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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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10-17-2007, 01:39 AM
I used to be a very very depressed person a few months back (around marchish and before) and during this time I wrote a lot of depressing poems. So, here I am, wondering if they are any good.
Here is my first one. This was one of my first poems I wrote:
Our Inevitable Fate
The black abyss gleamed in the light of despair
A daisy popped and crackled in a blue flame
The earth rumbled in silent screaming
Millions of cars burst into flames
Time is burning, make haste
The sun coughed up flares of plasma
It’s a pity the sun has a cold
Chaos, panic, the war has begun
The earth cried tears of sorrowful farewell
A whimper, a creak, the earth went boom.
Here is another one, which is one of my favorites of the ones back then:
The Dock of Doom
Flames flicker in the night
Silence in the sky, fear on the ground
Soldiers trembled at the flare
For the dragon approaches
Rockets roar, chain-guns chatter,
Bullets ping, rockets boom
Bouncing off like fire on water
Buildings crumple, towers fall
Alarms blare, sirens call
Devouring people, eating them all,
Getting its fill the dragon leaves
Fires fade, water ripples, smoke disperses.
And one last one (for now), though if ANYONE can explain what the heck this poem means please say so:
Avalanche
Two walls creak,
Three walls mutter,
Four walls break down the door.
I might post more if they're any good.
Any kind of feedback would be nice, even "It sucks" would help. So please feel free to read it.
Please don't be cheap and steal them, make your own xP.
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Nimhdragon
⊙ω⊙
Banned
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10-17-2007, 01:41 AM
I really like the first one :D I wish I could think of words that rhyme and still get the message across, but allas, I fail T.T lol *goes to play in traffic* But those are really nice, my friend started out writing poetry but now she writes songs.
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TheBigDB
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10-17-2007, 01:43 AM
Those are good...i like the second one :)
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
☆☆☆ Penpal
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10-17-2007, 01:45 AM
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nimhdragon
I really like the first one :D I wish I could think of words that rhyme and still get the message across, but allas, I fail T.T lol *goes to play in traffic* But those are really nice, my friend started out writing poetry but now she writes songs.
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Well, if you ever want any help I could try and help you make one. I took poetry classes and stuff in college so if you ever want/need help writing one you can PM me xD.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
☆☆☆ Penpal
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10-17-2007, 01:46 AM
Quote:
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Originally Posted by TheBigDB
Those are good...i like the second one :)
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Thanks =3
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Nimhdragon
⊙ω⊙
Banned
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10-17-2007, 01:53 AM
Wow there's a lot of older people on here unlike Gaia, almost everyone I've met on here is married and in college and ect. T.T lol
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Larele
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10-17-2007, 02:01 AM
=o You know..I've always liked your poems..and I'm glad that you don't write sad ones anymore. <3
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
☆☆☆ Penpal
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10-17-2007, 02:10 AM
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nimhdragon
Wow there's a lot of older people on here unlike Gaia, almost everyone I've met on here is married and in college and ect. T.T lol
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Actually, Umm... I was on gaia xP
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
☆☆☆ Penpal
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10-17-2007, 02:36 AM
I usually write love poems nowadays (about Larele above =3) so I thought I should share one of those too (Just wrote this):
Endless Joy
My days with you are wonderful,
Being with you, holding you,
Gazing into your lovely eyes,
Into the past, into the future,
Cuddling for all eternity,
I hold you close, never to let go.
Too sappy? Not sappy enough? Feedback loved.
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