random

am I the cause?
am I the amusement for others
do we decide what we want
it is sad
but it is a case of
do i still like you
do i still think it is worth it
when nothing is working
nothing
do you see
what is going on
why it is hard
why it all boils down to it
that we are all hurt
by the current antics
but it hurts me
to be there
but not
I want it changed
why do you give yourself two weeks
to tell people
it hurts
cause it is a case
show me off
say hi
I understand it all
but you must understand
that I see nothing
no appreciation
for any of it
when I am sick.

random

I am not playing
he is my toy
my boy toy
I know what I am doing
but you need out
out of this discussion
so go away
and please
let me be
let me burn alone
then trying to step in
and take my hand
before the hay bales are there
before the fire is lit
let me go
and let m play
even if I burn
I will want to run away
so can we disappear
and just stay away
till all of time
so that we can just walk
walk
for all of eternity

random

flying

so the walk has begun
he has flown
but is thinking
that I am too
instead I walk
we use to walk together
but no longer
i gave him the wings
but he hasn't been giving me mine
letting me fly too
so I will cut it
clip your wings
for you see
I want to walk with you again
and I burdens me more
as I start to crawl
that you are flying
but not seeing me
crawling behind

random

the collapse

I watch
i did call you
out of the oblivion
and asked
as I did him
I looked up to him
it wasn't sleep
it isn't me sick
it is everything else
so it is interesting
for you all never notice
without trying
I look up and sure
people ask if there is more
and with him no
he is just there
I can tell him my issues
despite the world
but it hurts
cause he is merely
someone close to me
The falling water
slowly
one at a time
as if
wishing it was blood
blood that could be contained
like true tears
that fall
forever
down to the black
from the blue
from the dead child
lying in the void
from her collapse

94. missing someone

I look up
wondering
are you there
watching your room
not stalker like
but just wondering
it was sub conscientious
till recently
I have no means to break it
I miss you
that is all there is
you and I
you used the word
partner
it is true
we both want it
but can we hold it
for the years to come
when we leave
I can walk away
but I do not want to
drunk or not
I will sit there
in your hands
we both wrapped
I am attentive you say
I remember
I just move my hands
like they can
calming
amusing
it keeps me slightly up
I want to talk to you
reguardless
but it is weird
when we tried to not
we must talk
for it is what we are
we miss each other
each voice
and when my phone rang
you tackled me
wanted me not to go
it was interesting
fun
and very very amusing
it kept me there
but I could tell
you wanted me not to leave
you are learning
that I am there
and that you need me
as much as I miss you
that I can't walk away
that i watch life
but i am there
every night
you knew you needed one
but assumed you would never get one
I knew so too
but unlike you
I am a girl
and get away with it all
I can walk away
walking away is hard though
so I normally don't
and I'll just sit
sit and have fun
watching me
and me watching you
we love it dearly
for we miss each other
but when break is done
I will miss you
even more

random

the trio part 1

I held three
one I make out with
he gives me my physical
he gives me my physical need
at least part of it
enough
but knows what I am
understands
that i am needy
but knows
that the title
is hard
so we just have fun
and with that
create a false world
one that we love
but is my physical beast

random

the trio part 2

one is nice
a beautiful boy
I saw a bit of it
he doesn't see part of me
but he lives
and gives me hope
when I needed it
is willing to talk
I am too cruel for him
i would be willing
to watch
to be by his side
as his goals
are there
and I live
to watch him
watch him grow
I want to be his encouragement
at the very least
he is the one
that i watch
and would love
to be the girl
by his side

random

the trio part 3

the one
the one with the title
he does nothing
knows nothing
nothing of those
the physical beast
the one I play with
not the one I am watching
encouraging
the one being there for me
the nice one
he
the one with the title
knows nothing
yet got the title
so I
shall drop it all
drop the title
and do what I am with the others
how I want to
with no regret
and without a title

random

what is left. when the physical is gone
and you want to call it something
you are an idiot
that is friendship
nothing more than what i give
I would sooner play with all
lay with the one ho I sleep with
play with the one who I want to encourage
and be there for
when he finishes his dream
but it is a case
you gained nothing
but the scarce reality
that you were not yourself
and I broke you for that
I am what i am
and you are what you are
but don't change
and please don't
for it hurt
and it tore me to shreds
and lefts me in small ribbons of flesh
at a pile
scattered everywhere
for all to see
so I pushed you back
back into the corner
so I could finally start again
and people
understanding
that the ribbons
that they saw
were just what happens
when someone shreds me
without my power
to change it

random

I am here without you
but yours still on my lonely mind
I think about you all the time

it is sad
but every nap I take
I want it in your arms
everywhere I don't know
why
but it is such that
as i lie
i see only you and me

random

the ideal

the idea is nothing
but a choosing
you ask when you can come
I will not run away
but I would love to be with you
as i am
but we have learned
that no matter what
we bboth do so
for fun
for it all
it is scary yes
that I open my door for you
and for you only
and that through it all
you switched on me
and cuddled me
because I couldn't move
I will forever know
what can be done
and what won't be
as for this
I also understand
we have fun with it all
so I walk on
watching you
as you watch me

random

the ideal part 2

you see me
you know
you fall into the back
alot of the times
it is nice
I watch you
as you are like me
and that like me
I was paid attention to
it is interesting
for you see
I was the one
in the 3 way room
that sat alone
reading
now you do
with her and I
so it is interesting
you wait for me to be done
to have fun
to have fun through it all
and with that
you wait for me
like a patient one can
not badly
but can

random

the ideal part 3

turn around
and with you inside
I see it
I understand
what all happened
it hurt to some extent
it was odd
for you see
you ave me what I can't have
watching
watching as i twitched
for a while
and you played
it was the cause
for you see
no matter
I could not control self
you told me to just calm
let it all die
but you
like me
want the light control
and that
is why I try
try hard
to gain the control
for a while
it might have hurt
it might not have
but it is amazing
to watch you too
smiling
at me

random

the ideal part 4

you seem to watch
as I turned
you had your fun
till I couldn't take it
then you saw it
that I wanted my strength
that I wanted control
then you watched
and let me get together
you told me to calm down
that it was ok
that it was fine
you had no idea
how scared I was
how scared
to watch as all control
of everything
was gone
I wanted to curl up
to gain full control
to no longer be open
but it was odd
I felt safe
I had my nightmare ran
that which is one
that is one pushes me to the door
that I would not get up
you let me up
cause I could no longer talk
and you let me drink
drink what I could
and you let me calm
you let me slowly
slowly control it all back
and gain it all again
for that
I thank you

5. languages of motion

I paw
I paw when I can't get what I want
it is hard
to watch you leave
even in the morning
I am use to it being friendly
but no one notices
it is hard
to watch as you leave
into that room
yes i know
but it is insane
cause it is different
I am use to it
you still scratch my back
knowing what I want
knowing it matters not
you are nice
nice enough to run your hands
along my skin
nicely
till the end of time

5. languages of motion

we sit in the artificial world
the one that many know of
but none disturb us
it is amazing
amazing on the levels that one can not explain.
we originally sit, not too close
but am so
one of us moves
normally me
wanting to slightly curl up
he is what he is
there for my toy
originally it is just light touch
slowly harder
just how we are
it is nothing new
just amazing
then we get into biting
a beautiful part
it hurts
but only for a bit
it is amazing when it happens
i want it all there
one large bruise
he returns the jester
slowly we move
nothing said
just fun
but this language
it is amazing
each touch
each movement
a jester
toward another
either to tease
or to do
so as such
every piece
inside and out
is a piece of the language
the language of our motions

random

busy

there is not much to it
I create time at home
I create time there
it is simple
but it hurts
when I use to pull a small amount of time
and the mere thought
that when people think i am insane
and then I explain
that I get less sleep at home
what to do then
they probably think I am lying
but as one can see
my schedule is insane
I do what I can
I burn myself out
all the time
no one cares
or thinks it is that they all realize
that is just who I am
can I sit by you
and relax
that is maybe
why I like them
that is maybe all there is to it
so stay by me
and keep me
from killing myself
or otherwise
one day
I will truly burn out
and become dust
blowing away
into the wind
gone forever

random

when everything turns black
I see it all
the paranoia
that I seem to have
jsut from some silly show
it hurts
but one must understnad
it scares me
soo much
that I want to jsut hide
I msut then
be with someone
for all my time
it hurts
and iwth that
can you be near me
when I watch something
for you seem to keep them all away
you are special
you keep me from fear
I fear not what you have showed me
so it is when you are there
that my fear is subsided
and you tell me
whisper in my ear
that it is all ok
letting me stay still
and just be with you
giving me no reason
to fear
what I fear most
so stay by me
and keep me there
by your side

43. from the airport

I wish you could
from the day I leave you
I wish you could take
even a small amount of time
and just go out
and wait for me
wait for me under the place
to see me come
and even in a simple gesture
even if not to carry my stuff
I would love to come home
to others waiting for me
to you waiting for me
or some others
yet they all fail
I have tried
tried to make the dream true
knowing if I asked you
you might say yes
you might say no
it would be fine
but to just watch
as you and I turn around
I wish that
one waited for me
after a long time away
just to see me again
that alone would cause me to happy
for quite some time
but it is a notion
that will never happen
it seems
so I will stay
and hide the secret
as to how to gain a key
easily
and just wish
and hope
that such thing
could ever happen

54. chat

I never found it great
convenient
but it seemed to eventually replace in person
it saddened me
for you see
in person is nice
the small gestures
everything
but now
it is nice
against the distance
that I am where I am
but you see
can you take all attention from everyone else
and keep me there
looking
waiting only for your chat
some can
some can't
but the distance
we will be far
farther than anything
so can we
at the very least
chat
or shall we make a call
both
a bit impersonal
but it is too much to ask
for you to be next to me
at all times

random

obsession is nothing more
than love
or is love nothing more than obsession
obsession
that both people have
with each other
is what is love?
can we be anything else
but people
with urges
to follow someone
to the ends of the earth
with anything
but when they are that back
waiting for that one to call
versus the one willing to call
does one understand
that it is hard
for it is interesting
how I hate large obsession
without the other
is that what it is to fly
to be obsessed
with the other next to you
also
trying to fly
so when one holds
and tries to fly
with someone who doesn't want it
than they can't
and the other
not wanting to fly with them
or at all
so unless both have obsession
than it is not called love

random

I am
but sadly
not sure what is happening
my life
my love
you see
I call you for comfort
for joy
you are there
but it is sad
I can not picture you
when I am away from you
I do not remember if that was true
for him too
I remember being bothered by that
but you
I see it
I remember
when you are dead on me
when I soothe you
but it hurts
for I am walking back there
without a picture of you
in my mind
what are you to me?
I do not know
my lover?
the one I sleep with?
a good friend?
it is all of those, yet all that could easily be given
and taken away
I wish you were here
and yet
as everything dies away
I can tell
it hurts
to know
that i can no longer
remember your face

random

becoming loved

I never noticed
when you saw it
when you actually no longer watched me in the back
when I started to become more head strong
weird yes
but you see
you were always there
someone interesting
something i never understood
but you stood there
wanting nothing
never telling
and then
did you watch me
watch as I joined what you are involved in
I have knowledge
you are fun
and I wanted it to be good
fencing
DnD
and originally
medieval
but you see
I watched it
watching you
as you told stories
it is an odd love
but you see
did I notice?
no
the amazing part being
even when you did say something
I never saw it
but that is fine
for you see
this odd love
is nice
for I take what you do
and what everyone does
with very little exaggeration

random

do you see it
that you are asking for his hand
to dance
as i watch
by the sidelines
i dance my own dance
but not here
at a rave
at the places no one else can go
such is how it is
but you see
will you dance with him?
or become something more?
it is whatever you want it to be
but you don't understand the rules
yours or others
so I stay here
watching you
dance the night away

random

it hurt
it hurt in a way we weren't sure of
you suggested that we didn't
it wasn't that we do so every night
but the fact
we are both up
we both should play
but after two hours
we weren't sure
it was nice
but yes talking
we do miss it all
I wanted you to
it was asking you to
I know you can go longer
farther
but what then
i understand
it is not a commitment
we don't want that
but it hurts
when I am not with you
it is not a commitment
but a ritual of love
and for that
it is wonderful
it was amazing
but yes
i understand
that what you want
is for it not to be just because
but because we are there
should we just stop?
cause it will hurt
when we do
so stay my love
and hide
cause it caused me to turn into a ball
and cry in my own world
while talking to you
it was odd
but then again
I wake up
and forget it all again.