about it the other night. I’m not obsessing over it, but I am over you. I’ve never ever, felt this way about anyone, and that’s how I now it’s real,” he said and I feel like someone was poking my heart to make sure it was still working.

“I feel the exact same way. It’s nice, I like it,” I said smiling, and he chuckled at me, “but I don’t know if I’m ready for ‘it’ again. It’s got nothing to do with you, I mean, I’d want most definitely want my first time to be with you, but I’m a bit scarred after you know who. I just... I wanna be mentally ready for it, but I don’t want you to wait around for me when there’s other people out there, that are better for you than me. You should-“

“No, you’re not getting it Rox,” he said in all seriousness, “I don’t want some other person,” he said waving off that other person wherever they may be, “I want you. I understand that you’re not ready and I can wait, no matter how long it takes. I don’t want anyone but you. You need to get that through that thick skull of yours. I want you, I love you,” he said and my head snapped up, a little too fast for my liking and it caused a creak of pain in the back which I grabbed, and he laughed at me.

“What?” I asked dropping the hand again.

“You heard me kid, I love you,” he said getting in my face as if he were a bully as school, “you wanna fight about it?” he said putting up the fists but I took his hands and shook my head, hugging him instead. I kissed his cheek happily, trying not to be a complete bitch and start crying, but it’s more of a shock when you hear it and someone actually means it. I mean sure Christian said he did but that wasn’t love. C’mon. With Joe I could feel it when he looked at me. And it felt amazing.

“I love you Joey Boey,” I said into his ear. I really did love him.

“I’ll wait for you Roxanne,” he spoke into my hair and all I could do was hug him tighter.

“that’s so not fair!!” I shrieked as Kevin moved the ball in front of my goal and shot it in scoring the last and final point on our tiebreaker fooseball game.

“Tough luck Cardoza,” he said ruffling my hair with a smile and walking towards the couch where Nick and the guys were sitting in their lock down.

“You are gonna pay for that one day. I will get you,” I said pointing to him, and him and Nick laughed at me. I sighed and plopped down hard in the tiny space between them and they both cried in pain, “oh did I sit on you? I’m so sorry” I said faking a concerned face. They both just looked at each other and picked me up by my legs and arms, and carried me to where Joe was sitting by Tristan and Julian. He saw them carrying me over and laughed at me, as I gave him a look.

“You’re thing is being thrown out of our section,” Nick said dropping me onto Joe’s lap in the chair that he sat in. Nick and Kevin were joking they often do the ‘thing’ joke and then hug me later, but right now it was time to play the role.

“Thanks guys, I know she can be a pest. Thanks for looking out,” Joe said saluting his brothers as they went back over to the couch and channel surfed, stopping on a re-run of Maxim’s Hot 100. God. It never ends, “what’d you do this time?” Joe asked from above me. I sat in his lap like a mother would cradle a baby and I had no intention of moving as Mina and Tinsley laughed at me. I looked at him like a baby to a mom, and smiled.

“Nothing,” I said like a child, and he laughed at me shaking his head. Just then Mr. Jonas walked in and told the boys it was time for them to head to the stage and that the lock down was over. Much to my sadness. Lucky me. The boys nodded, and Joe signaled for me to get up, so I did and I jumped into his arms bridal style this time, “better?”

“No,” he said with a laugh and set me down on the chair, bending down and placing a slow kiss on my lips, “now it’s better. See you out there,” he winked and walked out. I sat there until he left, and then Mina and Tinsley walked over to me, and smacked my shoulder.

“You are so gone,” Mina said and Tinsley nodded. Maybe I was, but I didn’t have much longer to make a decision on him, and I know no matter what choice I made. It would hurt.

End Ch10

Ch11

His fingertips continued to graze my sides and the laughter continued to irradiate out of my mouth, he clapped one hand out of my mouth and continued to move his fingertips along the sides underneath my navy sweatshirt. I continued to giggle as he smiled and didn’t stop his assault. He hovered over me on his bed and chuckled to himself as he laughed at me. His laugh coincided with the rumble of the thunder outside. It was something creepy, like out of a movie.

“Joe, stop it,” I said muffled by his hand. My voice was somewhat drowned out by the music videos on the tv in the background. Deciding there was no better way to get his hand off of me, and drowning out my laughter and I have to result to desperate measures, and I lick his entire hand, and he squeals like a girl and rubs the drool off on his green sweat pants.

“Fine, I grant you mercy, but not for long,” he said and I made a scared face and he laid back, his arm under my neck and that hand on my shoulder. I leaned into him and crossed my arm on his stomach listening to the end of that Sean Kingston song, and the first cords of ‘Hold On’ play, and I flip over facing the screen to watch the video with an excited gasp, and Joe laughed. I watched the boys play on the tv until I felt a weight on my back that knocked the air out from my stomach, “oh what a comfy pillow,” I heard Joe say and I tried to breathe. I smacked the side of his head and he rolled off, “just when I was comfy,” he said and I let the sweet feeling of air fill the insides of my lungs.

“You ass,” I managed and he chuckled at me, and rolled over on top of me once more, but this time I faced him. He didn’t put his full weight onto me as to suffocate me... again.

“This ass has you all to himself... finally,” he said and kissed my lips hard but sweet. He laid his hand on my face as he tilted his head to quickly deepen it with his tongue tracing my lips begging for entry. I let him in and he explored every inch of my mouth as to savor the moment, I placed my hand on his white t-shirt covered chest, and pushed him off a little, and he chuckled a bit, “sorry,” he said pulling away and hanging his head into my neck.

“It’s okay,” I said with a smile. I knew why he was so driven right now. Tonight was the last night I’d be here. Tomorrow at noon the bus will be here and Atrophy’s fall tour will begin. Without Joe. For a couple months I’m sure. I can’t imagine how much this is going to suck without him. I mean yeah, I’m grateful for the opportunity but without him there. It’s gonna be horrible. And that’s why I’ve made my choice.

“I’m just gonna miss you Rox,” he said and kissed my neck quick. I never thought about how good that would feel until he just did it. I’ve gotta try that one more.

“I know, I’m gonna miss you too Joey boey,” I said and kissed him again. He kissed me back for a good couple seconds before pulling away, and looking at me deeply.

“What’s going on?” he asked and I didn’t understand exactly what he meant.

“Well, first I’m gonna kiss you, and we’ll work from there,” I said going for him but he turned his head, a first for him but not me. Weird.

“No, I mean you’re leaving tomorrow and we haven’t finalized anything.”

“You make it sound like we have plans, just go with the flow Jo Bro,” I said and hugged him down to me. He resisted again, now I was getting irritated. Why would he want to start some shit like this on the last night I’m here?

“You don’t have to make a joke out of it Rox, I’m serious,” he said sitting back, and I sat up. I sighed.

“Everything’s gonna be fine Joe,” I assured him but he shook his head, and I felt the annoyance build up in my stomach. What the fuck? Why did he have to decide to be a prick now? Of all the moments he could’ve picked, he pick now. Good fucking job you stupid dillhole.

“Oh really? How so? I don’t know Joe, I mean it’s not like we can’t work it out,” I said trying to calm down about how worked up he was getting.

“If something happens over the road, we’re not going to be able to work it out. The phone isn’t the greatest mediator,” he said and what he was saying was kinda sounding stupid, and pointless. Almost like he was picking a fight, “how do I know that you’re not going to find someone else on the road huh?!?!” Now he was yelling, and I was sure I heard rustling in the next room over. Great he woke Nick, and Kevin unless Mina and Tinsley and the guys weren’t still in there. Then he’d gone and got them all.

“Joe, stop yelling at me,” I said quietly, and huffed, “why would I need someone else when I have you? I love you Joe, I don’t know why you’re blowing this out of proportion,” I said with a irritated sighed. He noticed this and looked at me like I was crazy. He sat down on the edge of the bed. And I watched him from the floor.

“I don’t know how to handle this. I feel like this is the one time I get something great and it’s being snatched away from me,” he said throwing a shoe against the wall, no doubt waking up his mom and dad. Even better.

“Joe you need to stop,” I said and he shook his head. I couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck was going on in his head right now. Why was he flipping out so bad? I mean, I was trying to handle it best.

“What are you so afraid of Joe? Do you think I’m going to leave you?!” I asked angrily, and I knew I yelled for a split moment, I could hear the door creak open and I knew we had an audience. Joy.

“It’s not you I’m worried about, I’m worried someone else is going to come and sweep you away!” he yelled back, he didn’t seem to notice the people peeking in from the doorway.

“No,” I said shaking his head, and I knew what this was about. He didn’t want me to fall in love with someone else and give it up to them again. Sure it’s somewhat a protective action but the way I looked at it in the moment was him calling me a slut, and saying that I was going to sleep with anyone, “this isn’t about me leaving you for someone else. This is about you. You don’t want me to find someone else that I’m smitten with and give it up, you don’t want to know that it wasn’t you that I gave it to,” and I hit the target on this one. He blushed and looked away.

“Who said you had to be smitten with them?” he said and I couldn’t believe my ears. What the fuck was he saying? That I would just sleep with any guy who came along?

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Who said you had to be smitten with them?” he repeated again and now I knew I understood right.

“You saying that you think I’m gonna sleep with anyone? You know that’s not how I am Joe,” I said getting in his face my anger dead present on my face, and at this moment I felt two hands on my arms, and some tears coming to my eyes. I looked to one side and Tinsley holding my arm.

“You never know now do you? You said that’s what Christian was all an attraction thing. You never know Rox, maybe history will repeat itself,” he said and I jumped at him and the two girls grip on me came loose and I jumped up to Joe’s face.

“How dare you,” I spat into his face and he just looked down at me, “you know how I felt about him, and you’re gonna use that against me?!” I was hysterically crying by this time as I got in his face more.

“Well, I know how you felt about me, and how close we’ve gotten,” he said, and I got in his face and slapped him hard. The hand print was vivid on his cheek. I felt a pair of arms around me and I knew it was Nick.

“I love you, you prick, and you’re calling me a slut?! How fucking dare you!!” I yelled and Nick dragged me away towards the door, “it’s over! I don’t need your sorry ass, I never wanna see you’re fucking face ever again Joe, you fucking disgust me,” I yelled crying as Nick pulled me out of the door and past Mina, Tinsley, Tristan, Matt, Riley, Mr And Mrs Jonas, and towards my room. I don’t and even in this moment I don’t even wanna be alive.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That night, Nick sat me on the bed and laid with me while I cried for two hours straight. He just held me close and rubbed my back. The guys came in, and told Nick that Kevin, Mina, and Tinsley were giving Joe an earful, but he wasn’t listening. I wanted to say so bad that I didn’t care about him right now, but that’d be a lie. I did care. I would always care. I knew that this was the deal breaker. Everything that I had ever really noticed in beauty about anywhere special we’d been, turned to something I’d never want to see again just because of this place and time. My insides felt like they were being rung dry, and with each twist and turn of my stomach, tears welled in my eyes. Sniffling, and sucking back the tears, I collapsed again into Nick’s chest, my heart louder than the sound of the thunder outside the window. As I laid on the bed, I closed my eyes because having them open didn’t help as much as they would closed, everything was blurry as if I was trying to see clearly under water. Closing my eyes, my mind flashed memories of me and Joe like some cheesy romance movie, and I immediately felt retarded. But how was I supposed to feel? I’d basically just had my first public break up, flat out in front of everyone. Welcome to Hollywood Roxanne. Who the hell did he think he was? Did he think he could do this to me? He told me that he would never ever speak about Christian to me in that way. No...he knew. Because he’d gotten away with it, hadn’t he? I could’ve marched right up to him, been strong and told him off, but I didn’t. I cried like a bitch. Because for some reason I’d been hoping that we could just spend time before I had to leave, and pull our relationship out over the tour time, because I’d never would’ve wished this. Though I may have put up a front I thought he would’ve fought for me. I thought he would’ve at least calmed down and talked it over. I thought so many things of him, I thought he was better. I thought I was stronger. Coughing once again I sat, and fidgeted with the hemming on Nick’s shirt, faintly hearing Nick, and the others talking about something sternly over the interior sounds of my broken down body. A sudden jump of my heart and I thought it could be him coming to talk about it, but looking up, it was just Kevin coming in and over to the bed. Switching back to it’s normal pace, I fidgeted with my nails now, feeling him sit down next to me and pull me to him, replacing Nick. My face buried in his chest and I continued to let the tears flow, the feel of his hand running up and down my back soothed me some, but the internal pain still remained.

Kevin was a complete sweetheart to me when I really needed him. He knew when to joke and when to be completely serious, and it was what made him stand out to me. They all did, even Frankie, he was so playful, he knew exactly how to cheer anyone up. But unfortunately the sunshine boy was sleeping. Damn.

I wish he knew what he did to me tonight. What effect his words had on me. Normally when someone would say something like that, I’d brush it off, because I’m not a slut. I just thought I had something special. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt when its heard, because it does and he doesn’t know exactly how much pain he inflicted on me. How much control he had over me. I hated it but I knew there would be no other like him, and this time I knew it was true because he said it back. Something that Christian never did.

Which is how I knew that no matter what, there was a difference between Joe and Christian. Joe loves me. Well, loved me. It’s fucked up now. And there’s nothing more that I want in life right now, than to be held in that sacred abyss. I want to go back, and I want to start over so there’s no conflicting. No Christian, I want my secret back. I want to never meet Joe.

Then maybe this pain wouldn’t be enough to end me.

End Ch11


I'll write more soon!!!

"So Lexi, What movie are we watching?" Nick asked me as he got to my house. "Well, I found some old videos and stuff so I was gonna surprise you." I had some videos from the tour and everything. I also had my mom put together a slideshow of us After we broke up. It had all of our pictures and it had PLease Be Mine, If We Were a Movie, & Hold On for the songs. I put in the slide show first and I went to go get a blanket for us. When I walked in, he was watching the part where Kevin and Joe had tooken pictures of us sleeping in the bed at the hotel. "Uh I remember that. It was so funny." Nick said Laughing. I missed his laugh. Then there was a picture of us at the funerel. It looked like a nice kindof prom picture because I had a nice dress and he had a tux on. Then there was a picture of us kissing. He looked over at me and I think he could tell that I was about to cry because he pulled me closer to him and he kissed the top of my head.

"Wow, That DVD was really nice. It brought back a lot of memories." Nick told me as I put in the home video of us goofing around. 'Say Hi Nick!!' The T.V said. I remember that day well.

Flashback

"Hi Honey! Why are you filming me?" Nick asked.

"Cause I can. Now lets give someone something to talk about." Lexi said as she turned the camera around and Kissed Nick on the lips. He kissed back until Kev and Joe walked in.

"Wow hey I wanna be in the video." Joe yelled. They all laughed and let Joe have his 5 minuets of fame on the video.

"Hi, I'm Joseph Adam Jonas. I would like to thank the acadamey, My beautiful Mom and My handsome dad. My litlle brothers Frank and Nicholas, and my Older brother Paul Kevin Jonas II, Um Nicholas's girlfriend Alexis, God, Oh um Mandy, the President of the United states, um Uncle Josh, my grandparents, and who everelse I can think of." Everybody laughed and everybody was acting CRAZY.

End FlashBack.

"That was a good time huh?" I told Nick that it was. There was a video of the funerel and Us singing. "Wow you were and still are beautiful. Lexi, I know that we haven't seen eachother in 5 years, but I love you. I didn't plan on this, but will you Alexis marry me?" I was speechless. Here Nick was on his knee asking ME to marry him and I haven't seen him in 5 years either. But you know what, "Yes Nick, I would LOVE to marry you." When I said that he jumped up and Hugged me. I started crying and he held me all night.

"Goodmornin Mrs.Soon-to-be Jonas." Nick said with a kiss. I was getting married to the love of my life. "Awww, Nick. I love you. Wanna know a secret? Your the Love of my Life."

"Hey Katie, It's Lexi. Um I have a favor to ask you so when you get this message, Please give me a call back. Thanks, Love ya" I had to aske Katie to be my Maid-Of-Honor so I called her. 5 days ago, Nick asked me to marry him. It's the middle of June, and we decided to make the wedding in the end of October. So the exact date is Saturday, October 29th! 'This is the Potential Break U-'

Lexi/Nick

Hello?

Hey Babe, I'm coming down with the family so we can all go over wedding details.

Ok, When are you gonna be here?

Um Tomorrow?

Ok, Dingdong Hey Sweetie, Hold on someone is at the door.

Ok sure.

"Oh my gosh, I hate you Nick. My house isn't even clean. You could have told me that you were coming, ESPECIALLY with your Mom and Dad, Hi Mr and Mrs. Jonas. Nice surprise?" I was so mad at Nick, but I actually couldn't stay mad. "Hi Honey, You call us Denise and Paul. I thought Paul went over this." Denise said as she hugged me. Oh Crap, I didn't take a shower and it's 3 O'Clock in the afternoon. I'm still in P.Js. "Yeah, Hey listen make yourselfs at home, I'm gonna go take a shower. I totally forgot. I was so wrapped up in this wedding thing." I ran to my room, Shut and locked the door, and took a 7 minuet shower. Yes I counted, Who cares?

"So, Who is your Maid-Of-Honor?" Denise asked. I looked over at Katie ans said, "Well I thought that Katie should. She'll only be 7 months pregnant, and they have maternity dresses. So Katie, Will you be my maid-O-Honor?" She looked at me and she got up and hugged me. I showed them the place I would want to get married at, and Nick totally agreed. "I have always wanted a disneyland wedding. When I was about 12 maby, I went to Disneyland and there was a couple getting married, and it was so romantic." I shared with my Soon-To-Be family.everyone aggreed that it would be very romantic. "Well, Me, Denise and Frankie should be heading back to the hotel, Joe, A.J, Kevin, Katie, and Nick, We'll meet you there later." Paul said as he hugged me. "Oh you know you guys could have stayed here. Epecially YOU Nick. You know that you can stay at my house." The family, Excluding Nick, Disaggreed.

"So What should we do first? Make a gues list?" I aggreed to him and we started. We finally got this far.

Denise, Kevin, and Frankie Jonas

Rachel and John Ven.

Kevin and Katie Jonas

Joe and A.J Jonas

Aly and Ricky Ullman (A/N LOL)

Miley and Cody Linley

Katelyn (Tarver) and Jack Piney

Vanessa and Zac Efron

Ashley and Lucas Grabeel

AnnaSophia and Josh Hutcherson

Emma (Roberts) and Max Theriot

Jordan (Pruitt) and Crobin Bleu

Kristen (Cavallari) and Stephan Colletti

Emily and Mithchell Musso

Katie, Suri, and Tom Cruz

Rachel and Adam Brody

Sophia and Chad Michael Murray

Cheyanne Kimball

Brittany Snow

Angilina Jolie, Zahara, Shilo, Maddox, and Brad Pitt

Jennifer Lopez and Her Beau

"Hey Babe, Can We invite Rose Dewitt Bekauter and Jack Dawson?" I asked him trying not to laugh. "Yeah Hun. We can add them to the guest list and we'll get their address." I started to laugh and he looked at me like 'What?' "Hey Baby, I'm sorry to say this, But Rose and Jack are from Titanic, Rose is I doubt alive right now, and Jack is Dead sweety. Don't you remember us watching Titanic?" He picked me up and started tickeling me. "What, You tricked me? I love you!!" He said as he put me down off the couch. "Love ya too. Ok lets get back to wedding planning. I already have my dress. It's like a Cinderella dress. it's so pretty."

"Lexi, Can you bring me a towel? I forgot one." I heard Nick yell. He managed to get his clothes but NOT a towel? Whatever. I knocked on the door and said, "Here, I'm leaving it on the door knob." I put it there and then Nick yelled to me, "No bring it in. I don't care." I was sorta nervouse cause like yeah. I put it on the counter and I walke out. A few minuets later, Nick came out. "So Honey, Whats for dinner?" I have to cook? Man. "Oh umm I don't know. Wanna go to the store with me? I was thinking mabey my great grandma Erma's pork chops?" He shook his head and we left.

After dinner, We watched a movie, and ate Chocholate Fudge brownie. After that. We climbed into bed. It's not like we did anything. I mean we aren't married. He had his arms around my waist almost all night. I can't wait to be married and wake up to that every morning. To go to bed and say to myself, I'm Mrs. Alexis Anne Jonas. But right now, I'm no Jonas Yet. I CAN'T WAIT!!

Today, We are getting all the last minuet stuff together. "So Who should we have to sing at the wedding? Aly & A.J can't since A.J's pregnant. Jonas Brothers can't since I'm getting married." Nick said. I came up with an idea, but somebody won't like it. "Well, Since Jesse McCartney is coming, Do you want to have him sing a few songs and then have a DJ there for the rest of the songs?" Nick gave me a look and aid, "Well, We could but Katie won't like it. Well then again, isn't it our wedding?" I gave Nick a kiss on the cheek and I got up to make the call.

Jesse/Lexi

Hello?

Hi Jesse It's Lexi, Nick Jonas's Fiancee

Oh Hi Lexi, FYI I know who you are. So what can I do for you?

Well, as you know, Your invited to the wedding, but would you mind singing a few songs?

Oh yeah sure. Which one's cause I'll do anything to help out a friend.

Oh thanks. I was thinking Beautiful Soul, Um do you think you can get Dream Street to come also?

Well, I could try. We could sing some of the old songs. I can try. Any other songs?

Oh yeah how about Why don't you kiss her, And since Selena isn't alive, can you sing Dreaming Of You?

Yeah, But why don't you have JLo sing it. You know she can sing Spanish.

Oh yeah. Well thank you so much for doing that for me. I have to go so Talk to you later.

Ok sounds cool. Bye

"Nick, Jesse is going to sing some songs, and now I have to call Jennifer Lopez to ask her something." I called to him.

Jennifer/Lexi

Hello?

Hi Jennifer, This is Lexi. Nicholas Jonas's Fiancee.

Oh Yes. Lexi, Honey, What can I do for you?

I was Wondering if you can sing some of Selena's songs and one of your own.

Oh yeah. Totally I can. Which ones?

Dreaming of You, I Could Fall in Love, & Waiting for Tonight.

Oh yeah I can. It's not a problem.

Thank You so much. I appreciate it.

No Problem. Audios.

Audios.

"Nick J.Lo is singing 3 songs, Jesse and mabey Dream Street is singing about 3 or 4 songs. Is that ok?" He told me it was fine and we planned more. After a while, we got these songs to play at the wedding.

Beautiful Soul

Why Don't you Kiss Her

With all of my heart

Someone to hold me tonight

Dreaming of you

I could fall in love

Waiting for Tonght

the Wedding March

Your Still the One

My Heart Will Go On

Say Ok

If We Were A Movie

Beautiful Girls

When Your Gone

We Like To Party

Everytime We Touch

Hold On

Please Be Mine

Hello Beautiful

Wonderful Crazy

Ladie's Choice

He Said, She Said

Never Underestimate a Girl

Butterfly Kisses

I Hope You Dance

Kiss Me

When the Stars go Blue

Someday We'll Know

'Til the Dawn

Easy

Then He Kissed Me

I Will Survive

You Can't Stop the Beat

Your the One I want

It Takes Two

I Can Here The Bells

"Ok lets go to bed, I'm tired" I told Nick. We both fell right asleep.