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Krieger_Alice
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#1
Old 12-25-2007, 12:28 AM

i know there long but they tell stories. And also there is 2 dif. poems in here! so tell me what you think!"the Something Speacal"
Here I am

Once again

Close to you

Just like new


Down the river

Next to the bank

Right next to the lake



Watching the fish

Swim next to the rocks


I see something that looks like a treasure that locks

I pick it up

It's in a shape of a heart



No key to be found

I keep looking around


While I try to find a clue

For the lock that looks like new

I try to put it down

But the lock sticks to me like glue

No matter how hard I try

Its as hard as to know all the numbers in pie




So I hold on to it

And kept on searching

Searching for something that seems impossible




When I finally gave up

Something caught my eye

In a far distance

That my heart tells me to go




So I walk

Walk down the bank

Looking straight at the lake

That almost looks fake




I look down

And there it was

The key to the mistary lock

A key that looks like something I could make




I put the lock

On a rock

And put the key

On my nee



Looking back and forith

From key to lock


I picked up the lock and then the key

That was on my nee



And I put the key in the lock

I turned it right




Nevious you may say

The lock unlocked

I opened it up



And in side

There was a picture

The picture of my husband

The husband that went off to war

And wont be back till September 4



And there was a note

The note said

"are love is as precious as this lock

We may lose the key but some how are love finds a way to the key"

"The only way you found this key is by following your heart

And in your heart is where are love is"

"Are love can never be lost

No matter how far apart we are

Are love finds a way to connect"




I walked over to my husbands and my favorite tree

Something made me look up

A peace of paper was there



I climbed the tree with the lock around my neck

The key in my pocket

Once I got that paper

I came back down

To the ground

And opened it up




It was my husbands writing

It was a poem that he wrote for me

A poem entitled "Now and Forever More"

here is another one:
"Now and Forever More"


Hush

Just be quite

And go to sleep

Don't worry my angel

I'll be back at the end of this week

Always your's

Now and Forever



Just sleep

And remember

Remember me

Every once and a while

Now and Forever


When you dream

Remember the gleam

That you seem

To remember me

Now and Forever


Just hush

And I'll see you again

It wont be long

Nothing will go wrong

Just you and me

At the end

Now and Forever


At the river

Seeing your perfect shine

As sweet as the smell of pine

Reflecting off the river

Now and Forever


I'll be back

My angel

Please don't cry

Don't worry about me

I'll be back soon I time

In your arms

When I get back

Now and Forever More

Krieger_Alice
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#2
Old 12-25-2007, 12:29 AM

there long. but my friends like them. my poems tell stories

The Wandering Poet
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#3
Old 12-25-2007, 01:00 AM

Loved them xD

Very pretty. Aside from a few typos perfect ^^

I especially like how you linked the poems.

AngelOfTheDemonWorld
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#4
Old 12-25-2007, 01:08 AM

Excellent as always Alice!

mercury
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#5
Old 12-25-2007, 04:44 AM

I really liked the second poem, very sweet.
I also really liked how you connected everything.
Its so sad, yet so pretty.

Azulon
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#6
Old 12-26-2007, 04:45 AM

Though I thought most of what you have to say is cute, I find it very boring. Mostly because your stuff is filled with cliche and expected rhyme, it isn't really original to me and as the reader I feel that you can do better.

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#7
Old 12-26-2007, 11:32 AM

There are a few spelling mistakes, but I really like the way the poem flows. :)
The first one is my favorite.

Krieger_Alice
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#8
Old 12-26-2007, 03:41 PM

Thanks Everyone.


Azulon: thank you for telling me that. :D because now i know what i need to work on. no body has ever told me anything before. and i knew there was stuff missing in the poems. thank you for that. i will try to improve it! :)

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#9
Old 12-27-2007, 12:35 AM

No problem. If you'd like to learn the poetic devices, we can discourse in the private messages and I can show you, or at least try so you may comprehend the subject matter better.

Krieger_Alice
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#10
Old 12-27-2007, 12:53 AM

Sure! i would love that! i always wanted to make my poetry better! :D

Azulon
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#11
Old 12-27-2007, 03:15 AM

All right. I'll start you off with the basic sound devices. Pm me if you have an instant messenger of any sort.

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#12
Old 12-31-2007, 09:09 PM

i liked them alot i write poetry to but mine are really short

Krieger_Alice
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#13
Old 12-31-2007, 09:25 PM

thanks Smiley160! realy i would love to read them some time! Message me if you want to send me yours! if you want i will alow you to read some more of mine. Hope to here back from you!

 


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