random

my belief in time (also essay format) part 4

My days are very busy, especially Wednesday. I wake up at 6 am, get ready, eat breakfast and check daily online comics. I leave for school at 6:30. I arrive at school at 7. During my passing periods, I run from one class to the next, giving me just a few minutes of down time to draw before class starts. After all eight of my classes are done and school ends, it is already 3:00. I rush to Web Team, my first after school activity, so I can start the meeting. Web Team lasts for an hour and a half. Then I dash to the bus stop to be at Karate on time. I am on the bus for forty minutes during which I prepare my homework. I am at Karate for an hour, and then am picked up by my mom for the thirty minute drive home. I arrive at home at 7:00 pm., more than half a day later from when I left, during which the sun has risen and fallen. After dinner with my mom, I practice cello for a half an hour, leaving two hours to work, finish my homework, and get ready for bed. I go to bed at 10, finishing another busy day.

random

my belief in time (also essay format) part 5


The choices I have made gives me the schedule, but I still have a social life with friends just as busy. I choose to be president of Web Team, to take Karate, play cello, and have eight classes. I created time by spending every minute that I have extra to be productive with something I enjoy, like drawing. Those few minutes of drawing has allowed me to create a comic that my friends all enjoy reading. My Wednesdays are busy, but I have fun creating time with my activities, for it is my best spent time of my life.

random

my belief in time (also essay format) part 6

One does not create time by lazing around and being bored. Boredom makes time irrelevant, or it can last forever if one is waiting for a special time. Therefore without using time, one can not create time. One chooses weather or not to be active, therefore one chooses how much time one wants, or how little one feels is necessary to exist.

random

the series -47

why does she freak out so
everyone seems to understand
i have it in control
why does she not think so
it is annoying
for you see
i want it done
she is this one who is trying to keep it all
who keeps trying to be outside
but there is no need
for she is somewhere else
i contained it
like i should have
this issue
was not from TV
it didn't go everywhere
for the timing was required
for it all.

random

the series -48

You seem to understand
you no longer want to know
that possibly
in the background
that there is someone
you want to challenge him
directly
in the game of wits
to understand
what has all happened
for you see
it is no matter what
the winner
would start to see
it is interesting
for nothing doesn't show
that the confusion you both have
and the battle of the wits
to see if you can beat the other
just for my touch.

random

the reason i turn

you failed the understanding
at every moment you tried
it was the giving up that I saw that you had not a clue what you are doing
and no idea what would be any reaction
i became a convenience to you
and for that
I turn and run the other way

random

the leech

you have nothing farther than what you offer, and for that is seemed something that required trying to dig in order to find out., When I dug, there was nothing there, nothing different, my kindness to you had made you a leech to it all, i originally never minded, but when I came to understand, it as time then to flee

random

my stupidity
it is in my stupidity
that i seem to actually talk
for you see
I have had too much to deal with
yet i weight bear it all
and I wait
till one is half resolved
before another happens
it is then
that i understand
that nothing is there
but it's consequences
and so I leave
probably not to talk again.

random

the series -49

we all wonder
what is causing it all
is it me
or you
I am quite sure we are all over it
then why am I like this
why does it just want to say
why do I want to be kissed by you
or wish you would come in
and save me
maybe it is just
that you live here
not a bit farther out
maybe you understand my pain
as I do yours
but maybe
it has to do
with that through it all
i am sorry for you
and so strain myself
from keeping you happy
for that would lead to other people's despair
ones I can't let go
and ones
that would never again
understand.

random

the series -50

am I over it
is it just all a fake thought
i figured it should be fixed
but I fix it normally after i break
after it is all said and fixed
I walk forward
I am now
but then again
is it only my shadow
that stays there
that wonders what if
that knows what would have happened
had my own feelings been ignored
I would get exactly what i want
exactly
but only for one
others would be confused
for you see
the elixir is unnecessary
for it only takes a touch
a touch of a drug
and then I will turn
and cuddle
it is terrible yes
but one must see
the feeling that I have
the knowledge but I hold it all in
to the point i don't remember
then it is there
that i hide
that contact is weird
so then
I can wither in my own misery

random

the series -51

it is in this state
this collar I wear
that I saw it all
that i understood
I wore one that day
when I was in the room
alone
but with one
that we saw insanity
that it was weird
that I tested him
that I knew myself
that i should stop
that I should not do anything
that everything
should flow into the green
the green of it all
into the wings
into the hand
so that I don't do anything
I was effected then
by every movement
it is a test to me
and a test to you
that one day
I can play with you
in you can be tested
and pass it
I am who I am
playing with them
like the pawns we are
I hurt myself
to test another
so it is just a warning
but deal with it
I will stay there
holding my own hand
and breaking the rest
for the survival
and for the game

random

the series -52

did you honestly expect me to tell you?
to understand it all
did you see it
I am obvious
like blatant
and it is bad
i am terrible at the hints
yet you knew not
at least he recognized it
and you didn't catch it when i was grumpy with you
will you give us the space
and the time
for you see I need it
and now you see
I wonder what will happen
and for that
I will take it all
and start to understand
that you do not understand me
you don't understand these words
the ones that pain me
the ones that cause you to think I am not over it
but that is you
stop bringing it up
please
it hurts
especially when it is all hidden
I cut all the ties for a reason
so then
if you don't understand
then why are you wanting to be around me?

random

the series -53

this is it
this is the end of it all
i am happy
I made one remember it all
and another
see it all
and be there
given him hope again
given one feelings again
that is what I want
that is the issue with us guardians
we all understand
and let us go last
last in our mind
we subconsciously hurt ourselves
for you see
we are just like that
we see it all
and stand there
holding what we want
our weapon
only now do I understand
why there is advantages
why I can be a weapon
without holding one
for I have a lot
but don't need them

random

the series -54

we wonder how long this will last
how long till it fades int other background
it should fade faster
for those of us who see each other more
but that is not the case
you will run
and lets see
five months later
will you act like that to me
and for that
I will not be happy
i was over it
I gave them the understanding
and that is what called it
that is why it was odd
that is why through it all
that we saw it
that is there problem
with it all
we should never be like that again
and if we are
we are in trouble
unless I break him free
I could do that
and for that
that would be fun
interesting
but fun
for you see
i would hold it for you
but the question being
why
I would like the pause
but the pause
is going to hurt too much
one semester
can i hold one for ages
or will the five months be proof
be proof of it all
that i can't stand people close to me
that often

random

the series -54

problems are soemthing I seem to get
they come with everyone
it was my choice
not sure how to deal iwth it though
for you see
I am in a dilemma
I want nothing on my record
nothing
but it is annoying for it is scary
and this issue
this issue of wanting to walk over and play with you is hard
hard to deal with
cause I want it all
i want the all before I settle
but it will not help me one bit
and for that
and everything else
I wear a scar far exceeding the norm
a red one
in my skin
but slowly fading

random

the series -55

stability
it is all relative to us all
but in general
it seems that none of us have a off switch anymore
or at least I prove that I don't at times
and prove others don't
but sitting with them
understanding them
and wishing they were mine
it is always a case
always
but it is soemthing
that few realyl want
it is a case
that we all know
that i should not be around him
and stay with him
it would be different
had i not noticed
it would be different
had I actually seen
the state I was in
a long long time ago

random

the series -56

it is as I suspected
I am once again in a dilemma
you see
he is good looking
great actually
close to me
but he lacks it
lacks what you have
the physical
the state that you can bring me to
with your hands
with claws on my skin
the love but none of it
the honesty, and my control for it all
I seem odd now
but it is hard
hard to know that I have given up what I could have had
just because of when it happened
I promise
if once again we meet
I'll be there
with you
I watch your line of control
you watch it to
You watch out for my state
and i could care less
for you see
you give me what I have missed
the thrill
of it all
the understanding
that there is someone else out there..

random

the series -57

as i see it
yes i understand
i am pushing the boundary
it is bad
very bad
but I do love it so
I feel bad
but not enough
for you see
he will have to turn me away
otherwise
i will hide
hide into the oblivion
I must find stuff
I must
for it would be great
i want him to see it
the stars
and unfortunately
it causes me to wonder
did I pick the right person
is it all a dream
that i can manage it at all.

71. preference
(also series - 58 )

I prefer it all
the constant physical
it makes me want you more
it reminds me that soon
I will probably give up on my current
unless he changes
I know right now
i am turning the other way
but you do nothing
you are slow
I am around the other more than you
it is funny
I am marked
time a lot
and we don't know it
you guys don't recognize
when I am covered
covered in the purplish makrs
all over my neck
i did them too
extrememly
it is amazing
I love them
I love that feeling
to have it all
to know it
that is why I return
that is why he gets the evil plan
but you know not who it is for
I now am doing it to liz too, but still
he sits here
watching me
and I saw it
the effect
that i have never before caused
never before
it was nice
the teeth
the small bite
but it hurt
almost none
it is a nice
a preference
of me

random

the series -59

you sit there
being bored
like me
but you see
I know it is there
it is ironic
that I created it
that it all has happened
are you mad at me?
or do you not
do you really think we should stop
you understand
that if you are here
i will date you
that is what it means
the purplish mark
means
do you see it
the marks all over me
I know
I should be commited
but we all find it funny
it is interesting
to be bad
it will hurt me a bit
but with people i trust
it will hurt
and I know it
but see
I want you
but physically
I will never understand
you
like my X
like Eric
is full proof of that
is full proof
now
when the other is slow
and we probably remind me
of how
if he doesn't say anything
when I start to not be around him
then that is proof
of my first
of David
so then
like I thought
in the end
I should pick
the second
but my brain
likes the first

random

the series -60

do you see it
do you see it all
that I am hiding
that I understand it all
that I am being bad
that the mark
all over my neck
is from me
from my action
it is like
all of my love
poured from you
into the other
into the one
who wears my mark
his name
pure proof of him
and yes
does he still love me
does he care?
I would love to be there near him
or soemthing
but it hurts
to watch as you don't see it
but us
the puppet masters
playing together
watching as my puppet and I
are indeed a puppet
a evil plan
and we see it
do you ever see it
ever
probably not
you are too far away
for know it
even now
we hide it well
so well
and his stars
that he will see
and you help
so does it make sense
your ignorance
in the system
that is sad to say
that i can
manipulate it
even if I am
checkmate

random

maybe I just fall for the gentleman
this is by far the first time
I can't decide
within a few weeks
I like this one
and that one
and this one
I love it all
and it is sad
we trust each other
greatly
and I wish I could the girl for each
one I wanted to clear up his barrier
one I love
for the whole sake
that he and I play the same
and one
he is a gentleman
who isn't afraid to say anything
which is amazing
I am a sucker
for those
who are honest
with me
and with others
and with themselves

random

it is odd
I feel weird
i didn't mean to do anything
I didn't remember
why I had
my computer
i know I never talked to you
i know I never asked
but it was something
I am not required to
it was something
that I spent my time
having fun
I spent it all
making
discussing
it all
i hurt you
i probably did
your bliss down the drain
but did you see
what you have done
to me?
what has happened
when i got sick
and you weren't there for me
it hurts
it hurts I know
but did you honestly expect
that i don' see it
i know i give you the benefit of the doubt
and even without the other people
you just are there
like you were a while ago
you aren't sure
aren't sure at all
what to do with me
I chose you
i chose you for a project
and you seem to not care
but it is odd
should i just turn back
and into a corner I stay
my love
my never ending love
isn't necessarily as I thought
it was a desperate attempt
as we got to know each other more
but nothing is happening
nothing at all.

random

do you see it
the end
the end that had no beginning
you don't take care of me
the way you could have
it has been a while
it really has been
you have an ability
to show up late
out of contact
it matters not
email not reliable
nothing is
I knew very little of you now
i love another puppet master now
to of us
dancing
pulling each other's strings
he was happy
when I had forgotten
why I was on the computer
why it was there at all
it actually was there for the chain mail
I know I went back on my word
but recently
i was working
working well
it helped a lot
a lot to know
that no matter what
i was still happy.
If you are not possessive
then what happens
when thsi all goes down
when I see
that you don't seem to care
you don't understand
whatis going on
please be there for me
not jsut because
but everything
he even gave me hope
you jsut came by
offered to help
same yes
but different in a way
don't be depressed
but understand
i live my life
but keep me on a chain
otherwise
I will run away
and go to far
and possibly never return
even if you have a lovely touch

random

bondage

keep me on a chain
there is a reason for the collars
it keeps me real
it keeps me from the problems
I am all but loyal at times
I need just a small tug
but a definite one
or else I find it fun
to run and run
and to never end
going farther from you
seeing the world
prove that your world
is better than the others
if you can't
then hold onto me
hold onto me
keep me from straying
straying far into the others
for soon i will forget your touch
forget the reasons for it all
and then
think I should just cut the chain
or is it that you let me run away
and don't chase
for that is not that much fun either
hold
be possessive
and it seems odd
but remember who you are
and keep it all
in your mind
you aren't quite what i think
you just sit
waiting for me to come back
to make a move on you
but are you paranoid
don't you see
that I might be doing so
somewhere else.