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#1
Old 07-29-2007, 09:38 PM

Here is the first 2 chapters of White Angel, my current story I am working on. I appreciate any comments and constructive criticism. Thanks

New Beginnings


Moving day has to be one of the most unpredictable days in a child’s life. Especially if you happen to be four years old and unable to fully comprehend what change really means. My parents decided one day that they needed a change in scenery, at least that’s how they put it. The also said that our town was to old fashion and didn’t know how to accept differences in people. All I knew at the time was that I didn’t have to see mean Bobby anymore at the park; so I was happy to play along with this change.

The move itself went pretty well, at least only a few glasses had to be replaced. I know my parents wanted to feel like this new place would be more accepting than our home town, but as the days went by our family still seemed to get those odd glances from the locals. When it comes to people growing up with the mindset that different equals bad, change is nonexistent.

The reason that my family was always gawked at was because I was diseased. At least that’s what the mothers of the kids on the playground use to say. They would whisper things like “Don’t play with her; she has a disorder” or “Best stay away from her she is sick with a disease.” Of course they didn’t do such a good job at whispering since I heard every word. I even remember going home one day and asking my mom for medicine. She just looked at me funny and asked if I didn’t feel good. Of course I felt fine and then I told her what the people from the park were saying. She gave me such a serious look that I almost thought she was mad at me, but then she smiled.

“You don’t have a disease or a disorder sweetie. You are mommy’s special girl. Her white angel.” She then rubbed the top of my head and sent me off with some cookies.

My mother always called me her white angel, due to the fact that my hair is as white as snow and my skin is just as pale. Unfortunately at age four I couldn’t comprehend the idea that I was an albino, so my mother would just brush away my differences and called me her special girl. She knew I wouldn’t understand if she told me that I was born with the disorder albinism and it would have just made me feel even worse. I probably would have asked her if there was medicine to fix me.

My parents were very loving and understanding about my differences. I loved them both dearly. My mother was my best friend. She was an artist, even though my dad just called her a stay at home mom. I didn’t mind because I always knew that when I got home from school she would always be there. My father, on the other hand, was a lawyer and spent a lot of time at work, but when he was home he would spend as much time with me as possible; at least in the beginning.

It only took about a couple of weeks for our family to finish unpacking. It was our mission to finish before I started kindergarten. I was excited since I would get to meet new kids to play with. While unpacking, I wasn’t really able to get to the parks and playgrounds so I really didn’t know anyone. I couldn’t wait for my first day.

“Come on Allison or you will be late for your first day of school!” yelled my mother from downstairs. I just couldn’t decide which stuffed animal to bring with me so I decided to bring two instead. After I grabbed everything I needed I hurried downstairs where breakfast waited on the table.

“Are you excited for your first day?” my mother asked as she sat across from me at the table. Her face glowed as she smiled.

“Of course, Mommy.” I smiled as I took a bite of my cereal. I then paused and looked up at her with concern. “Do you think the other kids will like me?”

“And why wouldn’t they like you? You are one of the sweetest girls I know.” she smiled.

I smiled and hurried to finish my cereal. I rushed around and got completely ready and stood in front of my mother, looking up at her. She just smiled at me and placed a hat on my head.

“Now don’t forget to wear your hat if you go outside. We don’t need a rosy pink girl coming home,” she laughed.

“Ok Mommy.” I replied and soon we were both out of the house and off to school.

When I first stepped into the classroom I felt how a goldfish must feel its entire life. All the children turned and stared at me. It made me feel extremely nervous. Thankfully the teacher approached me with a half smile and told me where to put my things. By the time I was seated at my desk, none of the other kids would even glance at me. They all were busy talking to others who they either knew or just met. I just sat there and watched, feeling quite alone. Soon the teacher spoke and all was quiet as she talked about our first year of school.

During recess time, none of the kids would even approach me. I was glanced at, however, by the older kids from first and second grade, but still they would quickly look away and go back to playing. One time I got the courage to go up to a couple of girls, but they just looked at me nervously and ran off to go play a round of tag in the field. I hoped that they didn’t think I was sick like those other parents back at home. Maybe since I’m new they are nervous and shy. Maybe it will just take a little bit for them to get to know me, I thought to myself. For the rest of break I just played in the sandbox with my two friends I brought from home.

Once break was over we all went back to class for a brief wrap up and to wait for our parents to come get us. Seeing my mother walk through the door made me feel so much better. I ran and hugged her as hard as I could.

“Oh I missed you too sweetie,” she said as she glanced around the classroom. Her smile soon diminished into a more serious look as she picked up my things. I noticed that the kids were back to staring at both my mother and I.

My mother soon got my attention by taking my hand in hers. “Lets go home angel. Daddy is waiting with lunch.”

The next day of school seemed to be the same as the first, minus the kids staring at me when I first went through the door. They just merely ignored me entirely. I soon put my things away and went to sit at my seat. Class began and it was soon recess time. All the other kids rejoiced but I was indifferent. It really didn’t matter what we were doing since I felt like I didn’t quite belong.

I followed my classmates outside and was suddenly pushed to the ground. I really didn’t understand what had just happened as I sat on the ground trying to get my bearings. Once my head stopped spinning I looked up to figure out what had happened. I didn’t expect to see a couple of first graders loaming over; smiling and laughing at me.

“My mother said that we shouldn’t touch you cause you are a freak, a freak of nature,” one of the boys said while pointing at me.

“Why don’t you and your family go back to your home planet alien Allison!” the girl of the group laughed and soon the other two boys started to laugh.

“Alien Allison, alien Allison, alien Allison,” the kids started to chant through their fits of laughter.

I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. I didn’t understand why they were saying such things. I’m not different from them. Just because I don’t look the same doesn’t mean I’m not a kid just like them. I…I’m just a bit special. I was soon taken away from my teary thoughts when one of the boys took my hat.

“Why wear a hat? It’s not raining outside weirdo,” he said as he waved it in front of me. I hurried to stand up and tried to get it back. I knew that mommy always said that I have to wear a hat when going outside and that was the only thing going through my mind.

“Give it back. My mommy says I have to wear it. Please give it back,” I begged as I kept reaching for it. Each time the boy would pull it away just out of my grasp. The girl soon took it and put it on her head.

“You know I think this hat fits me much better than this alien freak. I think I’ll keep it,” she smiled and laughed at me.

“Please, my mother gave me that. I need it.” I could feel the tears start to run down my cheek and I soon dropped to the ground burying my face in my hands.

“Oh look! Alien Allison is going to cry,” the second boy laughed. Soon the rest of the group began to laugh as well.

They continued to laugh until I heard the girl yell out “Hey!” I happened to look up and saw another boy who was a bit taller than the three first graders. He was holding my hat and looking down at me with a soft smile. He then looked away and leered at the three first graders. All three of them looked frightened.

“Oh, hey. We were just fooling around with the new girl. We didn’t mean any harm. Just don’t rat on us ok and we wont bother her anymore,” the leader boy spoke with a nervous laugh.

“If I catch you bothering her again I will make sure my buddies and I take care of you three in our own way,” the boy holding my hat spoke with a serious tone. “You three should know better than to pick on the kindergartners. Now scram!” With that the three quickly left but I noticed the girl looked back at me and smirked.

I didn’t know what to think. I just stared up at this boy before me with my tear stained cheeks. He looked down at me and smiled that same soft smile as before. He then knelt down and gently placed the hat on top of my head and helped me to my feet while introducing himself.

That was the first time I ever spoke to Max. The only person to ever really see past my outside appearance and look at me as if I were normal.
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#2
Old 07-29-2007, 09:43 PM

Chapter 2: Friendly Memories

It had been about nine years since my first day of kindergarten and now I count down the days until I have to step through the doors of the local high school. I couldn't help but relive a few of my past memories. The best ones seemed to revolve around Max. I have been thinking about him more and more lately since I would soon get to see him again. We lost touch when I was beginning middle school. Even though when I was in the sixth grade he was still in eighth, we didn't talk much. His excuse was that he was always too busy to hang out with a kid. When he told me that, it really seemed to crush something deep inside. He had been my only friend since I moved to this town.

After Max saved me from those three bullies on the playground, he started to hang out with me each day during recess. At the time I thought he was the bravest kid that ever existed. At least in the mind of a five year old. It didn't take long until he asked about the way I looked.

“So why is your hair so white? It's like the color of my grandmas” he asked as he gently took a few strands into his hand to closer examine them.

I looked up at him, feeling a little uncomfortable at him touching my hair, I ended up blushing. “Well my mother says its because I'm special. She also says thats why my skin is so white and that my eyes are pink unlike everyone else's. It is also the reason why I have to wear a hat all the time. There are a lot of rules because of how I look.”

Max stayed quiet for a bit and just looked into my eyes. “Wow they are pink. That's kind of cool. And I wouldn't worry about rules. No matter how anyone looks parents sure create a lot of them to follow.” After staring at my appearance for a little longer, Max decided to get up from the ground. “Well since your mom says you are special, you are kind of like a princess. Princess Ally,” he spoke with a funny voice like he was announcing me to the world and then he looked down at me and held out his hand. I took it and after he helped me up he proceeded to kneel in front of me. “Princess Ally please let me serve as your knight and protector from the evil villains called playground bullies,” he said smiling up at me. I laughed at him and thought it was a good game of pretend, plus I didn't mind being called a princess.

At that sudden memory I laid back upon my bed and laughed to myself “Princess Ally.” As I stared up at my ceiling listening to the cars pass by on the streets, my mind seemed to carry me to another memory.

Kindergarten had come to a close. Throughout the year Max and I ruled the playground fighting against the kids that would pick on the helpless. I felt braver when around him and we would sometimes get together to play on weekends. His parents soon became friends with mine. That was how they found out about a day camp that was opened during the summer. Max had been going for a couple of years now and that summer I was to attend. I was so happy because I feared that if he went off to camp we would not get to play together until school started again. I wasn't even afraid to go to camp cause I knew Sir Max was going to be with me.

Unfortunately we still did not get to see each other much at camp because of our age difference. There were a few times where he would sneak off to find me and then we would both go to some secret location and play like spies.

We continued to go back to the camp each summer after school had ended. It was a good thing because Max was now in a different school than I was. One moment stands out in my mind. It was two years after our first time at camp and we were still sneaking off together on adventures.

“Max where are we going this time?” I asked as he pulled me along with him, trying to get me to walk faster.

“Princess why must you ask silly questions. If you were to know than I would have told you already,” he laughed at me as he hurried along. We kept going at a rapid pace. I guess it was due to the fact that the location was so far and he knew we had limited time before the counselors would go looking for us, but we finally made it.

“Wow,” was all i could say, though it was drowned out by the thunderous roar of the waterfall that Max had found.

“I found this after I had escaped from hiking time. Those counselors never know where the good places are anyways.” He then turned to look at my expression. “Do you like it?”

“It is really pretty. I have never seen a waterfall before,” I smiled at him and then looked back at one of natures greatest works of art.

Max then went and sat on a fallen tree that was close to the small lake where the waterfall was constantly stirring. He looked towards my direction and waved me to come over and sit with him. I gladly did and soon I was gazing into the waterfall. It was a mesmerizing scene.

“I have something else for you,” Max spoke with a shaky voice which pulled my glance towards him. He was fishing for something in his pocket, and he appeared quite nervous. After a few more seconds of fighting with whatever it was in his pockets, he won and took the item out. I still didn't know what it was cause it was hidden within his hand.

“What is it?” I decided to ask. Max then proceeded to open his fist which revealed the gift inside.

“It's a shell I found. It reminded me of you,” he spoke with a nervous shake to his voice. Upon his palm laid a white shell with a shiny pink interior. The shell was strung on a strand of rope like material. “I made it into a necklace during arts and crafts and thought that you might like it?” he looked at me questioningly.

I just stared at it for a bit longer until I could gather some words in my mind. “I really like it. Thank you so much Max.”

“Don't forget its Sir Max remember,” he chuckled. “Can I put it on you?”

I nodded in response and I pulled my long white hair to the side while turning my back towards him. I could tell he was still shaking as he placed the necklace around my neck and tied it in the back. I wondered why he would be so nervous but just brushed away the thoughts. After he was done we both decided it best to return back to camp.


“Allison are you upstairs?” came my mothers voice taking me away from my precious memories.

“Yes mother,” I yelled back down at her.

“I wanted to let you know that supper is on the table for you. Your father and I will be out for the remainder of the evening. So eat well and don't forget to go to bed at a decent hour. You need to get back on schedule for school” my mother said with a happy tone to her voice. My dad was actually being a bit romantic and taking my mother out dancing for their anniversary. I was mainly shocked that he remembered such an occasion with his work schedule and all.

“Alright mom. I will,” I replied back to her. Really I was not hungry for the thought of dancing brought back another memory to me. One that was not entirely happy.

It was another couple of years later. The summer before I would enter middle school and finally get to be in the same school as Max again. As we were now older we were permitted to do more activities together, and also this summer was the first time I was able to go to the camp dance night.

“You look pretty,” came a very familiar voice. I turned and saw Max dressed in a shirt and tie. I was in a pink floral dress my mother had bought me specially for camp.

“Thank you,” I replied. I knew I had rosy cheeks because they felt so warm. “You look nice too Sir Knight,” I couldn't help but giggle at the little nickname that still carried over throughout the years.

He then bowed with a smile. After we both went into the cafeteria where the dance was being held, a nice slow song started to play. We both looked nervously at each other. Max decided to break the ice and proceeded to ask me, “Would you like to dance with me?”

I nodded yes and we both then did the awkward dance of where to put our hands. We finally decided that my hands would go around his neck and his upon my waist as we swayed to the music. We both smiled at each other and blushed. I felt a bit weird inside dancing with my best friend. We had never really even hugged before. I could feel something funny in the pit of my stomach as I looked into his eyes still smiling. He still had such soft eyes, just like when I was in kindergarten.

We both continued to dance but was soon interrupted by a couple of boys that happen to spot us. It was a couple of Max's friends.

“Why are you dancing with the freak?” asked Will.

“Come on, lets go off and play pranks on some of the counselors. Then some of the guys want to get a game of touch football going,” came Ryan's voice.

With that Max let go of me slightly pushing me aside and ran off with his friends. It was the first time he didn't stand up for me when someone called me a freak. I ended up going back to my bunk in tears and we didn't even see each other for the rest of camp.


I sighed at the thought of that memory. It was the last time Max ever went to camp and during that next year of school he hardly spoke a word to me, besides saying he didn't have time to play with a kid. I never really understood what changed that night of the dance. Why he had followed his friends, when I thought I was his best friend. I wondered how it would be to see him once again on my first day of high school.
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#3
Old 07-29-2007, 10:44 PM

I'd like to read more of your story. It's very good. It has a nice pace to it and the jumping back and forth from real time to memory time is nice and evenly spaced out. I thought it was really well written too. I'm a writer myself so maybe you could go and read the first chapter I did for mine? I like the whole Albino trick you have going. It really grabs how people act these days because of petty differences. It's a good story so far and I'd like to read more of it. I would admit that the beginning of it was a bit to get through because I wasn't really sure of what you were trying to say. But once I got passed the first paragraph, it really brought me into the story. I was always taught that you have to capture the readers attention with the first sentence. But I admire the way you lashed out like that and brought the focus of the story in after the start. I liked it.

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#4
Old 08-23-2007, 05:30 AM

Thanks for taking the time to read the chapters. I will definitely get to yours soon. Here is Chapter 3!

Blast From the Past

Finally its here, the first day of high school. I would guess a normal person would have been nervous about what was in store for the last four years of school. Would they be scared of that over told story of how seniors target the incoming freshmen, or would they be excited to see their friends that they missed throughout the summer? To me, I had no real emotions for this next step in life. I was definitely not scared of being targeted since that has already been played out during my time at school, due to my differences in appearance. Excited would definitely not be a feeling I really know anymore, since I have no friends to call my own. Hopeful might be close to how I feel about this next step. It is one more year to graduation where I won't have to see all the people that stare and snicker. But, there is one thought that crosses my mind. I always wonder how Max is and what will happen when we next see each other.

I slowly inch out of bed and out of my dream like state. Getting up this early should be a crime, I thought to myself. Changing into one of my favorite tank and jeans I could hear some commotion from downstairs. My parents were arguing once again. It is always something to do with my father's long hours at the office and how he never had time for the family; at least that was my mom's feelings on the matter. Then my father will always tell her to get a real job and stop the silly painting. In the end both storm off to separate rooms of the house, leaving nothing settled. I tended to agree with my mother when it comes to this argument, since my dad always is in the office lately and I rarely see him, unless he makes a rare appearance at dinner. Things have changed between my parents and it was growing evident to everyone in the house more and more each day.

“Fine go back to your office, why don't you just go ahead and move there!” I could hear my mother yell as I crept down the stairs. The slamming of the front door indicated my father had enough of the fight and left for work. I decided it was safe enough so I went down the rest of the stairs and made it to the kitchen where I found my mother wiping away her tears while stirring some new organic oatmeal.

I slowly make my way behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, “I love you mom.” She then places her hands upon my own and nods, shaking slightly.

“I love you too, my pretty angel. Now go sit down at the table so you can have some breakfast before I take you to school,” she continues to stir the oatmeal on the oven. I break my binding hug and head over to the table and await the new healthy breakfast my mother had in store.

The kitchen becomes quiet as both my mother and I eat cream of oats for breakfast. Organic may be healthy but it definitely has no taste. I'm sure the horses from camp might appreciate this meal, I think to myself with a slight snicker.

“What's so funny hun?” my mom eyes me from across the table.

“Oh its nothing really,” I try to calm my smiling face.

My mother sighed, “I know. This new organic oat meal is for the horses.” With that I cracked up laughing and my mother followed suite. Once I could calm down a bit I smiled at my mother. It was good to see her laugh again.

“Well we should be heading out now or you will be late for the first day,” she paused with a smile. “This makes me think back at your very first day of school. I was so proud of you, even more now.”

“Oh mother do we really need to bring up such horrific memories?” I groan as I help clean up the table.

“Well why not. It wasn't that horrific. You displayed a lot of courage for a girl so young and also you got to meet that lovely boy Max. Speaking of which have you spoken to him lately?” she eyed me from the sink.

My once smiling face soon became emotionless. “Mom. We aren't friends anymore, remember.”

“Oh,” was all that was said as my mother finished up washing the dishes.
“Well you better grab your bag so you are not late for school.” I sighed and grabbed my things as we both went to the car.

The car ride to school was like any other. My mom went on about the latest painting she was working on while I would talk about the few drawings I had started. As a child I never understood why my mother chose painting over getting a “real” job, but now I do. She helped me discover this new outlet for my emotions and all the happiness that a person could feel from accomplishing something that time and energy was put into. I admire her now; glad that she stayed true to herself and didn't do what my father was always suggesting.

Unfortunately the ride to school was never long enough and I had to finally face another day of academics. Thankfully with this new year I am able to have some say in the classes I'm put in. Art was definitely one that I chose as an elective, besides the must have classes.

I kiss my mother goodbye as I head out of the car and try to figure out where my home room is. As I stare at the number of the classroom, I think to myself that the school should really put up signs for some sort of direction. Still staring at the paper and mini map that was given to us, I ram into a fellow schoolmate. Ready to apologize profusely, I happen to glance up at the face of my victim. I could feel myself blushing as I stared up at Max.

My voice quickly became absent as I tried to remember how to form words in my mind, but my mind was not quick enough.

“Allison?” came that all to familiar voice. I think I was even more shocked that he remembered my name.

“U-uh yes? I mean sorry. I should have been watching where I was going,” I finally stuttered some sort of apology.

“Oh thats alright. It's been awhile. How have you been?” Max spoke as if nothing had happened a few years ago, like only a summer had passed between us. That infuriated me.

“I've been good, but I really need to get to my homeroom. Got to get my schedule and all.” I attempted to make a quick get away but was stopped as Max took my homeroom number out of my hand.

“Oh I know where this is. I'm actually heading in the same direction. Walk with me and I'll show you.” He started walking indicating for me to follow.
I was sure my face was rather pink, mainly out of anger. How could he act like nothing happened two years ago? Why is he being so nice towards me now? I don't understand him and his kindness just makes me even more frustrated. I couldn't wait to get to my homeroom so I could get away from this old friend of mine. What I really wanted more than anything, was to escape to some janitor's closet and cry. I wanted to cry out loud how Max had made me feel that day when he ended our friendship so cruelly. I wanted to tell him how upset I was at the camp dance when he didn't stick up for me and left with his buddies. Unfortunately class was in the way of my overwhelming meltdown.

Max really didn't say much while he walked me to my homeroom; really he hardly noticed I was by his side. He was rather busy saying hello to people that passed by in the hallway to even notice my looks of disgust at his sudden popularity. I remained quiet since I really didn't have much to say to him or anyone else for that matter.

Thankfully we make it to my homeroom and I was just hoping to avoid the awkward parting with Max. I guess I got my wish in the end because as soon as we reached the classroom door some girl grabbed hold of him, taking him away from me. I glanced at who it could be and was shocked. It was the girl that had taken my hat from me that fateful day I met Max. She definitely hadn't changed a bit from the looks of her. She spotted me and gave me that same sneer she did the last time we had confronted each other. I took this opportunity to hurry inside the classroom. My heart was pounding in my chest as I sat at one of the desks. One question seemed to fester in my mind. Was Max and her going out? I shook the thought out of my head as the homeroom teacher started to call names for people to claim their class schedules.

Art was my first class of the day, which seemed to lift my spirits. I was extremely happy that soon I could paint away all my anger of the morning events. Looking to my map for guidance and making sure to pay attention to where I was going, I made it safely to the art room and took a seat near the back of the class. I was the first one to arrive, I guess everyone else was too busy catching up with each other to rush off to class. In a minute or two another girl came through the door looking around with much curiosity. I didn't recognize her at all. She soon came and sat next to me, which made me want to question what the heck she was doing. Instead the girl turned to face me and introduced herself.

“Hi my name is Marissa. I'm new to town,” she smiled.

I almost couldn't speak for the second time this morning, but I got my barrings back quickly. “Uh hello. I'm Allison. You can call me Ally if you like.”

“Nice to meet you,” she continued to smile.

I opened my mouth to say something but the school bell interrupted me, which caused many students to dash into the classroom. The teacher was last to follow. He was an interesting looking fellow. He was an elderly gentleman with an Einstein-like hairdo, kind of on the shorter side, but there was a look of kindness in his eyes.

He was just about to take role when one last student came in the door. As I spotted the student I knew this day would never end.

“Sorry I'm late,” Max apologized.
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#5
Old 08-23-2007, 03:32 PM

OK, it was an interesting story, but it had its errors. :3 I'm going to highlight (in red) whatever mistakes you had. You can choose to fix them or not. After you say whether or not you'll take my criticism into account, I'll work on the next 2 chapters.

Quote:
Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Moving day has to be one of the most unpredictable days in a child�s life. Especially if you happen to be four years old and unable to fully comprehend what change really means. My parents decided one day that they needed a change in scenery. At least, that�s how they put it. The also said that our town was to old fashion and didn�t know how to accept differences in people. All I knew at the time was that I didn�t have to see mean Bobby anymore at the park, so I was happy to play along with this change.

The move itself went pretty well. Only a few glasses had to be replaced. I know my parents wanted to feel like this new place would be more accepting than our home town, but as the days went by our family still seemed to get those odd glances from the locals. When it comes to people growing up with the mindset that different equals bad, change is nonexistent.

The reason that my family was always gawked at was because I was diseased. At least that�s what the mothers of the kids on the playground use to say. They would whisper things like �Don�t play with her; she has a disorder,� or �Best stay away from her because she is sick with a disease.� Of course they didn�t do such a good job at whispering since I heard every word. I even remember going home one day and asking my mom for medicine. She just looked at me funny and asked if I didn�t feel good. Of course I felt fine and then I told her what the people from the park were saying. She gave me such a serious look that I almost thought she was mad at me, but then she smiled.

�You don�t have a disease or a disorder sweetie. You are mommy�s special girl. Her white angel.� She then rubbed the top of my head and sent me off with some cookies.

My mother always called me her white angel, due to the fact that my hair is as white as snow and my skin is just as pale. Unfortunately at age---four--- I couldn�t comprehend the idea that I was an albino, so my mother would just brush away my differences and called me her special girl. She knew I wouldn�t understand if she told me that I was born with the disorder albinism and it would have just made me feel even worse. I probably would have asked her if there was medicine to fix me.

My parents were very loving and understanding about my differences. I loved them both dearly. My mother was my best friend. She was an artist, even though my dad just called her a stay at home mom. I didn�t mind because I always knew that when I got home from school she would always be there. My father, on the other hand, was a lawyer and spent a lot of time at work, but when he was home he would spend as much time with me as possible. [color=redAt least in the beginning he would.[/color]

It only took about a couple of weeks for our family to finish unpacking. It was our mission to finish before I started kindergarten. I was excited since I would get to meet new kids to play with. While unpacking, I wasn�t really able to get to the parks and playgrounds so I really didn�t know anyone. I couldn�t wait for my first day.

�Come quickly, Allison, or you will be late for your first day of school!� yelled my mother from downstairs. I just couldn�t decide which stuffed animal to bring with me so I decided to bring two instead. After I grabbed everything I needed, I hurried downstairs where breakfast waited on the table.

�Are you excited for your first day?� my mother asked as she sat across from me at the table. Her face glowed as she smiled.

�Of course, Mommy.� I smiled as I took a bite of my cereal. I then paused and looked up at her with concern. �Do you think the other kids will like me?�

�And why wouldn�t they like you? You are one of the sweetest girls I know.� she smiled.

I smiled and hurried to finish my cereal. I rushed around and got completely ready and stood in front of my mother, looking up at her. She just smiled at me and placed a hat on my head.

�Now don�t forget to wear your hat if you go outside. We don�t need a rosy pink girl coming home,� she laughed.

�OK Mommy," I replied and soon we were both out of the house and off to school.

When I first stepped into the classroom I felt how a goldfish must feel its entire life. All the children turned and stared at me. It made me feel extremely nervous. Thankfully the teacher approached me with a half smile and told me where to put my things. By the time I was seated at my desk, none of the other kids would even glance at me. They all were busy talking to others who they either knew or just met. I just sat there and watched, feeling quite alone. Soon the teacher spoke and all was quiet as she talked about our first year of school.

During recess time, none of the kids would even approach me. I was glanced at, however, by the older kids from first and second grade, but still they would quickly look away and go back to playing. One time I got the courage to go up to a couple of girls, but they just looked at me nervously and ran off to go play a round of tag in the field. I hoped that they didn�t think I was sick like those other parents back at home. Maybe since I�m new they are nervous and shy. Maybe it will just take a little bit for them to get to know me, I thought to myself. For the rest of break I just played in the sandbox with my two friends I brought from home.

Once break was over we all went back to class for a brief wrap up and to wait for our parents to come get us. Seeing my mother walk through the door made me feel so much better. I ran and hugged her as hard as I could.

�Oh I missed you too sweetie,� she said as she glanced around the classroom. Her smile soon diminished into a more serious look as she picked up my things. I noticed that the kids were back to staring at both my mother and I.

My mother soon got my attention by taking my hand in hers. �Lets go home, angel. Daddy is waiting with lunch.�

The next day of school seemed to be the same as the first, minus the kids staring at me when I first went through the door. They just merely ignored me entirely. I soon put my things away and went to sit at my seat. Class began and it was soon recess time. All the other kids rejoiced but I was indifferent. It really didn�t matter what we were doing since I felt like I didn�t quite belong.

I followed my classmates outside and was suddenly pushed to the ground. I really didn�t understand what had just happened as I sat on the ground, trying to get my bearings. Once my head stopped spinning I looked up to figure out what had happened. I didn�t expect to see a couple of first graders loaming over; smiling and laughing at me.

�My mother said that we shouldn�t touch you cause you are a freak, a freak of nature,� one of the boys said while pointing at me.

�Why don�t you and your family go back to your home planet alien Allison!� the girl of the group laughed and soon the other two boys started to laugh.

�Alien Allison, alien Allison, alien Allison,� the kids started to chant through their fits of laughter.

I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. I didn�t understand why they were saying such things. I�m not different from them. Just because I don�t look the same doesn�t mean I�m not a kid just like them. I�I�m just a bit special. I was soon taken away from my teary thoughts when one of the boys took my hat.

�Why wear a hat? It�s not raining outside, weirdo,� he said as he waved it in front of me. I hurried to stand up and tried to get it back. I knew that mommy always said that I have to wear a hat when going outside and that was the only thing going through my mind.

�Give it back. My mommy says I have to wear it. Please give it back,� I begged as I kept reaching for it. Each time, the boy would pull it away just out of my grasp. The girl soon took it and put it on her head.

�You know I think this hat fits me much better than this alien freak. I think I�ll keep it.� she smiled and laughed at me.

�Please, my mother gave me that. I need it.� I could feel the tears start to run down my cheek and I dropped to the ground, burying my face in my hands.

�Oh look! Alien Allison is going to cry,� the second boy laughed. Soon the rest of the group began to laugh as well.

They continued to laugh until I heard the girl yell out �Hey!� I happened to look up and saw another boy who was a bit taller than the three first graders. He was holding my hat and looking down at me with a soft smile. He then looked away and leered at the three first graders. All three of them looked frightened.

�Oh, hey. We were just fooling around with the new girl. We didn�t mean any harm. Just don�t rat on us and we wont bother her anymore,� the leader boy said with a nervous laugh.

�If I catch you bothering her again I will make sure my buddies and I take care of you three in our own way,� the boy holding my hat said with a serious tone. �You three should know better than to pick on the kindergarteners. Now scram!� With that the three quickly left. I noticed the girl look back at me and smirk.

I didn�t know what to think. I just stared up at this boy before me with my tear stained cheeks. He looked down at me and smiled that same soft smile as before. He then knelt down and gently placed the hat on top of my head and helped me to my feet while introducing himself.

That was the first time I ever spoke to Max. The only person to ever really see past my outside appearance and look at me as if I were normal.
Aside from what's in red, I changed some words. Please, if you have any questions on my suggestions, feel free to ask. I may be wrong.

Edited by Knerd
Always remember to use quotes when you are posting something you didn't write!

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#6
Old 08-23-2007, 04:40 PM

Thanks I can always do for some advice on grammatical errors and spelling errors..even after reading through it a couple of times it is still hard to catch everything..

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#7
Old 08-23-2007, 04:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eimi
Thanks I can always do for some advice on grammatical errors and spelling errors..even after reading through it a couple of times it is still hard to catch everything..
Yeah, I'm usually better at picking errors from other people's work than my own. x3 I'll do the rest later, as I have to finish some drabbles...

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#8
Old 08-23-2007, 05:08 PM

Ok Thanks again. I took most of your edits and fixed them on my post and on my main document.

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#9
Old 08-23-2007, 06:06 PM

Thank you! <3 Here's chapter 2...

Quote:
Chapter 2: Friendly Memories

It had been about nine years since my first day of kindergarten and now I count down the days until I have to step through the doors of the local high school. I couldn't help but relive a few of my past memories. The best ones seemed to revolve around Max. I have been thinking about him more and more lately since I would soon get to see him again. We lost touch when I was beginning middle school. Even though when I was in the sixth grade he was still in eighth, we didn't talk much. His excuse was that he was always too busy to hang out with a kid. When he told me that, it really seemed to crush something deep inside. He had been my only friend since I moved to this town.

After Max saved me from those three bullies on the playground, he started to hang out with me each day during recess. At the time I thought he was the bravest kid that ever existed. At least in the mind of a five year old. It didn't take long until he asked about the way I looked.

�So why is your hair so white? It's like the color of my grandmas,� he asked as he gently took a few strands into his hand to examine them closer.

I looked up at him, feeling a little uncomfortable at him touching my hair. I ended up blushing. �Well my mother says its because I'm special. She also says thats why my skin is so white and that my eyes are pink unlike everyone else's. It is also the reason why I have to wear a hat all the time. There are a lot of rules because of how I look.�

Max stayed quiet for a bit and just looked into my eyes. �Wow, they are pink. That's kind of cool. And I wouldn't worry about rules. No matter how anyone looks, parents sure create a lot of them to follow.� After staring at my appearance for a little longer, Max decided to get up from the ground. �Well since your mom says you are special, you are kind of like a princess. Princess Ally,� he spoke with a funny voice like he was announcing me to the world and then he looked down at me and held out his hand. I took it and after he helped me up he proceeded to kneel in front of me. �Princess Ally please let me serve as your knight and protector from the evil villains called playground bullies,� he said smiling up at me. I laughed at him and thought it was a good game of pretend, plus I didn't mind being called a princess.


At that sudden memory I laid back upon my bed and laughed to myself �Princess Ally.� As I stared up at my ceiling listening to the cars pass by on the streets, my mind seemed to carry me to another memory.

Kindergarten had come to a close. Throughout the year Max and I ruled the playground fighting against the kids that would pick on the helpless. I felt braver when around him and we would sometimes get together to play on weekends. His parents soon became friends with mine. That was how they found out about a day camp that was opened during the summer. Max had been going for a couple of years now and that summer I was to attend. I was so happy because I feared that if he went off to camp we would not get to play together until school started again. I wasn't even afraid to go to camp cause I knew Sir Max was going to be with me.

Unfortunately we still did not get to see each other much at camp because of our age difference. There were a few times where he would sneak off to find me and then we would both go to some secret location and play like spies.

We continued to go back to the camp each summer after school had ended. It was a good thing because Max was now in a different school than I was. One moment stands out in my mind. It was two years after our first time at camp and we were still sneaking off together on adventures.

�Max where are we going this time?� I asked as he pulled me along with him, trying to get me to walk faster.

�Princess, why must you ask silly questions? If you were to know then I would have told you already,� he laughed at me as he hurried along. We kept going at a rapid pace. I guess it was due to the fact that the location was so far and he knew we had limited time before the counselors would go looking for us, but we finally made it.

�Wow,� was all I could say, though it was drowned out by the thunderous roar of the waterfall that Max had found.

�I found this after I had escaped from hiking time. Those counselors never know where the good places are anyways.� He then turned to look at my expression. �Do you like it?�

�It is really pretty. I have never seen a waterfall before,� I smiled at him and then looked back at one of nature's greatest works of art.

Max then went and sat on a fallen tree that was close to the small lake where the waterfall was constantly stirring. He looked towards my direction and waved me to come over and sit with him. I gladly did and soon I was gazing into the waterfall. It was a mesmerizing scene.

�I have something else for you,� Max spoke with a shaky voice which pulled my glance towards him. He was fishing for something in his pocket, and he appeared quite nervous. After a few more seconds of fighting with whatever it was in his pockets, he won and took the item out. I still didn't know what it was cause it was hidden within his hand.

�What is it?� I decided to ask. Max then proceeded to open his fist which revealed the gift inside.

�It's a shell I found. It reminded me of you,� he spoke with a nervous shake to his voice. Upon his palm laid a white shell with a shiny pink interior. The shell was strung on a strand of rope like material. �I made it into a necklace during arts and crafts and thought that you might like it?� he looked at me questioningly.

I just stared at it for a bit longer until I could gather some words in my mind. �I really like it. Thank you so much Max.�

�Don't forget its Sir Max remember,� he chuckled. �Can I put it on you?�

I nodded in response and I pulled my long white hair to the side while turning my back towards him. I could tell he was still shaking as he placed the necklace around my neck and tied it in the back. I wondered why he would be so nervous but just brushed away the thoughts. After he was done we both decided it best to return back to camp.


�Allison are you upstairs?� came my mothers voice taking me away from my precious memories.

�Yes mother,� I yelled back down at her.

�I wanted to let you know that supper is on the table for you. Your father and I will be out for the remainder of the evening. So eat well and don't forget to go to bed at a decent hour. You need to get back on schedule for school,� my mother said in a happy tone. My dad was actually being a bit romantic and taking my mother out dancing for their anniversary. I was mainly shocked that he remembered such an occasion with his work schedule and all.

�Alright mom, I will,� I replied back to her. Really I was not hungry because the thought of dancing brought back another memory to me. One that was not entirely happy.

It was another couple of years later. The summer before I would enter middle school and finally get to be in the same school as Max again. As we were now older we were permitted to do more activities together, and also this summer was the first time I was able to go to the camp dance night.

�You look pretty,� came a very familiar voice. I turned and saw Max dressed in a shirt and tie. I was in a pink floral dress my mother had bought me specially for camp.

�Thank you,� I replied. I knew I had rosy cheeks because they felt so warm. �You look nice too Sir Knight,� I couldn't help but giggle at the little nickname that still carried over throughout the years.

He then bowed with a smile. After we both went into the cafeteria where the dance was being held, a nice slow song started to play. We both looked nervously at each other. Max decided to break the ice and proceeded to ask me, �Would you like to dance with me?�

I nodded yes and we both then did the awkward dance of where to put our hands. We finally decided that my hands would go around his neck and his upon my waist as we swayed to the music. We both smiled at each other and blushed. I felt a bit weird inside dancing with my best friend. We had never really even hugged before. I could feel something funny in the pit of my stomach as I looked into his eyes still smiling. He still had such soft eyes, just like when I was in kindergarten.

We both continued to dance but was soon interrupted by a couple of boys that happen to spot us. It was a couple of Max's friends.

�Why are you dancing with the freak?� asked Will.

�Come on, lets go off and play pranks on some of the counselors. Then some of the guys want to get a game of touch football going,� came Ryan's voice.

With that Max let go of me slightly pushing me aside and ran off with his friends. It was the first time he didn't stand up for me when someone called me a freak. I ended up going back to my bunk in tears and we didn't even see each other for the rest of camp.


I sighed at the thought of that memory. It was the last time Max ever went to camp and during that next year of school he hardly spoke a word to me, besides saying he didn't have time to play with a kid. I never really understood what changed that night of the dance. Why he had followed his friends, when I thought I was his best friend. I wondered how it would be to see him once again on my first day of high school.

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#10
Old 08-23-2007, 06:41 PM

Thankies for the edit!

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#11
Old 08-23-2007, 06:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eimi
Thankies for the edit!
No problem. :3 I shall work on chapter 3 later!

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#12
Old 08-24-2007, 12:31 AM

and here is chapter 4..im on a role lately

Confrontation

The teacher looked to Max and calmly told him to take a seat. Max took a moment and scanned the room. This year's class was completely full and there was only one seat left that he could possibly take; the one in front of me. Could my day get any worse? Just the fact that I ran into him this morning was enough to ruin my day, but now I had to be in the same class with him for an entire year. I was still having so many mixed feelings about seeing him. He hurt me in the past, but for some reason I was desperate to go back to when we were best friends. I did miss his company more than anything.

As Max started to walk towards his seat, I could feel my face fill with sadness and anger. I tried to look away but happened to glance up to his face. Of course he just smiled at me as he took his seat, and I found myself blushing slightly. He still had that same sweet smile. Once Max was seated the teacher could finally start class. I was ready for anything that would take my mind away from my own personal thoughts.

“Ok class. For the first project of the year. I want you all to draw me something that expresses who you are, how you are feeling at this current moment, or anything that really deals with your inner self. Not too hard I would say. I want you to do the best you can on this piece so I can assess where this class is as a whole when it comes to art. So you may begin if you like or converse with your fellow classmates. It is up to you how you want to spend your class time. Trust me, your grades will reveal how serious you are about this class.” The teacher ended with a serious tone in his voice and then took his seat at the front of the classroom. This project was definitely what I needed in order to relieve some tension from this morning.

“Psst. Allison.” I heard a voice come from in front of me. As I looked up I could see Max staring back at me. I sighed in frustration.

“What do you want. I'm kind of in the middle of doing the assignment.” I spoke, trying not to reveal the emotions that I had pent up for so long.

“Well I just wanted to catch up with you, since we didn't really get a chance earlier this morning,” he smirked.

“Why would you want to even do that Max?” I couldn't hold in my questions any longer and I knew my face was breaking into a pout.

Max looked at me with much confusion. “Well we were friends at one point. I thought it might be nice to catch up with you.”

“Please can we do this some other time. I really just want to work on the project,” I replied sternly.

“Uh ya we can catch up later I guess.” He finally turned away after taking a moment to look at me.

I sighed once again and continued on with the drawing that I had started. I decided to draw an angel for the main focus. I wanted her to be a black and white image in the middle of a colorful world. An outcast, yet an image of beauty. In my mind thats how I pictured myself. I never gave in to the concept that my outward appearance made me look like a monster or an alien. To me, I was just as pretty as any of the other girls, but with my own uniqueness. Weren't we all different on the outside anyways, yet all similar as well? By the time the next bell rang, I had only finished the outlines, but I was still satisfied.

“Allison what class do you have next,” came the voice of the girl that happened to sit next to me.

I looked at her after glancing at my schedule. “Science is next for me. With Mr. McNeal as the teacher.”

“Oh I'm in the same class. Do you want to walk together?” At that question I almost wanted to ask her what was wrong with her. No one had ever really openly been nice to me or rather acknowledged my presence; besides Max.

“Um, sure. Marissa was it?” I tried to hide how nervous I was.

“Yes, you remembered right. Come on let's go or we will be late.” With that she took my hand, practically dragging me from the room.

I was completely lost for words when it came to Marissa. She seemed genuinely nice and I even allowed myself to hope that this girl could in fact turn into a new friend. With the speed she took in the hallway we soon arrived to our next class. We both decided to sit at the same lab table, but I was not surprised that everyone else that walked in seemed to avoid the other two seats across from us. I almost wanted to tell Marissa to not be so nice to me or she would never make any friends; since I was a curse in that department. As the other tables soon filled up, a couple of guys were forced to sit across from us and I knew exactly who they were too. It was Will and Ryan, the two guy friends that Max had. I wondered if they had flunked science the past couple of years since they were suppose to be two years ahead of everyone.

“Well look who we have here Ryan.” Will sneered as he elbowed his friend to get his attention away from a couple of girls he was making eyes at.

“What do you want?” Ryan said with a tone of annoyance at the interruption.

Will continued on. “It's the freak show girl. Remember? The girl Max was always hanging out with until he met us. I never knew why he was friends with you anyways,” he said as he smirked at me.

“Oh ya I remember. He was dancing with her at camp. He was such a pansy back then. So glad he wised up and ditched you,” Ryan laughed.

“Quiet class. I need to take attendance to make sure everyone is in the right class. So hush up for a bit.” The teacher attempted to quiet the class. Thankfully it couldn't come at a better time. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes at their snide comments. I didn't want to relive that moment and they just had to bring it up. Looking away I tried to imagine some sort of happy thought to try and subside the tears. I could not let myself cry in front of them. It would just give them another reason to tease me. Once the teacher finished the attendance, I was finally calmed enough to at least look to the board and ignore the two goons across from me.

Ryan and Will proceeded to ignore Marissa and me for the remainder of the class. They were too busy trying to pick up a couple of girls at the next table over. They had not changed at all. I even wondered if Max was still friends with them, and if he was, how could he. Max didn't seem at all like them in any way. The Max I knew was kind and stood up to the bullies, but I guess people change.

Luckily the rest of the day was uneventful. Marissa ended up also having english with me and we even had the same lunch hour. At lunch we finally got to talk with each other and get to know one another a little bit. Marissa had just moved to town from Australia. Her parents were doing some sort of research over there on wildlife and decided it was time for Marissa to get some real schooling. So they decided to send her to live with her grandmother during the school year. She had a lot of interesting stories and I really think she will be helpful in english cause she likes to write. It was nice to actually get to know someone and I really think we hit it off well. Meeting Marissa made the day seem not as bad.

When the final bell rang, I was so happy to get out of history. I swear I was about to fall asleep. In most of the classes we really didn't start lecture, but that was not the case for history class. Once the bell finished ringing the entire class had flooded out of the room as if trying to run away from a plague. I was the last to exit as usual and made my way back to my locker. What I wanted most was to put this day behind me and just relax in a nice bubble bath at home. Luck was not on my side for Max was at my locker, waiting.

“Hey princess. I thought we could talk,” he said with his usual smile.

I was floored. I could not believe he called me princess. He had no right to use that nickname with me anymore. Never again. “What is there to talk about?” I replied, trying not to go off on him.

“Well we could start with, what is your problem?” His annoyance with my current attitude was definitely evident in his voice.

“My problem? I don't have a problem. I am not the one that decided to just all of a sudden not hang out with their best friend.” I finally said it. The burning statement that has been on the tip of my tongue ever since I saw him this morning.

His look confused me. He almost looked hurt by what I had said. What reason does he have to look that way? He remained silent which left me to fill in the empty space.

I couldn't hold back anymore and completely lost it. “Seriously Max. We have not spoken to each other in two years. Why this sudden act of kindness? Unless you feel pity for me. Is that it? Why don't you go hang with that girl from this morning. You both seemed rather close.” I looked away. I couldn't believe I went off like that. It wasn't like me at all. I felt embarrassed, angry, yet there was some sense of relief from finally lashing out at him.

I happened to glance up at him for a brief moment and he looked rather angered by what I had said.

“That girl is my girlfriend. Cecilia. You might remember her. Anyways, I guess we really don't have anything to say to each other.” With that Max walked away.

I stared at him as he left. I didn't know what to think. He couldn't even admit to how he acted in the past. Did he really think after two years it would all be ok? I slammed open my locker and hid my face. I was on the brink of tears for the second time today and soon I would not be able to hold them back any longer. Grabbing my assignments, I hurried outside to wait for my mom. When I saw her car, I could feel myself finally calm down, because I knew that I was finally going home. Home, where life was halfway enjoyable.

“How was your first day angel?” My mom asked as I closed the door after getting in.

“I really don't want to talk about it, ok?” I snapped.

“Alright,”my mother replied as she drove us both home.

When we arrived at home, I hurried upstairs to hide away in my room. I really didn't want to be asked a bunch of questions about how the day went and what was wrong. I crashed on my bed, allowing the tears to fall. Quickly I tried to search for some tissues, but when I opened my bedside table drawer, I found something else. It was the shell necklace that Max had made for me at camp. I had totally forgotten that I still kept it. I picked it up and held it in my palm. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with even more emotions. Gripping it to my chest, I fell back in bed and quietly cried myself to sleep.
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#13
Old 08-25-2007, 12:34 AM

Sorry it's taken me so long to come back. i've been having many...many problems with my life and it's been veering off in every direction but back to here. okay. so i read chapter three. it's even better than the first two chapters. you're writing is getting better as you go along(minus the grammar errors).it's very well written and i like the suspense of how she keeps running into the one person she doesn't want to see. and that new girl...she reminds me alot of me. i was usually the one in the back by myself. but there was this one time i had somehow encouraged myself to speak first. the friendship was great while it lasted too. i like how Ally keeps her thoughts about what happened to herself. that's a good sign that the character has great self-control. i like that in her. well done once more. i would love to read more. i'm getting to the next part. but it might take me a few minutes. i got like 20 different things going on right now. in the words of my music teacher...Bravissimo!

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#14
Old 08-25-2007, 01:05 AM

Okay...wow! The fourth chapter was so great! It reminds me alot of something i wrote once where this married couple is having problems because the husband had turned his back to the wife at the point where she needed his trust and love the most. that was just great. the emotions were real too. well written and of course, very easy to relate to. i'm currently going through similar problems in my own life. it was such a relief to read it out. you, my friend, have the makings of a great author! maybe even a novelist! I want more. have you written more? i can't wait! i liked the way that she tried to hold her feelings but couldn't. actually, it's a lot like what i went through when i was in high school. only mine was because i was like the queen of social outcasts.(long story don't ask) and the way that Max reacted when Angel went off...it's so life like. no man ever truly admits to mistakes at any point in thier lives.lol! that was so great! is there more?

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#15
Old 08-25-2007, 04:46 AM

Well I am currently working on chapter 5..i had a road block to how i wanted it to proceed, having to take in account of pov and such. Now that I know how to proceed it is in the works. There is definitely lots more to come for I have many ideas in mind. I am so glad you are enjoying this and can really relate to it. That is one of my main goals and I actually find this story easier to write than my previous one, mainly cause I have lived through high school. I am hoping to finish chapter 5 by the end of tonight and put it up either right after or first thing in the morning. Thanks again for reading!

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#16
Old 08-25-2007, 06:45 AM

I can't wait! Somebody finally replied to my story. thought nobody's bothered to look at my poems yet. i was happy that somebody replied to my story. i had such high hopes for my story. then she came and brought it down. hmm...maybe i need to refocus how i write. i'll be around to check for chapter five. i really enjoyed chapter four though. it's going to be a great book once you get everything said and down with. promise you'll come touring through my city so i can come and get it autographed once you get it done? lol! too far into the future, i know. well here's to good luck with yours(and good luck that more people will read mine.lol!) coodoes! i love reading your work. it's so great. keep me posted and i'll be in touch.

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#17
Old 08-25-2007, 11:37 PM

no chapter yet..but its started...i had to handle some friend problems last night so that kind of prevented me from writing and kind of took me out of writers mode..im hoping to work some more on it today..

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#18
Old 08-26-2007, 10:05 PM

I know friends problems. believe me on that. i've got two threads in the life issues forums about friend problems. though in my mind, writing always took my mind off of that sort of thing. hmm...have you ever tried writing poetry? they say that poetry is the music of your soul. it's supposed to express how you feel and help you to express it to the world. whenever i can't work on my story, i write a poem or two until i've worked everything out and then i can write on my stories again. have you ever tried that??

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#19
Old 08-26-2007, 11:06 PM

oh ya i write poetry..i actually have a thread on literature spot where all my poetry is...but i sometimes just getting into a writing slump..i was surprised and happy i had two back to back chapters..im hoping i will finish chapter 5 soon

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#20
Old 08-27-2007, 05:17 AM

Well here is chapter 5. Not sure when Chapter 6 is coming cause I am not exactly sure what I want to happen next. I am still shocked at putting out 3 chapters so quickly. But don't worry this story will continue on till I finish it, since I already know how its going to end..muahahahaha. Enjoy!

So Many Questions

Blankly I stare out my window at the setting sun. The warm shades of orange, red, and pink wrapping around the houses and trees in the distance. The day was finally ending, yet I still felt the effects from earlier conversations. I wondered to myself how things between Max and I had changed so drastically. How could a relationship, one day be so crystal clear, turn into a muddled mess? It's as if the idea of Max and I never existed.

Rubbing my eyes, I continued to watch the sky turn darker and darker as the world got ready for a long nights rest. I was completely oblivious to everything that was going on around me, or I would have heard my mother come in my room and lay in bed next to me. I wasn't aware of her presence until she ran her hand through my hair; caressingly.

“Sweetheart, is there something troubling you?” Her soothing tone brought me out of my daze and I rolled on my side to face her.

“What happened today that has you looking so down? I have never seen you this sad before,” she continued to run her hand through my pale white hair.

“I ran into Max, and it didn't go well,” I said sadly.

“Did he bully you? I just can't see that boy doing something like that. He was always well behaved, even though he had that adventurous streak in him,” she chuckled but soon stopped herself when she saw my annoyed look.

“No, he didn't bully me. It was much worse. Let's just say the Max I once knew doesn't exist anymore.” I choked on that last part as a few tears trickled down my cheek.

My mom took me into her arms and rubbed her hand up and down my back trying to soothe me.

“Why do people change? Why can't people accept me for who I am?” I sobbed into her shirt.

“Shhhh. It will all be alright. Who knows, maybe Max never changed or maybe he will someday see his mistakes. As for people; if they don't accept you, then they are not worth your time. You are a loving girl and have much to offer. Just wait and you will find out that good people do exist.” She looked down at my tear stained cheeks and wiped the moisture away. “You're beautiful,” she smiled.

“Thank you mom,” I smiled.

“No problem sweetheart. Now, wash up your face and come down for dinner.” My mom then kissed my forehead and rolled out of bed, heading downstairs.

I wiped away a few more tears and then looked at the shell necklace that I still had kept safe in my hand. It's time to put this away for good. Out of sight, out of mind. I then placed it in a box, which I shoved under my bed. I then went and washed my face like my mother said and headed downstairs for dinner.

Dad was still not home, I noticed as I sat at the table. I also wondered if I was going to have to suffer another of my mother's new organic healthy meals.

“Well I decided to make something quick and simple. Good all natural,” she paused and I cringed at what it could be, “salads.”

“Salads?” I questioned her as she placed a bowl of food I actually could recognize on the table.

“Yes. I decided that if we are going to eat healthy, it can at least taste half way decent. Also, since your father rarely graces us with his presence, a meal of meat and potatoes is not required.” She sounded a bit snappy with that last comment. I knew she was starting to get upset with my father never being home unless it was to sleep. What could be so important at work that it takes him away from mom and me every night?

“Well at least its not tofu or something else equally disgusting,” I laughed to try and lift up my mother's spirit. She at least gave a small smile and started to eat.

As I was almost done with dinner, I heard the front door open.

“Henry? You're home early.” My mother got up to greet my father.

“Samantha, I'm not going to be staying for long, but we need to talk.” My father's tone did not sound very pleasant and I soon watched as both of them went to talk in the den. It must be important if they couldn't discuss it in front of me. I was really curious as to what it could possibly be. Curious enough to creep to the door and eavesdrop.

With my ear pressed up against the wall of the den I could easily make out what my parents were saying.

“You know things have changed between us lately.” My father's tone sounded awfully harsh and I could hear sobs coming from my mother.

“Why do you feel like you have to move out. If you would just simply spend more time here, we could work things out. Why a separation? I..I don't understand.” She was almost getting to the point, where I could barely understand her through her tears.

“We'll discuss this some other time. I really just need to get back to the office and work on this case. I merely came by to tell you and give you those papers.” He sounded so final. What papers? What is all this talk about separation? I don't understand. What did my mother and I do to make him want to leave?

“So thats it. It's always about business with you! I can't believe I even fell in love with you in the first place. Leave and take your precious papers with you. I don't want them in my sight.” I had never heard my mother this angry. It was a completely different side of her. What is going on with them?

After my mother yelled, the room went silent. I imagined my dad was adjusting his tie and getting ready to head out of the room. I had to make my self scarce. I did not want to see him right now. I did not want to hear some petty excuse as to why he was leaving. I hurried up the stairs and into my room, just in time to hear the front door slam once again.

I just sat on my bed with my mind spinning with so many questions. Why do people change, and in an instant? Why do people fall in love, just to fall out of it? Why does everyone have to move on with their lives as if the past never happened? What is wrong with people?

My mother coming in my room released me from my internal argument. I looked up at her and she had already cleaned her face as if nothing had happened, as if she was the one that needed to stay calm.

“Mom? What is going on?” I questioned with so much confusion.

“I imagine you listened in on our conversation then. Well sweetie. It seems as if mom and dad are taking a bit of a break from each other. Your father has decided to move out for a little bit,” she spoke emotionless.

“But why? I don't understand this. Why all of a sudden? He didn't even give you a reason. How could he do that?” I yelled uncontrollably.

My mom hurried to me and wrapped her arms around me; we both began to cry. “I don't know angel. I don't quite understand it all myself. All I know is, we will get through this,” she stared directly at me with a look that made me want to believe what she said was true.

My mother and I held each other for a few moments longer and then she parted to her room for the night. I knew she needed some space. That way she could let out all of her pent up emotions. I didn't want her to have to hold a brave face for anyone, especially not for me.

That night I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling; thinking many things. So much had happened to my life in less than 24 hours. I wondered what more this year had in store for me. Where will my life be next summer?
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#21
Old 08-29-2007, 01:29 AM

Very nice. and so true and realistic. it reminds me of what my parents when through when i was a young girl. so i can relate to it totally. divorce isn't easy to deal with. although i like that fact that you end the chapter with a variety of questions that nobody will ever really have the answer to. that reminds me, you should take a look at a poem i posted on here called 'Why do.' i think you might enjoy it, especially after reading that chapter. it might even give you some ideas for the next chapter. perfectly written(minus maybe some grammical errors). i really liked it and i can't wait for the next chapter. it's all so real. i was never really much for too many stories that didn't involve magic and dragons and fighting with every kind of weapon imaginable. but this is really good. it's the only real life story i've managed to read without getting bored. the only other suggestion i can think of to help with writer's block is to try and settle down with a book thatr you enjoy reading or sit down and clear your head with video games. that always works for me.(video game addict) well anyways, great chapter. plus the relationship with angel and her mom reminds me alot of the one i have with my mom. so that's totally awesome. can't wait for the next one!(if it were possible) i give it ten thumbs up!

Eimi
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#22
Old 09-23-2007, 09:57 PM

A Past Unknown

Sleep came quickly that night, but rest was never found. My head seemed to buzz from all the day's events. It seemed like I was dreaming but it was merely my mind replaying certain scenes in my life. Of course it seemed more like haunting images of all the moments that had hurt me in the past. As I awoke, I just prayed that I could avoid any more stress that might come my way.

Morning was rather quiet. My mom was not like herself and really didn't say much of anything. Neither of us really knew what to say since last night seemed more like a dream. We quietly ate breakfast and she then drove me to school.

Once at school I quickly went to my locker hoping that I wouldn't run into Max. He was the last person I wanted to see and I could only imagine what he would say after our last confrontation. I wondered if he was still angry. I got to my locker safely and right before I was ready to head to class I spotted Max from the corner of my eye. He was walking with Cecilia attached to his arm like a stray dog that found a juicy steak. She was such a fake person on the outside, all bubbly and happy. I doubted many people had really seen her true ugly self that laid dormant inside, ready to strike at any time. As I spotted them coming towards me, I hid my head in my locker and pretended to look for a book. Thankfully they walked by and I seemed to go unnoticed. I sighed in relief.

Again I was the first to arrive to art class. The rest of the student population seemed to still have a lot of catching up to do from the long summer break. I didn't mind, I enjoyed the brief moment of quiet before the gabbing would start. I wasn't alone for long, about a minute after I had entered the classroom, Marissa arrived. She spotted me and waved while she walked to her seat right next to me.

“Hi Ally. How are you this morning,” she spoke with a smile.

“Well I have had better mornings, better days even, maybe even better years,” I laughed it off a bit.

Marissa's smiling face soon turned into a frown, “is everything alright? Did something else happen with Max yesterday?”

I had forgotten that I told her during lunch about Max and our past relationship. She pretty much figured it all out from there. I told her about our confrontation, but didn't get a chance to go into the family problems that also happened that night; the bell rang to quickly.

With the sound of the bell, the rest of the class made their mad dash to their seats before the teacher came in. Max was on time, but he did not look at me as he walked to take his seat about a foot away. I wondered if this was how it was going to be for the rest of the year. I was hoping it was the case, but in the back of my mind I was sad about the idea. I guess I was really hoping he would try and make up for what he did; maybe even apologize.

While the teacher gave his introduction lecture, I couldn't help but think of what would happen if Max did apologize. Would we go back to the way things were, could we? Maybe we could at least be civil to each other; maybe. All I knew is that we were not like we used to be, both of us had changed. I thought we would probably change, but change together. Instead we just grew apart. All I hoped now was to just get over Max and move on. I even had the guts to think I could find a boyfriend sometime in high school, that maybe I wouldn't be alien Ally forever.

“Ally?” Came the voice of the teacher.

“Uh, what?” I questioned as the voice brought me out of my thoughts.

“I had just asked you what you had thought about Renaissance artwork versus the more modern styles of today?” He looked at me sternly. “Maybe you should actually be listening to lecture instead of staring off in your own little world. This is school, not your own personal time. You might actually learn something to fill the void in your mind.” With that the class snickered, but not for long. The look Mr. Strumm had given the class could have made anyone turn to stone.

“Well I think the best punishment for not paying attention would be for you, Allison, to stay after and clean up the art lab at the end of the day, for the rest of the week. Now for the rest of the class I would like a paper about the Renaissance era and your personal viewpoint on the subject by the end of the week. I guess you may now work on your art projects for I will not waste my time on a class that has no respect.” The class went silent as the teacher took his seat at the head of the classroom. I think everyone was dumbfounded to even know what to do. They feared to move in case it would irritate the teacher any further. I was still in shock with his treatment of me, which I guess I partly deserved.

By the end of class I had my drawing almost completely sketched. All I really needed to do was add color to it. I had yet to decide whether to use colored charcoals or just colored pencils. As the bell rang for the class to exit and head to the next torture session, I noticed that several of my classmates were glaring at me. I guess with their free time they decided in their minds that I was responsible for the paper due at the end of the week. Great another reason for them to hate me. I waited for the class to leave first before I made my exit. Even Marissa left without me.

After everyone had gone, I started to head out, but changed my mind. Instead I walked to Mr. Strumm's desk and squeaked out an apology.

He just stared up at me from his desk and smiled. “It is alright Allison. Just don't let it happen again ok. I was just a little disappointed that it was you that disrespected the class. I have high hopes for you since I knew your mother and have admired her artwork.”

“You knew my mother?” I was completely shocked.

“Yes, we had both taken a few classes together in college years back. I have been following her artwork since then. Its amazing work, you should be really proud of her. When I heard that her daughter was going to be in my class, I was very excited. I'm sorry if I was a little harsh. I just wanted to make a point. Kind of use you as an example. I am glad though that you at least apologized. Thank you.” He grinned again and played around with some papers on the desk.

I had a few mixed feelings about what he said. First I wanted to go off on him because now the class hated me more than ever, but I didn't. I also wanted to ask more about my mother and about her college days, but I guess I had plenty of time to do that since I would be staying after class every day this week.

“Well I have to get to class. I will be here after school.” I said as I started to walk away.

“Alright Allison.” He waved me off and I quickly hurried out the door.

As I made it out of the classroom, my arm was grabbed. I turned to see who it was and it turned out to be Marissa. I was a surprised since I thought she was mad at me as well and would have already been to biology by now.

“Are you alright? He was awfully strict with you in class? What did he say?” She looked at me with worry on her face.

“Oh it was nothing. I guess you can say we have a bit of an understanding.” I replied. I really didn't know what to say since I was just as confused as she was.

“I don't know if anyone could understand that guy. He seems like a jerk to me,” she snapped.

I looked at her with shock and then laughed. She joined in on the laughter and we soon made it to biology class, just in time for the bell.

Biology was not very exciting. The teacher was mainly going over the introduction of science as a bit of review. It seems us students have to be forever reminded about the scientific method, something we were first introduced to years ago. I seemed to zone out during that part of class, mostly because I was distracted by the two idiots across the table. They were busy making paper triangles, which they would use to launch into a field goal zone made by the others two hands. How juvenile, I thought to myself.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I filled in Marissa about my parents situation at lunch, which I almost regretted. All she kept going on about was how sorry she was for me. It kind of made me feel awkward because I didn't understand why she would apologize for my father. I just shrugged off the feeling and finished my lunch. Marissa even asked if she could help me after school, but I told her that there was no point in us both staying after. I also wanted some alone time with Mr. Strumm. I had decided to ask about my mom. I was kind of curious, since she really didn't talk about her past much. That also reminded me that I needed to call her and tell her to pick me up at a later time.

English and history seemed to be never ending. It didn't help that they were my least favorite subjects. I almost couldn't wait to get out of class and go clean the art lab. Punishment was much better than having to sit and listen to the Great Depression; I think the rest of the class would agree. Most of them were either doodling or sleeping.

When the final bell of the day rang, everyone hurried off to their lockers as I followed up behind. Marissa met me at my locker and we talked about homework for a few minutes before she had to leave to catch the bus. It was nice to actually have a friend that I could talk to, even about the normal mundane life of a school student.

As I was walking to the art room, I spotted Max. I had almost forgotten about him, but that never seems to happen for very long. He and Cecilia were making out at her locker. It was a bit gross to watch such a display of affection, maybe because it was her that was involved. Max had spotted me this time and actually stopped what he was doing with Cecilia. It actually surprised me, since it seemed deliberate. Why would he just stop like that? I wondered in the back of my mind. After that he looked away from me as if he never even saw me pass him in the hall. He was definitely acting different.

After the long walk through the empty hallways, I finally made it to the art room. Mr. Strumm was no where to be seen, so I decided to put my stuff on a desk and get started washing some brushes.

“Oh good, you are here,” came Mr. Strumm's voice as he entered the classroom. “Once you have finished up with cleaning, I have something to show you that you might enjoy.” He smiled and looked so cheery that it made me think that Mr. Strumm was possessed by two different people. He was the exact opposite from this morning.

Cleaning didn't take too long, since not a lot of art supplies had yet been used. It was just the start of the new school year after all. I finished up drying the counters and then made my way over to Mr. Strumm's desk.

“I've finished with cleaning up the lab area. What is it that you wanted to show me?” I asked curiously.

“Oh good. Follow me.” He then proceeded to get up and head into the back room where I quickly followed. “Here it is.” Mr. Strumm had taken a large piece of artwork and propped it up on an easel. It was still covered with a protective sheet, which he had soon removed.

The piece of art was breathtaking. It had such a uniqueness to it that I couldn't take my eyes away. The painting itself was of a child holding her mother to her chest. It was like a role reversal. In the eyes of that child was a sense of protectiveness, while the mother looked so frail and broken. Such sadness was in the mothers eyes that I wanted to know why she cried.

“It was your mother's last painting at college,” Mr. Strumm interrupted my thoughts. I looked to him speechless. I hadn't a clue what to say. This piece was much different than anything I had seen my mother paint. She usually just stuck to flowers and landscapes, she hardly drew people. The more that I thought of it, she never drew people or anything remotely as expressive as this piece. It made me question what had changed.

“Your mother was an inspiration to me. She is the reason I decided to pursue art. Your father was my roommate and we were both studying law at the time. Of course there were those annoying gen. ed. classes you had to take. Art was one of the classes I chose and that was when I met your mother. I had stayed after class for some help with remembering all the artist names and which period they belonged to. Samantha happened to be working on a painting using a statue as a model. It wasn't just a replication, she seemed to bring life into that statuesque figure. In that moment I fell in love with art. Samantha and I became instant friends and she helped me a lot with opening up. Being as closed off as I was, I definitely needed her help. I also introduced her to your father. It was funny really, I swear there were sparks wafting in the air when they first met. Instant attraction you might say. The three of us remained good friends up until the last year of college. Something happened to Sam and she closed off. We didn't really see much of each other, but on the last day she left me this painting. I never got a chance to thank her or even ask what inspired it. It wasn't until your parents wedding that I finally saw the two of them again, but something had changed. Sam seemed happy, but she had lost this fire in her. Afterwards we lost contact with one another and I just continued on with my own freedom that art gave me. I will always be grateful to your mother, she was really something. I thought you might have wanted to see one of your mother's best pieces.” He smiled as he covered it back up.

“I never knew my mother was that much into art. I knew she loved painting, but she never was that open with her passion. Thank you for showing it to me.” I was still recovering from the site of that painting and from my own teachers personal past with my mother. It was almost overwhelming. I really just wanted to hurry off and interrogate my mother, but I really did not know how to proceed.

For the rest of the time that I was required to stay, Mr. Strumm told a few more stories about my parents. It was interesting to hear about the way they were back then, and it almost made me sad about where they are today. Both of them had changed so much that I thought the two people in the past could never have been them. Change was still such a confusing concept to me.

I didn't have to wait long before my mother arrived at the front of the school. As I got into the car, I wanted to ask about that painting. With one look at the emptiness of my mother's expression, I knew it was not a good time to delve into the past; the past that seemed so happy and whimsical. Instead I remained silent as we both drove back to our empty house.
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#23
Old 09-25-2007, 07:13 AM

Self Portrayal

My home continued to be quiet as my mother went through the motions of everyday life. I didn't have much to say to her, because the one thing I wanted to talk about would probably upset her more. Really I didn't know how she would react to me bringing up her college years, but I knew that now was not the time.

Dad had yet come back to visit, not even to see me. I was somewhat surprised, yet not. Though I still wondered what the reason could be that he wouldn't even come visit his own daughter. Marissa had her own thoughts on the matter, which often led to the idea that my father was having an affair. The idea had crossed my mind, but for some reason I didn't think he was capable of such things. He definitely was not capable of the things that Marissa thought of; she is definitely a weaver of stories.

The rest of the week at school was rather normal. The teachers definitely got back into the swing of things rather quickly, evident in the piles of homework that now covered my desk. I was starting to get behind on the papers due and the books to read. Art tended to occupy most of my time, since I actually enjoyed it. The days spent after school with Mr. Strumm were actually more fun and not really much of a punishment. He gave me a lot of tips to brush strokes and helped critique some of my drawings I was working on outside of the classroom. Of course I still had to maintain the lab and keep it tidy. He also would share some more stories about the “good ol' days” as he would call them. It was nice to hear about a time where both my parents were happy, unlike the atmosphere at home today.

Soon Friday came along and our art project and paper were due. I was definitely looking forward to the project being due because I really liked how my self portrayal turned out. Soon it was time for the bell to ring, and for the class to take their seats as we waited for Mr. Strumm to arrive.

Max and I had not said a word to each other since the day I finally spoke my mind. There were times where we would spot each other in the hallway and he would have this look. A look that made me question many things. It almost appeared that he was contemplating something. What, I had no clue. I was a tad bit curious what his self portrayal would look like, since I never pictured Max being the artsy type. Really I don't know what type I would categorize him as, especially now.

“Ok class. Today your projects are due and this is how I want to go about it. Since we have not really had much of any introduction, I would like each of you to show your self portrayal and share with us the title and how it portrays who you are. Also you can say the normal, hi my name is so and so, but that isn't as important. Anyways, I will go down my class list, and once your name is called please come up to the front of the class and greet everyone.” Mr. Strumm then took his seat at his desk and read off the first couple names.

I attempted to pay attention to what the other students had to say, but I was more concentrating on what I was going to say. I had no idea that the teacher would make us go up to the front and present our work. It made me extremely nervous. I happened to glance over at Marissa, but she appeared as calm and cheery as ever. Of course she isn't nervous, she can spin a tale about anything. I sighed silently and continued to listen to my fellow students “um” their way through the presentation.

“Maxim Carver, may you present yourself to the class please,” came Mr. Strumm's voice.

At first I had no clue who he was referring to, until I saw Max rise from his seat in front of me. I couldn't believe I didn't know Max's full name. After the initial shock, I calmed myself and listened intently. I really wanted to see and here what he had to say.

“Well my name is Max,” he eyed the teacher subtly and continued as he placed his artwork, still covered with a cloth, on the easel. “My self portrayal is titled inner child. I see myself as a child at heart and I really don't think I've grown up in many ways. I don't think we ever truly grow up, its more of a constant struggle in life. So instead of worrying about becoming an adult, I have decided to embrace the inner child of which I am.” He smirked and then unveiled his artwork.

I must have gasped slightly for Marissa eyed me from her desk. I also wondered if she noticed my face was blushing as I looked upon Max's painting. There, for all the class to see, was a picture of a memory. Max had painted a waterfall surrounded by trees, and right next to the waterfall sat a boy on a fallen log. The boy's back was all that was seen as he stared out to the waterfall, and it wasn't just any ordinary waterfall. It was the place that Max had shown me years ago on one of our adventures. I didn't know what to think in that very moment. All that seemed to go through my mind was, why? Why had Max painted his self portrayal, using a memory that we had both shared. Of course no one else knew the hidden meaning behind the painting. All they saw was a boy in the woods. I saw a memory, one I sometimes wish I could forget.

The teacher acknowledged Max's work and told him to take a seat. As he walked back to his desk, our eyes locked briefly and I blushed more. If it wasn't bad enough that I had to go up to the front of the class and put my heart and soul on display, but now I had to recover from whatever it was Max had just done to me. Thankfully I was near the end of the list, and Marissa was to go before me. I hoped that maybe her presentation would somehow get my mind off of my own.

Mr. Strumm went through another few names until he reached Marissa. She went up to the front of the classroom as if the presentation were no big deal. I wished I had her strength. She placed her painting on the easel uncovered. It was a painting of papers, pens, pencils, and erasers all scattered on the canvas. I had no idea what it was meant to express.

“My self portrayal is titled Scatterbrained Mind. It represents how my mind works. I really like to write, so I used objects that are used every day to create wonderful stories. Most writers are able to organize their thoughts, but my brain doesn't really work like that. I tend to just write what words come to me. So this is who I am. I am Marissa.” She smiled and the class gave their obligated applause as she took her seat next to me.

I could easily relate to Marissa right at this moment, for my brain was definitely scattered. As more names were called and the list grew shorter, I knew what I could say but I didn't want to say it to the class. In the end my name was called and I had no choice but to present to the class how I saw myself.

After placing my painting on the easel for the class to see, I turned and stood there, frozen. It seemed like I was standing there for such a long period of time, which were merely a matter of seconds. I looked at Marissa, who gave me a look of encouragement. With a deep breath, I was finally able to make words come from my quickly drying lips.

“Hi, my name is Allison and my painting is called Angel Drowned in Color. The angel represents me for I lack color pigments, yet I still am just as pretty as any other girl.” A few kids coughed quietly at that and I knew what they were thinking, but I continued on. “I placed the angel in a world of color because thats how I sometimes feel, like I am drowning in the color that surrounds me because I am different. Though I may be drowning, I still survive and I accept my differences. I think this painting expresses who I am in this world. Thank you.” With that I quickly made it back to my seat, not bothering to look at the class.

I was glad that the experience was over, but nervous about how I would now be treated by the people that couldn't accept my differences. I knew for a fact that the rest of the school would find out by the end of the day how I portray myself, and of course I awaited their name calling. As the last few remaining students made their presentations, I just sat there thinking about Max's painting. I had decided by the time the bell rang, that I would talk to him sometime today.

“I really liked your painting,” Marissa commented as we walked to biology.

“Thanks. I really liked yours too. I would have never thought that you were a scatterbrain though. You always come across collected and at ease.” I mentioned as I glanced around the halls.

“Yes thats how I am usually perceived, but if anyone was to jump into my mind they would be lost and confused,” she laughed. “I was kind of shocked by Max's painting. He did rather well. I can definitely agree he is childish.”

“You think?” I looked towards her. “I was a bit surprised myself at his talent, but I guess I never pictured him as childish, at least not the Max I used to know. He was always more mature than his age and was protective, even if he would get us into trouble at camp.” I smiled.

Marissa eyed me as we sat at our lab table.

“What?” I questioned nervously. I really didn't want to hear what she could possibly be thinking.

“Well it just seems like your anger towards him is, well, nonexistent. Did you guys talk at all this week after your fight?” Marissa questioned as she got her books ready for class.

“No we have not said a word to each other since then. I really wouldn't say my anger towards him is gone. When I think about what had happened years ago, I still get really frustrated. I guess I really just want answers from him. I think I might talk to him after school.” I looked towards her to see her expression.

“That might be a good idea. If you get answers you can move on, and quit obsessing over this guy. To me, he isn't worth your time. You could do so much better than him in the friend, or even boy friend department.” She smiled.

I really wanted to tell her how wrong she was, and point out the obvious that there were no guys lining up at my locker to ask me to the movies or dinner. I guess she was right though, I was obsessing over the past a bit and maybe by talking to him it would help.

The rest of the day flew by, which I didn't want to happen. I could feel myself getting nervous again, hoping that I could catch Max alone. If Cecilia was with him, I don't think I could muster up the courage to intrude or even say hi.

With the last bell of the day ringing in the hallways, I exited the classroom and began to walk towards my locker. As I was walking, I saw Max approaching. Here was my chance to speak to him, before he met up with Cecilia, or even worse, Will and Ryan.

“Max,” I spoke rather loudly.

He turned to me with a questioning look. I could feel my mind swim with questions, and then there was nothing. No words came to mind as I stood there with him. My mind screamed at me to just say something.

“Your painting was good,” I blurted out. Idiot! With all the questions you had for him, thats all you could say? I blankly stared at him without another word.

His questioning look soon turned to confusion. “Um, thanks. Is that all you wanted?”

No! There is a ton I want to say. “Uh, yes. Thats all.” With that, I half smiled and hurried off to my locker, which I soon shoved my head into spouting words of how stupid I was. I couldn't believe I just blew my chance. Why could I just say what I needed to tell him? Why was this so hard? If I could just say and ask the questions I had, it would be all over and I would have no other reason to talk to him, or was that it. Did I have a fear that Max would be out of my life for good? My head hurt and I just wanted to go home. Life was too complicated in high school, I could hardly imagine what it would be like once I get into the real world.

Thankfully my mom was quiet during our car ride home. At least I had the weekend to recoup from my humiliation. I decided to put my own personal problems aside and focus on something else. In the end I decided to make it my mission this weekend to cheer up my mother and hopefully see her smile again.
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#24
Old 10-14-2007, 08:51 PM

Mother Daughter Day

The morning sun's rays seemed to beam in through my window, blinding me awake. If only the sun could comprehend the need to sleep in on a Saturday morning. I stretched upon my bed and looked over to see what time it was. I rubbed my hazed over eyes and groaned. It was only nine in the morning. Whatever happened to sleeping in till noon? I rolled over away from the sun hoping that sleep would take over again, until I remembered my plans I had today. Shoot I have a date with mom! I then shot out of bed and hurried to the shower.

Last night I had decided to hang out with my mom all day today just like we used to. I figured we would go to the park and paint and then grab some ice cream as a treat. I really just wanted to take her mind off of life, plus we hadn't really had much bonding time lately.

After my shower, I got dressed into some paint stained jeans and a t-shirt, and then I headed downstairs to find my mom. She was sipping coffee, as usual, at the dining room table; looking at peace for once. It was a nice change and I had hoped that things would return to normal after today.

“Good morning,” I smiled to her.

Her head turned to look at me with a smile, “good morning my angel.” She then looked me up and down and laughed. “I see you are ready to paint.”

I laughed and joined her at the table with a bowl of cereal. We talked for a bit about today's plans and where the best spot would be in the park for inspiration. Soon we were off on our own little mother daughter outing.

First we decided to go to the park and paint for a bit. We settled under the shade of a willow tree that looked out upon some kids playing soccer. I really needed the practice of drawing people since that was the next chapter in art class. My mom instead focused her own piece on the skyline. It made me wonder about what Mr. Strumm had talked about with me, which made me question how all her paintings had no people within them. I really wanted to talk to my mom about it, but today was not the right time.

After a couple of hours of stenciling the landscapes we packed up and walked the trail around the park. We stopped at one of the ice cream carts and got some of our favorite flavors. Mine was fudge brownie and hers was plain vanilla. I always teased my mother about her depriving her taste buds. We continued walking the path while chatting and laughing along the way.

“So what has been going on at school lately?” My mother eyed me while licking the quickly melting ice cream cone.

I knew she would ask that and sighed. “Not much really.”

“Have you met any new friends at all? Like how about that Marissa girl?” She continued on with her interrogation.

“Marissa and I are good. She is a really nice person.” I hated talking about myself and my life, but it made my mom happy to know these things.

“You should invite her over for a sleepover sometime. I would love to meet her.” She smiled with excitement in her eyes. This was probably one of her dreams since I never really had a girlfriend, and she never got the chance to be known as the “cool mom.”

I laughed at her childlike behavior. “Sure, why not. I am sure she would love to come over sometime.”

“Oh it will be so much fun. We could do a bunch of girly things. Maybe I will try my artistic abilities and give you two makeovers.” She beamed with enthusiasm.

“Ok mom, thats pushing it a bit. You know I don't like makeup and I am not sure Marissa is that much into it. How about we just stick to pizza and chick flicks for now.” I smiled as I finished up the last bit of soggy ice cream cone.

“Alright thats a deal. But at least allow me the pleasure of helping you two out for the homecoming dance.” She continued to walk down the trail.

“Homecoming dance?” I questioned. I had not even heard about it.

“Yes its in a couple of weeks. Oh, that reminds me. We need to get you a dress.” Her beaming smile now returned.

She must get a high off this girl like behavior, I thought to myself. “But who says we are even going. Don't you need a date for those types of things. Plus, I am not really into dances.” I frowned slightly at remembering the last dance I attended.

“You have to at least give it a chance. It is not like the camp dances. It will be ten times better. Just this once can you please let me dress you up? I promise if you don't have a good time you will never have to go to another dance again. Just let your old mom have her fun. Please?” She looked extremely pathetic in that moment but I sighed and gave in. I figured it wouldn't hurt to try going to one dance.

“Ok, how about we have you try calling up your friend and see if she wants to meet us at the mall to look for dresses?” She asked as we reached the car.

“I guess we can try. She did give me her cell phone number.” I then proceeded to call her up and Marissa seemed to be all giddy about the idea and said she would meet us in a half an hour. At that moment I knew her and my mom would get along wonderfully. I couldn't help but laugh.

Once we arrived at the mall, we met Marissa at the nearest dress shop. I felt kind of strange about seeing her outside of school. It was the first time I ever had a girlfriend to go out shopping with. I almost felt like a normal teenage girl. As we headed inside it didn't take long for my mom and Marissa to bond. I would have never imagined that dress shopping would have such an affect. I sighed slightly and went about skimming through the rack of dresses.

“Ally! What do you think about this one. Don't you think the blue would totally match my eyes.” Marissa held up a royal blue dress that shimmered as the light hit it. It was rather pretty.

“Sure, it doesn't hurt to try it on.” I smiled.

Her smiled turned even bigger, if that were possible, as she gathered up a couple more dresses to try on. I, on the other hand, didn't know what to even look for. It had been years since I had even worn a dress and that dress was picked out by my mom. I didn't even know what colors to even try. At least my mother was there.

She soon found me and I spotted many dresses in her arms. It made her look like she was hugging a rainbow.

“Oh good I found you. Marissa is already in the dressing room trying on some dresses. We best get back there too. I found many dresses for you to try.” She smiled as we both headed to the back of the store. Once back in the dressing room she dumped the pile of sparkling material into my arms and shut the door on me. I had no clue where to start.

“Deary, why don't you try on the red one first. I would love to see how you look in red.” My mother shouted from outside the room.

I figured I would let her guide me and so I tried on the red one first. It was rather pretty, but a little too revealing for my taste. The v-neck seemed to go down to the middle of my waist, which I would guess isn't really appropriate for a school dance. My mother and Marissa seemed to agree as I walked out of the dressing room.

“Ok how about the yellow one next?”Came my mother's directions.

I tried on the yellow one and it made me look like a daisy, which was definitely not a look I was wanting to go for. Next she had me try on this orange/tangerine colored dress which totally didn't look good on me. I tried on a pink dress and then a lavender one, but both seemed to wash me out due to my light skin tone. Last was a little black dress. It fit rather well and actually gave me a more womanly figure, which I definitely needed help with. Both my mother and Marissa agreed that this dress was perfect.

We then proceeded to buy the dresses, Marrissa had chosen to go with the shimmering royal blue dress she had found and I of course had my black one. After we went and picked up some shoes and jewelery accessories, my mom treated us both to dinner. It was the perfect way for us all to get to know one another better. My mom really enjoyed hearing the stories about Marissa's travels.

Soon it was getting dark out and we drove Marissa to her grandmother's house. Marissa hugged me goodbye and than thanked my mom for a great time. I couldn't stop smiling, I hadn't had this much fun ever. It was the perfect way to get both my mom's and my mind off of all the little life stresses. After saying our goodbyes, I got back into the car and my mom had tears falling from her eyes. I looked at her worried, until she hugged me.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for today. It really helped.” She said through her sobs. A few tears left my eyes as we continued to hug each other a bit longer. I had succeeded and it made me feel great inside. Absolutely nothing could change this moment.

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#25
Old 11-04-2007, 09:38 PM

Project Nightmare

The weekend went by quickly, even though Sunday was uneventful. Soon it was time to start another school week. Even though homecoming was still two weeks away, it was the main topic at school. The sign-up sheets for King and Queen were now posted and there was already a flock of giggling girls at the table. The guy's table was rather empty, figuring only the ones with girlfriends were forced to sign up.

Eventually I was able to push past the crowd of chattering people and made it to my locker. Marissa was already there waiting for me. She probably wanted to talk about homecoming as we walked to first period.

“Good morning Ally,” Marissa spoke with a smile. She seemed happier than normal this morning.

“Good morning, whats up?” I asked.

“Oh nothing really,” her smiled beamed even brighter.

“Well something seems different about you this morning. I know you tend to be chipper in the wee hours of the day, but not this chipper.” I laughed slightly.

“Really? You can tell that easily?” She looked at me shocked and then blushed.

“Well I was going to tell you anyways. I got asked to homecoming!” She practically shouted with glee.

“Oh really? Thats great. Who asked you?” I said while faking a smile.

“Bobbie. He is the first chair trumpet player in band. He is also in art class. You know the guy with red hair and lots of freckles.” She blushed more.

“Oh I didn't know you guys have ever spoken to one another. Isn't he a Senior?” I questioned.

“Yes! Thats the coolest part. Who would have thought a measly Freshman would be asked by a Senior to homecoming. I about died when he talked to me this morning.” She giggled.

“Well thats great then. I am glad you got asked.” I continued to fake a smile for many reasons. First it seemed odd that he would ask her, totally out of the blue. Something about it felt fishy. Second I was a tad bit jealous for I knew I would be going by myself. Deep down I was happy for her, but couldn't help having mixed feelings.

As the bell rang for the start of the school day, both Marissa and I headed to art class and took our seats. I was excited for one thing, and that was the start of a new project. I had wondered what it would be since we were suppose to start drawing people. The first thing that came to mind was self portraits. It would be difficult, but I was up for the challenge.

“Ok class, take your seats and we can get started.” Came Mr. Strumm's stern voice. I still found it funny that he was a completely different person outside the classroom.

“Well as you all know we are starting the unit on how to draw life like people. Now for your project, it will take a team effort. I want the first and third rows to turn around and face the person behind you. That will be your partner for this weeks project.”

Soon half the class turned around, which was followed by some moans and some giggles of excitement. As for me, I was staring back at Max who was now turned around facing me. I was still in shock at the turn of events. I was definitely not expecting any team or partners when it came to art projects. Max just seemed to smile coyly and then turned back around to face the front of the classroom again.

Mr. Strumm proceeded to wait patiently as the class calmed down and became silent before he continued on with the details of the project. “Instead of a self portrait, which I don't think this class is ready for, I want you to draw your partner. Work on making them as life like as possible using the techniques you will find in your text book. Majority of this project will have to be done on your own time, since I will be having to teach you about those techniques in class. This always seems to be the hardest unit of the semester so I want to make sure you are all comfortable with it by the end of the week. So lets get started with lecture.”

Everyone in the class seemed to be able to shrug off the project and pull out their textbooks, preparing to take as many notes as possible. I was stunned and annoyed that I would have to be spending time outside of class with Max. Thoughts of having to see Cecilia everyday bugged me as well. Eventually I was able to push those thoughts aside and pay attention to the lecture.

The bell for second period couldn't come fast enough and I found myself hurriedly putting my things away. I knew why I was doing it; I wanted to avoid speaking to Max about meeting up after school. I knew it was inevitable, yet I wanted to prolong it as much as I could. Unfortunately Max was quick to note my hurried demeanor.

“Hey Allison?” He attempted to get my attention, which I almost decided to ignore but gave in.

“Yes?” I questioned like I didn't know what he was going to ask.

“Do you have time after school today to meet up about the project? I would like to get as much started as possible. Kind of get it done and over with.” He appeared nervous, which attracted my full attention.

At least we both could agree on one thing. Get this project done and over with as quick as humanly possible. The less amount of time spent together the better. I could only imagine all the awkward moments ahead for us and I sighed.

“That sounds good to me. I will just have to call my mom and make sure she picks me up later than usual.” I avoided eye contact with him and pretended to mess with items in my backpack.

“Well if your mom has a problem with it and can't pick you up. I, well I could take you home. It's not like I don't know where you live or anything.” I looked up at him and noted a slight flush to his cheeks. Was this really as hard for him as it was for me? I wondered to myself. It almost made me angry that he was this shy around me, as if we had hardly spent any time with one another in the past.

I looked away and zipped up my backpack in a hurry. “Whatever is fine with me. I will see you after school at your locker,” and with that I made my way out of class and started towards Biology.

I felt like I could finally breathe again now that I was away from Max. As I continued to walk, I wondered where Marissa was. We usually walked to class together. As soon as I questioned where she was I saw her outside the classroom speaking to the red-haired boy whose name escaped me. My face was flushed for some reason as I watched them laugh and smile at one another. I almost felt jealous for him taking away Marissa from me, though that was a ridiculous thought. I decided to be the bigger person and just approach them both.

“Hi guys.” I spoke with a smile.

“Oh hey Ally. I wondered when you would get here. I didn't want to bother Max and you. Oh guess what! Bobbie is my partner for the art project” She smiled towards him, as he just stood there silent.

Bobbie proceeded to whisper something in Marissa's ear and she nodded in agreement. He then parted ways with us, completely ignoring my presence. I was okay with that since I didn't have much to say to him either, plus I was used to that kind of treatment. Marissa seemed to not even notice the subtlety.

“Well we should hurry inside before class starts.” She smiled as we both headed inside and took our seats at the lab table for another talk about Mendelian genetics.

Will and Ryan both came in late as usual to class and took their seats noisily. The teacher just eyed them with a glare and continued on with the lesson.

“So do you two losers have dates for homecoming?”Came a hushed whisper from Will.

I looked up at him annoyed and simply ignored him. Marissa on the other hand was a lot braver now that she had a date and snapped back at them. “Of course, unlike you two. Which reminds me, I hear you both keep getting turned down by every girl you ask. Now who are the losers in this scenario?” She smirked and continued to take notes. I almost busted up laughing then and there, but I contained myself to prevent getting yelled at by the teacher. I did note the two goon's expressions. They both looked rather humiliated, but at least that shut them up for the rest of the class period. I would have to give praise to Marissa later on.

The rest of the day came and went, and it was soon time to meet Max at his locker. When I got there no one was around, so I waited. I felt silly standing there alone at a guy's locker, even though it was just Max. As I stood there, my thoughts wandered to what it would have been like if Max and I were still friends. Would I normally stand here waiting for him like it was no big deal? Almost like a girlfriend would. I gasped with shock at that last thought and unknowingly moved to the next locker over. I couldn't believe I was thinking like that. What was wrong with me?

“Hey, sorry I'm late.” Max surprised me and I jumped. I then looked at him and felt my face heat up.

“Oh its no problem. I wasn't here long anyways,” I said while looking away, trying to hide my face while I waited for the blush to go away.

“Well do you think the art room might be free?” He asked while running his hand through his hair.

“It might. I don't think a lot of our classmates are starting their projects today. Most like to procrastinate like normal students do.” I laughed.

He laughed too and I actually found myself smiling at the feeling of being able to act halfway normal with him.

“Well lets check it out then.” He started to walk away and I causally followed him.
The art room was indeed empty and even Mr. Strumm wasn't there. I could feel myself become nervous at the thought of being alone with Max for a long period of time. To hide that fact, I started to gather art supplies and two canvases.

“Umm. Do you want to start drawing first or should I?” I asked while setting up two stands.

“I can start drawing you if you don't mind.” He coughed slightly and got situated at an easel. “I guess you can sit on one of the desks.”

“Sure.” I felt like I was shaking all over from nerves as I got up on the desk and turned so I was facing towards him. The room felt so quiet as we both just sat there. From the corner of my eye I could tell Max had already started to sketch me.
The thought of him drawing me made me blush again, which I tried to hide by looking down. The idea of drawing another human being seemed so personal, that it made me feel more awkward that it was Max drawing me.

“Could you look at me at least. It is kind of hard to capture your face while you are looking at the floor.” He chuckled.

I forced myself to look at him and our eyes locked. That moment seemed to linger on and I could tell he was blushing as much as me. I wondered why. Whenever I was even near him I was full of questions. How a person can affect another so much was beyond me. Even though the moment seemed to last for minutes, in a matter of seconds Max broke the link between us and continued to sketch on the canvas. I continued to look at him and noted the change in the atmosphere; continually becoming even more unnerving and quiet.

An hour went by, and Max decided it was time for us to switch places. As I got down from the desk, I made my way towards him to see his progress. Shockingly, Max covered his easel with a cloth before I could see it. I thought about asking him, but I figured I would just have to wait for it to be finished. I wondered if he felt embarrassed at all about having to draw me. I quickly shook those thoughts out of my head as I made myself comfortable at my easel.

“Could you stand over by the window?” I asked shyly. I wanted to add the affect of the light shining in around him, almost angelically.

“Okay.” He replied and managed to find a comfortable way to lean against the wall in front of the window.

I hurried to trace his frame since I knew I was running out of time before the sun would start to set. Luckily I was able to capture the light and had a good start on his outline. I then started on his face. When I looked up at him, he seemed lost in thought. He stood before me staring off at nothing, and it almost seemed he had a look of sadness about him. I decided to not disturb him and draw him like that, wondering what could be on his mind. I never asked because I didn't have a right to.

As I finished up his facial features, we were interrupted by Cecilia's not so lovely entrance.

“Oh there you are sweetie.” She spoke with an over the top sweetness in her voice.

“I was wondering where you were while I was at cheer practice. I missed you.” She kissed his cheek and then looked towards me as if noticing my presence for the first time. “Oh what is she doing here?”

“Don't you remember. I told you I was going to have to start staying after class with Ally for our art project.” He appeared nervous, almost like he was caught doing something he shouldn't.

“Oh yeah. I totally forgot.” She laughed. I couldn't stand her laugh. I would claim it had to be the most annoying sound to ever come out of a human being.

“Well I guess I should be going. I have to call my mom and tell her I am ready to be picked up.” I started to pack up my things.

“Wait. You don't have to do that. I can take you.” Max spoke up, and I could see Cecilia turn and look at him with annoyance.

“Thats alright. I will see you in class tomorrow.” I smiled and headed out the classroom. I could only imagine the grill session by Cecilia that awaited Max.

In a way I felt bad that Max was hooked up with her, but it almost seemed like justice. I laughed to myself as I walked the empty halls to the pay phone. I called my mom and it didn't take long for her to hurry over and pick me up. I actually didn't mind her asking about my day, and I even told her about my art project. Slowly it seemed that Max and I were at least moving towards normalcy once again. I smiled as I remembered our fleeting moment in the art room.
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