The sad thing is I really could talk the ear off of anyone, and I'm not shy. The problem I have is sustaining and furthering the relationship. Everyone just feels like an acquaintance for the most part. There's Aaron, and there's you that I can really just kinda be my self and open. Everyone else? Not so much. My parents and I have had a stronger relationship, but I think that's mainly due to Joe's death. I don't think things would be that much different if he were still alive, sad to say. Even so, I would pick having my brother here every time. We weren't real close in his later years, but he was my brother and I have a lot of happy memories with him, just hanging out.

I found myself sitting there pondering if he really did exist. If I really did go to England. The older I get, the more hazy memories become. It's kind of...eerie.

Life is full of so many uncertainties. Scary ones. Promising ones. I wish we had crystal balls to peer inside and see...

It's next month that marks the anniversary, right? Do you guys talk about it when it comes?

(If I poof, Terra woke up. I think she might.)

(Awww OK. I'm hoping she doesn't, but that's cause I'm enjoying this and I've missed you! <3)

Eh he doesn't get mentioned much, in all honesty. I haven't had any weird dreams lately...I don't know as it kind of feels like most things have already been said about it between my husband and I, and everyone else I don't like to talk about it because well it's sad...and I've found that people prefer that I be more happy and outgoing. I'm trying, but my negativity seems to be a hard one to shirk. I can quit smoking easier than I can rewire my brain in that fashion.

If I only I could...and beat my weight problem (which has a lot to do with my 'feel good' eating...I'm one that eats more when she's stressed/depressed >_>)

As you can see, I lost the battle of coming back.

I think the biggest thing about death and grief is the loss of the relationship. Everyone impacts us in some form or another, no matter the type of impact. To lose that is significant. We have to, at least in some fashion, find out how to turn the impact into something we can live with. We keep going, and getting "stuck" doesn't help. I don't see you as stuck though... from what you shared I think it was the process of grief, you know? I can't imagine there won't be bad days here and there. I don't see my brother much at all, but I'd be at a complete loss if he died.

Mmm, food. I should make breakfast. I go in patches as to whether or not I stress eat. If I get depressed, I don't eat. If I get stressed, I tend to eat. But now I've switched my foods so I'd get an orange instead of, say, chips. Delicious, delicious chips. xD

Yeah I don't think I'm stuck. I've done a pretty good job of going through the grieving process without having to get counseling. I had my moments though where I was so depressed I'd spend the day in bed (if not working), and Aaron was good to me and let me do that. He knew it would be difficult and take time. He's also been wonderful to talk to, but like I said we've pretty much talked about every aspect of it and there really isn't much to say.

Mmm food. It's too bad I can't get myself re-programed to crave for oranges instead of potato chips or my favorite - cheezits. That would be soooo much better for me and less calories too.

Make sense to me. *nod*

Ah yes, those cheesy devil crackers. I found a gluten-free substitute which is closer to the Goldfish cracker (in taste) than cheezits. Damned tasty!

I don't think I could give up Cheezits...I've yet to find anything that tastes like them. Especially the hot and spicy. Those are my all time favs!

Watching Pam and Tristan's friend bantering between eachother. It's pretty funny as she finds him horribly annoying. She tries...

Terra's napping but should be up soon. I went to get something to snack on, and Cole got back with a couple groceries. We had a co-op order for more gluten-free bread, and pickups are on Saturdays.

I want something too...but not sure what. Nothing sounds good at the moment. I'm in one of those moods. D:

I had a little leftover homemade mac and cheese. Then some toast later. Carb overload. Dx

Aaron and Pam are making some Beef Borgenion (sp?). Something that takes about 2 and a half to 3 hours to make.

I'm getting ready to go to the store with my friend and her son and Tristan. Just to get out of the house for a bit.

That should make for a tasty dinner. It's a yummy dish. :)

I hope you have a good time!

It was nice! Slightly chaotic. The boys wandered in the toy isle for a little bit while my friend and I wandered a bit. Then we went our separate ways, trying to hurry so I could get back in time for my mother and law to visit. She ironically left our house as we got in my friend's car though.

The boys had fun and it was nice getting out of the house.

Not much went on here. I cleaned the bathroom. It was overdue. I need to take a picture of it too, after I vacuum the rug... which is now in the living room. Mom wants to sell the house, so I figure when we clean, every room will get a picture or two. xDD

Oh my word dinner was SOOO good. *rolls around with a fully tummy full of happiness*

Then for desert I picked up some waffle cones and cookiedough icecream. Maybe we didn't get up to much over the weekend, but we sure made up for it with the meal. Both Aaron and Pam worked diligently in the kitchen using the Art of French Cooking book my mom got Aaron for Christmas. I think that's one of the best presents she could of gotten. Aaron has really enjoyed cooking out of it.

I figured you'd like it. It's a tasty dish. :3~

I love to cook. We usually have big meals (time consuming, I mean), but not always.

I can't be bothered and I will just make something super easy or not eat at all. Aaron already knows if left to my own devices I would rotate between ramen noodles and cereal. LOL.

I get sick too quickly when I eat like crap. Much as I'd like ramen and cereal... I can't do it. I usually make eggs for breakfast, pack a healthy lunch, then make some form of dinner with a protein, starch, and veggies.

That's probably why I feel like crap a lot then. Heh.

I just really don't get anything out of cooking. I mean once and awhile it's fun for Aaron, but I guess I'm just plain lazy.

I splurged today and got one of those soap dispensers that you put like 10 percent soap and the rest water for our bathroom. I'm liking it. May pick one up for the kitchen once Aaron gets paid, sometime mid week.

It could be why you don't feel well. Crap foods do end up making symptoms of depression, anxiety and so much more all the worse. Sugar is a big culprit too.

Being out in the boondocks is hard sometimes. For example, nothing here would have toddler gum cleanser (too young for toothpaste), so I had to order it on Amazon as we're out. Not spending $30 in gas to get to a decent store. But, Amazon Prime is a lovely thing!

I'm antsy to go look at that apartment. There isn't much in terms of stores, but there is a Family Dollar. It'd be nice for something to be within 5 minutes as opposed to 35 if we needed something simple.

That sounds like where my parents live. The closest gas station is a 15min drive. To go anywhere else is a bit farther. There's the up sides to it, but I do like being a little closer to the conveniences so if I run out of something stupid it isn't like having to make a special trip to get it.

---------- Post added 02-16-2013 at 09:14 PM ----------

I'm also really antsy for you to check out that apartment. I want to hear what the monthly rate is and if it is looking like you guys might move there. Sounds like a good change of pace. I know that proximity to job is a good thing. I hated my hour and a half commute to work in the UK. It was dreadful. T_T

Oh my... hour and a half?!?! Was that one way or combined for the day? O_O

One way. :/ It was public transportation...so it was a bit finicky. Sometimes it wouldn't be quite as bad. Some nights if the train was late I could be waiting awhile for a bus.

*shudder* x___x I cannot imagine.

Hiya Chi. :D
I see we're quite in the same boat. I don't have all 2012 and any 2013 CIs. :P