I thought Menewsha would be interested in this...
If you are willing to read my issue... and would like to help, thank you. Here we go:

I've known him for a very long time. I was a freshman and he was a senior that year. We had chorus together and I already had a crush on him (how hopeless!) Well, years later... Here I am the Senior and he is about to be deployed. It's December and he comes back in contact with me.
He confesses liking me way back in the day... and he kisses me. Of course, I'm completely stunned but can't deny I'm moved. So, we are going out now. He's nothing like any guy I date... He's muscular... and quite handsome and strong-willed.
Though, I was always warned by a close friend whom I can trust that he lies a lot. And I already have issues trusting guys because I've never really had a Father... or any male figure in my life to trust but my Papa (who has now passed away for many years...) I also grew up watching my mother get thrown down by men, and I saw her trust these people... only for them to spit on her and hurt her. I remember all the times she cried, I was there. I was little but I understood. And it broke my heart.
So, I'll always have to earn people's trust... It's easier to trust girls... Because I'm surrounded by women in my family: My mom, whom I have a great relationship with and know I can trust her... and my Grandmother. I do have a brother, and we're close... but there's times when he talks about me behind my back so even he has broken what hope I have in guys.

Now, I do believe there are guys I can trust. I'm not saying every guy is a cheater and a liar... but how can I just TRUST someone so naively only to get that huge risk of falling in love and then getting my heart ripped out? I've done that once. I loved this guy so, SO much with ALL of my being... but he just didn't share the same strong feelings, therefore he broke my heart.
I'm not saying all of my relationships were my fault. I think both parties had issues. But I HAVE been used before... by a guy, and I just won't allow it anymore.

Now that you have that information, here's the Soldier's and my relationship. He's so different from anyone I've been with. He kisses me softly and occasionally, making it sweeter. But he's a bit of a jerk, which I can understand... it's just his nature... and he's about to go to Iraq which he thinks he won't return from.
So, we're together for about a month... Christmas comes around. I get him a present. I don't expect one from him because he doesn't believe in Christmas. But of course he doesn't really show any gratitude to what I considered a sweet gift. That wasn't that big of an issue to me... because he doesn't believe in Christmas. Though, he begins talking to this girl named Luna.
He's "waiting for her." Yet, he's spending less and less and less time with me..
He's stopped coming to see me...
What can I assume?
How does that sound?

I can't find the courage to ask him who she is... why she's waiting for him. It's not in my natural being to be jealous, but here I am jealous as all get out. Just like I'm usually easy to tell someone I care about them dearly, but every time I'm with him my voice won't speak.
So, I break up with him. I've decided he's lost interest in me... He'd never said he'd care about me anymore after that first night and kissing me. I already assumed he wanted to get laid... seeing as he's a virgin and is going to Iraq. Of course, I never gave him what he wanted... I was bound to not be used. Of course, I did ask him if that's what he wanted... and he said if he wanted to use me he could just go find all those people that'd love to get their paws on him. I believe that. He knows he's sexy and just doesn't admit it.

So, We've broken up in New Year's. On the phone... since he just won't come see me any longer. And I don't hear from him for some time... And he hangs out with me weeks later, on the weekend and kisses me. And God, it just teases my emotions. And then he leaves... Kisses me, And "I've got to leave now... It's late..." And this occurred more than one night. Leaving my nerves shot, and me either crying or not understanding what all of it means. And I can't ask him why... WHY he does that to me! Because he just doesn't understand at ALL.
So, finally I tell him not to kiss me... friends don't kiss friends... After that, he never came to see me any longer. "I'm preparing to leave for Iraq." Yes, I know. But You've been preparing for a long long time, dear.

Now, I did have a short relationship with another guy between the period of him and I not speaking... But this guy was completely opposite. Obsessive. Possessive. Not what I wanted. I didn't want trust to be given to me so easily...And I didn't want my love life to change so dramatically that I was permanently his after a week... it was scary, so I ended it. Knowing, that my Soldier was just harassing my mind the whole while...

Finally, he's got a cell phone and texts me. We do this forward: KAPLOW! You can ask me any question you want.
"Why did you play me?"
"What do you mean? You broke up with me..."
"You think breaking up with someone breaks all the ties? No... You played my Emotions..."
And so it all began there. He stopped talking to me. Only to call my best friend that night who of course delivers the goods.
He told her I didn't care about him at all. Of course, she knows this ISN'T true and tells him he's got it all wrong. She tells me she believes he cares about me and is upset I broke up with him.
So, here her and I are talking about this in class and tears are just ready to overflow my eyelids but he makes me SO angry to be so MISUNDERSTANDING and... STUPID.

And here it is tonight. I receive the "Hey."
"Hey."
"Can I tell you something without you getting mad?"
Alright. I'll let him say what he wants. "I guess."
"You are a coward."
"How so?"
"You broke up with me because you didn't want to get attached in case I die in Iraq."
And of course, I know this has NOTHING to do with it. Of course I don't want him to go! It's war! But that wasn't what I had planned. My Mother even knew. I was planning on staying with him... although we were not far in our relationship... I decided I could start college without worrying about boys... but I know I would of worried about him. But it was STILL not the reason I left him.
I told him that. All of it.
So, here we go with all of the emotions and feelings flowing. The natural "You've got trust issues." Comes out of him. Of course, I knew that was coming.
I explain to him WHY I broke up with him... that I didn't understand Luna, and his lack of conversing with me... and I was afraid he just wanted to use me... and he always treated me differently around others... like he was ashamed, you know?
I was never introduced to his friends as his girlfriend that day I ran into them all at Walmart. There was no hug. There was no kiss. There was nothing but. "Oh, What are you doing here?"
Perhaps him and I just lack the motivation to be the first to make the first affectionate move? Hmm? He doesn't lack it in private.

So. I explain everything. How those times he'd kiss me and leave just tore me apart... and I explained my good ass reasons (so I think) for wanting someone to EARN my trust... He doesn't think the same way... and he complains he's been hurt too. Yes, I tell him... I know. I was with him that night we drove back to his first love's house and he was too scared and shaken to knock on her door. He wanted to say goodbye to her before he left... So, I did it... I even told him I must REALLY care about him to do that because otherwise I wouldn't have. And I waited in the car while he talked to her outside of the car... for about 30 minutes. I had to struggle not to listen... I mean... She was HIS first love. The ONE he wanted to marry, the ONE he gave his whole heart to... and she tore it apart. Stepped on it. Probably put it in a blender too.
Yet, he doesn't carry the same issues as me.
Of course, I then tell him not everyone is him... And he should be more open-minded. I just can't TRUST someone so easily. Not again. Not like I did before...
Is it so wrong to guard my heart?
I think not. It's not impossible for me to feel safe in someone's arms... but they just got to show me... take the time to show me I don't have to worry... that I won't be my mother who's driving while wiping her tears and stiffening her sobs.
So, of course he tells me I could never be with him because I can't trust. And I tell him he can never be with me because I'm not GOOD enough for him to earn my trust.
I also pointed out... Is someone so afraid to run away from the challenge? Because it's not simple love... because my trust isn't GIVEN out just because you WANT it.
No. I know I'm better than that. I know there are bad people... and also good. So, I know a good person who understands will SHOW me I can trust them...
Even my best friend had to earn my trust. It's not that HARD. It just takes time... and even SHE had lied to me about something... because she thought it would destroy me. And of course, she had to earn that trust back. But she's my CLOSEST friend. When I'm crying I go to her.
Is it that bad? I KNOW I can trust her. That she won't stab me in the back.
Is it so bad to want to gain someone's trust... and to want someone to earn it?

Am I just crazy? I don't think him and I belong with each other... but I just care about him so much... and it makes me mad that he doesn't UNDERSTAND or doesn't want to.
Is it so unreasonable he CAN'T?

I know he's leaving soon for Iraq. And he has a premonition that he won't return... and if he does... he isn't coming back here... He's moving to Washington. So, I need closure.
I need to know if I'm all wrong... If I'm just a horrible, relationship slashing person.

I'll be honest, I don't know what to tell you. Personally, I am willing to give my trust out freely to all, but then, I haven't been hurt like you have. Seems to me as though your soldier feels like everyone should be as strong and stoic as he is. What he needs to know is, that's not healthy. If people completely ignore all the bad things that have happened to them in the past, they will wind up coming full circle and coming back to precisely where they started; in a rut. But then, dwell too much on the past, and you can never live the future. It's a balance, really. You have to honor the past and acknowledge that it did, in fact, happen, but you mustn't dwell on it so much that you forget to move on with your life.
You seem like a sweet girl, and I do believe that you genuinely love this soldier of yours. Somehow, though, you need to let him go. It seems to me as though he's unwilling to see your side of things, and you don't need that in a relationship.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find happiness.
Best wishes,
Ithiliel

Thank you, Ithiliel.
I am... indeed, letting him go. I understand everyone loves differently... just as you give out your trust freely, but for me it of course isn't so simple. I do admit I have to struggle to not live in the past. But, I don't believe my requirements are so difficult to meet when it comes to earning trust. I just can't... give it so openly anymore. Not like I did as a younger girl.
It's easier to trust someone as a friend for me.
But it when it comes to love... and more than a friend, everything gets so much more difficult!

I just hope one day... he'll understand he can't do that. Just... overlook things that have happened. Pretend like it hasn't happened and act like he's not weak. He always does that, acts like he cannot be hurt.

I'm moving on. I just needed some good closure. And releasing it all helps me get that... Thank you for your compliment and deep, open-minded understanding.

I'm glad you're finding yourself able to move on. Someday he will come to realize what he's doing, and maybe then things will work out between you two. For the moment, it seems to me like he has a bit of maturing to do.
I'm glad I could help. I know how letting feelings out can help SO much with working this sort of thing out. Though I have never had personal experience with this, I am the person all my friends come to with their problems. If you ever want to talk about anything, feel free to drop me a line! ^.^ I'll definitely keep tabs on this thread, so if anything develops, let me know.
All the best,
Ithiliel~

I would move on. I also probably wouldn't have given him a chance after you found out he likes to lie. So I congratulate you on at least trying.
Pretending like it never happened isn't going to solve anything.
If you don't think you two belong together than you don't.

Thanks, you two.
Well. I've confirmed that gut feeling about him.
Know how I mentioned he was calling my best friend and talking to her?
He tried to bribe her into dumping her boyfriend and getting with him.. Because he's got like $100,000 saved up from working with the Army.
And, You know... I didn't even feel shocked... or sad... I was just slightly annoyed combined with my sinus headache.
My gut feeling was proven.
It goes to show... don't always second-guess yourself.

I'm not returning his calls anymore, or texts. He's not worth my time even as a friend.
So, problem has been solved. <3 Thanks, ladies!

Glad that everything has worked out. Not happy about how things turned out, naturally, but I'm glad you aren't left hanging anymore.
Definitely let me know if anything else develops!
Much love,
Ithiliel~