I Just feel like typing about myself and past experiences on Menewsha. I'm hoping perhaps to meet some people who have gone through the same thing, or perhaps I can help some one. Maybe I can even make people feel different about others and not judge them so much by how they look. Please do not call me an emo or anything, it's not often I type this kind of thing. It's hard to explain, I just wanted to type this a new website where I hardly know anyone and hardly anyone knows me at all. This is the first time I've ever typed about my past life and I want to save this for a school assignment as well. But ya, this is probably going to be a very long read so I suggest you scroll down first to see if you're willing to read it all. I tend to get carried away when I begin typing sometimes lol.

Back in middle school, life for me was hard. I thought I had friends, but because my teeth were rather naturally deformed at the time and I just didn't look...normal, and I was shy too of course and so I hardly talked to anyone; people found it as an excuse to follow me around, make up rumors about me, and make me feel horrible about myself. My "friends" eventually turned on me and did the exact same thing. Everyone I knew and trusted at that rather large school betrayed me and made me feel like shit every single day. Because of this, I began to stop caring about my school work and life in general. It was amazing if I got a C- in a class; but I did do class work to make my teachers happy. Even though I knew I could take out my anger on someone and feel better for myself, I never wanted to hurt anyone.

I felt as if I wasn't allowed to be with other people and that I was meant to be a freak who would live alone and never fit in. I was nothing but a game to other people and it seemed people would use me to be more "popular" with their friends. Other people would just believe the rumors and keep their distance from me; without of course asking me personally if any were true or not. I have been asked a few times, but they were just sarcastic questions. No one ever actually asked me if they were true, and if I were to tell them that they were lied to, they'd deny that their "friend" would lie to them. Of course I'm sure their "friend" wouldn't lie to them, but it was somebody who told their "friend" and their "friend" was stupid enough to believe it.

I remember walking home everyday crying. There were usually a few people who would walk the same direction as me and kick at me or say things about me - or so they thought, that would make me feel even worse.

I have a twin brother who went to the same school. But he was born looking "normal" and he was social. He always told me that I was just being a wimp and that he was occasionally picked on by a few people and it was no big deal. The thing is is that there's a big difference between everyone you knew and trusted being emotionally and sometimes physically cruel to you, and then having some friends and only having a few people pick on you occasionally. He never stood up for me and would even join in sometimes on their fun. If I stood up to him at home, he'd physically hurt me (he's very fit and works out often).

It wasn't just life in school, there were also a lot of problems in the family as well at the time. Personal problems, money problems, w/e. It's amazing my mom was able to handle all the abusive boy friends she ended up with somehow, be a single mother and at the same time take care of my two bothers and myself.

Anyways, when high school started, it at first seemed like nothing had changed. People from my high school would exchange rumors to other people about me and at that point I didn't even bother to stick up for myself. But after a few days, I noticed this guy (who was rather cute in my opinion lol) would occasionally come and sit by me during lunch and he wouldn't be mean. We didn't talk either though, other than when he would ask if he could sit by me. I learned to not trust anybody, but I enjoyed his presence and it would make me feel comfortable. For some reason people would usually leave me alone as well when we sat together as well. After a few days though, a guy who liked to kick my heels for the first block or so as I walked home, came up while we were sitting together and he pushed my book over and left laughing with his other stupid friends. I kept my face down because I didn't want to see the face of the guy who sat by me. The bell rang and as I got my things, I noticed he went to the guys who had pushed my book over, but I turned and left before seeing anything. After school, the guys who would usually kick my heels left me alone for once.

The next day I sat where I usually sat and waited for the guy who usually sat by me to come (I didn't admit it to myself until later on that I was looking forward to his company). This time, he introduced himself as Robert and apologized for not introducing himself before and his excuse was that he was rather shy about cute girls.

- Oh ya keep in mind my mom found a charity service that paid for my braces after examining my teeth, and so they weren't quite as horrible as they were during most of my middle school years by that point. -

This was something completely new for me and normally I would automatically assume that he was just leading me on to some kind of prank or something, but instead I blushed at his comment and introduced myself as well. It turned out we had a lot of things in common like an interest in Japanese songs and online games. It really was one of the happiest days of my life, but of course every day I braced myself for him to turn on me; but that never happened. I told him after I trusted him some more about my experiences and how happy he's made me. It was so good to be able to let out my feelings to someone. He always stood up for me and made me feel better when I was down. I began caring about my life more and I had something to look forward to everyday.

Sadly his parents took him out of that school after moving away (not too far though) and for now at least, they wont allow me to talk to him by phone. But we still occasionally email each other when he can sneak on his computer every months or so and that's always something to look forward to. When he's old enough and has the money, he'll rent an apartment room and we'll be able to see each other again.

Things at home have also been much better. My brother now understands what I've gone through and although he's rarely ever much of a caring brother, he no longer physically hurts me and he's usually a fun guy to be with now when he's in a decent mood. My mom met a new boyfriend who is by far awesome and has moved in with us. I wont ever think of him like a father, simply because I no longer care for a father. He's more like a really good friend to say the least, and he's helped my family both financially and emotionally. I now also go to a continuation high school (I really fucked up with my grades earlier lol) and I'm working hard to bring my credits up. My teeth are also getting much better and after having these braces for over four years, it's estimated that I'll be able to get them off in about a year with perfect teeth; which I'm of course very excited for.

I hope after reading this, people who're going through a lot in school or something, will begin to look more toward the future and see some hope. I hear alot about people committing suicide due to harassment at school, and it always makes me wish I could've been there for them. I also hope that people in a school who see others being put down, will decide to perhaps help them out rather than just ignoring them and going on with their own life. If Robert never came to my life, I don't know where I'd be right now honestly.

I know I kind of rushed typing this, but it came from the heart (I hope that doesn't sound too corny lol) and I'm hoping that at least some people will enjoy reading this and will hopefully learn something from my experiences.

I can relate.
I had NO friends in junior high except this one girl that was just annoying, who stole, et cetera.

I had HORRIBLE teeth. I mean disgusting, ugly, nasty, horrible teeth. I brushed, sure...so they were white. But my teeth were SO screwed up. I just got them fixed a few years ago. I paid about $8OOO for jaw reconstruction surgery. Cause one tooth has moved its way up to the top of my gums. Which made my upper teeth move to the right. I had a tooth that was sideways in the back. And there were a lot of other teeth that had issues.

Also, during much of my junior high and senior high years, I had severe acne. I still have pretty bad acne, I admit. But I take care of my skin. My parents never once took me to a dermatologist(sp?) or purchased any sort of acne healing products.

I was also overweight in junior high, by a good 3Olbs at most.

I was extremely shy. Shy to the point where I avoided everyone if possible. Didn't join sports or activities. Just went to school, came home, sat around the house all day. BTW, my family (parents are divored; lived with father most my life)...poorer than dirt. On several different occasions we lived in mobile homes.

People always spread rumors about me and made fun of me. Which caused me not to care about school. I wouldn't do my homework, or ever work in the class. I'd just pretend like I was working. My father didn't care too much about my schooling anyways. He's one of those parents who are like, "Eh, yeah, ...whatever. I'm too lazy to care."

So he let me stay home a lot. Even if I wasn't sick. Sometimes he'd make me. But during those times, I'd fake sick...which he always fell for.

Anyways, that's basically my junior/senior life in a nutshell.

I can sort of relate. xDD;;
When I first came to America, I did not know much English. In Vietnam, we learned basic things like 'Hello' and 'How are you?' But even then, I could not say those things very well. I will be honest and say that I did not look very Vietnamese, so if I did not say anything, no one would know I did not know how to speak English. Unfortunately, there was this thing called an introduction. :< Needless to say, woe is me. : ( I struggled with the language at first, but to live here, I had to learn it quickly. I think I was so panicked that I just picked it up right away. > >;; Because now that I am trying to learn Spanish, it is much harder for me.

Anyways, they used to say really mean things in English because they knew I did not know much. Also at break times, people would crowd me and yell things in broken Vietnamese and expected me to know what they meant. @[email protected] Of course, I did not- so I just stood there and nodded. Elementary was really rough for me, junior high is a little better though.

I can also relate. Sometimes my friends can be total asses.
>.> Also this boy in my english class read crap about me
in front of everyone, and they believed him, and i sat
next to him, and i just let him, and the teacher didn't
even care! She just made a joke about it and moved on!
I am sick of people these days :P

But yeah people always make fun of me for being short D:
and that i look young xD like 6th grade.

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I can relate.
I had NO friends in junior high except this one girl that was just annoying, who stole, et cetera.

I had HORRIBLE teeth. I mean disgusting, ugly, nasty, horrible teeth. I brushed, sure...so they were white. But my teeth were SO screwed up. I just got them fixed a few years ago. I paid about $8OOO for jaw reconstruction surgery. Cause one tooth has moved its way up to the top of my gums. Which made my upper teeth move to the right. I had a tooth that was sideways in the back. And there were a lot of other teeth that had issues.

Also, during much of my junior high and senior high years, I had severe acne. I still have pretty bad acne, I admit. But I take care of my skin. My parents never once took me to a dermatologist(sp?) or purchased any sort of acne healing products.

I was also overweight in junior high, by a good 3Olbs at most.

I was extremely shy. Shy to the point where I avoided everyone if possible. Didn't join sports or activities. Just went to school, came home, sat around the house all day. BTW, my family (parents are divored; lived with father most my life)...poorer than dirt. On several different occasions we lived in mobile homes.

People always spread rumors about me and made fun of me. Which caused me not to care about school. I wouldn't do my homework, or ever work in the class. I'd just pretend like I was working. My father didn't care too much about my schooling anyways. He's one of those parents who are like, "Eh, yeah, ...whatever. I'm too lazy to care."

So he let me stay home a lot. Even if I wasn't sick. Sometimes he'd make me. But during those times, I'd fake sick...which he always fell for.

Anyways, that's basically my junior/senior life in a nutshell.

Oh it's nice to see someone who can relate. For some reason it always seems like I'm alone when I see so many "normal" people at my high school, when inside I know that's complete bull lol.

What's jaw surgery like? The charity is going to be paying for my jaw surgery after I get my braces off. Do they put you asleep like other surgeries? Or do they just numb you?

Lol my acne was horrible as well. I forgot to mention that. I put clearasil on a few times every day, but for some reason it wasn't until my second year in high school they start going down. If you don't mind me asking, why didn't your parents do anything about your pimples?

Sad to hear you had it so hard with your weight. I personally coped by playing online games like Neopets and such. (I was lucky enough to have a wealthy aunt who occasionally gave my mom enough money to go by and she bought us a cheap computer with dial-up as well on Christmas)

I hate to hear how you had so hard at home. Lol I use to think I had to worse than any one else at home, I was so sheltered from reality really. My mom also didn't care too much for my school work and she'd let me stay home if I faked sick.

I'm glad you posted here, and I'm hoping you're feeling better about your past as well. Sorry but I really just don't know what to say lol. I respect you alot though - if that means anything to you. I don't know if I would've been able to do through with things if I didn't at least have the comforts of playing some stupid game to keep my mind off things.

---

I can sort of relate. xDD;;
When I first came to America, I did not know much English. In Vietnam, we learned basic things like 'Hello' and 'How are you?' But even then, I could not say those things very well. I will be honest and say that I did not look very Vietnamese, so if I did not say anything, no one would know I did not know how to speak English. Unfortunately, there was this thing called an introduction. :< Needless to say, woe is me. : ( I struggled with the language at first, but to live here, I had to learn it quickly. I think I was so panicked that I just picked it up right away. > >;; Because now that I am trying to learn Spanish, it is much harder for me.

Anyways, they used to say really mean things in English because they knew I did not know much. Also at break times, people would crowd me and yell things in broken Vietnamese and expected me to know what they meant. @[email protected] Of course, I did not- so I just stood there and nodded. Elementary was really rough for me, junior high is a little better though.

Aw man I could only imagine what that felt like. I knew a lot of Mexicans who would do that to me, but I didn't go to a completely different country lol. I'm glad you were able to go through it and look back at it so well, if that makes sense lol. ;3

--

I can also relate. Sometimes my friends can be total asses.
>.> Also this boy in my english class read crap about me
in front of everyone, and they believed him, and i sat
next to him, and i just let him, and the teacher didn't
even care! She just made a joke about it and moved on!
I am sick of people these days :P

But yeah people always make fun of me for being short D:
and that i look young xD like 6th grade.

Now that's not something I'd expect from a teacher. o_o I wonder why she would do that. Did you atleast talk to the teacher afterwards? lol people suck ;3

I thought most girls liked being short. Bah don't listen to them, looking young and cute is a good thing. :wink:

no i didn't D:< if i would've i might have had accidently
punched her or something :P I should've punched the boy
who read that though xD yush people suck :0

i used to always be teased because i wore thick black plastic rimmed glasses ever since i was in the first grade. and they had about a million different things to call me. every time i would get on the bus i would get hit, spat upon, called names, and just abused. where i lived there wasn't much racial leeway. it got worse in middle school. i walked down the hall and i heard kids talking about putting their lunch money together to buy a rifle and kill me.

they would come at night to vandalize my parent's house. i would have to double check my bike every day to make sure they didn't loosen any nuts or bolts. a girl tried to throw Hydrogen Peroxide in my face but i turned around, so there are still blond slpotches in my "wall of hair" that probably saved my skin from bleaching.

and that's not even 1/5th of how bad all of it was

Originally Posted by Morbid Searaphim

i used to always be teased because i wore thick black plastic rimmed glasses ever since i was in the first grade. and they had about a million different things to call me. every time i would get on the bus i would get hit, spat upon, called names, and just abused. where i lived there wasn't much racial leeway. it got worse in middle school. i walked down the hall and i heard kids talking about putting their lunch money together to buy a rifle and kill me.

they would come at night to vandalize my parent's house. i would have to double check my bike every day to make sure they didn't loosen any nuts or bolts. a girl tried to throw Hydrogen Peroxide in my face but i turned around, so there are still blond slpotches in my "wall of hair" that probably saved my skin from bleaching.

and that's not even 1/5th of how bad all of it was

Thats horrible! We should steal their lunch money and
buy a rifle to kill them! >:0 people these days!
especially boys >__> Did the girl who through that stuff
at you get in trouble?

Originally Posted by kitkat

Thats horrible! We should steal their lunch money and
buy a rifle to kill them! >:0 people these days!
especially boys >__> Did the girl who through that stuff
at you get in trouble?

well it's a middle school so there weren't any cameras and no one would tell who did it i didn't see who did it because i had just turned towards a speaker because i thought the speaker called my name. and then i felt the "sugar water" or at least i thought it was sugar water. so the bell rang and i was talking to the teacher to ask if i could go to the office, and the people at the office told me to wash up. and that was a good 20-30 minutes of waiting so the peroxide set in.

I got picked on in middle school too. >___>;

They usually picked on what I chose to wear though. Since I dressed like a tomboy. And I remember they made fun of my converse shoes in 5th or 6th grade summer school. :\

Look at how many people buy converse now. ;[ I was such a trend setter. <___<;

Originally Posted by kitkat

no i didn't D:< if i would've i might have had accidently
punched her or something :P I should've punched the boy
who read that though xD yush people suck :0

Lol you should've got him "below the belt" too. :P Ya hitting a teacher doesn't always show up as a good thing in your permanent record. xD;

i used to always be teased because i wore thick black plastic rimmed glasses ever since i was in the first grade. and they had about a million different things to call me. every time i would get on the bus i would get hit, spat upon, called names, and just abused. where i lived there wasn't much racial leeway. it got worse in middle school. i walked down the hall and i heard kids talking about putting their lunch money together to buy a rifle and kill me.

they would come at night to vandalize my parent's house. i would have to double check my bike every day to make sure they didn't loosen any nuts or bolts. a girl tried to throw Hydrogen Peroxide in my face but i turned around, so there are still blond slpotches in my "wall of hair" that probably saved my skin from bleaching.

and that's not even 1/5th of how bad all of it was

Wow I'm officially speechless. Kudos to you for actually being able to put up with that on a daily basis; I don't know if I would. If you don't mind me asking, did you ever speak with your parent(s) about moving from that neighborhood? It's hard to believe what kids are going through these days, it really is. :/

I got picked on in middle school too. >___>;

They usually picked on what I chose to wear though. Since I dressed like a tomboy. And I remember they made fun of my converse shoes in 5th or 6th grade summer school. :\

Look at how many people buy converse now. ;[ I was such a trend setter. <___<;

Lol well I'm glad to know you dressed the you wanted to after going through that. I hate people like that who dress a certain way just because other people are doing it and act like they are better than anyone who doesn't.

yeah i should've! he has been torchering me since 6th grade!
Always flipping me off, calling me a lesbian, hitting me...

i am too much of a wimp to not be a goodie goodie though
:[ I wish i was more outgoing xP

Originally Posted by Blue Wolf Sushi

Oh it's nice to see someone who can relate. For some reason it always seems like I'm alone when I see so many "normal" people at my high school, when inside I know that's complete bull lol.

What's jaw surgery like? The charity is going to be paying for my jaw surgery after I get my braces off. Do they put you asleep like other surgeries? Or do they just numb you?

Lol my acne was horrible as well. I forgot to mention that. I put clearasil on a few times every day, but for some reason it wasn't until my second year in high school they start going down. If you don't mind me asking, why didn't your parents do anything about your pimples?

Sad to hear you had it so hard with your weight. I personally coped by playing online games like Neopets and such. (I was lucky enough to have a wealthy aunt who occasionally gave my mom enough money to go by and she bought us a cheap computer with dial-up as well on Christmas)

I hate to hear how you had so hard at home. Lol I use to think I had to worse than any one else at home, I was so sheltered from reality really. My mom also didn't care too much for my school work and she'd let me stay home if I faked sick.

I'm glad you posted here, and I'm hoping you're feeling better about your past as well. Sorry but I really just don't know what to say lol. I respect you alot though - if that means anything to you. I don't know if I would've been able to do through with things if I didn't at least have the comforts of playing some stupid game to keep my mind off things.

It is kind of hard to understand that there are other people who are almost going through the exact same things that we are, isn't it? Being depressed because of how we live can do that to us.

I had to wear braces for four months before I could go have surgery. The put me to sleep. I had to have A LOT of work done.

As for my parents not doing anything about my acne...we were poor. Couldn't afford ANYTHING. Often times we were on financial assisstance just for grocery and bill pay. Plus the fact, that when we didn have money, my father would go out and buy electronics and other crap. My father did try once in awhile, so I'm thankful for that. But other times, he was a horrible father. And my mother, she didn't help out at all. Didn't even pay child support.

Being on the computer is basically what kept piling the weight on me. I had nothing better to do after school except go home and sit around or get on the computer. And since it was easier to make friends on the computer than in real life, I stayed on the internet quite often.

I tried going out and finding a job, but no luck. Nobody liked the way I looked, so they wouldn't hire me. It got to the point, where I started to suffer from SEVERE social anxiety. I wouldn't leave the house for anything. And you know, I ended up dropping out in the 1Oth grade.

I'm writing an auto-biography right now. It's all on my computer. I hope to have it published someday so others like us will be able to know that they aren't alone.

Plus, I'm in the making of creating a site; a non-profit fundraiser for those who suffer from acne. It well help those who can't afford the products to be able to ask for my help. Other people donate via my site and I purchase the products needed, then send them to the people who need them.

Things are starting to look up for me and I'm glad they've looked up for you. I wish you the best of luck in the rest of your endeavors. C: