Because birds are creeps who like to get all up in everyone's business

What would happen if I put a knife in a toaster?

You would get a pretty new hairstyle.

What does the word.....onomatopoeia mean?

It's a magic spell! If you say it really fast 12 and a half times, a magical genie will erupt from your left nostril and grant you 2/3 of a wish!

What would happen if a zebra and a tiger had a baby together?

A LIGER IS BORN

Why is the sky blue?

I thought ligers were lion/tiger mixes. I thought I'd get some weird tiger centaur thing. Oh wait, answering the questions.

The sky! It is blue because.... of the great conspiracy of countries! Long long ago, the sky was always black, just like space and it freaked people out. So the greatest minds of the world converged into a conference of science and brains and magic and they decided that in order to keep people from freaking out, they would color the sky! Of course, this led to lots of fighting over what color the sky would be. Red! Green! Orange! Purple! The fighting was so intense that there were wars over it! In the end, the Blue team won the great color war. They made the loser of the war finance a giant rocket filled with dye and they launched it into the atmosphere where the rocket vaporized, dispersing its blue dye, thus turning the sky blue! However, the losers were quite sore indeed, so they secretly mixed other things into the blue rocket, so on certain days at certain times, you can see their favorite colors painting the sky! Ha! Take that blue team!

And that, my dear, is why the sky is blue!

....after all that, I can't think of a question to ask. Damn. Um. Why can't I think of a question!?

(They are. xD)

Because the earth is flat.

How do I breathe?

Through your nose!

Why do I always forget something when I go to the grocery store?

Because gremlins like to leech memories.

Why am I so tired when I haven't slept?

Because you have Alzheimer's and can't remember that you actually slept.

How many hairs are on a cat?

One billion lions that lust for blood.

Where am I?

In a vortex.

Do you think pets have sexual thoughts about their owners?

Yes! I know they do...! My Pomeranian... "loves" my husband wayyyy to much!


Why do banana slugs make your tongue go numb?!

Because your tongue just can't handle how freaking amazing they taste and thus shuts down and goes into a tongue coma after tasting such heaven!

Why is that big hand trying to steal that tiny girl's flower in Irishtain's signature? That hand is a jerk!

Because the hand is afraid that it would crush the little girl!

How do rats live in sewers?

They are protected by Splinter and the ninja turtles, of course!

Why did the dalek cross the road?

To get ANNIHILATED.
Why is there a moth sitting on the window?

Because the light draws the moth to the flame to die.

Why does lavender look so good on sheep?

Because they think it is tasty.

Why are there clouds?

Oh, come on! Do you want to see the sky naked?

Why do they call it the Red Sea if the water is blue?

Because the people who named it thought blue was red. Color Blind.

What am I going to do with that?

Anything you want, it is a food right?

Why do I not have wings?

Because then you'd be a bird. And birds carry diseases.

Why is it I only have to pee at the most inopportune moments?

Because the world is out to get you.

Why does it have to be so scary at the doctor's office?

Because otherwise you wouldn't enjoy getting the hell out of there as soon as possible. The hidden truth is that doctors are hateful persons who despise everyone and who want you out of their sight.

Why does the road not swallow the rainclouds?

Because purple is not a fruit.

When will there be a day where there is no man made noise? Just for one day.