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Marissa D
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#1
Old 07-23-2007, 09:31 AM

For a few days I've one absolutely nothing all day. I woke up at about noon, cleaned the litter box, fed the cat, and lay in bed until my boyfriend came home at 5.15PM. We then had dinner (which was also lunch and breakfast for me) watched some TV together and then went to bed again.

Since yesterday I bothered getting on the desk chair and playing on the computer again.
I haven't been ill, just. Braindead or something close to that. ^^;

I don't want anything. I don't take any medicin or anything, I just smoke.

I don't smile, I don't cry, I don't think of anything in specific... I don't know if I should refer to it as boredom because I don't even feel the need to do anyting.

It's not exhaustion either. We go to bed at about 10PM.

About the ticker in my signature: I'm the father. So whatever it is, it has nothing to do withhormones/pregnancy/whatever. And I won't be allowed to see the child and I can sort of live with that so it's not stress about that either.

I don't know what exactly the problem is, but I'd like some opinions anyway.

tigerangel
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#2
Old 07-23-2007, 11:13 AM

you need to find the inspiration, rather than the need to do something.
You need to finish school, then decide just what you want to do for yourself in this life. I know that Max takes good care of you, but you should want more than that for yourself. Especially if at some point you want some degree of custody or at the very least visitation rights to see your daughter.
You know I care about you Justin, as much as i can by us being soley virtual friends, and always want what's best for you.

Chi
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#3
Old 07-23-2007, 11:33 AM

Tiger's right. You need to find the spark that inspires you and let that flow back inside.

There's only been a couple times in my entire life where I've been completely numb and "zombie-like". That's how I picture you by what you said. No feeling, no desire to do anything, etc. It usually happens after I had a huge emotional blow. Are you sure nothing else happened?

I know from the little we've spoken that you're very hurt over your baby's family circumstances and what it will probably mean for you. Her birth is coming closer. Are you sure something else isn't going on that's bothering you so hard, that you just haven't thought of causing your current state of being?

Marissa D
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#4
Old 07-23-2007, 12:26 PM

I will finish school. But it's still summer holidays so I can't do much now.

Yes, I'm a complete zombie. ^^; But I wouldn't know why. The last blow I had was when they got the pus from my head (sounds weird) and after that nothing happened.

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#5
Old 07-23-2007, 12:32 PM

Are you supposed to see the doctor for a follow-up appointment?
I'd mention the way you'd been feeling. Or make an appointment to go see him for it.

Elwing
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#6
Old 07-23-2007, 01:07 PM

I think your upset because the child is born soon, and you can't be there.
Do you have a job? Cause I don't and my boyfriend does, and I feel a bit
guilty about that. There is a reason why I don't have a job, but I still feel
guilty.

Was this just one day? Cause if you have this very often, why won't you
visit some friends or something? ;) Or take a walk outside. (in the rain, yaay!)

I'm not good at giving advice but I hope this helps just a little bit.

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#7
Old 07-23-2007, 04:25 PM

  • Same thing with me.
    I don't know what it is , Seriously.

    I wake up at 5PM , I eat , Walk the dog.
    I get online.
    I sit here till 6AM and go to sleep.

    Aaaand it starts again.

    When friends call I just say I'm tired and stuff.

    We're just.. Braindead o.o

Marissa D
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#8
Old 07-24-2007, 12:34 PM

M a y: Yes, brain dead.

Elwing: I don't have a job, bt I don't feel the need tohave one either. Max earsn enough. I mean... If I wouldn't live with him he'd be a millionaire by now. ^^;
My only friends are Max and Angelique. I live with Max, and Angelique is the baby's mother and she doesn't want me around.

Tigerangel: yes, I'm supposed to see him soon. I should mention it.

Aeris
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#9
Old 07-24-2007, 12:56 PM

Oh man, I feel this way too. I feel so useless because I can't find a job, and it's sort of a circle of depression..

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#10
Old 07-24-2007, 01:37 PM

So how do you support yourself if you have no job? Does your roommate/boyfriend pay all the expenses? That certainly can't be fair if that's what's going on. Is he pressuring you to get one? Have you even talked to him about how your spending your days? It seems like you should get out and start changing this rut your in.

As for it being summer vacation still you can go online and register for your classes for the next semester so they don't fill up. :wink: Look for a job on campus they always pay well and then you don't have to pay for gas to drive from school to work. That's all things you can start applying for right now.

Marissa D
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#11
Old 07-24-2007, 05:01 PM

Rvaya:I live with my boyfriend and as I said before: He'd be a millionaire now if I wouldn't live with him. If he'd quit his job right now he could live on for 10 years not doing anything wihout changing his life style. So money is no problem.

He's not pressuring me to get one. And as long as I don't tell him there's a problem there's no problem.

I live in Holland and I don't have to do those things. I still go to High School, I can't drive a car yet and I know exactly what classes I'll get. There's no 'campus' (what is it, anyway?)

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#12
Old 07-24-2007, 05:14 PM

Oh wow I didn't know you were still in high school. It seems there must be quite an age difference between you two for him to have such a great paying job, no?
And a campus is where like a college is. See I thought you were college aged now. But yes it makes sense you not having a job and being on summer vacation with nothing to do.
-shrugs- It just sounds like a type of summer blues. It should pass once you get into the next semester and there are things to make you become engaged with school and such.

Marissa D
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#13
Old 07-24-2007, 05:19 PM

Yeah, I'm 18 and he's 28. Next year is my last year, if all goes well. After that I'll go to university.
I don't understand 'college' either. I don't understand any school system besides the Dutch school system, actually. ^^; And it's too complicated to explain in proper English (to me.)
Last year summer holidays I didn't go anywhere to do anything either, and I didn't feel like this at all.

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#14
Old 07-24-2007, 05:24 PM

Sorry yes I forget the difference in school systems as well. I meant university when I say college. n_n

Marissa D
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#15
Old 08-04-2007, 02:41 PM

I still feel listless, only now I'm nervous and annoyed aswell.

Chi
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#16
Old 08-04-2007, 02:52 PM

Justin! I've been wondering about you.

Are you okay, save for feeling listless and nervous (surely about the baby). What's been going on over there?

Marissa D
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#17
Old 08-04-2007, 06:42 PM

Nothing, I lay in bed and wait for Max to come home. But when he comes home, he makes dinner, we have dinner, I wait for him to do the dishes and stuff and then we laze around. Then we go to bed and it starts over agai. EVerything I do reminds me of little kids. ><;;; When I try to clean, for example, I think stuff like: "I'd be doing even more of this if Marissa's toys were all over the room" and that thought makes me cry and want to smash my head in the wall. ><;;; WHen I actually do that I lay down until the headache fades, and then I wait for Max to come home and... Well, I fill my days like that.

Chi
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#18
Old 08-04-2007, 06:46 PM

:( I really hope the situation with the baby changes... I can't imagine how it's ripping you apart.

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#19
Old 08-04-2007, 08:14 PM

Go and find something to do. Try to get yourself to find something entertaining and relaxing, like read a book or something. :]

Marissa D
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#20
Old 08-05-2007, 12:22 PM

All the books we have are old school books and Max's books (Virginia Andrews. Won't cheer me up)

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#21
Old 08-07-2007, 05:04 AM

just force yourself to get up and go do stuff mkay?

[:

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#22
Old 08-16-2007, 07:23 AM

How come you can't see your own kid? So what if you are gay. You have a right to see the child you helped bring into life.

Maybe you are just in a funk. Sometimes ppl do that and get into a routine where they are not doing stuff.

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#23
Old 08-16-2007, 08:20 PM

I don't do much, to be honest, so my advice might not be the best.

Just force yourself to do something. Find something you like, and go with it. If you like to swim, go to the pool. You smoke, right? Make yourself walk to the store to buy them (if it's close).

Edit: If you want to see your own child that badly, I'm sure there are laws of some sort that will let you see her. I wish you luck.

 


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