Quote:
She sees a light in the distance
She runs towards it
I see her trip over a video tape
and her staring at the t.v. screen
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I noticed that in a couple of places, the same word was used more than once and it sounds a little repetitive. I don't mean this as a negative comment, just a suggestion to make it flow better. The story is told in an understandable way, though some parts seem to contradict themselves, for example:
Quote:
The old black trees
Make her path difficult
and reminds her
Of her happy childhood
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The old black trees making her path difficult remind her of her happy childhood? She enjoyed having things difficult? It seems a little odd for a child. I think you meant more the trees reminding her of her childhood, rather than the difficulty they bring on, but it still seems that way.
I like your writing and I think you can turn this into a pretty good piece of writing. Take your time, and work on it. Remember, there's no need to rush. Take the lines and run them through your head, say them out loud and see how well they flow. Keep up the writing! I'll check back to see how it comes along!