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Vanilla Condom
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#1
Old 02-12-2008, 01:31 AM

Color Me Not



Silver dots splashes my face

Gray clouds loom over this place

Golden sun lost the race

Gives the rain, a subtle taste



Tears mingle with the rain

Eyes sad and red stained

Trees made wind tamed

Rain pours over the flames



Care to touch my shivering fingers?

Care to hold my bittersweet heart?

I doubt so, I’ll let the rain linger.

I doubt so, what a work of art.



I turn my back on you

You turn your back on me

All we’ve gone through

Doesn’t mean anything.



Anymore.



Care to know what monster growls in me?

Shall I let the monster out? Let’s see…

No. Do you want to know why?

Because it’s not worth to see you die.



I think of you no more. I cherish you no more.

Doesn’t matter, I lost the war.

I accept defeat and a lifetime of solitude.

So don’t talk to me with that attitude.



I’m not embarrassed.

I’m just disappointed.

I’m not hating you.

I just hate your guts.



You are so vague, so opaque.

You’re not part of me anymore.

So go die for god’s sake.

Your eyes make mine so sore.



No more sulking, No more crying.

I can’t continue this any longer

You’re not worth it, not anymore

Like I said before…



You want change, I’ll give you change.

You’ll be living without talking to me.

I cannot stand what you do nowadays.

I thought you were better, but no..you’re just fucking lame.



Yeah it’s not a big deal, if it’s another person.

But not you, not the girl I thought I knew.

This is change, this is Strange,

I won’t hold you back, I’ll stay the same.



You know no pain, you know no worries.

You dwell in your world that has no apologies.

Sorry is said with your mouth, not your heart.

I’ve had enough, I really have, and it’s hard.



There you stay silent, forgetting about me.

I don’t matter, I don’t exist.

My words don’t matter, they don’t exist.

And then you said you didn’t want to lose me.



Your dream came true, I know you have others.

Be “happy” for all I care, you’re a nobody.

Your addictions will travel to another.

Be “happy” for all I know to the extent.



I do not recognize you, I can say that.

Don’t mind if I don’t look at you dear.

I just don’t know who are you love.

I hope all I’ve said to you is clear.



Good- Bye Old Friend. Friend of Six years. Friend of old.

I’ll forget about you. All I say from my heart of gold.

If I did not care, I wouldn’t be like this.

But since I did care, I just got hurt like this.



Farewell Menewsha.

Nightgaunt
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#2
Old 02-12-2008, 10:08 AM

For the sake of organization and being in the correct subforum:
Your re-write will be moved to the Poetry Sub-Forum.

((Don't know if you care but you've got some copy paste glitches in there...))

Chou Bunen
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#3
Old 02-12-2008, 10:37 AM

I hope you don't take offense when I assume that you're not a native English speaker - your sentence construction reminds me of my friends who grew up speaking Chinese, and you make similar errors regarding subject-verb agreement and grouping of ideas so that all parts of your sentences make sense in context.

(If you're not a native English speaker, though, you're doing well - English has about twenty million grammar idiosyncrasies, and I wouldn't expect you to begin to understand them until at least graduate school.)

Vanilla Condom
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#4
Old 02-13-2008, 04:29 AM

Yes I grew up speaking Chinese. Hope that answers your question.

Lania
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#5
Old 02-14-2008, 06:22 AM

That's a very sad free form poem... Some of your rhymes are very good, I very much liked the part that says "Sorry is said with your mouth, not your heart." it's so true of most people.

Vanilla Condom
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#6
Old 02-16-2008, 11:51 PM

I'm sorry to NightGaunt again.

Lania//
Yes it's true in many ways. And it's hard to find people that actually mean "sorry". Nowadays, it's just a word people can say so they can forget about it and move on.

Yes my literature is bad here. For the past few times I asked somebody to post poetry on here for me. I don't mean harm towards the person I mean to write this poem to, but things have changed so much.

 


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