My grandma died of lung cancer last night, Sunday night. It was in her lung and her liver. She was in the hospital the week before last and was home for about a week.

She laid in her bed, in a dark room, with soft music, two lit candles, covered to her shoulders with a sheet, sleeping most of the time and moaning. She was barely ever awake and lucid.

I spent Saturday there taking care of my cousin's daughter who is about seven, so I was not around my grandma a lot, but she was not herself anyway.

Here is where the question come in. My friends do not really know. I think some of them know that she had cancer and I was going to visit her, but they did not know the situation. Part of me is probably hoping they will find this post, but I want to know if I should tell them. I am hesitant to tell them at school because I will most likely cry. What do you think I should do?

Edit: I am going to add a different questions to this, since I think I have the friend thing worked out. Okay, so I noticed that in response to my post different people have wrote that it is a comfort to know that people who die are in a better place. For those of you who think this, do you believe in God? If so what religion, or why do you not have a specific religion? Also if you do not believe in God, then how do you approach death? These are things that have been on my mind lately. Let me know what you think. And I am sorry if I somehow offended someone in writing this.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Big hugs.

I do think you should tell them, so that they understand any changes in your behaviour and also, so that you can talk to them about what happened and how you're feeling. It's always good to have a shoulder to turn to, right?

Is it possible to get everyone together after school or something to tell them? Or even tell people individually, on the phone or online? I totally understand not wanting to be that emotional at school. Do you have a lunch period all together (assuming you're in highschool, my apologies if you are not)? Maybe you could give them the news in a sort of private place at the beginning of lunch, so you have time to sort of collect yourself before classes.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a grandparent to cancer, as well.

Aww.. That's sad, I'm sorry. I hope she's in a better place now.

As for your friends, maybe you should tell them over the phone, or at one of their houses. They don't all have to know, just the close ones.

*hugs* There is not a whole lot that can be said to make you feel better...I would know because I actually lost my grandma...3 years ago to cancer, and it was the first death in my family where I was old enough to be like....'hey someone that I love just died' and it's a horrible thing...and the only thing that made me feel a little bit better was crying...

And hugging my family members and then crying some more. Eventually I got over it because I just think, "She's in a better place, so it doesn't matter." But on occasion I get sad...

There was actually one time where I had a dream about her and death and it was really horrible, and in the dream I was crying...and I woke up and was like whoa, that was strange, and then I realized that my face was wet, and I guess I was crying in my sleep...it really was odd.

But just letting it out is good, and just think that she's now watching over you. <3

Aww I'm soo sorry for your loss. Its heartbreaking when someone you love passes. I don't know about you but I don't really tell any of my friends about deaths in my family. I do that because I don't want to breakdown at school and because Its more comforting to me. I'm the type of person who grieves alone by them self. Besides I hate it when people say they know how you feel. The thing is they don't and it just makes it worse. Do what you feel is right. Its not mandatory that your friends have to know about your grandmas death. If you want you can tell them later on in the future. Its hard to cope with life once someone dies. I hope you feel better soon. Best wishes to you <3

I ams very sorry for your loss my dear,
may my sympathy be with you, I am ver sorry to hear that.
-gives you a hug-

You do not need to tell those you do not want, some people just pester you because they are 'curious' beleive me I have been in your situation...just for tears you get all this uneeded and sometimes unwanted attention, at least that is how I feel, I am not sure if its the same for you. Just talk to adults they give better advice or your bestfriends. I usually go to those two people for help when needed.

I would wait awhile to tell them.
Or write them a note saying that she did die.

You don't need to tell them asap either.
Just take your time.
Do it until your ready. :)

Thank you all so much for the advice and the hugs. I still do not know for sure what I am going to do. I keep going back and forth.

I think it is good for them to know, but I do not want to cry at school. But isn't it impersonal or kind of cold to send an e-mail? I could write notes, but I do not really do that and then there is hard proof (I could not think of another way to phrase 'hard proof') that can get lost.

Plus if they know and they know that I do not want to talk about it then I might feel like they are trying to distract me on purpose which makes sense. Then if they do not know I might feel guilty

What are your thoughts on the pros and cons?

Oh..i'm sorry...-hugs-...

I think you should tell your friends though..I agree with `Nightmare to though, taking your time and tell them when your ready. :)

I'm sorry to hear that, my aunt died 2 weeks ago, and I also did post about it here.

Anyway, don't be afraid to cry. It's pretty normal for that to happen. I do suggest you tell them. It's best to have people who can give you comfort and support at times like that. Remember, crying isn't always a bad thing, even in school. If it would make you feel better by telling them and crying to them, then don't worry. They'll understand you.

vmars, in this sort of scenerio, I'd say that it's okay to send an e-mail, especially if you say in it that you thought it would be too hard for you to tell them face-to-face. As long as your friends are the e-mail checking type (most of mine are not xP), that's a much better option than a physical note, in my opinion.

Do you not want them to distract you? I understand that completely, I don't like that feeling very much. P: The best way to solve that is to make sure they know it's sort of open (if it is). Let them know that they don't have to totally avoid the subject, that you will talk about it.

All things considered, I still think you should let them know.

Oh, I am so very, very sorry you're suffering. These things are never easy. My opinion is that yes, you should tell at least your closest friends, even if you do end up crying at school or wherever you tell them. They can be very understanding and supportive and they most probably would like to know what major thing is affecting your life right now. There are times when I'm hesitant to talk to friends about things going on but sometimes a friend's shoulder is a good thing for both leaning and crying on. In the end, I'm always glad I talked to someone about a situation.

I'm sorry to hear that. There really aren't words to say when someone dies to be honest. My grandma is seriously on her death bed right now because she has pneumonia. I'm not all that upset for some reason and that's upsetting me.

-hugs-

I am truly sorry for your loss, dearheart. There is not much one can really say, orhter than if you always remember her, she never, truly passes out of the world. My condolences to your family.

I agree with your statement but when it first happens its really hard to accept the fact. I know that it seriously just hit me that my grandmother is dying. My mom probably won't be able to take me to the doctor tonight or go to my voice lessons recitle tonight. It's made me feel quite selfish but I, in a way, understand and I've started to become unmotivated to actually perform in it.

I'm sorry to her about your loss. I think that it will help you greatly to talk to your friends about it, if you can't do it at school then, as I saw someone else mention, try to get together with them outside of school. Crying is all part of the grieving process and will do you good.

Honestly talking to people will help. School may not be the best place to tell them but having someone to grieve with can really help ya out.
My grandma died while I was out of the country so I didn’t know till it had already been 3 or 4 weeks. It was really hard. :[ She had MS for over half of her life and she was such a different person that it was hard just to see her a lot of the time.
Let your friends know and ask for help if you need it. :] this kind of stuff can make you sad and easily irritated and its good if your friends know so they know to support you and that its nothing personal against them.

Believe me I know how you feel, I lost one of my best friends and her brother to a car accident when I was 8 and I am now 13 I still miss her. I still wish it never happened but I can't change that. I was strong and never let myself down I will never forget her and love her always but sometimes you have to say goodbye to the people you love most in life. Stay strong and never give up. People will support you if you tell them and maybe even comfort you. For the most stay strong and never forget her.

R.I.P Tisa <3 and Cameron <3 For you will always be loved.

@DelilahHeart: I am so sorry to hear that. It does feel odd when someone dies and you feel you should cry, but you do not cry. With my recent grandma who passed away it has been very easy to cry, but my grandpa and other grandma have both died in the past two year and I do not remember crying much for them. It is not that you are not sad, I think it is that the situation it different. Maybe it has not set in that she is really going to be or is gone. Another factor is how much people are crying around you. If other people are crying, it is much easier to tear up.

I ended up crying today because it really hit me hard that she's not alive. It's upsetting.

Tell your friends, at the very least so you have someone's shoulder to cry on, a 3rd party to hear you out because it will help you. My grandfather passed away in February and I don't know how I would have managed without the support of my friends. I told one because that weekend we were supposed to do a project and my mind was obviously not into thinking, and he relayed that to my other friends so they would know why I was so out of it.

My brother didn't tell his friends, only one of his teachers and his counselor knew what had happened because he didn't want to seem like an attention whore and wanted to deal with things himself. We both mourned pretty much the same but having my friends there to talk with helped me accept things whereas without them I think I would have had a lot harder time stopping the 'bad mourning' that I was doing (I had stopped eating and didn't realize it).

You don't have to tell everyone, but I stongly suggest telling someone so you have a person outside your family to talk to because then you can say things without worrying about the other person becoming overly distraught (I mean, I had trouble talking to my mom cause it was her dad and a part of me felt ashamed to come crying to her because Da was her Dad and I knew him a shorter time and as a grandfather...heaven forbid I talk about him with my grandma, she yelled at me that I couldn't miss him nearly as much as she did and that my pain wasn't important).

vmars! Why didn't you tell us? We could have done something for you and your family! Being the good friends that Nariko and I are, we would always be there for you.

Yeah I understand how you feel my grandmother died this september. I was really close with her and loved her very much.when my mother told me i cried for about an hour. I wished that she had not died and mom was playing a cruel joke but she wasn't.when I was at her funeral I Promised myself not to cry because I had to be strong for her and my family who most even my cousin who was in the military cried at her funeral. I knew she didn't want me to cry because she was going to a better place. So just remember Your grandmother is still with you in spirt not in form.

Do to the slow processing my mind has, I've just realized that this is probably why you weren't at school on Monday and why you weren't eating the scuppernoggs and salame that I was bringing for you to eat. *hands you plate of digital/pixiled scuppernoggs and gives you hug*

(their digital due to the fact that they aren't real and because I'm passing them through the computer.)

@Alaunt: You are right. This was the reason why I was not at school on Monday. Thank you for the virtual food ... it tastes rather different then the real thing.