Thread Tools

`Haru
Useful Idiot
81.90
Send a message via MSN to `Haru
`Haru is offline
 
#1
Old 10-21-2007, 10:41 PM

Tis' My newest Story.
I'm not usually into this kind.
But, whatever. xD
Critic and tips would be appreciated muchly.

--------------------------------
It was a tainted November in 1678.


Anger lurked around every corner, burned in the eyes of children, amongst the grown-ups. Meetings held every second day, Of the exacutions of witches and those who didn't belong. Hate was overpowering us.

My name is Crystal Waters.
I was accused of being a witch, now dead. I hung from the gallows and burned with many others, also known as the innocent to some who still believed.

My parents... abandoned me and my Brother because of the surrounding hate. The hate which they carried with them. to everyone we were known as "dangerous monsters"

And for now, this is my Story, the story of a girl and
the worlds real danger.

298 years later---December 12th 1976

"Charla?" Ms. Knotte yelled across the room, sounding abit aggitated. "Are you daydreaming again?"

I awoke from my emotionless state, and shook my head looking deep into her eyes.

"That does it, you think this class is only for thinking? Well, I guess, technically it is. But, a different kind." She walked to the door, slowly opening it and said "go to the principles office, I've had to deal with this to much lately."

Silent giggling could be heard from the students as they watched her exit the large double doors.

As she slipped by the few corridors. She could hear teachers lecturing thier classes. Math, Geography, French... But, the 3rd room from the principles office, next to Mr. MacDonalds class. Nothing.
She stopped walking, peering in just a little.


This is still unfinished though so... yeah. >.>

StormRose
*^_^*
416.97
Send a message via MSN to StormRose
StormRose is offline
 
#2
Old 10-22-2007, 12:17 AM

You have an amazing premise. When you add onto this let me know, becuase I'd like to continue reading. The only thing I really have to say is flesh out your paragraphs a little bit more. Sometimes though, prologues have a tendency to desire to be short and sweet.

`Haru
Useful Idiot
81.90
Send a message via MSN to `Haru
`Haru is offline
 
#3
Old 10-22-2007, 12:20 AM

M'kay, I will.
And Thank You very much. :' D

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Forum Jump

no new posts