So, I've had this idea for a while now. A few months back to be exact. I even drew out the plot on a piece of paper and everything, I can picture it in my mind, but when I start to type it out or write out the first chapter, I get nothing. After months of writer's block I've finally managed to write this much. Any advice or comments is fine. In fact, I encourage it, I know I am not very good at writing things with much detail or little flaw. Well, here it goes. OH just a WARNING, it might be a bit GOREY for some.

The night sky shimmered in bright reds and orange as the flames rose from the countless buildings. The air felt stiff and rancid with the stench of blood. The sounds of screams and galloping horses could be heard pounding against the cobblestone streets. It seemed hopeless for the citizens that tried to escape their tragic fate. It was much too late for that. A troop of merciless demons wearing the faces of men rode the through, leaving behind a trail of destruction. They laughed and took great joy in slaughtering my people. My neighbors, my friends, my family. I was only 9 years old during that time when they had taken them all away from me. I can still remember my mother as she carried me and ran along with the others. It wasn't long before she stopped, right there by that water fountain in the Market Square. She had been ill for some time, and all this chaos was not doing much for her health. I will never forget what had happened next. My mother had finally rested just enough to continue with our escape. She had gently pushed me to walk ahead of her as she got up to follow. We had made our way close to the eastern exist. My mother smiled at me then looked ahead. At that moment I felt like everything would be alright. However, that is not how this story goes. While she looked down at me with her loving eyes, I suddenly saw the end of a blade pierced through her chest. The red blood had splattered on me as I stood there, watching her expression change to one of pain and regret. Her body was trembling, as she gasped for air. I couldn't move. In seconds she fell to the ground. And there, revealed a bulky man with his grin that showed his crooked teeth. He looked at me and said, " Look at what we have here. It's a lonely lil' dove. Don't worry, I'll keep you company." The chills ran down my spine and I felt a lump in my throat as my eyes began to water. I remember my mind screaming, " RUN!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE! RUN!" However my legs would not budge.

And that's all I got so far. Tell me what you think.

It honestly seems like a good beginning, but there are a few parts that don't flow very well. For example, 'bright reds and orange'. Also, how exactly does air feel stiff and rancid? It can smell bad, but air in itself cannot physically be stiff. I think this would also be better if it were shown, rather than told. It would have more effect, and add an element of suspence.

Overall this is neat. I'd love to see where it goes. Good luck writing!