CHEESE! =D
How's you? :3

Motivated and somewhat productive. :XD It's a miracle! My internship crap is done and it's not even due until December 17th.

How about you?

Awesome! =D

I'm pretty good. Worried about a test I need to take on the 9th.
But it's my last final...

Is it for Research Methods? If so, how did you do on the exam you said you needed to ace?

Yeahp, and that's the one I need to take. xD;

Evil... xD Hopefully it goes well.

I have no exams, but I do have to finish up the group work involved with my Research Methods project. We're presenting to the school faculty and community members on the 17th at 8:00am. :gonk:

At least it's almost done.

Cami - Because he does have a problem, but at the same time I don't think that cutting him cold turkey is the answer. There's other ways of him forming another addiction, and would rather try to tackle the problem appropriately.

I emailed this to his school counselor, in hopes of a reply.

I should first introduce myself as Tristan ******'s Step-Mother, and I'm emailing on behalf of him as I am concerned. His mother called me today to say that his teacher had commented on his report card that he is constantly talking about video games, even in school work. She wants us to cut any video game playing from her child's routine and I have tried to very calmly explain that I don't think the route of the problem is the video game playing itself, and might be something deeper routed. I wish to encourage him to have hobbies, but at the same time when both his father and I have talked to him about the appropriateness of when and who to talk to about video games, and even his incessant begging to play them. We try to encourage him to have friends over, to build lego castles and do other activities other than video game playing, but it's almost become an obsession with him.

I have sat and thought about contacting the mother again, to ask to approach you but unfortunately I don't think that will do much good as she has a very headstrong personality and will insist she knows best. His father, on the other hand, is very passive and I have constantly had to motivate him to step up to his ex-wife for the benefit and well-being of his own children, but he is also very worried of the repercussions. He wants nothing but the happiness of his children, but he struggles to find the courage and thinks it's a never ending circle of fighting between his ex and himself - and he knows this has negative effect with his children.

I'm wondering if my stepson's obsession stems from unhappiness or depression. Both his father and his grandfather on his father's side suffer from depression. His grandmother and grandfather on his father side were alcoholics, and the father committed suicide when he was just a baby. I know that those factors contribute to addiction, and I am also personally affected from depression, both in the family and of my own...and I think the sooner we can get help for him and give him the coping skills needed at an early age, the better chance of him growing up to be a happy, and healthy adult.

If you need to speak to his father directly, to get his permission to act on his son's behalf (I know that the law is unfortunately very strict when it comes to parental rights...) you are more than welcome to contact him at his email at ******@******.com or leave a message on our cellphone at ***-***-****. Either that or if you have a contact number I will ask him to call you back.

-Tara ******

Edited out parts to protect our identity. :P

Edit: Ugh I notice an incomplete sentence in paragraph one. That's what happens when I'm trying to talk to more than one person at a time. -_- Ah well. Doesn't sound too bad I don't think.

Cami didn't ask--I did. D:

I... don't know if I would have divulged the family depression but rather offered the phone contact instead.

It is a difficult situation, and I agree with you that ripping away the video games and forcing him to go cold turkey is going to screw up things more than it will help. I would try and set up something. Maybe make the gaming time a reward rather than a privilege. If being more social might help him, perhaps for X amount of hours he does more social activities, he can get the same amount of time to play games in return?

*shrugs* I don't really look at it shamefully, it's a fact of life and it's like any other ailment except...it's difficult to diagnose and treat. I'm sure given there is a history of depression and addiction in his family makes him even more prone to develop an unhealthy habit to help cope with his situation.

I'm thinking the next time he comes over to our house we will have to sit him down and set new guidelines. Yes, he can play some video games but there will be a time limit and then he will need to find other things to do. I've tried to work with him on his reading, checking out early reader books and reading them to him and having them read back to me. I've bought workbooks to work on it as well. The problem is he will not sit still long enough to complete anything, and will show signs of restlessness and trouble paying attention. He could be ADD for all I know, and that itself would need to be addressed, if be the case.

The problem is, Chi, I get very little time with him here and it's kind of stupid for his mom to call us up and blame him for his problem he has. I told her point blank that I did not approve of him playing Call of Duty 2. He doesn't understand WW2, and further more because of such games has a very warped sense of how to problem solve. For example I gave him scribblenauts to play (a very creative thinking game), and all his answers were weapons and violence. The child is 7 years old...

I'm almost done too. <4
Then I'll be home for Christmas break.
And get to see several friends. =D

Anyways, to happier news.

I'm not wearing any pants. Anyone have a suggestion for me? I think going with the chainmail pants won't look as right.

I don't look at it shamefully either. Some people look at such raw openness and don't know how to respond, is all.

And that's also a good point. If you and your husband don't get a lot of time with him, there is little you two can do to help him (long-term) be better other than lay out the guidelines while he's with you. It might actually turn out to be an interesting experience. I'm curious what all he "gets away with" at home. :(

*gives pants*

Oh I don't know. I know that she's OK with them watching R rated movies, and also playing first person shooters. I first questioned that when Aaron told me as I thought it was bad parenting skills.

She claims she makes him go outside and do stuff. I think the only 'family' activities they do are fishing and mushroom hunting. His mom or sister will play Pokemon Monopoly with him, and that's about it other than watching TV. I probably don't even want to know how much TV they watch either...as there's little else for them to do out there.

When they're here, they have friends over a lot, and I encourage his best friend to come over and them to play together, even if it is video games...it's still social interaction and it's so cute watching them play.

Edit: Oh lord, I purposefully missed out anything on his mom's side as that's for her to tell them. She would go off it if I told the school half the problems she's had. That she's been molested by her dad and given up for adoption. You know, I did try really really hard to put myself in her shoes and understand her. My family aren't emotionally close, but no way have I been in anything nearly as bad as her.

I don't suppose there's any future hope of full-custody? :gonk:

Well CPS have been called, but the problem is obtaining incriminating evidence. I've had hearsay from the kids. Step daughter has watched her mother get beaten by her ex-boyfriend. That seriously brought me to tears. For any child to have to watch that breaks my heart.

Her boyfriend now? The worse he's done is shove her head against the car window. Then you know she says to me (and this is without any mention of what I've been told by the kids) oh and I've heard you cry when you don't get your way and you throw fits. When stepdaughter throws fits she says it's because of you. First off, I cried once over a a pawnshop flute and that was a year and a half ago. When I first got in this marriage, and it was during the summer where I was playing the role of working mother, babysitting the kids 2 weeks at a time and also working while they were at the house. We were so damn broke, but at the same time I felt absolutely worked down to the core and I had wanted to get back into music, and aaron knew it but couldn't afford to let me pursue that hobby.

Anything else we argue about is rarely ever shouting, name calling, or anything inappropriate for the children to hear. Yes we have had disagreements, but even then I try to explain to Pam every healthy relationship has them, and it's how you deal with them that matters. Just because we're having a stupid squabble over who's music we listen to in the car, doesn't mean we're on the brink of world war 3.

Now when I say that people should be forced to get the snip, I think that the ex wife would be a prime candidate. She was clearly not ready, still isn't ready to bring up a healthy child. Hell I question my ability when it comes to that! At the same time, I want nothing more than for them to grow up happy and healthy.

Edit: God my life sounds so soap-opera ish. Sorry Cami but no inspirational videos here...Well other than I say I survived! *punches fist in air*

In seriousness though, I think that both Aaron and I turned out as normal as we can possibly get. He's really turned a corner. Gave up drinking, partying, and smoking pot. He cares so much about his kids, and says they've really shaped who he is today, and if I met him before hand I would of thought he was a giant asshole.

Sorry I'm kinda scattered. I'm working on getting my Research Methods paper edited. I'm doing the nitty gritty, and the rest of the group can add/subtract other things. Save for the final chapter (which has yet to be graded) I won't be adding anything more to this paper once I'm done tonight. XD

I do apologize too, Chi, if I've been a bit too much lately...divulging info and such.

I'm kinda worried hubby is kinda irritated with me for posting on facebook about the issue with his son, but at the same time he and I have known about his 'issue' for awhile and figured he'd just outgrow it.

Apparently when Aaron talked to his ex last night, they came to an agreement that until he gets his grades back up (and knocks off his incessant rambling about what he plays - mainly Oblivion and Call of Duty 2...), he is grounded from playing. Hubby did stress though he would like son to be able to play again, as he enjoys it and I don't see anything wrong with him playing (just perhaps some of the things he plays, and well his obsession with it...). Also, she seemed to have 'changed her tune' a bit since she talked to me, and was a lot more reasonable to talk to. I don't know if that was after our talk yesterday afternoon, or she talked to her boyfriend but I think she realized she was being slightly irrational.

I'm hoping that the counselor does pull him aside though to speak with him, and perhaps get him in the right direction as I worry that maybe he has ADD or perhaps is unhappy with home life and just simply grounding him won't get to the root of the problem. I think if anything, the counselor at school should recognize some of the symptoms, if any, and hopefully help us address them.

Yeah, that's why I worried last night. Some people don't know how to handle/address raw openness like that. I can see why your husband wouldn't have wanted the Facebook lists knowing. It's a private issue. Depression, ADD--nothing like that is shameful, mind. It's just that it's hard enough to find the answers without a buttload of people poking their thoughts in.

It'll smooth over though.

I guess it depends on how open he would be to the counselor. I'm not sure what embedded issues there would be, if any. Maybe in the next few weeks you guys will see something.

I'm hoping so, Chi. I really don't think he understands or realizes what he's doing either so I think the whole grounding thing might be kind of confusing. I wish I could monitor his school work and make sure he's turning any assignments in on time (if he has any). He's had a good 6 weeks off from school because of his surgery on his arm, and in that time his mom has told me that the teacher has only sent home work to him twice and she didn't sound like she was actively going to the teacher and picking up the work for him and working with him on it.

It's really frustrating as well as she doesn't work, and spends the entire day at the house with him...you'd think she'd make it a priority to make sure he does well in school and really push him to succeed.

I think part of her problem is she's under the impression that he is handicapped and trying to get him on medicare, and while he does have a really rare birth defect (Poland's Syndrome), I've done some reading and studies show that it doesn't impair their ability mentally. His right side of his body has organs smaller and has a row of joints missing from his hand, but he still is able to do most tasks as any other boy of his age will. I wish she wouldn't baby him and hold him to a lower standard than everyone else.

Yeah.. If he's able, she should embrace his abilities rather than coddle him. The only message he'd get from that is that it's okay not to try because of his condition.

That makes me so sad. It really does. If he's able to do most things as you say, and there isn't a hindrance on mental abilities, why the hell isn't she pushing him to be the best he can be?

It's a good question. I don't quite understand it either. I don't know if it is a combination of things including him being the youngest, having Poland's syndrome and just feeling sorry for him. To be honest though he is a trouper and he's more capable than he realizes.

Aaron told me she's always been over protective of him...

It's saddening that sometimes being overprotective is a bad thing. People always have such great intentions that they think are selfless, but... eh.

So...I've still got a mask for sale. :(

Sooo.... I still don't got enough money for it.
; - ;

*snuggles on Hata*