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Sassandra
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#1
Old 08-20-2007, 02:40 AM

I have been friends with this guy who was really great when i first met him. we were like brother and sister. but now...well let's just say that the end of our friendship is about to come around. i introduced him to gaia online. then he met these other people on gaia online. they started talking over the phone and became really great friends. then he started kicking me aside for them all the time. we had plans made three days in advance. but when the time came for those plans, he wigged out because all he wanted to do was talk to the other people. now he's mad at me because i won't be friends with people i don't know. he said that true friends are willing to change or adjust themselves for each other. which is like an arrow straight through me because i change for nobody. he said i would end up alone if i didn't learn to open up, change, and take chances. he's judging this because his other friends are willing to change to make him happy. i told him he didn't give a damn about me because all he's concerned with is making himself happy by having all of his friends talk to each other. well i don't mind talking to a few of them every now and again. but there's also a few of his friends that i would rather die than have to associate myself with ever again. but he said that i need to put my feelings aside and talk to them because that's what true friends do. well i thanked him for reminding me what my life was worth. i guess this plays along with the words from that tso song. i believe the exact phrase was "my life's worth ended there with my birth." yeah. that is what i've become...am i wrong in sticking by my principals that i've built my entire life on?

Sanctuary
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#2
Old 08-20-2007, 06:50 AM


All I could think as I read that was "D:".

I can't believe your friend has traded online friends for you.

He should not expect you to change for him. It's ridiculous. Friends accept each other. They aren't supposed to change because the other friend wants them to.

Chi
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#3
Old 08-20-2007, 11:22 AM

Judging by your post, I'd have to disagree with your friend simply because I've heard nothing of the changes he's made for other people.

But, he does have one good point. It doesn't hurt to open up a little and take chances on life. On the flip side, judging from your other topics, I can definitely see why you prefer not to.

I don't think you should change for him. I do believe deep down his words were so his whole circle of friends could get along and hang out together, but sometimes it just doesn't work out like that.

Only change if you want to. Don't flip yourself around for the sole purpose of appeasing someone else. Only do if it you feel it will benefit you in the long run for several reasons.

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#4
Old 08-20-2007, 06:50 PM

I agree with the others: you should not change, nor allow anything or anyone to change you. Hopefully he will come around, but if he cannot understand that you do not feel uncomfortable, then that is no fault but his own - especially since you were very clear and precise with explaining yourself to him.

If you feel that you want to open up, that is your choice - a person should not be forced or goaded into into changing for the sake of others.

Sassandra
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#5
Old 08-21-2007, 12:04 AM

and that's what i tried to tell him. he knows damn well that i change for nobody. i never have. see, he tried to tell me that i wasn't being a true friend because i'm not willing to take chances on friendships across different states or hanging out with people who have already hurt me in the past. but i tried to tell him that he's the one who isn't being a true friend because true friends don't try to change each other to make themselves happy. and then he turned around and said something about making the choice to chance my life again. this is what happens every time i try to take a chance. and i told him this. when my best friend wanted to introduce me to him about three years ago, i didn't want to do it because somehow, i knew that i would be the one getting hurt. but like an idiot, i decided to take that chance anyway. and now three years down the road look at what happened. and he doesn't understand why i draw back from things like this. he knows that i have many trust issues when it comes to other people. but that's not good enough. we have come to the conclusion that we just can't be friends anymore. and that's okay with him because he has his great new friends to help him. Thankfully though, i have you find people. your advice is comforting...even if the results aren't. I'm not wrong in this...am i?

Chi
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#6
Old 08-21-2007, 10:35 PM

The thing is, Sassandra, it's not really about what is right or wrong. Every one of us differs in so many ways. Like me... I can't drive in big cities or be in big crowds of people because I get too nervous. I'll get the shakes and weak. But I know tons of people who function perfectly well in those situations.

Just because you, as a person, function the way you do does not make you "wrong". Sometimes, no matter what you'd do, some friendships just don't work out, and sometimes, it's a fault of no one.

If you don't feel comfortable opening up to a pile of strangers, you shouldn't guilt yourself into feeling you're a bad person. Not everyone functions the same. Some of us just need to be more accepting and love each other in spite of differences.

Sassandra
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#7
Old 08-25-2007, 12:04 AM

He's the one trying to put the guilt on me. (and i totally understand that big crowd thing. i'm the same way :D ) he's trying to make me feel like i'm such a horrible person because i won't abandon my life's principals to talk to a group of strangers that i've never met and one of which i would rather be fed to a demon that have to talk to. he's trying to make me feel bad because i won't change who i am just so he can be happy. it's not wrong to stick by your principals and stay true to who you really are. rarely does anybody stay true to who they are anymore. i think i have a real gift to be able to stay true to myself through all the pains and pressures of the world around me. but he doesn't feel the same way. now he's acting like it's all my fault and that he's the one who called the friendship off. and he's telling people all kinds of bad things about me just because i wouldn't risk losing myself in reality just so he can be happy. he was never like this until he met his "great new friends". when he met them is when he started changing and acting like a first-class idiot. how wrong is that?

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#8
Old 08-29-2007, 07:24 AM

Great decision, Sassandra!
If it's your life principle, and if you're sure that it's right, you have to hold on to it no matter what other people said! :mrgreen:

Nessie
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#9
Old 08-29-2007, 08:09 AM

Wow, thats so sad :( I can't believe he would just "trade you off" like that. I applaud you for sticking by your principles and I'm cheering you on! Find people who accept you for who you are, not change to make them like you~ I can't believe a "friend" would say something like that to you, he obviously doesn't respect you or your decisions/principles. Or else he wouldn't ask something like that of you.

It's one thing to "open up" to things, but theres no reason to change yourself. If you've talked to them and don't like them, why should you have to be stuck trying to make him and HIS friends happy? *shakes head* And he's talking behind your back? Ew D:

Sad when friends move away/change/etc... I had this very good friend from middle school that i started to see change... she was abandoning HER principles in order to be "cooler" it seemed. and it really bothered me, and i eventually stopped talking to her, because i lost respect for her. I didn't like what she was becoming, so i just stepped away, even though we were like glue for probably 4 years.

I guess it's just time to move on D: *hugs*

Sassandra
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#10
Old 08-29-2007, 09:04 PM

You're right. it is time to move on. though my mom says that i should let it be and see if he calls me to work things out in like a month or so. which he won't. he's far too busy with his "great new friends" to bother thinking about...what was his exact phrase..."a bitter self-righteous and cowardly hag" like me. i believe that was it. maybe i am bitter. but i have a reason to be. i'm not one to take chances because every time i do, i'm the one who gets hurt. i didn't even want to take a chance on being his friend because i knew i'd be the one that got hurt. i let that fear go after like a year because it hadn't happened yet. and now look at the problem. it's pathetic. but i guess that's his loss and not mine. he doesn't respect anybody but himself and his "great new best friend". and she, by the way, happens to be an 8 year old. yes. my 27 year old ex-best friend takes orders from an 8 year old. it's no wonder why he's such an idiot. 8 year olds don't really have a true grasp on the world around them no matter how smart they think they are.

Chi
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#11
Old 08-30-2007, 03:31 AM

I'm confused. Is she really eight years old..? Or does she act like an eight year old, but is really older?

Cherry Who?
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#12
Old 08-30-2007, 03:40 AM

Holy shit. Your friend is being ridiculous.
He's treating you like utter shit. Though I'm sure you know that.
Don't "wait for him to call and make up". Anyone who calls you "a bitter self-righteous and cowardly hag" is NOT worth your time. It hurts, but you need to let him go, and close him out of your life. If he calls or tries to contact you, just ignore him. Don't talk to him. He doesn't deserve your attention.

And you WEREN'T in the wrong by being his friend in the first place. You did nothing wrong but give someone a chance. It was him who betrayed you. You did nothing wrong.

*hugs*

Nessie
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#13
Old 08-30-2007, 09:40 AM

Even if he did call you back if he wakes up to his dumbness - don't even give him a minute of your time. He's not even worth the time to ever speak to him again, i feel. Between the way he's treating you and everything else, something like this could always happen again.

I know you're probably smart enough to realize that, but it doesn't hurt to say it~

EIGHT YEARS OLD?! are you serious?! oO wtf? thats just... *shakes head* even if she was someone acting like an eight year old thats just WEIRD. >_>;

Sassandra
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#14
Old 08-30-2007, 09:06 PM

that's my ex-best friend for you. at this point, the only reason why he would try and get a hold of me is because he wants his games back from my sister(who was also his friend until this point). he doesn't have a way to get ahold of her except through me. he hasn't said anything yet so i'm guessin he isn't aware of the fact that my sister refuses to be his friend after what he did to me. he never really paid much attention to the goings on of the world around him unless somebody(mainly me) tried to involve him in a decent conversation that wasn't about video games of some kind. granted, i love video games and can usually talk about them endlessly. but sometimes, you get tired of hearing about the same game over and over...and over again. that was always something that annoyed me about him. you get him started on something and he puts a death grip on it and won't let go no matter what. and yes, she really is 8 years old. i talked to her once or twice.(this isn't the person that i would rather die than have to talk to) i've always been a sucker for a child that needed cheering up. so i did talk to her once or twice. but that was about it. i'd give him the time just long enough to hang up on him. he knows that's my thing. if i answer the phone and its somebody i don't want to talk to(since we don't have caller id) i just hang up on them as soon as they say hello. betrayal...that seems to be the theme in my life right now. it's what i've been writing about in my stories...it's happening in my life...wow what a crappy theme...

Yeah
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#15
Old 09-06-2007, 01:47 PM

If he can't accept that you aren't comfortable with the situation and just let you be you, he isn't really a good friend. I know it hurts to loose someone you have been so close to for so long, but sometimes people just grow apart and have to move on, I think it's time for you to move on, stick with the people who love you just because you're you and don't expect you to change on their whims.

`Mel
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#16
Old 09-10-2007, 09:08 PM

I read that && was like "I will meet him && punch him in the face"
But yea, I see where he is coming from, but I do see where your coming from as well.
But trading RL friends for people he BARELY knows is extremely rude. It's like saying "Your not important enough for me anymore" I could be really wrong, but that's how I take it 0___< If he is talking about change, then he needs to look at him self && take his OWN advice.
&& the bit about you trying to get along with his friends is blahhhh..no words.
Not everyone in this world can become friends. I know this for a fact. My best friend has a few friends that well.. I'd much RATHER not be around...EVER. && she understand that && never tries to make us become friends at all. She understand that they're people I just can't get along with. So I feel ya there 0___< I understand you %100 percent.
Anyways, change can be good sometimes. More good stuff happens to you && you can meet plenty of more people who share the same interests as you do :) But just don't go to far to the point you are nothing like who you really were before.

 


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