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Gory Little Horror
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#1
Old 02-20-2008, 06:33 PM

Introduction


Okay well first what I have to say. If you don't like it then please put why. It hurts when people don't like things you've produced (unless they were made to be disliked) so if you don't like it tell me why. Constructive criticism is accepted but not the bashing of my work which means just saying it's bad and I should change it. Help is nice ^_^ BUT I already have the story in my mind, I will not change the characters, setting, time, ages or anything else. It is firmly set in my mind. The help that I would like would be to do with my writing skill, okay? No you don't have to comment on it. But if you read it then it would be nice to know what you thought of it. You may also PM comments to me. Please do not steal the story, characters of phrases. What I've written and what I will write is very important to me. I'm not quite sure why at the moment but it's extremely important.

+ No Stealing Of Any Content!
+ This Is Mine, I Won't Change It
+ Constructive Criticism Is Fine


x - x

My Flaws

Okay well I'm aware of my flaws. Very aware yet I can't stop them.
+ I use the wrong words sometimes like 'somethings' instead of 'sometimes'
+ I have a very vivid and bright imagination but can find it hard to express what I see in my mind in words
+ I write when this feeling takes me - when I just have to write
+ I have a life and I can't always be working on the story
+ Some of my descriptions / details many be wrong - as in they might be impossible
+ Spelling -.-'
Those are my main writing flaws. If you could help me when I make these mistakes I would be grateful. Thanks. Oh and also; this isn't here for you to help me, this is here for feedback mostly x3 Wanna see what people think.


x - x

Parts Of The Story Written

Part One

Gory Little Horror
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#2
Old 02-20-2008, 07:13 PM

Part One

Full, baby plush, pale pink lips painted so carefully in solid black. Masterful lip pencil corrected the minor slips and mistakes, curving her lips elegantly. Had I not been pinched, punched and kicked so many times before I would of simply believed that this was all some dream, an amazing one at that, probably caused by me staring at one of the perfect photoshopped pretties who's photos were scattered across the internet and crammed into most magzines. My mind had only just fallen into this light thinking, my eyes locked on to her lips as if waiting for the command to put an end to the light, gentle breath that trickled from them. It seemed I need not. I watched the lips push together - though a better descripition would be that they were more like magnets, unable to fight the attraction which pulled them closer together. As my eyes ran up her face they stopped, not at her small nose I'd been informed of that she hated though I thought is suited her face, no, they stopped on the her eyes ... or rather, her eyelids. Choosing to hid her eyes from the worlddid cause a small sharp sigh to slip from my own broad lips in a semi-casual manner. With her eyelids shut tightly, showing no signs of opening anytime soon

To Be Completed - There is more written in my book but I'll type it up later.

 


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