Aww, who is this? I guess theoredically for me it does not matter cause I don't really use my lj account, yes i realize I mention mark in every post, but this is liek not mentioning you to people, it doesn't work well.

Yes ninja nigth is the toilet paper thign, but eagle's landing or ninja night, I vote eagle's landing, less annoying kids, more fun.

Also I do karate/kung fu, it is chinese shaolin or soemthign liek that, but we mix in too much to not be considered the rest too.

Ahhck, .07 gold from my next marker, and with that, I am going to bed
goodnight

Ahhh. Okay, so that's why my brain got confused. xD

And I swore I mentioned reading the guy's lj earlier, but I guess not. ^^; It's none other than Stephen Poon. I'm not obsessive! I swear! I just wanted a book to read... TT.TT Okay, maybe it started with some semi stalking, but it was just a "huh? he has an lj?" after I saw the Spoony Bards event. And then I started reading it.

He writes very well. >_<

Why is he so talented? *envious* But I am not doing this for sake of fandom. I'm not doing this for fandom at all. I'm doing this because I honestly enjoy his writing.

...I still feel like I'm getting stabbed with that stalker arrow. ._. Perhaps it's because I'm lurking. I'm sure he'd be cool about it and be flattered, if I told him, but I don't know if I want to know him. Yeah, sounds weird and messed up, I know. But I want to read everything first. I want to know the writing and see the changes. Of course, I'm not going to be right in everything, and it will probably give me a very skewed picture, but bah. But then, this is probably me just being a scaredy cat and making every single excuse possible because I'm too afraid to talk to him. >_>

And it's not so bad about you mentioning Mark if you look at how many times I spazzed out about Supernatural or Spoony Bards. xD

But it's also things like this that makes me rather paranoid about my own lj. Yeah, I know weirdos like me are rare. Seriously, who is going go through my ENTIRE lj for the fun of it? But then, Stephen Poon probably had the same thoughts. Of course, he's something like a semi-celebrity, so yeah. Things are different.

...and I just got distracted for like an hour reading more of his journal. >[email protected] That's it. I'm going to sleep. And will probably read more tomorrow.

Stephen Poon!!! He he, you are amusing, very very amusing, but I understand why in the world you liek him, he is liek a college celebrety to us and it is soo cute too.

Baaaaah. *sticks tongue out* Yes, he's basically like a celebrity, which means I get to fangirl all I want and never be serious. xD

It's people like him that make me miss my high school friends that were crazy talented and brilliant like him. I loved the company, and I miss it. I love you guys at college, but I really miss my crazy creative group of friends. Techie friends appreciate stuff, but it's not the same as being surrounded by living, breathing art.

Because I miss them, the artist in me is very prone to having artist crushes on artsy people. >[email protected] But it's so stupid! I'm home. I'm where they are, but I just never see them. So instead I fall in love with the art itself--with the writing, with the music, with the voice.

And you want to know what the crazy thing is? Reading his lj is like reading my drabbles. You remember my whole crawling versus walking versus flying metaphor? It's in his lj. It's not the same metaphor, but it's the exact same concept. And then there was this other one he wrote about mainstream, and I've written one too. I know it means nothing because there's bound to be similarities in everyone, but it's just really cool to see the same thoughts written in such a different manner.

It's crazy.

Okay, I need to stop talking about him. This is bad for my health. xD

*runs away to read his lj more go do something else*

Stephen Poon!!! He he, you are amusing, very very amusing, but I understand why in the world you liek him, he is liek a college celebrety to us and it is soo cute too.

...did you just make the same post twice? ...but that's really weird because if it was a resend or something, it sent a whole thirteen hours later? o_0 Or did it sit on your computer and you hit refresh or something? 0_o Or is that there can only be one reaction to my silly artist fangirlyness? xD

*is utterly confused*

The Anne Rice book I'm reading not is kinda blah. They grab you at points, but at others it sorta drags. And they're so pessimistic. >_< Well, in a sense they're pessimistic. They're interesting reads, but I often feel like I want to break up the reading with something happier.

I really want to buy some new books~ >_< But I have such a hard time making it to a bookstore. Yes, I could walk to it, but every time I plan to go something comes up or I forget. xD

But since I have no books, I instead have an lj, which is just as good. xD

Anywho, going start waitress training next week! Wish me luck and hope that I don't drop dishes or spill coffee!

Which Ann Rice book? She is a terrible writer in that way cause huge parts drag forever. So the manga has buy 4 get the 5th free right now :) ohh so dangerous cause um....needs more manga!!!!!

Good lick on waitress training, I don't know what happened with that post at all.

So I am back home, not happy about it at all, but such is what happening, and gahh, I want to jsut be on vacation till school starts, but somehow earn money.

Woah. Back home already? o_0 That was a short vacation.

And it's really all of the Anne Rice books. >_< There's really long sections in which the vampire thinks and it's supposed to be all profound and all, but it sorta sounds like she's trying too hard. :\

Moved lots of furniture today and took apart a queen sized bed and reassembled it. x_x

My internet half died today, and I was sad because I couldn't get to lj. TT.TT Hence my going to go read my Anne Rice books more and getting annoyed with them.

And I am understanding his character more (huzzah for analyzation!). xD He and I do share similar views on certain topics, but whereas I am an optimist, he is a realist. That's probably what causes the huge style difference that I so love. Realist fascinate me because they concentrate on truth without getting bogged down by it, yet they don't lose sight of it by chasing after dreams. I find it so very hard to not delve down the sides of fence. Being a realist is like sitting in the middle and having to defend from both sides. It isn't easy. I suppose I admire them for that.

And I got paid today! Yay! x3 *dances around*

I'll probably be lurking around in the Word Games forum somemore to make sure my dragon hatches, so you will probably be able catch up in gold. xD

Bother. I think I need to eat dinner soon. >_>

Waaahhck.!!! I have to get 700 more gold all of a sudden. Bad bad bad...

And I have 1 month to go, I really am trying ot not count, but it is kind of hard on the 14th. Also Mark was asking kind of thing, I try to not ball park it, but bahh, so easy.

Also I am doing the power quest group today, gahh, i havve to think of insane plot line. But I don't know, it is odd, I think I am going to wear normal clothes to work again, I am lazy, very very lazy.

Umm, I don't know, i have 3 weeks of work left, it i feels odd to think that at all too. Oh, next week is overnight camp, sweet, and I don't have a clue what we will be doing, but it should be awesome.

Oh I also have this awesome duck that is a pirate, and way too many pictures of Lego buildings from my trip, it was soo much fun!!

Yeah. I kinda didn't lurk in the Word Games forums like I was planning. xD I felt oddly creative and so wrote a bunch of drabbles. ^^;

Pirate duck! ^^

Ball park it? Psyrien is unfamiliar with the term. >_>

I should really be sewing right now, but I am finding myself too lazy to move. ^^; But I will sew! I will! My mother will be rather annoyed with me if I don't. And today I really don't have an excuse. <_<

And remember that group I was talking about here a while ago--the Jonas Brothers? I have finally come to a conclusion about them! Yay! xD They're not bad, but they aren't amazing. However, that doesn't mean they can't be enjoyable. They have some catchy songs, but there's nothing that really grabs my soul and reels me in. I suspect it is the vocals. They aren't bad, but there aren't those moments where I go "oh my gosh, you are amazing and I want to marry you for the complexity of your voice." And yes, I do that often with many other artists. xD There's just a richness that I feel they lack. No, they aren't bad, but they could just be so much better.

Have fun with your quest thing! ^^b

Ball park it means estimating a time frame, or estimation of a number.

Also today was soo odd, my LET group is like 9 large, and insane, and for some reason they are expecting me to lead them through a plot line, even though they aren't trying anything at all, silly silly people. Also I am not sure how over it I am with Jared, he is working now and it kind of confuses me because I still have issues cause he seems to be blowing me off, as site manager, thinking he can get away with stuff like doing things he shouldn't be and not arriving on time to work and such, I'll end up talking to him again and to Ian if it happens, but he seems to not care about me as a person or morally and such and as his boss I don't know if it is jsut me or if it is somethign really really bad for him to be doing and not jsut me. He also seems to not really want to be there, more of it is a cool job and so now I am working kind of thing, not that this job is something he loves. I hate his mentality too.

Aww. I don't know, maybe Jared is kinda miffed about not being able to get his cake and eat it too? Or maybe these are his true colors? It's hard to say because I really don't know him other than he's pretty, has a nice voice, and a harem. I'd say talk to him about it. Talking--well, yes, it can hurt things--but you'll never figure anything out without it.

...I'm hungry. >_>

your hungry, anyway was confused and decided to talk randomly for a while, it seems odd and weird and odd and yeah, people tell me it varies time to time on that type of stuff with him though. I guess part is that it is issuable talking to Jared about it too.

aww cute links of geeks proposing!!!

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/1999/02/17/

http://www.leasticoulddo.com/forum/i...ST&f=2&t=26599

DSLKJFEIOWJFDL. I got the second link that you sent me through AIM earlier and wrote up a Challenge response to it in my drabble thread.

And what do you know? I say a lot of the same stuff as the first link. xD

But here's my reaction: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. x33

That's so cute to be proposed to through a webcomic! It's just so, so... AWWWWWWW. x3 Words cannot describe its adorableness. xD

I'm suddenly nervous about doing waitress training tomorrow. I mean, I'll get the hang of it. I have to. It just seems very daunting to have to keep your customers in line, remember everything, carry all that crap, pay attention, know when to give the check, and do all your side jobs on the side. It's too much! @[email protected]

...Of course, I remember thinking the exact same thing about hostessing. <_< But hostessing truly isn't that bad. There really aren't many side jobs to do. You're either seating, cashing, or standing around. There's a crapload more to do for waitressing. ...but then I suppose it's almost like being back at counter but having to deliver the food and not just call.

I dunno. I suppose I'll figure it out, but gah. Scary. ._.

...My dragons are growing up! ^^ *hugs them*

Yes you will. It'll be good later, and then you can actually have a job possibly when you go back for winter. You better go back to Hawaii for winter cause I am trying to push going then....

Isn't it awwwwwww I think I like the second link more, for it wasn't proposing through the comic, it was actually jsut a reflection, but yeah, I want to write drabbles about them.

Also Mark was tired last night, like a you need sleep I am pushing you through the phone to go to bed, I kind of with I was there cause it was one of the , go get off couch, move to room, take off clothes, walk up latter, put sheets on top of you, grab cuthulu and tell me good night , it was the aww, i wish I could do it in person so he didn't have to do the work, and then I could have actually curled up next to him cause I was tired too (we were both tired at 9 my time...way tooo early).

Also I think it was cause I miss those times I can actually jsut have both of us tired and just falling asleep after a day away from each other, but it was a tad funny and more a slight amusment to have to tell Mark it is best to go to bed and stop staying up late.

Also he never learned somehow going to bed right after discussion is a possible good thing cause then last main track of mind is with people, maybe that is why I talk to people late at night....(too many drabble topic possibilities, must write).

I just had sushi! ^^ My mommy brought it home for my dinner, and my daddy brought me a bento--double dinners for me! xD

Of course, I'm coming back here for winter. What else would I do? Stay in Chicago for what? Invade Boulder? xD No thank you. I prefer being warm at the coldest time of the year. xD

And my little dragons grew up! Yaaaaay! <3

And waitressing is so much harder than people give the waitresses credit for. There's so much to think about and do. Then there's carrying those blastedly heavy plates and trays of food without spilling and all with a smile. I think after this I am going to become a very generous tipper. ^^;

And I DESPISE having to tuck in my shirt! RAWR. I liked my counter uniform better. TT.TT ...but I do think the little apron is cool. It has HUGE awesome pockets. I loves them. x3

He he, I think you are still going to be a semi not as great tipper, something about tips killing budget...But yeah, it might increase. I hear it is hard, mom was one once, and yes the aprons are often. I do feel sorry for them having to do everything reguardless with a smile, it is really quite hard to pull that off, and yeah.

So I think something might be hurting me more than i want it to be, this entire week I feel randomly liek crying after something only vaguely wrong happens that is normally cause I jsut feel pushy. I don't know what is up, but it seems odd, I guess part of it has to do with it hurts my brain to understand Mark is 3 years older than me, but here I ahve loads of fun talking to people six years younger than me at work...I am very confused right now.

Your dragons did grow up, and I bought new items, and lost gold.....can i have gold???!!

Sadly a 1000 away from you right now too....must fix that soemtime. But yes I prefer the nice sun too in the winter, so hopefully I'll see you then, well I'll see you sooner.

Sushi!!! YummmM!!!!! I want sushi!!!! was talking about japanese snacks earlier.

I guessed you bought items because I could've sworn the gold gap wasn't that big. ^^;

And okay, maybe not a very generous tipper, but I'll give maybe more like fourteen or fifteen percent instead of twelve.

And yeah, age is a funny thing. It matters, and it doesn't. After a certain point, the thing that matters is maturity. There's nothing wrong with having a deep relationship with someone older than you and having fun with children. Don't parents play with their children all the time? It's a normal thing. It's nice to be able to talk to someone and have them understand you. It's also nice to be able to play with someone and completely forget. It's a balance. One can seldom be enjoyed without the other.

I... am hungry. ._. But I really shouldn't eat now because my friends are gonna take me out to lunch as a joint belated birthday present to me and my other friend. Bubba Gump's! Shrimp~~~ <3

...hungry. ~_~

he he, I swear you are always hungry and so about swearing, I did so trying to explain a chracter and I was calm and collected but was explaining that this one chracte is very lawful I smash you all who do anything near bad and yeah (uses many possible swear words to describe this personality) and Jared flipped out on me while I was in middle of wxplaining, he was all sorry for making you angry bye.....it was odd, I swear, it happens, not always cause i am angry, any yeah, I know it is fickly, but we were describing the chracter earlier that day and that is what we decided was what we wanted to describe him as, Jared flipping out was odd cause it didn't really do much more than be like fine, I see you don't care, and want to leave and think I am angry, and as such, cause you haven't been here, don't care, and seem to not care about this job, so bye. (he seems to like the job but not care at the same time more like it is there so sure I'll do it.....) (so not the attitude to have doing quest leading, more of enjoy being here....) but yeha, odd.

Huh. Weird. Not entirely sure if I understood all that though. ^^;

I made scones! I love this recipe for scones because they're light, fluffy, and not dry. They were yummy. Very, very yummy with my mommy's jam. I'm supposed to bring up some of the jam for you because it's strawberry and delicious. Perhaps I'll make scones up there too. ^^

I got PRESENTS! And they were BOOKS~~~ ^______________^ I love belated birthday presents. They make me feel so special because they're like random presents on a random day even though they were supposed to be for my birthday. Oh, and I got earrings too. ^^ Wing earrings and some gauged hoops! Huzzah! ^^

Aww, I wanna see the wing earings!! And Scones? Strawberry scones?? (attacks you for some). Yeah, ignore my huge annoying rant there, Books>?! Oh Also I have a buy 4 get the 5th free manga sale at borders, ohh so dangerous. Must buy more books. I soo didn't get sleep last nigth at all, And spent most of the time crying or at least more calm while on hte phone with Mark, I blame my dad. Anyway, feel weird cause I have puffy eyes and such when I woke up, i hope they don't stay liek htat at all, brr on crying. Part of it was also that I had the stupid feeling that Mark was going to no longer be there when I hung up, and yeah, felt wayy to lonely inside, it was annoying, stupid crying self to sleep in really late hours, then i had some scary dreams (not crazy) and yeah, I think I snapped somewhere in the night, realisitcally I got maybe 3 hours of sleep.

Bah, you are hugly above me in gold. I don't think I can keep track. What are you going ot do with all that gold anyway? you are a full 1100 in front of me :(

I will spend all my gold on lovely event items in the future. ^^ ...or perhaps I shall simply hoard it all. xD

And they aren't actually strawberry scones. They're plain scones but go very well with mommy's strawberry jam. ^^

You know, I've never actually had that puffy eye problem. o_0 And that's really weird because I used to be a HUGE crybaby when I was little. I dunno.

*hugs you* No being lonely and having scary dreams! Think that you're gonna be back in Chicago in about a month or less!

And I think I'm becoming a slightly greedy waitress. I share a section with another trainee, so we split tables. And I didn't realize that she only had one table, while I already had two, so I took a third. ~_~ Oops. But blah. It's nice having more than two tables, so you have something to do. And it's getting easier, but I don't know about getting regular customers for myself because I don't really make small talk. I will if the customer is friendly, but more often than not, I'll just smile and deliver everything very well. Blah. That's alright.

Time to crash now. I don't want to skip kendo tonight, but gaaaah. I hate the groggy feeling when I wake up. >_<

ah, well sounds interesting, I think this entire week is just feeling off. I for once was actually mad and angry at some people that I felt no need or want or feeling that it was my own fault. I didn't know what to do with it. I think this is proof that I blame everything on myself, but that is just me.

Regular customers would b e awesome!!

Anyway, I had to tell my boss about Jared yesterday, it was odd, I think that might have been part of it, and then it was silly but I had to tell him how another quest leader was doing normal I am not sure how to start this job work. So more stress to watch people more than normal. Also had 9 people who were all my age, fun but ridiculously powered, it is silly, but yeah, very very weirdly bad.

Also I had people yelling at me to hang out with them and got fed up with me, then ends up that we set up hanging out today, and then she had her parents tell her to house sit and all of a sudden never telling me, so i show up at the meeting spot and she isn't there, and we decide to not meet after talking to her, I just had the feeling she was going to do that all week to me.

Also Mark's sister's 21st birthday was yesterday, and I missed his call to tell me that he wasn't going to call me all night cause party was still going on, and yeah, Mark drank, and got thoughtful, glad he did, but it is odd to hear him write in his thoughtful but depressed state. And with me crying cause I was lonely the night before and such, I haven't really had a fun talk with him since, and it is weird cause I want to still end conversation on a good note, but when it didn't happen it was fine minus me still depressed, I feel selfish now about that, and should probably just remove myself from wanting to feel needed by someone, but me extracting myself from my relationship is probably a bad thing.

Then mom told me to clean up room, and right now doing that to take some stress and anger out, but yeah, odd week, I hope it get's fixed and doesn't stay this way......

Just sent off a reply to your email. It baffled me because for some reason, I felt like I was on mene and spazzed out when I realized I didn't get the gold for it. xD I think I've been here for too long. ^^;

And I forgot to do this in the email. *HUGS* You sound like you really need them. What happened? This is supposed to be summer! The happy, sunny, un-depressed time!

Well, hopefully, it's just a bad week. I think part of it is because you just saw Mark. You got to used to seeing him again, and then that was taken away. You're feeling the loss anew.

On a different topic, I feel like I've been taught kendo wrong. Well, not quite wrong but I feel like I haven't learned correctly. All these years I've been told to just hit men (the head strike) nicely and have good form. It doesn't matter if I win or lose, so long as I do proper kendo. The problem is my form is beautiful, but I only hit men. I'm something like a machine. I don't think about openings. I've never had to actually spar that much. It's always been a sensei telling me what to do. I have always been in safe waters, free to just do the same thing over and over again. There was no focus on thinking fast and reacting.

Meeeeeeeh.

It just felt like it's something I wasn't told about, so how could I do it. But that's not really true, it was something of a given. And perhaps this is simply the level that I'm at. Now that I've learned how to hit properly, I should learn how to practice it in the field.

It's something like that saying, "Learn to play by the rules--and then throw them away and play from your heart." But my heart is a lover's heart! I am a lover, not a fighter. I am clear on this part. I would rather love than fight a war. Perhaps I'm simply not suited for this. ...which I actually have been told before. I would be better suited in kung fu or something else that is prettier.

It's just disheartening. :/

Thank you for the long letter, I figured out yesterday I wasn't up to tell you it all again in such a way that was once again remotely coherent, so as such, copy paste worked well. I am not sure how much of it is cause I did get to see Mark, I do know I am back to trying to talk to puppy because i felt confident enough to actually work on that again. It is silly, but I think part of it was that through it all, I did hide everything about Jared from Mark, and it probably bothered me a little. Other than that, my response to the email, is that has always been my life, I don't really get ot hang out with people on random, it is fun to do in college, and I want to be like that, but that doesn't work with my mom or i here. I had to turn down sushi actually cause I had plans to be with Katie tonight. sushi with the guys would have been fun.

Maybe that is my problem, here it isn't how people know me, nor dynamically something i can understand, for my parents and i have always had that schedule. I guess i get it in a small sense, but it defaults back to the current as it is here. Anyway, other than this is how it has always been, since before and during grade school, I am not sure how to deal with it now. (gets the feeling this might be why mom and i argue at the beginning of me coming back every time too).

As for it being summer, yes, i know, I hope that this will be the end of it all, I would like the no dealing iwth people all hte time when I talk to them anymore, and i think that breaking from them all or most, is probably going to cause that anyway, but not necessarily.

As for Kendo, it is somethign I came to understand when I was doing Karate. I knew the moves, but ti wasn't until I sparred many many many times, and had to run through drills where it was a either or could hit did I even remotly find openings, no one ever told me to, but I think if I didn't know how to, I would be under your predicament, like i am with forms, pretty, but I find it useless, and sometimes feel as if it is all jsut a false thing for a show.