Nina glanced at the good-looking guy. “Is that going to raise the price?�
“Nah,� Michael waved the question away. “I’ll do it for you.�
With a smile and a handshake, the deal was made, and Nina was sent home, lighter in the checkbook, and gasping at the fact that she’d bought another expensive piece of art. Perhaps she was becoming quite the collector.
***
A week went by and Nina heard nothing from Michael about the photograph, and was beginning to get antsy. She hadn’t wanted to bug him, as maybe he hasn’t been able to get hold of his friend to sign it. It was Saturday, and she decided that if she heard nothing by that night, she’d head into the gallery the following afternoon.
Moments after the decision was made, there was a knock on her front door. Nina had been cleaning house, so hurried to put the vacuum away and scrub her hands on the thighs of her jeans as she pounded down the stairs of her townhouse. Whipping the front door open, she was shocked to see Kansas standing on the doorstep.
“Hi,� the blonde said with a bright smile. She held up a large, flat square box and a cardboard tube. “Special delivery.�
Nina took a step back, inviting the artist in. “Wonderful, thank you. I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get my picture or not.�
“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Mikey had trouble getting George to come out of hermit mode to sign it for you.� Kansas stepped inside, looking around. “So? Where do you want it?� Seeing Nina’s confusion, the blonde explained. “I’m going to use my professional skills to hang it for you, too. I even have a special tool-“ Kansas reaches inside her heavy jacket and brought out a standard hammer. Nina chuckled, leading the blonde up the stairs.
“I was thinking here, above the bed.� Nina stood at the foot, looking at the empty wall space. She felt Kansas step up beside her.
“You know, I think it would be off balance there with the light sconce close to the corner. Personally,� the blonde turned to take in the room, examining all the wall space carefully. “I’d put it between those two windows.�
Nina studied the area critically, cocking her head to the side. “You know, I thought about that, but I don’t know, I worried that since the one window is a bit smaller than the other, it might seem off somehow.�

“Nah. This picture is a perfect size for that space.� Kansas quickly set about laying the boxed picture on the bed, removing it from is packaging and holding it up for inspection. Nina walked over to her, looking the frame over, as well as seeing the signature now in the bottom left-hand corner, under the glass.
“It’s so beautiful,� she breathed, loving the picture even more in her house than she had in the gallery.
“You should feel proud that you have a signed copy, Nina,� Kansas said, brow quirked. “George doesn’t do that for anyone.�
“Well, then tell Michael I’m very touched.�
The brunette stood back, watching as Kansas went to work to get the picture hung just perfectly. The blonde worked quickly, yet very carefully. Blue eyes couldn’t help but roam over Kansas’ strong back, wrapped in a tight cap-sleeved t-shirt, as well as the way her ass was hugged by snug jeans. Her gaze rose back up, though now she realized she was taking in firm breasts rather than a strong back.
Kansas’ smirk was amused as Nina quickly looked away, angry at herself for being busted looking. She cleared her throat, deciding to move on and say something she’d been meaning to say since she had first found out Kansas was sculpting. “I’m really proud of you, Kansas,� she said, stuffing her hands in her back pockets to keep them from fidgeting. She couldn’t believe how nervous the blonde made her. Definitely a new development. “You really followed your heart in your passion to create.� She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, then indicated Kansas should follow with the tip of her head.
“Thanks, Nina,� Kansas said, following the brunette down the stairs. She couldn’t help but take in the tight ass in blue jeans before her. “So, do you work for the DA’s office here, or… ?�
“No.� Nina smiled over her shoulder at the younger woman. “I’m doctor Glassman now. Went back to school, now I teach law up at CU.�
“No shit?� They arrived in front of the fireplace. “Guess you followed your passions, too.� The blonde’s grin fell off her face when she spotted what Nina had wanted to show her. Looking up at her sculpture, she was stunned into silence.
“I saw it a few years ago, and fell in love with it before I even know it was yours. When I found out it was, I had to have it.� She smiled shyly, but couldn’t help her gushing over the stunning piece of art.
Kansas felt an aw garsh moment coming on. She actually scuffed her toe against the stone of the fireplace! “I’m glad you have it.� She glanced shyly up at the brunette before quickly looking away. For just a moment, the awkward 17 year-old was

back. Then, just as quickly, the cocky, confident 26 year-old was back. “So tell me, Nina, you finally figure out the benefits of being with a woman?�
Nina blinked once, twice, then took a slight step back. “I don’t think that’s any of your business, Kansas.�
The blonde took a step toward the woman who had made her truly understand her sexuality. “Come on, Nina,� she said, standing dangerously close, her eyes never leaving the brunette’s. “Let’s continue where we left off on your back porch.� Kansas reached her hands out, lying them gently on the brunette’s hips. Standing no more than a couple inches away, she leaned in, inhaling Nina’s scent. “God, you smell so good,� she whispered. “I always remembered that about you.�
Nina’s eyes slipped closed, her body pulsing. Then Kansas’ words struck a chord: “I can smell you, baby… Smell good.� Kansas’ whispered words from the bathroom stall a week before. Nina grabbed the blonde’s biceps in a firm grip, pushing her away. Kansas looked at her, stunned. Nina shook her head. “No. I refuse to be just another one of your girls. I won’t be a notch for you, Kansas. I really want you to leave.�
Kansas stood there, mouth falling open before snapping shut. She tried to hide her hurt but wasn’t sure how successful she was. Running a hand through her hair, she kept it cool, backing away toward the front door. “Well, I hope you enjoy your purchase.� With a small salute, Kansas was gone.
Nina stood in front of the fireplace long after the slam of the front door had cracked. Raising her gaze to the statue on her mantel, she sighed. “Shit.� She headed upstairs to clean up the mess in the spare bedroom. As she gathered the cardboard that had kept the picture safe, Nina noticed the cardboard tube that had been set on the bed next to it. Curious, she sat on the edge, popping of the plastic end. Slipping her fingers inside, she felt the smooth face of thick paper. Slowly, carefully, she finagled the mystery sheet out, unrolling it. “Oh, Kansas,� she whispered, seeing her favorite of the family of sketches from the back wall of the gallery. She checked the tube, hoping for a note. Nothing. With a heavy sigh, she glanced over at the photograph Kansas had just hung for her.
***
Nina headed into the gallery with purpose, eyes scanning the area. A few murmuring customers stopped their chatter to see what the rush was, but returned back to their conversations when she passed. She spotted Michael speaking with someone about one of Kansas’ paintings, so walked over, but not too close. She paced impatiently.
“Sweetheart, what’s the matter? You look like you’re about to walk a hole in the floor,� the man said, walking over to the brunette.

“Where’s Kansas, Michael?� she asked.
“She hasn’t come in, yet. I think she was finishing up a piece first. Why? Is everything okay?� Michael looked at her with concerned eyes.
“Yeah. I just need to talk to her. Listen, I’m going to head over to that bookstore across the street, get some coffee in the café. If she comes in within the next hour or so, please send her over.�
Michael nodded. “Okay.� He watched as the beautiful brunette headed out of the gallery, shaking his head. “Oh boy.�
***
The bookstore was small, a locally owned shop with a surprisingly large selection of books and newspapers. Nina had made herself comfortable in an armchair with the latest Newsweek lying out on her lap. She sipped a mocha breve as she read.
Three scattered magazine later, and a very cold last few sips of mocha breve, someone sat down in the chair next to Nina’s. She glanced up, blinking in surprise as she’d gotten so lost in her reading. Kansas grinned at her.
“You rang?�
“Hi. Uh, yeah.� Nina slapped her magazine closed and tossed it to the small pile, scattering them to the floor. She chuckled shyly as she gathered them back together on the small table. “How are you?�
“I’m alright. And yourself?� Kansas reclined in the chair, crossing an ankle over her knee, booted foot tapping an unknown beat.
“I’m, well,� Nina looked down at her hands, then up into the expectant green eyes of her companion. “I won’t apologize, as I don’t feel I did anything wrong, but I do want to thank you. The sketch was a wonderful surprise.�
Kansas studied her for a long moment, then nodded. “You’re welcome. If you’re not going to apologize, then I guess I will.� Kansas paused, running a hand through already messy hair. “I was an asshole. You don’t deserve that.� She grinned, crooked and rueful. “Guess maybe there’s some latent anger in there somewhere.�
“So then talk to me about it. Get it out.� Nina indicated herself. “I’m here. Here’s your chance.�
Kansas stared at her for a moment like she’d lost her mind, but then seemed to warm to the idea. “Okay. I was pissed as hell at you for a long time. You were my first heartbreak. How’s that? Let it out enough for ya?�

Nina sat there stunned, now wishing she’d never asked for it. She could see by the look in Kansas’ eyes that she was speaking from the heart. “I guess I do need to apologize today,� she said softly. “I hope now, living a little bit of life and understanding the way things work, you can understand why I did what I did.�
“My head does. But my heart…�
“Doesn’t have a clue,� Nina finished.
“Pretty much.� Kansas waived the coffee shop girl over, giving her a charming smile as she ordered a bottle of water. The girl quickly headed off to do her bidding. She turned her gaze back to Nina, waiting.
“I was trying to do you a favor by leaving the way I did, Kansas. It was wrong for me to feel the way about you that I did, and I knew that emotionally I was not in the right place to be feeling anything, or to trust any of those feelings. I left to give us both a chance to start over, fresh, and honest.� She pleaded with her eyes for the blonde to understand. “You needed time and room to grow up and I needed time and room to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life, since I’d just walked away from my old one. Does that make sense?�
Kansas was quiet for a long moment, pulling out a couple bills to pay for her water as the girl returned with it. Twisting off the top, she stared off into space, thinking. Finally, after a long swallow of the cold drink, she nodded. “Yes. I can appreciate that. It doesn’t mean I have to like it,� she said with a raised finger, “but I can understand.�
“Quite honestly, I figured you’d go on to college, meet some cute girl your own age, and forget all about me.�
Kansas studied her for a moment, blonde head cocked slightly to the side. “Is that what you wanted me to do? Forget about you?�
“Well,� Nina hedged, a small smile on her lips. “Maybe not completely, but I did want you to find happiness, yes.�
“Did you? Find happiness.�
“We’re not talking about me,� Nina said, trying her best to divert the attention back to Kansas.
“Oh, bullshit!� The blonde reached over and slapped her leg. “You’re so full of crap your eyes should’ve been brown instead of gorgeous baby blue. Come on, Professor, teach me something.�

“Cute,� Nina drawled. “Yes. For the most part, I did find happiness. I leaned to be true to myself, and I got myself out of every situation that was bringing me down in life, or that was less than what I would accept- my marriage, my career, the lies I told myself, and had been since I was 22 years old.�
“What about love?� Kansas asked, her voice heartbreakingly soft.
Nina met the frank gaze with one of her own. “No. I don’t know that I’m looking for it, either.�
“I see. Well then, guess we’ve got something in common, don’t we?�
“I guess so.� Nina raised her long-cold coffee cup to clink with Kansas’ raised water bottle. “Here’s to no love, and okay with it.�
The blonde grinned, taking a swig from her drink. “So, anti-love, care to have dinner with me tonight?�
Nina eyed her younger friend, chewing on her bottom lip before agreeing with a nod. “Alright.�
***
Nina stormed into her townhouse, startled Yorkies getting well out of the way. Lights flared to life in the brunette’s rampage path. She pushed through her bedroom door, stripping out of her jacket and throwing her purse to the bed. She grabbed the hem of her shirt, about to whip it over her head when she heard the sound of pounding on the door downstairs. Wanting to ignore it, she knew she couldn’t.
Nina stomped down to the main floor, shoving the curtains aside on the window next to the door. Just as she figured, a very pissed off Kansas stood on the stoop.
“Yes?� she sad, pulling the door open. The blonde was startled silent for a moment before regaining her bearing.
“What the hell, Nina? Why did you leave the fucking restaurant?�
“Gee, I didn’t know. Shall I say for starters because my dinner companion was about to fuck some chick in the bathroom?� Nina fumed, hand on her hip. Kansas pushed past her, entering the house.
“Your neighbors don’t need to hear this.�
“Don’t need to hear what? That you’re an asshole of the highest degree? Is that what you don’t want them to hear?� Nina marched into the kitchen, leaving Kansas

still standing just inside the door. She slammed it shut then followed, only narrowly missing getting hit by a flying dog toy that squeaked as it bounced off the wall behind Kansas. “How the hell could you do that? I cannot believe I agreed to go to dinner with you. Mistake number one.� Kansas opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted as Nina continued. “Mistake number two was staying when I saw you eye that woman as she entered the damn restaurant. My third and final mistake was believing that we could rekindle our friendship after all this time, and after all the shit I’ve heard about you and now seen with my own eyes.� She turned her back to the blonde, resting her weight on the counter by the sink.
“What you think happened didn’t happen, Nina,� Kansas said, her own anger bubbling just under the surface.
“You two were making out, Kansas!� Nina fumed, whirling on the smaller woman.
“She kissed me!�
Nina stared at her, incredulous. “Kansas, you get up from the table, you’re gone for fifteen minutes. Do you have any idea how goddamn rude that is? So, I get up to make sure you haven’t had a fucking heart attack in the bathroom, and end up finding you and that woman making out.� She paused, shaking her head, her hurt showing in her eyes. “What the hell is wrong with you?�
“Wait,� Kansas held up her hands in supplication. “I know it looked bad. Please, let me explain.�
Nina stood back, arms crossed over her chest as she waited to hear what would come out of Kansas’ mouth. “Please. Enthrall me.�
“I saw that woman and I looked at her, yes. She used to be an artist I worked with years ago, and who is going to be working with us on a show coming this winter. Okay, yes, I looked at her, so strike me dead! Next, I had to pee. I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to join me, but I truly had to piss! While in the bathroom, Michael called me. He had a slight emergency with one of our artists, mainly that one of his paintings was missing. I made some calls, and we finally figured out that it had been sent out by Michael’s assistant to be cleaned, but she forgot to let anyone know. Sandra, said artist working with us this winter, came in to the bathroom as I was finishing up my calls, and we began to talk.�
“So why was her tongue in your mouth?� Nina asked, shocked by just how jealous she felt- she was nearly vibrating with it.
“I was shocked by that, too,� Kansas said, her voice tired as she ran a hand through her hair. “Sandra has made it clear since the day we met that she’d like to be more than colleagues, but I’ve never been interested. I was about to shove her away when you came in. I swear.�

Nina kept her gaze, and saw that it was steady and true. Kansas was telling the truth. Blowing out a breath, she turned her back to the blonde again, feeling ashamed and stupid. “I’m sorry I got so upset. It was wrong.� A small smile touched her lips. “It was still rude, though.�
Kansas breathed a sigh of relief as she walked up behind the brunette, studying the way her shirt hugged her body, the way dark tendrils of hair gleamed under the harsh kitchen light. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything about the call, let you know. I just got caught up in trying to fix my business.� She could feel the heat pouring off Nina’s body in waves, drawing her in closer to be warmed. Nina said nothing. Kansas closed her eyes, allowing all that was Nina to seep into her skin, all five senses alive and aware. “I’m sorry,� she whispered, moving in closer until she could feel Nina’s back press into her front, her arms reaching around to hug the taller woman.
Nina’s eyes fell closed, her body falling back into the solidness that Kansas. She turned her head to the side, feeling hot breath against her neck. Her body began to send out a pulsing beat, demanding attention, craving Kansas’ touch. How is this possible? It’s been so long.
“I’m sorry,� Kansas whispered again, this time into Nina’s ear, making the brunette shiver. She tipped her head a bit more when she felt a soft kiss placed just behind her ear.
“Nothing to forgive,� Nina breathed, beginning to lose control.
“I think there is,� the blonde whispered, flicking Nina’s lobe with her tongue. She smiled at the small whimper from the older woman. “I shouldn’t be such an asshole. Seems you bring it out in me.� She smiled at the chuckle she heard deep in Nina’s throat. She groaned when two hands reached around to her hips, squeezing. “Does your girlfriend make you feel like this?� Kansas asked, thinking of the redhead she’d seen Nina with at the club and at the gallery’s opening.
“I don’t have a girlfriend,� Nina whispered, gasping softly as the hands on her stomach began to move, barely brushing just up under her breasts.
“Oh, I think you do. She also didn’t look happy seeing you dance with me.� Kansas leaned in close to the brunette’s ear. “I think she was jealous.�
“We broke up. Oh,� Nina moaned as her breasts were covered by soft, gentle hands. Her mind was frozen, no thought entering or leaving, except that what Kansas was doing felt amazing.
“Oh yeah? Why, baby?� Kansas felt herself growing more wet with each bold move. She wanted Nina so bad it hurt. Guess some things don’t change.

“I wouldn’t…� Nina began, but trailed off as her breasts were massaged through her bra.
“Wouldn’t what?�
“Wouldn’t sleep with her,� Nina finally gasped.
Kansas needed to see her, wanted so badly to kiss her. She grabbed Nina by the hips and turned her around, pulling their bodies together. “Stupid girl to walk away from you,� Kansas murmured, bringing her hand up to curl around the back of Nina’s neck. “She should’ve stuck around.�
Nina couldn’t believe how soft Kansas’ lips were, their kiss from eight years ago still fresh in her mind. She felt the blonde deepen the kiss, her lips and tongue working magic in the brunette’s mouth, the kiss, that from someone who was well versed in the art. She felt her body giving in, the desires long-buried clawing to see the light of day. She sighed into the kiss, burying her fingers in thick, blonde hair.
Something inside Kansas made her stop, a feeling of something being wrong, off, somehow. She pulled back, both women gasping for air. She took several deep breaths before looking up into confused, hooded blue eyes. “I’m sorry,� she said, running trembling hands through her hair. “I have to know something.�
“What?� Nina asked, body buzzing and alive.
“Why�
The brunette was utterly confused, and getting frustrated as her body was making demands that only Kansas could keep. “Why what?�
“Why wouldn’t you sleep with your girlfriend?�
Taken aback, Nina stared at the blonde. “What? Why?�
“I need to know. Why?� She couldn’t explain it to herself, let alone the bemused woman standing in front of her. She had a tickle in the back of her brain that told her she needed to know the answer to this question.
Nina moved slightly away, suddenly feeling very embarrassed by the answer she’d have to give Kansas. Here she was 34, and a virgin with women. “I didn’t want to just give that to her,� she said softly, her back to the blonde.
“What do you mean?� Kansas walked around the kitchen island until she was standing face to face with Nina.

“I’ve never been with a woman, Kansas.� She smiled ruefully at the look of shock she received. “I know. Been out for three years and still haven’t gone all the way. Crazy, right?�
Kansas shook her head. “No. I don’t get it, but no. Not crazy. But why?�
“Why do you sleep around so much?�
Kansas was taken aback by the non-sequitur. “Uh, I guess I just haven’t found the right one.� As she spoke, the light of understanding flared to life. She nodded. “I see.� Wow, did she ever feel like a shit. Hands stuffed into the back pockets of her jeans, she took a step back. “I should probably go, Nina.�
The brunette nodded. She’d had enough humiliation for one night. “Yeah. Probably so.�
“Listen, why don’t you come to my place Friday night. I’ll make you dinner.� Kansas continued at Nina’s confused expression. “We need to talk, I think.�
Nina nodded in agreement. “Okay. Give me the details and I’ll be there.�
***
The work week was good, but long, as usual. Nina sat on a stone bench on campus and watched the students and faculty around her. Her eye caught two girls walking together. Nina was pleased to see that they were holding hands. She watched the couple, noting how comfortable they were with each other. She missed that, having someone in her life who knew her better than anyone. Someone she could cuddle with and tell her dreams to. She had to laugh at herself with that last one- she’d never had that. Certainly not with Dan, and since him, she’d not really let anyone get close enough.
With a heavy sigh, Nina pushed up from the bench, tucking the tests she’d been grading under her arm, and heading off toward her office. She could feel autumn in the air, and it was brisk.
***
Kansas honestly couldn’t say why she was nervous for Nina to see her place, but she was. She had spent the day cleaning an already spotless house, and making sure dinner was perfect. She truly had no conscious thoughts of what she expected or wanted to come of this, but she was determined to get it going on the right foot.
Glancing at the clock over the stove once more, Kansas saw that Nina was due in five minutes. Take a deep breath, she walked into the dining room where she’d placed two table settings, candles at the ready. She nearly jumped out of her skin

when the doorbell sounded. Blowing out a steadying breath, Kansas padded over to the front door and pulled it open.
Nina smiled a greeting, taking in the blonde’s comfy jeans, light-weight sweater and bare feet. She was glad she, too had chosen to keep it simple in jeans and a long-sleeve tee. “Hi,� she said.
“Hi. Welcome and come in.� Kansas stepped aside, waiting for her guest to enter. She hadn’t seen her all week, and after seeing her several times in as many days, she had really missed the brunette.
Nina entered the modest ranch-style house. Though it was dark out, Nina hadn’t noticed too many houses nearby. “This is really beautiful, Kansas,� she said, taking in the gorgeous wood accents and pine furniture. She hadn’t expected something so rugged from an artist, instead thinking it would be all metal and glass contemporary, like the gallery.
“Thanks,� Kansas tossed over her shoulder, leading Nina toward the dining room. I hope you’re hungry. I made a ton. Hope baked chicken is okay.�
“Yeah. Sounds terrific.�
“Great!� Once they’d arrived in the formal room, Kansas got her guest settled, then looked around. It was so damn… formal. “You know what, I’m sorry, Nina. This just isn’t me. Grab your plate.� She nodded toward the kitchen, where she headed, plate in hand. Confused, Nina did the same. In the kitchen, Kansas began to dish food that smelled heavenly. “I’m sorry,� she said with a sheepish grin. “I hate that room. I don’t know why I set up in there. Do you mind?� she asked, a hopeful brow raised. Nina chuckled, amused.
“No. I don’t mind. Where to?�
Plates loaded, Kansas led them down a narrow hall, which led to a glassed in back patio. The blonde flicked on a light- beyond was a garden filled with just about every type of flower and plant that would grow in Colorado. Much of it was starting to die for the coming cold, but it was still beautiful.
Nina gasped in surprise. “God, this is so gorgeous, Kansas.� Setting her plate down, she walked over to one of the huge windows that overlooked the garden. “Bet all the women you bring home love this, huh?� she asked, teasing in her voice. Kansas stepped up beside her, a small quirk of her lip.
“Wouldn’t know. I’ve never brought a woman here before.�
“Why not?�

“Because this is my sanctuary. Where I go to be me.� She glanced briefly at Nina before returning her gaze back to her pride and joy- next to her art studio.
Nina had a question on her tongue, but decided to stow it. “Then I’m honored.� She smiled at the sheepish blonde. “Come on,� she said. “Let’s eat.�
As they settled in comfortable loungers, the women were silent, contemplating the night beyond and the food on their plates. After awhile, Nina glanced at her dinner hostess.
“Michael told me you left college.� Once she saw she had Kansas’ attention, she continued. “Why?�
Kansas shrugged as she chewed the bit of chicken in her mouth. She downed some of her beer with it. “I guess I just felt college wasn’t really helping me. I honestly believe that if you have a natural talent- painting, playing the guitar, writing- college can actually be a hindrance. I was tired of waiting, you know?�
Nina nodded, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “I can see that. Unfortunately, what I’m good at required extensive education.�
“And, what was that?�
“Arguing,� Nina grinned.
“I’ll drink to that!� Kansas clinked her glass bottle against the brunette’s glass of water. They sat on in companionable silence for awhile before Kansas broke the still. “So, when did you come out? How did it happen?� She eyed her friend over her beer as she drank.
“Hmm, how did it happen,� Nina murmured with a sigh as she set her plate aside. “Well, after I left Dan and Ohio, I dated a couple guys off and on, but more off than on.� She wrinkled her nose at the memory. “One day I realized that I was lying to myself, always had been, so headed out to a local gay club. Ended up dancing with a few different women and had the time of my life.�
“But you never dated anyone seriously since then?�
Nina shook her head. “No.�
“Damn,� Kansas sat back in her chair, shoving her plate to the side table. “How hasn’t someone snapped you up?�
“Guess I’m just lucky.� Nina grinned. She pushed up from the lounger. “Give me a tour of this place. It looks beautiful.�

“It is. I love it here.� Kansas stacked their plates, and with the help of Nina, brought everything inside. Within moments they had the kitchen cleaned up, and the tour began. Kansas took Nina out back, through the gardens, explaining what everything was. As they walked through the gorgeous plants and flowers, Nina couldn’t help but glance up at the blonde from time to time. She glanced up again, but this time her gaze was caught by Kansas. The blonde met and held her gaze for a long moment, neither able or willing to look away. Finally the blonde broke the contact, leading them further into her sanctuary.
“I would come out here all summer, spend hours and hours out here.� She grinned over at Nina. “Guess all that yard work I did for you paid off, huh?�
“Definitely. I would have loved to see this in all its glory, before the cold began to set in.� The brunette looked around, imagining in her mind’s eye what it must have smelled like, being surrounded by so many different types and flowers.
“Guess you’ll just have to see it next summer.�
“Guess so.�
The house was beautiful, various pieces of art- those made by Kansas and by other artists- were scattered throughout. Nina was led through a home office, a master bedroom, which she only peeked into, and finally an art studio that was the entire basement. Naked canvases were leaned against walls, old coffee cans were set out on a table, filled with various types of brushes, all well-used and cared for.
Standing off to one side, next to a large light and a fan, stood an easel, its canvas covered by a white sheet.
“Is this your newest work?� Nina asked, indicating the canvas. Kansas nodded, hands tucked into the back pockets of her jeans, rocking on the balls of her feet. “May I, master artist?�
Kansas chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, indecisive, but then nodded, taking a deep breath. “Go ahead.�
Nina flipped the sheet up and over the large canvas, her breath catching at what she revealed. Her image from eight years ago, reclining on the couch. The sari she had worn, barely covering her breasts, and her head turned away. The sensual lines of the work, the amazing definition and detail. It took her a moment to catch her breath. When she turned to Kansas, she saw the shy smile on the blonde’s face.
“I’ve been working on that one for about five years,� Kansas said softly. Little bits here and there. Seeing you again, well, it kind of rekindled the fire for that piece of work, I guess.�

“That’s exactly how you drew me,� Nina said, her voice soft. “Where’s the version you did for yourself? The one your mom told me about.�
Kansas grinned, looking down at her bare feet. “I threw those out a long time ago.�
“Why?�
The blonde took a moment to answer, but when she did, she met Nina’s gaze. “Because I knew they couldn’t compare to the real thing.�
Nina’s breath caught, her heart pounding. “You always made me feel so good about myself,� she whispered. “So beautiful, smart. I honestly don’t think anyone has ever made me feel like a woman. At least, not the woman that you see.�
Kansas smiled, looking down, bangs falling into her eyes. “I have a small confession to make,� she said, her voice barely audible. “I haven’t been in a relationship, at least nothing solid, all these years because you’ve been my standard since I was 17.� She looked up, looking deeply into Nina’s eyes. “No one compared to you. Ever.�
Nina was deeply touched by the honesty and sincerity she saw in Kansas’ eyes. She meant it. She made a decision, and didn’t plan to go back from it. Walking over to Kansas, who still stood rooted, she reached a hand out, resting it on the blonde’s arm. She looked down, seeing where her long fingers met the blue of the sweater fabric. She ran her hand up a thick bicep to a strong shoulder.
“Since when did you get all this muscle?�
“Since I quit smoking six years ago.� Kansas grinned at the disapproving look on the brunette’s face. “Hey, at least I quit. I had to have something to focus my energy on.�
The hand made its way up over the blonde’s jaw until finally gentle fingers brushed hair out of green eyes. Kansas’ eyes closed briefly at the touch, but quickly opened again to find themselves pinned with intense blue. Nina could feel her heart pounding as she looked deep into all that Kansas was, written there in her eyes. The younger woman always had such expressive eyes. Locked inside that gaze she saw desire, deep caring and… fear.
Brining her other hand up, Nina cupped Kansas’ face. “Why are you so afraid?� she whispered, feeling the body heat pour off the younger woman.
“You scare me,� Kansas said, trying to swallow her fears.
“Why? What could I possibly do to you?�

“Hurt me.� Kansas lowered her head. “You’re the only one who has.� She was brought back up by two fingers under chin.
“I’m so sorry, Kansas. I truly am,� she murmured as she pressed soft lips to the blonde’s forehead. She felt tentative fingers rest on her hips, which made her move her body a bit closer. “I hope you know I never meant to hurt you like that,� she said, placing anther soft kiss to one closed eyelid. “I was trying to do what I thought was best at the time.� A kiss to the other eyelid.
“I-“ Kansas stopped herself, taking a deep breath.
“You, what?� Nina pulled back just enough to look into the blonde’s slowly opening eyes. She thought Kansas had the cutest dreamy expression on her face.
“I want to kiss you,� the blonde whispered. Nina felt the words all the way down to the core of who she was. Looking down into her face, Nina realized that nothing had ever felt so right as the thought of being kissed by Kansas in that moment.
Kansas looked into Nina’s eyes, trying to read the hidden message she knew she saw in them. Taking a chance, she tightened her grip on the brunette’s hip with one hand, bringing the other up to cup the strong jaw, only to ease it around to the back of Nina’s neck. Slowly bringing the darker head down to meet hers, Kansas closed her eyes, anticipating the softness of the full lips that had haunted her throughout her 20s. When Nina didn’t move away, she relaxed into the kiss, moving slightly closer to deepen the contact.
Nina felt everything click into place- her desires, her wants and her needs, all wrapped up in one very talented little blonde- in that kiss. She buried her fingers in soft, blonde hair as she tilted her head slightly, deepening the kiss even more. She smiled inside when she heard Kansas’ sigh of enjoyment.
Kansas wrapped her arms around Nina, pulling their bodies flush. The body heat between them was immense, both nearly burned by it. Nina gave out a little whimper/gasp at the first touch of Kansas’ tongue against her own. She responded immediately, leaning into the firm softness that was Kansas.
After long moments, the kiss broke, both needing to breathe. Nina rested her forehead against Kansas’, trying to get herself under control. It wasn’t working. Her sex pulsed with want, skin almost painfully sensitive to the touch. All he could do was flex her fingers in blonde hair rhythmically, unsure how to voice her desires. Finally Kansas did it for her.
Without a word, the blonde took Nina’s hand in hers, leading them through the basement studio, shutting off lights as she went. When they reached the main level of the house, she headed toward the hallway that would lead to the bedrooms, pausing to glance over her shoulder at Nina to get a feel for what she was thinking

or feeling. Did she realize where she was taking her? Nina urged her on with a quick squeeze of her fingers.
Nina’s heart was racing almost frighteningly fast, though she was surprised that it wasn’t fear that pulsed through her veins- she felt no fear at all as she followed Kansas down the long, dim hallway, ending in the large master bedroom, where she’d peeked her head in only a short while before. Standing just inside Kansas’ bedroom, she broke the silence.
“Will your dogs be okay if you stay here tonight?�
Nina was touched by the question and concern. She smiled, nodding. “I left down plenty of food and piddle pads.� They both chuckled to break a bit of the tension in the air, but soon, need ran supreme once more. Kansas, still holding Nina’s hand, brought her over to the king-sized bed, gently pushing the brunette to lie back on it.
“How many women have been here before me?� she asked, somewhat leery as her inexperience came back to the forefront of her thoughts.
Kansas smiled, slowly crawling up to position herself on top of the brunette. She placed a soft kiss on swollen lips. “None. I told you- this is my sanctuary.� She lay fully atop Nina, both sighing into a new kiss at the contact. Kansas reached down, cupping the underside of one of Nina’s thighs, bringing the leg up, her hand massaging the flesh encased in denim. This maneuver opened the brunette up so Kansas could fit one leg between Nina’s. She eased her hips down, pressing in the place she was needed most.
Nina broke the kiss, eyes closed and neck arched at the subtle pressure to her sex. She began to move her hips, her long-neglected libido flaring to life in glorious colors behind her closed lids. A moan escaped as a hot tongue began to blaze a trail down over her throat.
“I’m glad this is happening now,� Kansas whispered against the column of Nina’s throat. “I never would’ve been able to make love to you the right way at 18.�
Nina couldn’t answer, instead her hand finding its way into Kansas’ hair, urging her on. After a moment she found her voice. “I just hope I can live up to what you’ve always had in your mind.�
Kansas lifted her head, looking into heavily lidded eyes. “You already do, baby,� she murmured, then leaned down for a searing kiss. One of her hands slipped up under Nina’s shirt, feeling the heated skin against her palm. She broke away again, looking into a very flushed face. Blue eyes blinked open in question. “I have to know,� Kansas said, “Are you sure you want this?�

Nina basked in the wonderful warmth she felt from Kansas, and saw in her eyes. She smiled, reaching up to cup her face. There was no thought required. She nodded. That was all Kansas needed. She kissed the brunette with the passion she’d felt for so long, taking Nina’s breath away in the process. Leaving the full lips, she moved her mouth back to Nina’s throat, murmuring words of passion against the skin.
Nina was lost in sensation as her hands roamed down Kansas’ back, finding the end of her sweater, and sliding her hands up underneath, feeling the expanse of a strong back. Suddenly she desperately wanted to see what lie beneath. She yanked up on the back of the garment, giving Kansas no guess work.
Kansas got to her knees, pulling her sweater up over her head and tossing it to the floor. She looked down at Nina, curious of her reaction. The brunette sat up, eyes locked on firm breasts held by a satin and lace bra. She ached to touch it, so she brought tentative hands up. Her wrists were caught in gentle hands, her palms placed flat on the blonde’s breasts.
“Touch me, Nina,� Kansas whispered. “It’s okay.� Her eyes fell closed as she was squeezed, a thumb running over a hard nipple.
Nina was mesmerized, wanting to see more. She climbed to her own knees, looking Kansas in the eye as she reached around her and unhooked the garment. The straps slid down strong shoulders and arms, and finally was tossed to join the blue sweater. Nina took in Kansas’ incredible body, wanting to touch every curve, every satin-covered muscle. “You are so unbelievably beautiful, Kansas,� she whispered, meeting adoring eyes.
As Kansas leaned in for a kiss, she worked on Nina’s own shirt, bringing it over the older woman’s head, Nina shaking her head to clear her hair from it. The kiss continued immediately, Kansas’ passion growing every more scorching between her thighs. She reached around Nina, and with an expert touch, released the catches in her bra. Nina moaned into her mouth as the blonde brought their naked breasts together for the first time.
Nina was pushed back onto the bed, Kansas leaning over her, taking in all that had been bared. “Jesus,� the blonde whispered, bringing a hand up to cup a large breast. “How the hell did I ever think I could capture you on paper? You’re perfection.�
Nina was left speechless by the blonde’s declaration. In lieu of words, she grabbed Kansas by the back of the neck and brought her down for a hard kiss. Her hands were everywhere, finally making their way down to a hard ass, taking in a hard grip, making Kansas moan into her mouth, narrow hips jerking.

“I want you so bad,� Kansas whimpered, pushing up to her knees again and making short work of the buttons on Nina’s jeans. She yanked hard, bringing them down until they were gathered around the hiking boots the brunette wore. She quickly removed the shoes and socks, then pulled the jeans all the way off. Looking back up the long, firm body, she could see Nina’s chest heaving with every flushed breath she took. She ran the flat of her hand all the way up one leg, over a slightly pronounced hip bone, and up and over a flat tummy to a firm breast and rigid nipple.
Kansas lowered her lips to begin a trail starting with one of Nina’s feet, licking the arch and making the brunette squirm. She slowly, thoroughly, made her way up the long leg, getting as far as the knee before moving to the other leg. Nina watched as long as she could before the pleasure and sensation caused her eyes to close, her fingers gripping the bedding beneath her. Her sex was pulsing in rapid time with her heartbeat, clit jumping with every hot swipe of Kansas’ tongue. When the artist made it to Nina’s other knee, she rose to her own knees once more, and with a quick kiss to the brunette’s lips, she hooked her fingers into the bikini briefs Nina wore, and slid them down long legs.
Fully nude, Nina felt extremely vulnerable, even with the hungry look in Kansas’ eyes. “I want to see you,� she said, her voice quiet. She was relieved when she saw Kansas stand from the bed, quickly unbuttoning and stepping out of her jeans, kicking them aside. She wore no underwear beneath them, which made Nina’s breath catch. She began to sit up, but was pushed back as Kansas climbed on top of her, their bodies melding as the blonde settled herself between Nina’s legs.
“This feels so amazing,� Nina moaned, hands running down Kansas’ back and resting on her ass, pulling her further into her. Kansas kissed a trail down along Nina’s jaw, slowly making her way to her breasts.
“Gonna feel a whole lot more amazing when I get through with you,� she grinned, just before taking in as much of Nina’s breast as she could. Nina cried out, her back arching as she buried her fingers in thick hair.
“God, yes,� she hissed, spreading her legs wider, desperate for pressure to her center. Never in her life had she been so wet and ready. “Please, Kansas. Oh, baby, please…�
“What do you want?� Kansas murmured against the side of Nina’s other breast.
“Oh, god,� Nina whimpered. “I need you,� was all she could say.
“You’ve got me, baby,� Kansas said, understanding what Nina wasn’t able to verbalize. She gave the nipple in her mouth one last flick of her tongue, then kissed her way further down, taking her time until she adjusted her shoulders underneath Nina’s knees. She inhaled the wet hot smell of Nina’s arousal, and it made her

mouth water. She loved going down on a woman, tasting her, giving her the ultimate intimate kiss, but she had never wanted to make love to a woman with her mouth like she wanted to to Nina in that moment.
Nina’s head arched back, deep breath sucked in as a hot tongue swiped through her drenched folds, the very tip fluttering against her clit. She reached down, holding Kansas’ head still, wanting to keep her where she was, the pleasure rushing through her with blinding speed. A groan sounded in her throat when she was entered by two fingers. Her hips moved in rhythm with Kansas, her mind exploding in a wave of pleasure.
Kansas paid careful attention to Nina’s body, and what it was telling her. She could tell the brunette was getting close so focused her attention on Nina’s swollen clit, sucking it between her lips and flicked her tongue continuously over the bundle of nerves, her fingers setting an unrelenting pace.
Nina’s head swam back and forth, constant moans coming from her throat until the pleasure took her over, eyes squeezing shut as she cried out, hands pressing hard into Kansas’ head, holding her still as she rode the blonde’s face, body convulsing as she came again and again. Finally she begged Kansas to stop, pulling her up along her body until she could kiss her, tasting herself on full lips.
Kansas caressed the side of Nina’s face with the backs of her fingers as they kissed, soft and gentle, her body still burning, needing release. She moaned in surprise as suddenly Nina wiggled a hand between their bodies, fingers finding the copious wetness between her thighs.
“Oh, Nina,� the blonde moaned, breaking the kiss to rest her forehead on the pillow, her breathing coming in quick pants with each stroke, her hips moving in tandem. She adjusted her body until she was straddling Nina’s body, the brunette’s fingers finding their way inside. Kansas rested her hands on Nina’s shoulders to help balance herself as she moved her hips, riding the long fingers. She cried out as one of her breasts were cupped, a soft palm rolling over her nipple. “Oh, fuck,� she gasped, her hips moving faster.
Nina couldn’t get enough, looking up at the writhing body of Kansas, her gorgeous breasts heaving with every breath she took. Nina wanted to taste the flesh, so she nudged Kansas down, continuing the movement of her hand. Getting the idea, Kansas leaned over, her breasts hovering over Nina’s face. She groaned long and languid as a hot mouth encompassed one of her hard nipples.
“Oh, god, don’t stop…� Kansas’ hips began to move faster, her body demanding more as she came close to climax.

Nina released Kansas’ breast so she could fully concentrate one making the blonde come, wanting so badly to see the younger woman’s pleasure. She placed her free hand on the blonde’s hip, urging her to ride her.
Kansas’ body convulsed around Nina’s fingers, eyes squeezed shut as a soundless scream contorted her face. She let out a huge gasp as her fingers let go of their claw-like grip on Nina’s shoulders. As she came back to herself, she was pulled down into a soothing embrace, back and hair caressed and soothing words murmured into her ear. She sighed in absolute contentment as she cuddled closer, resting her full upper body weight atop Nina.
Worried she was hurting the older woman, she started to push herself up, but was held tighter. “Stay,� Nina whispered, placing a soft kiss to the blonde’s temple.
After a moment, Kansas spoke, nuzzling further into Nina’s neck. “We still need to talk.�
Nina grinned. “Yeah, we do.�
Kansas raised her head, looking at Nina with pleading eyes. “Please don’t run away this time. I really think we’ve got something between us.�
Nina smiled, shaking her head. “No running this time. We do have a lot to talk about, but not tonight.� She cupped the back of Kansas’ neck, bringing her down, their lips a breath apart. “I’ve got other plans for you.�
Kansas grinned, nodding. “Oh, yeah.�
The End

The Destroyer
Content Warning: There is very little depiction of violence or foul language; only what is necessary for the story and still it is pretty tame. There is no explicit sex although there are moments of closeness between the characters. I have to warn clearly that this is a first person perspective, in reality a person's thoughts, so some of it may appear abrupt and/or disjointed.
Description: In post-Armageddon earth, every day brings new dangers. As the Destroyer approaches, the White and her family must escape the wrath of the newest menace to attack their haven.
________________________________________
The world ended twenty-seven years, four months and nineteen days ago. I know. I have counted each day since then. I sit here in front of the window and watch. It seems that watching is all I can do these days. The youngsters are training in the courtyard. I can see Simon and Fran, their grey hair silver in the moonlight, working on the gates. Tshao is walking around helping with everything, overseeing, being the leader he is. There are weapons all around. Groups are training on the fields beyond the compound. Sometimes I can see them look up before they turn back to their labours. I know what they are looking for. They are wondering for how long I will stay up here, in my self-imposed exile. Tshao comes by each evening. Every time he tries to convince me to come down, to go to council, to train the youngsters, to do something, anything, anything but sit here and look towards the horizon. Yet I will not. Not that I can't but I have no will to do so.

The Destroyer is coming. I watch the horizon day and night for the flags, the drums, the fires that will tell me the legions have come. It has been a week since the messenger came. In the blue and gold uniform that the children gaped at and I could only sit and look at. The message I knew would one day come. We are the last after all. The last of the rebels. All others are defeated, dead or bowed down. We should have been dealt with more than a year ago. A year ago, when our pitiful army was crushed on the banks of the river. For a year I have been here. Here watching the horizon, waiting. Waiting for the flags and the drums and the fires. Waiting for the world to end once more. Not the world, the big world, that one was destroyed long ago, but my world, the little world we managed to put together in the blackened out remains of the old one.

I can hear them speak sometimes, the youngsters. I have heard their hopeful whispers, their empty bravado. Empty? Ah, but it is empty, even if they don't know it. They say, oh if they only knew, that the fort is unbreachable. That we have food and fresh water. That we have strong walls and strong arms. That we can hold out. I don't have the heart to tell them otherwise, to tell them the truth. That our fort, their home, cannot hold. How could it? When the Destroyer brings forth the engines, no wall will be strong enough to keep the legions out. I see them even now, preparing for a siege, a war. What have we left? Youngsters, fuzzless cheeks and small breasts, and greybeards. The flower of our youth was lost at the river. Tshao wants me down there, I know. They look up to me, he says. Yet he is the leader. I know. I raised him for it. Still I know he is right. The youngsters desire the legend. The want to see the White among them.

I look at the corner of my dark room. There it stands. The armour that gave me my name, the armour that has become legend. The white armour with the silver wings. They call me the White but I can still hear another voice calling it, and me, Angel. Your voice. It has stood there, collecting dust and cobwebs, for a year. A long, long year as I wait. And still the days stretch in front of me. I want to rip my eyes out, never to see the flags and the fires on the horizon. My heart longs for the flags and the fires and the sound of the drums.

I wanted to ask the messenger what it would take. Would my head on a platter be enough? But I could not. The poor woman would not answer me, another helpless victim in the Destroyer's web. Her words still echo in my ears, "Lord Tshao, greetings. The Commander shall be visiting you within the month. The Commander expects the gates of Fort Hope to be open for the legions' arrival". No more was said. I could hear Tshao and the council debating endlessly, night after night, what the message within the message meant. None of them could see the simple truth, not even those who should know better. There was no message hidden within the messenger's words. The Destroyer never hinted, never cajoled, never threatened underhandedly. How could they all forget so easily? The words were clear and the message clearer. The Destroyer is coming and the gates had better be open for the legions' arrival. No more, no less. No hidden messages, no more than what the messenger said. The threat was clear. Yet I merely sit here listening to them argue night after night. What could I say? They should know better and I cannot find it in my heart to remind them.


I wish I believed in god. Then maybe I could pray. Then maybe I could ask why and get an answer that does not make my heart bleed. Something about fate or some grand plan or even the sins of some past life. But I do not believe. I stopped believing that day. Yet still I long for an answer. How did we end up like this? Me, here, sitting looking at the horizon. The Destroyer somewhere out there, coming closer with every passing moment. I long for an answer that does not spell weakness, my weakness, my fault. But no such answer exists. How could it? It was after all my weakness that brought me here.

I see the pain in Tshao's eyes and I have to turn away. He never blames me, my sweet boy. Yet he sleeps alone at night, Sarah lost in the madness of battle somewhere along the river's edges. He has lost all hope of her being alive. How could he not? Everyone knows that the Destroyer takes no prisoners. He asked me tonight what I was thinking. I looked at him and could not answer. What could I answer? That I am thinking in circles? In the desperate hope that some day the children will understand. Somehow find it in their hearts to forgive me? That is my hope, my one and only hope at salvation. A foolish hope. How could they forgive me? If only… a thousand if onlys clutter in my mind. And my heart's betrayal? How could that ever be forgiven? Every sundown that passes without flags, without drums, without fires I sigh in relief. Every sundown that passes without flags, without drums, without fires my heart clenches in disappointment.

*******

The knock on my door was different. It spelled doom. When Tshao came in, I knew. My

eyes left him to look once again at the horizon. Night has fallen but there seems to be a light over the hills. How could I have missed it? His words were short and staid. They have come. The Destroyer has arrived. There are no drums and no flags and no fires this night. That will come tomorrow along with the roar of thousands of booted feet moving in unison as the legions crest the hills and come into our little secluded valley. The voice that makes my knees weak sounds loud in my memory, " 'Tis a beautiful place, ain't it, angel?".

A part of me, a small clinical voice in my mind, observes my thoughts with distaste and wonders. Will I ever get to the point? Is this the legacy I want to leave the children? Will there be any children left tomorrow to even receive my legacy? My heart dies even at the thought. I have heard the rumours all these year and I know them to be true. No prisoners. The Destroyer takes no prisoners.

*******

In my head I write words. There is no paper. I remember paper. I remember it dimly but I remember it. It would be nice to write you a letter. A letter you could read. But there is no paper. And no way for you to read it. You are gone. And now the Destroyer is here. Tshao looks at me with fear in his eyes. And Marie has the look of death on her face.

You wrote me a letter once. I still have it. A paltry few lines telling me you were not coming home that evening. We had fought but then again we always fought. I think you wanted to leave that time, truly leave. But you did come. As the world collapsed around us, you did come. Like a shining knight, you came for me. I remember seeing the blood running down your face. The scar it eventually became was only the first of many. I remember asking you why you had come back. I had been so certain you would have preferred to stay with whatever little thing had caught your fancy that time.

I remember your answer. The anger in your eyes, for the first time I realised it was with yourself not with me. Your voice growling from the smoke that seemed to cover everything as far as the eye could see. The words that seemed to come out of your mouth dragged, "Because I love you…you… Fuck it!". I kept those words in my heart. It was not the first time you said you loved me. But it was the first time I actually believed it. For once you were not smooth or cocky; I could see the fear in your eyes as you barged in the house, I saw the relief when you saw me standing there trying to throw some things together.


Marie's voice sounds loud in my ears. I thrust the sound away. She has your temper our little girl. But the words have little meaning. I know what they want. I heard Tim's hasty plan. A way to leave, a way to escape. Salvation thrown in the mix at the last moment. Part of me screams to move quickly, that not even a moment must be lost. Another sniggers quietly wondering what the point would be. The Destroyer would find us, would find me anywhere. But I have to try. A break through the lines, Tim says. Even if it's only a lie, wishful thinking, I'd prefer dying on my feet with a sword in my hand than here

waiting for the soldiers to come and drag me away.

I don't even realise the curt gesture that makes Marie stop talking. I can hear my own words telling them to get ready and I can barely recognise my voice. It is gravely from disuse, it sounds so much like yours that it tears my heart apart to hear it. But I have a responsibility. If there is a chance for the children to escape then I will take it.

*******

The road is dusty. It is not even a real road, not that there are any real roads any more. But this looks more like a goat track than anything else. Tim's lithe figure leads us through the night. I have taken the back. Tshao is livid but he does not dare say a word. Marie just looked at me and nodded. She is so much like you, our little girl. The children are important. And the Destroyer cares nothing about the children. It is me that the Destroyer wants truly. I have taken my decision already. There was really no decision to be made, nothing to be debated. If the soldiers find us, the children will escape. I trust Marie will lead them out. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you were here.

My mind plays tricks on me, horrible tricks. I have to remind myself constantly that if I look back I will not see you, that there is no smoke on the horizon, that the world ended a long time ago. Little Chrissy is fussing. She is too young to understand that we are running for our lives. Sometimes as I watch the children, I feel tears in my eyes. I love them so much. I wish you were here. I wish we could have watched our grandchildren grow.

*******

The night is cold. Six days on the road and my body feels abused. I can't help but smirk. We walked for the better part of five years back then as the world burned. Tonight as I sit by the tiny fire, I feel old. My legs ache, my back hurts. Every old wound seems to torment me. I look at Marie, she looks angry. She always looks angry these days. Running away eats at her heart as much as it eats at mine. Tshao and Tim are arguing. I will have to make a decision soon. Maybe I should let Tshao decide but in many ways he is too young. Tim's arguments make sense. Hide in plain sight. His plan makes sense and it will be the last thing the Destroyer expects me to do.

Tshao wants to go east, hide in the wilds. I can't allow that. The wilds are no place for the children. The wilds bring death. I have seen those few who venture out. They look barely human. I cannot accept such a fate for the children. As I hear my words, I know I am hurting him. I am too gruff, too short, too final. I regret it that I am hurting him. But I can't take my words back. Once the words fly out of your mouth, they are gone. But you know that don't you, babe? My words got us here, didn't they?

The night torments me. Not just this night, every night. Some days I cannot even remember what it was like to have a full night's sleep. As I try to find a comfortable spot on the bare earth, my memories torment me. If I close my eyes, I can feel yours arms

around me. I keep them open by sheer will. I have cried every night as I wait for exhaustion to lull me into sleep. I will not cry this night. I will not.

*******

We are here. My eyes cannot believe what I am seeing. It is a city. A real city. Not like the cities of the old world. This actually looks clean. I catch myself shaking my head. I had expected many things but not this. Tim is speaking in hushed tones. About the construction. They need workers, he says. There are many people coming in. We will be lost in the crowds of workers. I nod at him even as Tshao frowns. I start walking towards the city. I can hear Marie's mumbled words and they spear my heart. I don't want to hear another word and I stretch my legs to get away. I can see the city. A dream come true.

There is a queue at the gates, soldiers in blue and gold stopping every traveller. I stand back, letting young Tim take the lead. I lower my head pushing the hood of my cloak over my face. I hope they will see no more than an old woman. My hands have other ideas as they clench in fists. It takes something out of me to stop from laughing aloud. You would have laughed as well. Even after all these years, the sword still fits snugly between my shoulder blades. The hours you spent measuring me, the hours you spent making the slim blade allow me to pass through the gates unknown. I have not slung it like that for more years than I can remember and certainly none of the Destroyer's guards would ever suspect.

The streets are full of people. There are guards all around. It looks peaceful. It feels peaceful. I shake my head. For a split second, I wonder whether I am dreaming. Maybe this is merely another nightmare. But the wind on my face feels real. So does the hand of the guard that grips my arm. I can feel the tension in the others. I look up at the guard. Her voice is friendly as she inquires where we are going. Tim jumps in explaining about trying for work in construction. Just another family looking for work. The guard nods and smiles before letting us go on further into the city. I can hear Tshao's sigh and finally I can breathe again.

*******

It feels odd as I sit here on the edges of the new construction. There are others here with me. I watch the children playing. It feels peaceful but something churns inside me. It almost feels like the world never ended. I stand here and watch the children playing, my grandchildren, our grandchildren. Sometimes it feels as if I can turn and see you next to me. There are guards of course all around but they do not spare me a second glance. I am just another face in the crowd. The irony almost makes me laugh but I force it down. I won't tempt fate.

The rumours make me smirk. The Destroyer is looking for the White. The guards cannot help but talk about the manhunt. I hear their boasts and bow my head to keep my smile hidden. The sword is still between my shoulder blades. Every morning I think of putting it away but the memory of your words stops me. Sometimes I catch one of the guards