My feelings right now are just really mixed up.
So let's just say I have a bit of guilt on my mind right now... I feel guilt, I feel confusion, I'm worried, and I'm stressed...

First of all, guilt: So there's this idiot at my school, he's stupid, immature, and has been deemed the most hated boy in our grade. He's a jerk to me, and some time last week I was seriously pissed off, so I put something in the bathroom. "Name Last Name is a gay b_tch." I'm stupid for putting his last name, and I'm stupid for putting it there... Also my dad doesn't trust me anyways, if he found out, I would literally commit suicide.

Second, confusion: Okay so I've decided to become a musician as a career, I know I'm only 14 and that's a few years down the road, but music is my forte, my passion. For this job, I don't plan on going to college. I go to a very expensive college prep school, so not going to college would be a waste of this money right? I'm scared to say it to my parents, but I feel like I need some guidance in this.

Third, worry and stress: I play for a school band, which is the lamest band ever, it's me [guitar] a piano and two singers. We play every Wednesday and Thursday, I played in front of 200 today, I play in front of 400 tomorrow... As usual. This is just really stressing me out, I don't doubt my skills, but I just feel, once again, unnecessary. All these stupid idiots sit on the front row, point and laugh at me. That makes me really angry.

I guess worry and stress really can be a symptom of all of it on top of each other. If you didn't read all that I don't blame you xD

SOo:
What should I do for my guilt?
What should I do for my confusion of college?
What should I do for all this stress?

Guilt - It sounds like it was a quick thing done out of anger. If you still feel bad about it, there are too things you could do: Grab yourself a Sharpie marker and black it out. It will make a mess, but you can cross out his name, and no one will be able to read it anymore. Or, you could tell a school official that you saw it in the bathroom and were wondering when it would be cleaned off. Teachers like to hear about this kind of thing so that it can be gotten rid of. A janitor would most likely be sent up right away to scrub it off, or it would be put on the to-do list for sometime soon.

Second - I highly suggest that you go to college in order to pursue music. My older brother was a music major, as well as a number of my friends. You have no idea how much you need to learn until you actually get there. You'll be far more likely to develop your skills through a good professor, and you'll be hired more readily if people know that you've really studied the craft. Besides, if for no other reason, college is an excellent networking opportunity. You'll meet so many people that one of those friendships is bound to come in handy overtime. I really suggest that you at least look into music performance majors in local colleges, and talk the entire situation over with your parents. Explain your thinking to them, and give them the chance to explain their's. I'm sure they only have your best interests at heart, and they can give you some advice on it.

Third - It's really your choice. Is there a community band that you could join instead? Or do you have friends that you could practice with? It's no fun being put in a situation where no one wants to hear your music, but there's got to be a more fun way of going about it. Try to look for other bands in the area that might be willing to take you in.

XD Sounds like you're having a great day.

Well, let me address these in order.

Guilt:

<<,, There's not a whole lot you can do about it now. I think it was wrong for you to write it, for several reasons, but you already feel guilty so I'm not going to hammer it into you.

The thing is, what's done is done. It's good that you feel guilty because it shows that you know you did something wrong and, in effect, you're punishing yourself. Maybe, in order to keep from feeing the guilt, you won't do the same thing again. However, I really think there's nothing you can do to assauge it. I don't particularly recommend seeking the guy out and apologizing to him. He probably doesn't even know someone wrote something about him, and telling him will probably just have bad consequences.

So... Know you did something wrong, learn from it, and don't do it again. :3nod:

Confusion:

What kind of musician do you plan to be? Like, rock star or symphonic? I'd assume the prior, as the latter, schooling can help you out quite a bit.

I'd say, don't tell your parents yet. (I'm big on avoiding these confrontations, aren't I? XD) They probably won't change which school they're sending you to in the hopes that you'll change your mind, and, for all you know, you will change your mind. Just work hard at your music, and if you still feel this way your Junior year, let them know, more as a warning than anything else. Be willing to take two or three years after high school to really try to make the music thing work. If it does, Great! If not, well, you have an expensive, college prep high school degree that you can use to get into college and pursue your new career plans. Music's a really hard career path. If it's your dream, by all means, go for it, but be willing to accept that you might not succeed and prepare for that possibility as well.

Stress:

Well, I don't know what to recommend on this one. If music is your forte and being a musician is your dream, then you definitely need to be in a band and work on succeeding. Therefore, I'd only recommend dropping it if you have another band you're going to work on.

Why are there people laughing at you? Tell me more about this band. Is it actually for the school? Why do you play so often? What kind of music?

My final advice:

Calm down. x.x All these emotions can't be doing a body good. Take everything one step at a time. You don't need to face everything yet.

Hope I helped. ^-^

Knerd: Thank you. You're right, college is probably a good idea... I've been trying to form a band, but no one really has the dedication that I want, and they bail out. The school band is just one that's for chapel...

Amari: Yeah I've learned my lesson D: Well the principal saw it, and so everyone knows it's there, they just don't know who did it, and the boy knows too, but doesn't really care. I suppose of the two rockstar fits my plan more than symphonic. The school thing really helps to get rid of stage fright, but I think playing in front of utter strangers would be easier, what's hard is that I know all 400 in the crowd. I'm thinking on the same line, confrontation can be avoided xD

It's 'praise band' music, the songs are awful. They laugh at me because they're immature 6th graders. Yes it is for the school, it's me some students, and a teacher. It SUCKS.

Thank you both so much!

Guilt - I LOVE Knerd's example of telling a school official that you saw it and find it awful. Or say you saw a friend who saw it and mentioned it to you. Anything to get it off from there. <3

Confusion - Talk to your parents. Saying nothing will solve nothing, and in turn this will turn into guilt. It should be noted that you might very well wish to choose a different career when you get older, too, so maybe you should bring it up to them on the premise that, "I really love music, and I feel this may be it for me, but my mind IS open to other alternatives. I'm not hell-bent on this!" Even if right now you are, it might make it a bit more eased.

Oh man, on the music thing... Dx I never had to play for any big groups. 100-200 at most, and one time it was a group of four and my saxophone's reed SNAPPED before I went on... and I had no extras. 'Nuff said.

I wish you the very best of luck. I hope things smooth out for you soon. It sure seems like a huge load right now.

Thanks a lot Chiairen, in fact I just talked to my parents about the career. They suggested going to a musically based high school, and have that give me a push. They said I don't have to go to college, but something tells me I want to.

Wow! That sounds AWFUL, how embarrassing. Last Wednesday the microphones messed up, and we had to restart the song, it was a stupid song anyways. I don't get to pick them, and that is I guess a little annoying, they're all really bad Christian songs. I am a Christian but these songs are really disgraceful, especially when we play them xD

I'm glad the talk went well. :3 I bet that's a load off your mind right now!

Well Meg do I have to be your psychiatrist to? I guess I got that from my Mum, and by the way don't let your parents try to take you to one as mine did, you know the story.

What should I do for my guilt?
Remember that guilt thing at church? Yes thats guilt you should feel. Thats mean, well I don't know what to say really. That was mean, and if you can for now erase it, or tell a teacher or something to get somebody to do it. Now someday go to the jerk face and say sorry, you don't have to say what for but I'd just say it. I know how much it sucks doing it but sometimes its the best thing to do, even if you feel like an idiot for it. Trust me Meg, I've done stuff like that. One being in a Amsterdam Airport I can't do anything about that, but you can. Guilt is a frustrating thing, and its a huge annoyance that gets in the way, but that doesn't mean it isn't supposed to be there. Just don't do it again, and say at least your sorry to yourself.

What should I do for my confusion of college?
Dammit Meg if you don't go to college I will beat your little blond head in! If you want to pursue music college is a must, you learn so much. I'd suggest for a close music school for one UTA (the one hippy dude is going to). Music is something that you are good at, I know sitting in your room listening to you play on your guitar. Its a good thing to pursue, but what happens if it doesn't work out how you want to? Without college the only thing you have to fall behind is working at a burger stand, and Mcdonalds isn't a career. College will give you something to fall back onto, you can take music and get a degree in music, perhaps go work for some music school or something as a teacher. You just need something to fall back on, and 'borrowing' money from me to live on is something that is not going to happen. Go to college kids.

What should I do for all this stress?
Stress, its added from your guilt my guess, and just plain old confusion. What I'd do for it? You know me, I'd just sleep, sadly this doesn't work for everybody. I'd just spend time to relax, as you seem to do, and try to slow down life. First, you might have to endure this semester then quit, thats what I would do. And anything else thats getting in the way to end to get more time to do what you want, that isn't stressful. One thing that I could suggest is helping with our movie thing, it relieves stress because it give you something to do, and by the way we need to talk about this. Do something that doesn't have any real obligation, like the movie thing perhaps (idea). To many obligations = stress.

Thats it Meg.

Definitely, I feel very stress free now. The guilt is fading, I don't feel so bad about it now because, well frankly, the boy deserved it... He does stuff that's just as bad, if not worse. Also I feel confident now about my music, and well, my future.

Edit-
Aww Marky poo, thank you! That makes me feel really good. I think I get stress gone the easiest by playing guitar, sleep doesn't always help me xD

UTA? Eh Idunno I'd rather get out of the state if I can, but if not, that works too. I think college will help, of course I could just go to a community college, and get everything done in 2 years or less...

Welcome Megerz. Always here to give out lists of strange advice (Gaia nodding icon here).

I get my stress gone by art and drawing, along with writing, as you do with guitar. Its something to do with when your left, or right brain, I always forget which one is your creative side gets going.

UTA is good, and its about an hour and a half from your house, so I'm not sure how far you want to go. But its a good college if you like music.

No going to community college! Trust me, college only matters totally for your first few jobs really, and to get into a good job you need a good college. I'd go to a good college, and only UTA comes to the top of my mind. I'll ask Nathan of some other good music colleges if you want, he'll know.

Hm. Nothing to worry about, I thought you were going to say things much worse! xD Okay:

Guilt: Well, at least you KNOW you were foolish for writing that there..
Anyways, theres obviously a REASON why this boy acts like such a rude kid. There must be something bothering him - whether it be now, or in the past, at school or at home, physical or phycological. Instead of calling him names, why don't you try to break his barrier? For all you know, he may go home after school, and cry from the way he acts and having no friends. Erase what you wrote and dont worry about it. If he still bothers you, then just IGNORE him. By writing his name on the bathroom wall, youre only prooving to him that his insults are working, which means he'll only insult you even more.

Confusion: Hm. Well..all I have to say to THAT is just wait. 1: You're too young to be thinking about this. 2. You may change your mind. Saying it to your parents or anyone wont change anything considering you still have a good 6 years before you [may or may not] choose this.

Worry/Stress: Well..simple..if it doesn't interest you, don't waste your time with it; quit. If you DO enjoy it and it benefits you, continue playing! The people aren't 'laughing' at you, theyre laughing at how lame the band sounds. The next day they wont even remember you let alone laughing at you. Everyone does it, its an immaturity thing. They think they'll be accepted by others if they 'join in' and laugh. They fear that if they actually were to express their true emotion towards the band: which is admiration, that they'll get laughed at, too. Its a self-defence reaction. Its natural, just like when everybodys staring at you when your publicly speaking, you laugh or giggle as a defence. :3