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Tsuki-chan
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#1
Old 11-17-2007, 01:24 AM

The flower so cold
Will wait for the day
Of the warm Spring breeze
No matter what though,
I shall wait here forever
Until the breeze shall blow

Tsuki-chan
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#2
Old 11-17-2007, 01:26 AM

im still an ameture, i made it on the spot

Equivalent Exchange
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#3
Old 11-17-2007, 01:45 AM

Please try not to double post.

Quote:
Until the breeze shall blow
I think the 'shall' in that line is unnecessary. It messes with the rhythm of the rest of the poem.

Tsuki-chan
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#4
Old 11-17-2007, 03:39 AM

meh too lazy this was just because i was bored *yawn*
i'm tired and such........ i am really bored yawn
I wrote this cause i was bored.....

lilaithia
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#5
Old 11-17-2007, 07:17 PM

I think that's very good for having made it up on the spot. :D

 


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