"Yeah. I want to see if she takes after her old man," Bill said, advancing into the room and giving Krista's shoulder a squeeze. She grimaced and turned away in embarrassment. This was doing nothing to dispel her unease about her parents' presence for the evening. She had had no choice but to tell them what the evening was about since it meant missing dinner at her house, and they had surprised her by suggesting that they come too. She had tried to dissuade them, but they claimed eagerness to hear the results, and would not listen to her protests.

"Well, dinner's all set, so shall we?" Cheryl gestured to the table, and the room of people made their way to their seats. Dinner was a rather raucous affair, and Krista suspected that just about everything in the Hoffa household was. Conversation was plentiful, and she was surprised to find herself participating in it wholeheartedly, sharing jokes and jibes with the others as if she acted this way all the time. The adults conversed amongst themselves as usual, with occasional attempts to join in the teens' conversation. Cheryl's meal was actually very good, despite the teasing she received from her offspring about her skills in the kitchen, and there were no leftovers to be seen by the end of the meal. Everyone joined assisted with the cleanup, and when they were done Cheryl portioned out slices of cheesecake (not homemade) for everyone to take with them into the den where they would listen to the recording.

While the gathering settled in, some seating themselves on the floor, Jay passed out sheets of paper and pens, which he informed them were to be used to jot down notes if they needed. Krista settled herself on the floor with the stereo to one side of her and Marshall on the other. She sat with her legs crossed, her hands massaging her knees as her nervousness grew. She watched as Jay placed the cd into the stereo and picked up the remote.

"Okay," he started, turning to face the room, "what we're looking for here isn't criticism about the songs or the instruments or anything like that, cause we're done recording, and it's kinda too late to go back and change any of that stuff. We want your opinion on the sound quality. Like, if something sounds too loud, or isn't loud enough, or the balance seems off…stuff like that. Okay?"

The room nodded in understanding.

"Cool. Q demo take one then." He sat, pointed the remote at the stereo, and pressed 'Play'.

For the next 20 minutes the room was silent save for the music emanating from the stereo. Krista kept her eyes fixed on the floor in front of her, not wanting to see anyone's reaction. She was having a hard time listening to the recording, and waited with bated breath during the intervals between the songs. She was terrified of hearing a bad note, a cracking vocal- anything wrong. Her shoulders were tense with anticipation. As the time passed, however, she found herself relaxing as note by note, the songs seemed to be nearly flawless. She still did not dare look at anyone, but she began to feel more confident in the quality of what they had done, even allowing herself to nod her head in time with the music. By the time the last note was played, she was smiling with pride. They had done well. She had some ideas for the mixing, but no complaints on the quality of their performance.

It seemed the others felt the same as she was brought out of her reverie by the sound of clapping as the non-band members in the room expressed their enjoyment. She blushed, unused to such attention. Marshall elbowed her and grinned widely at her. "Wow. You guys…that was awesome."

"Yeah, you were tight!"

"When can I get a copy?"

"The quality was excellent."

The room was abuzz as everyone laid on the compliments, and Jay raised his hands for attention. Smiling, he said, "Thanks, you guys, but, y'know, what'd you think of the mixing? Any ideas for improvement? Is it fine like it is?"

"Well, on the second track, that guitar solo? It was a little too loud, like it was overly distorted," Billy commented, looking around as if nervous to express his opinion. The others quickly joined in though and voiced their agreement, and with that the ice was broken and people began to freely comment on the areas that they felt could use improvement. Jay feverishly jotted down the suggestions, and the band discussed the points as they came up.

The conversation was beginning to die down when Cheryl said, "I'd like to hear Krista's backing vocals a little more on that last song."

"Yeah, I was thinking that too," Taryn agreed. There were nods around the room, and Krista pressed her lips together and shrugged, unsure of how to act under the attention. She had had the same opinion, but thought it unwise to agree lest it should seem egotistical.

"I had no idea that you…had this in you," her father said, looking at her in awe. "You amaze me." Her mother, seated beside him, shook her head as in disbelief.

"You are so talented. I mean, you all are," she amended, her glance sweeping the room to include the other band members, "but Kris, this is a quite a departure from jazz band."

Krista smiled and was about to respond when Shelley interrupted. "I know. She comes off as so shy and quiet, and then when she performed at the party I was like, 'Who is that?'"

Oh no. Krista's mind froze, and the smile on her lips faded. She closed her eyes as she heard her mother ask, "What party?" And just like that, the room was silent. She sat still, her thoughts warring. Part of her wanted to throw herself across the room at Shelley to beat her senseless, while the other wanted to jump up and run as far away as possible.

"Oh…umm…" Shelley stammered. Krista finally opened her eyes to level her gaze on Shelley, who was looking at her, wide-eyed and mouth open in surprise. She could feel everyone's gaze on her, could almost feel the sympathy issuing forth from them. She was in big trouble.

"Krista?" She sighed, knowing there was no way out of it. Even if she could have thought of some big excuse, some way to cover up Shelley's slip, the time had long passed where it could have helped. She turned to her parents.

"Halloween."

There was a brief pause, and she watched as her mother's lips tightened, saw her father's eyes narrow, as they comprehended what that single word meant. Her father cleared his throat and stood. "I think it's probably time for us to go home." He turned to Cheryl. "Thank you for dinner." His voice was cold, and she winced as both of her parents turned disapproving eyes on Taryn and Jay.

Cheryl nodded wordlessly. Krista rose from the floor to stand by her parents. She couldn't bring herself to say good-bye to anyone; her eyes were glued to the floor. She was both mortified and frightened. I'm going to be grounded for years for this, she thought, following her parents as they made their hasty escape from the Hoffa house.

"Did you know she'd snuck out?" Cheryl demanded to know as she stalked back into the den after letting the lasts of their guests out.

Jay held his hands out to his mother in a gesture of supplication. "No. I was as surprised as you were when that little egg broke."

Taryn sighed, thinking back to that night. "I didn't know for sure, but after the night was over I kinda had a suspicion." She met her mother's disapproving gaze with a firm one of her own. "I didn't know for sure, and I'm not her mother. It's not my job to tell her what to do."

"Well, if you guys had any hopes of getting her parents to let her do the kind of gigs you're looking for, I think you've got another thing coming."

"Yeah, did you see the look her dad gave me? God." Jay shuddered.

"Why would they be mad at us? It's not like we forced her to do it. We didn't even know about it. For certain," she added at her mother's look.

"It doesn't matter. She snuck out to a party and played with you. In their eyes, you're the problem. Especially if she hasn't done this kind of thing before. I'd think the same thing."

"Awesome." Jay threw his head back and blew out a big breath. Taryn kicked her foot, lightly brushing the top of the carpet beneath her. She hoped Krista didn't get into too much trouble…but she knew that it was bad. Very bad. "Look, I hate to say it, but…do we need to be looking for another bassist?"

Taryn's head snapped up and she regarded her brother with incredulous eyes. "What!?"

"I mean, come on. She's probably not going to be allowed to play with us after this, especially if her folks think we're the trouble here, and even if she is, we all know she's like grounded for life. And besides that, the two of you…there's some weird vibes going on there."

Taryn's skin prickled at those last words, and she felt her mother come to sharp attention behind her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He screwed his mouth up at her. "It means you guys are weird. She joins the band, you don’t like her. Then you're suddenly best friends and I never see you guys apart. Then you're not friends any more. Is it a girl thing? Cause we can restrict our next search for guys only."

"No one ever said we weren’t still friends," she protested, knowing it was in vain. They had certainly been acting like anything but friends lately, and she should have known that Jay would pick up on that.

"Right. Whatever you say. I'm just saying, with all this going on…maybe we'd be better off---"

"Stop. Just stop. That is so stupid…" She worked her jaw, so angered by his suggestion that she was having difficulty finding the right words. "Krista is a valued member of this band. She helps us sound good. We sound better now than we ever did. If this trouble she's in right now means that we have to take a break from performing or whatever to wait for her, that's what we do. Otherwise, you can find a new bassist and a new vocalist."

"Whoa, I was only---" She cut off his protest with a sharp wave of her hand and rose. "I'm going to bed," she said to her mother, and marched out of the room.
The door slammed behind them, causing Krista to wince. It was a bad portent. Her parents were not the kind of people that made noise and acted out in anger. She made her way to the couch and sat, leaning forward, arms between her knees, hands clasped together. She looked down and prepared for the onslaught.

"Talk," her father commanded. Neither of her parents had made a move to sit.

She sighed. No reason to lie now. "Halloween…I didn't go to a movie marathon. There was a party one of the kids from school was throwing, and Q was supposed to play there. So I went."

"What's happened to you?" her mother asked, her voice showing her confusion and disappointment. "You've been distant for some time now, but now this? Lying, sneaking out…it's like we don't know you anymore."

"Maybe you don't," she muttered.

"What's that mean?" her mother demanded, her voice rising.

Krista shook her head. She was frustrated, and she was tempted to just put everything out there- but this wasn't how she wanted to do it. She didn't even know if she ever would come out to her parents, but if she did, she didn't want it to be this way. "Nothing."

"No, enough of this secrecy crap," her father said. "We talk. What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know. I mean…I'm a teenager. Maybe I'm doing teenager stuff." She knew it was the wrong thing to say, but if it kept the focus off what she really meant, she would accept the consequences.

"That's no excuse!" He paused; she could hear his deep intake of breath as if calming himself. When he spoke again his voice was softer. "You never did this kind of thing in Staughton. Did you?"

"No!" I didn't have a life in Staughton.

"What's changed?" her mother asked. "Is it Jay and Taryn? Are you hanging out with the wrong crowd? Did they convince you to sneak out with them?"

"What? No. They don't have anything to do with this. They didn't even know I wasn't supposed to be there. And they didn't have to sneak out. Their mother trusts them."

"And is this is how you hope to gain our trust?" her father questioned. "By lying to us?"

"No, but I wouldn't have had to lie if…" She stopped. This was not the direction she wanted this conversation to go in either. She didn't want to bring the Hoffas into this, and in the heat of everything she was saying too much.

"If we were more like Cheryl," her mother stated, reading her intentions.

"I didn't say that. They don't have anything to do with this, I told you. No one knew that I was out without permission. It was my decision."

"And it was a bad one," her father said, his tone firm and unyielding. She waited, saying no more. She had already made things worse. Long, tense seconds passed before her father said, "Go to your room. We need to discuss what you're punishment will be." She rose without looking at them, and started to shuffle away. "And I'll be picking you up after school tomorrow."

She thought about protesting, but decided it would not be worth it to do so. As she left her parents alone in the living room, her father's words echoed in her head. Had it been a bad decision? Was it worth it? Diana had posed that very same question to her before the party, and thinking back on all that had transpired, she was not sure how to answer that question. She had performed for the first time in front of people, with a band, just as she had always desired- and the crowd had loved it. People had complimented her on her performance for days after. Kids at school knew her now. And…she had kissed Taryn, gaining the experience of what her lips felt like while ruining that friendship.

Had it been worth it?

The question continued to reverberate through her head the next morning, fighting its way amongst the cluster of thoughts and feelings that had her feeling quite off center. It was had her standing immobile in front of her locker, one hand on the World History book she needed. She stared into the clutter of her locker, eyes unseeing. She was tired; she had lain in bed for hours reliving the days and weeks since her life had become more complicated than she could handle, and when at last she was able to doze off it was a fitful sleep. She had awoken in the morning feeling weary and drained, and if she had hoped that her parents would feel better about anything that morning, she was disappointed. The atmosphere at breakfast had been tense and silent. And the ride to work with her father! He could have at least turned on the radio or something. He was probably trying to torture me. She shook her head, jarring herself out of her inertia. She pulled her textbook out, grumbling, “Can’t wait for the ride home.�

“Talking to yourself? Must’ve been really bad.� The unexpected comment startled her and she almost dropped her book as she whirled around. Taryn flashed an apologetic smile, taking a small step back. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.�

Krista felt her face flush red with embarrassment, and she looked everywhere except Taryn’s face. “S’okay. My fault for…talking to myself,� she admitted sheepishly.

“I do it all the time. Maybe not in the middle of the hall at school, but…� She shrugged.

Krista couldn’t help but laugh, and she finally allowed her eyes to flit across Taryn’s face and catch her eyes- not linger, but long enough to capture a picture. That short contact was sufficient to create warmth inside of her, starting at her heart and spreading through to her limbs. It was the first dialogue they had had since the party that felt natural and comfortable. I miss this. She decided that Diana was right. Taryn was clearly making an effort; the least she could do was meet her halfway.

“You know what they say. It’s a sign of genius and all,� she replied, her tone playful.

“Sure, genius.� Taryn paused, and Krista could almost see her gears turning. “I know the bell’s gonna ring pretty soon, but I just wanted to catch you and check up on you. See how everything went last night, find out if you’re grounded until you graduate.�

“Nope. Not grounded. Not anything yet. They haven’t decided my punishment.�

Taryn nodded wisely. “Uh-huh. That’s part of the punishment right there.�

“I think you’re right.�

“We kinda went ahead and cancelled band practice tonight. We figured you probably wouldn’t be able to come.�

Krista bit her lip and looked down. She knew that there was a very real possibility that her parents would disallow her from playing with Q, whether it be temporary or permanent. She didn’t know how she would handle it either way. It was no exaggeration to say that the band the best thing to happen to her since moving to Alexander- possibly her life. Without Q she doubted that Taryn would ever have paid her any attention, not to mention the fact that she was a Somebody at school for the first time.

“But, I mean, the jazz trio thing at least…they’ll let you do that, right?�

“Yeah. I think they consider that sort’ve part of schoolwork, so they won’t take that away.� I don’t think.

“Well…good.�

They stood in awkward silence for a moment. Krista was starting to feel a little anxious about being late for her next class, and decided to make her leave. “We’d probably better get going before we’re late.�

“Yeah, you’re right. Oh, but, umm…listen, Shelley feels really bad about opening her big mouth last night, and she doesn’t want you to be mad at her, and not come and eat with us at lunch because of that.�

Krista turned and closed her locker before answering. “I’m not mad. I mean, I thought there was like an unspoken agreement about not mentioning stuff like that around parents…�

“Yeah,� Taryn agreed, chuckling. “I think she just got excited.�

Krista scuffed her shoe on the floor and hugged her book to her chest. “You can tell her I’m not mad and that I’ll be there for lunch.� Her last words were almost drowned out by the harsh shrill of the bell, and she rolled her eyes. “See you later.� She headed down the rapidly emptying hall.

“What are we eating for lunch today?�

She turned and walked backwards so that she could see Taryn, who still stood by her locker. She caught the teasing smile on the other girl’s face, and her stomach lurched in response. She was something else. “I’m having a delicious homemade meal. You’re having cafeteria slop.�

She laughed as Taryn clutched her heart as if wounded, and turned away. She was going to be very late. If that was the price she had to pay for a moment which so resembled the friendship they used to have, a reminder of simpler times between them…

Not even the glare she received from her teacher upon slipping late inside the classroom could wipe the smile from her face.

I wish they'd just decide and get it over with. How long are they gonna take? Krista climbed out of the car and closed the door behind her, being mindful not to slam it despite the desire to do so. The ride home had been as silent as the ride to school that morning, and she was beginning to wonder if this was indeed their form of punishment because it was driving her mad.

She walked quickly up the stairs and into the house, outpacing her father. Her intention was to escape to her room as fast as she could and avoid the clear lack of interaction between the two of them. Her plan was derailed, however, as soon as she stepped foot in the house; her mother was seated in the living room. She had clearly been waiting for them. She turned back to where her father was entering the house, noting the decisive manner in which he closed the door behind him and made his way into the room. Guess that answers my question. All of a sudden she wished she could take back her earlier thoughts. Resigned, she made her way to the armchair and sat down. She did not even bother to take her backpack off; she knew the verdict would be swift.

She waited as her father settled himself onto the sofa with her mother. Her heart was beating fast, and in less time than it takes to blink all of the pep talks she had given herself during the day vanished. Relax, Krista. Don't worry, Krista. They won't make you quit the band, Krista. What's the worse than can happen, Krista? Right. She caught her hand making its way to her mouth, and shoved both of them beneath her legs to prevent herself from gnawing on them. If nothing else, she could deny them the pleasure of seeing how nervous she was.

"So…" Her mother started, fixing her with a stare. Krista averted her eyes, deciding that the floor was a much better subject to study. "Put yourself in our position, Krista. Imagine that I'm your daughter, your only child, and you just found out that I had snuck out of the house to go to an unsupervised party. And don't try to tell us that it wasn't unsupervised, or else we'll have to find out whose house you went to and speak with their parents." There was a pause, and Krista did not move. She was not about to challenge that assumption. It was, after all, true. Satisfied that no argument was forthcoming, Mrs. Evans continued. "What would you do? How would you punish me?"

She still did not lift her head to meet their eyes, but frowned at the floor. What kind of awful trick was this? Were they really going to make her decide her own punishment? Even they can't be that mean. She waited for her mother to continue, but nothing more was forthcoming. She raised her head and looked at her parents in disbelief, They were watching her expectantly.

Aww, this sucks, she thought with a small shake of her head. How could she answer that question? To her it was the ultimate Catch 22. If she chose a punishment too lenient, they would punish her even more for being unrealistic. If she chose too harsh a punishment, there was always the possibility that they would actually go with her ideas. She sighed. There was really no right answer, so she squared her shoulders and prepared herself for whatever would happen next.

"I guess…I would take away some stuff that I liked."

"Such as?" her dad prompted.

She thought carefully. What could I do without? "I guess I would take away my phone privileges. And I would have to come home straight from school." Nope, that didn't do it. "And I wouldn't let me go out on the weekends for…a while." Their expressions did not change. Son of a--- "And I'd take away my computer."

She waited. It seemed to her that she had taken away all the privileges that she cared about with one exception, and that one thing hung in the air between them like a great albatross. She met their expectant gazes with a defiant one of her own. If they were going to take the band away from her, be it temporarily or for good, she certainly was not going to offer it up on her own.

The silence dragged on, stretching between, until it finally broke with a large sigh from her father. "It looks like under your plan you're forbidden from doing everything except the one thing you snuck out of the house to do. Why would you-- us really-- make that the exception?"

She stared blankly at him for a moment, his question taking her by surprise. She hadn't expected that there would even be a discussion. A look of annoyance passed over his face at her continued silence, and she tried to gather her thoughts quickly, recognizing an unforeseen window of opportunity to plead her case.

"Because…" Her hands found their way from beneath her legs and she gestured expansively. "Because I love to do it. I finally get to do something I've imagined doing since I started playing music. I've finally found a group of kids that love music like I do, and they allowed me to play with them, and they let me play my songs too and they take it seriously and want to do something with it. I don’t have to play alone in my room any more. I snuck out because I wanted to play in front of people for once, and feel what it's like to be in front of a crowd that likes what you're doing. And because it was one mistake, one thing I did wrong, and because I'm 16 and allowed to do stupid stuff and when you've got kids that are doing drugs and flunking out of school and getting pregnant and going to jail and all kinds of stuff like that, what I did…it's not really the end of the world. And because it's the most important thing I've got."

She stopped to catch her breath. Her voice had climbed in volume while she'd spoken, and she realized that she had practically been yelling at her parents. Good job, Kris. Way to screw that up even more. Her shoulders slumped as she felt the fight leave her.

"If you think threatening us with all the possible bad things you could be doing is the way to go…you're not completely wrong."

She looked up in surprise, unable to keep her mouth from dropping open. That's not normal.

Her parents exchanged a look. If she didn't know better she'd say that they seemed…amused. That's definitely not right.

"We know you're a good kid, Krista," her mother said, leaning forward in her seat. "That's why we're so confused by this. And the 'I'm 16' argument…that's not acceptable. Age doesn't excuse poor decision-making on your part."

"Hearing you on that recording was amazing," her father continued. "We had no idea that you had that in you. It was like listening to a different person. You sounded confident, sure…happy. And we don't want to take that away from you. So…" he paused, and Krista squirmed, literally on the edge of her seat. "We're not going to take the band away from you. On a permanent basis, that is."

Taryn spotted the stack of three books on her bed as soon as she stepped into her bedroom. She dropped her bag on the floor and made her way over to investigate. Her confusion was alleviated once she got close enough to make out one of the titles. ‘The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality’. She snickered as she sank onto her bed and opened the book. Her mother was too cute. She appreciated the support she was getting about this new factor in her life, but seriously…What does she think I don’t know about sexuality at this point? It’s not like I’m a v--- Her flipping fingers stalled, and she turned back a few pages, leaning forward to read. I had no idea. Her lips mouthed the words as she read.

The sound of knocking startled her out of her concentration. She looked up to see her brother standing in the doorway, wrapping on the doorjamb with his fist. She frowned and shook her head. She had no concept of how much time had passed. She vaguely remembered finishing the chapter she had started and moving on to another book called ‘Two in Twenty’. Somewhere in that time she had moved to a laying position, and her room had darkened considerably.

“You alright?� Jay questioned, moving into the bedroom.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.� She scrambled into a sitting position, gathering the books and shoving them under her blanket. Smooth, real smooth. She watched Jay’s eyes follow the disappearing books, and waited for him to meet her gaze, challenging him to ask what they were. He shrugged.

“You want me to turn on your light?�

“Yeah. Thanks.�

He flicked the switch on the wall. She sat cross-legged on her bed, waiting for him to speak. She surmised from his body language- hands shoved in pockets, shoulders slightly hunched- that he wasn’t there for a social visit.

“Look, I wanted to say sorry for um, for last night. I didn’t mean to piss you off, and I wasn’t trying to stab Krista in the back.�

“I know. You were concerned about the good of the band. I get that.�

“Yeah.�

“So it’s cool. I guess…I guess I’m sorry I blew up like that. I mean, I shouldn’t of came at you like that.�

He shrugged and looked around the room some more. She watched him patiently, waiting.

“So, I guess we’re not practicing tonight, huh?� She shook her head. “Did you hear anything about what happened to her? Like, did they kill her or something?�

“That’s not funny,� she protested, although she allowed herself a small grin. It was more an expression of relief at the renewed ease of their interaction than actual amusement. “I don’t know what’s going on. When I talked to her at school she said that they hadn’t decided anything yet.�

“Huh.� He straightened up and gave Taryn’s room a final once-over. “Alright. I’ll call Serg and let him know.�

“Guys?� Their mother’s voice called from downstairs, announcing her arrival.

“We’re upstairs,� Jay answered. He turned to leave, but paused and glanced back at his sister. “We cool?�

“Yeah. We’re cool.� If he had been within reaching distance, Taryn would not have been able to resist the urge to ruffle his hair. Sometimes he was so cute. She watched as he ducked his head and nodded once more before slipping out the door. She looked pensive for a moment before getting up from her bed- making sure that her books were still hidden- and heading downstairs.

She found her mother standing in the foyer, sifting through the mail. A quick glance around confirmed that Jay was not around. She leaned against the wall and eyed her mother. “How was work?�

“Same as always. Lots of old boring men trying to find new and creative ways to hide their money—and inevitably getting caught at it.�

“Huh. Fascinating. I had an interesting afternoon myself.� She waited until her mother looked up to meet her eyes. “Full of interesting reading.�

“A little too much?�

“It was a cute gesture. I appreciate it.�

Cheryl sighed. “Good. I just thought…you know, the more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to handle…whatever comes.�

“Well, thanks. I’m sure I’ll be more than prepared now.� Her mind flashed back to some of the stories she’d just read, and she fought a rising blush. She wondered if her mother had rifled through any of the books she’d selected.

Her mother moved closer to her, and asked in a lowered voice, “Have you told your brother yet?�

“No, mom.� Taryn could not keep the exasperation out of her voice. She didn’t know when she would be ready to share this new information with Jay; she didn’t know if she ever would. It was still relatively new to her.

“Okay. Sorry.� Chery’s voice was contrite, and she backed away from her daughter and resumed her study of the mail. “Hey, do you want to win 5 days and 4 nights in a luxurious Caribbean resort? All you have to do is sign away your soul.�

“When you’re in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true�

Her eyes were closed, and her fingers moved over her bass with ease as they walked the bass line. She bobbed her head slightly in time with the music and let Taryn’s voice wash over her, covering her skin in waves of goose bumps as her voice caressed the notes. The entire rehearsal had seen her body assaulted with rush after rush of emotion. After weeks spent playing with others almost every day, spending the previous evening cooped up in her room playing alone had been disheartening. Thus today she drank in the sounds of their jazz rehearsal as one dying of thirst. The sound of Marcus, the first trumpet chair, going into the solo filled her with joy.

Of course the most intoxicating aspect of the session was, as always, Taryn. Krista was sure that no matter how many times she heard her sing, she would still get shivers. “The Nearness of You� was particularly effective in ratcheting up her already high-strung emotions. If only those words, so romantic…Stop, she admonished herself. Just leave it alone. Get over it. She tuned in to the solo again, blocking out any thoughts not directly related to the music. It was an exercise in control that would require a lot more practice, but she was determined to master it. It was the only way she would regain any normalcy.

They ran through the number twice more before deciding to call it an evening. The teens exchanged amused glances as Mr. Brannigan raved about how great they were while they packed up to leave. Although everyone seemed to be excited about their little impromptu grouping, it was clear that Mr. Brannigan was the most affected of all of them.

Outside the room the five musicians exchanged good-byes and headed in their own directions. Taryn, Jay, and Krista walked together towards the main door of the building. Krista walked slowly, purposefully slowing the others down. She knew her father was waiting for her outside, and she wanted to prolong the time she was spending with her friends as much as possible.

“So did you guys practice last night?� she asked.

“Nah. No point.� Jay shrugged. “Besides, we got the demo done, and that’s what we were working towards. It won’t hurt us to take some time off.�

Krista shot him a grateful smile. It was nice of him to say those things, despite their lack of truth. No matter that they had completed the recording; there was always something to work on, and she knew that they would suffer some for lack of practice. She was grateful that no one seemed to hold it against her that she had caused the unexpected hiatus.

“Speaking of, when are we gonna get the final cut?�

“Taryn’s dropping it off with Brian tomorrow after school.� Krista glanced at Taryn, who nodded in affirmation.

“That sucks, you have to drive out there after school.�

“She doesn’t mind,� Jay sad, a sly note creeping into his voice. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to get the gist of his remark, and Krista swallowed her reaction even as she saw Taryn flash Jay a look of annoyance. “What?� he asked, his smile quickly fading at his sister’s expression. “It was a joke. He did seem into you.�

Krista smiled, hoping that it didn’t look as forced as it felt. “So, when do you think we’ll get it back?�

“He said if he got it by this weekend he’d get it back to us by next week,� Taryn answered.

“Cool,� she muttered, though to her mind the situation was anything but cool.

The trio reached the main doors and pushed them open, stepping into the waning sunlight. Krista spotted her father parked at the foot of the stairs, just as he had been yesterday, and would be every day for the duration of her punishment. She felt her two companion’s sympathetic gazes on her, and she flushed with embarrassment. “Well, the warden’s here,� she said, attempting to lighten the situation. “Better get going.�

“’kay. See you tomorrow.�

“Bye, Krista.�

“Bye.� She hurried to the car and slid into the passenger seat. “Dad, you don’t have to glare at them.�

“Who’s glaring?�

She sighed and sank into her seat. She didn’t intend to get into an argument with her father. She just wanted to get home and into the privacy of her room.

It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

“Let me know if you need any more help.�

“Okay. Thanks.�

Taryn smiled and left the customer to peruse through the World Music section. She made her way back to the counter, stopping now and again to help people who sought her attention. The combination of the approaching holiday season and the mild November nights had downtown Alexander alive with foot traffic this Saturday night, and Taryn had been kept busy- along with her co-workers. She glanced at her watch for what may have been the 5th time that hour. Her feet were starting to hurt, and her customer service smile was growing tighter by the minute. She looked ahead to where Marshall was fielding questions at the counter. Their eyes met and they shared a look that spoke volumes.

Despite her exhaustion, however, deep down Taryn welcomed the busyness. It seemed to her that one day she had awoken and found her life to be completely changed, and she was unsure of to do with herself as a result. Her evenings had transformed into long, drawn-out sessions of watching tv. The lack of band practice had left a gaping hole in her nights, one that would once have easily been filled with dating. That, however, was no longer an easy proposition. Not like I can date the person I really want to, she mused as she pointed a patron in the right direction. And who else would I go out with? The question sat heavily on her mind. She wasn’t sure that she was even remotely ready to deal with that one. Where was she in her life anyway? If she did try to start dating again, would she look for another girl? And if so, where would she start? Am I even ready? She almost laughed out loud at the irony. A week ago she had been a lean, mean, dating machine. There had been no question as to her state of readiness. And now? Now I’m a fucking mess.

The sound of Marshall calling her name broke her out of her reverie, and she hurried to the front of the store to take up her position at the other register.

Two hours later, the last patron had finally departed and the crew of the record store was starting their closing duties. Taryn was running the night’s sales report from the registers while Marshall ran the vacuum cleaner. Once done, she took the reports and the cash drawers to the back, and settled in at the desk to start counting down. She was deep in concentration and didn’t notice that the vacuum had stopped until Marshall’s voice startled her from the doorway.

“I’ll do your laundry for a week if you can tell me what the hell was in the air tonight.�

“Damn. I was hoping you would know.�

He stepped into the room and sat in the only other chair in the office. “Did you notice the unnatural number of soft rock compilations that walked out of here?�

She shook her head in dismay. “Clearly something evil is afoot.�

“Yeah.�

“But, this might be a good sign for me. I was planning on asking Craig for a few more shifts anyway.�

“Yeah? Money tight?�

She shrugged. She didn’t really want to get into her reasons with him.

“He’ll probably be looking for daytime help if you wanna put in a bid for your winter vacation time.�

“Good idea.�

She finished her counting in silence, with Marshall looking on. It was customary for him to stay with her and wait until she was done counting down the registers, and he always accompanied her to the bank to do the deposit. It wasn’t a matter of trust, but safety, and truth be told, she appreciated the company. She placed the last of the money into the green bag, zipped it shut, and turned to face her companion.

“All done.�

“Cool.�

The pair stood and left the office, Taryn shutting off the light before closing the door behind them. They split and walked around the store, seeing to any last minute issues. Satisfied with the condition of the store, they met at the front door. Taryn flipped the switches and the store was immediately cast in darkness save for illumination from the streetlights.

“Ready?� Taryn asked, her hand poised next to the security panel. Marshall nodded, and stood perfectly still as Taryn punched in the alarm code. They waited for the telltale beep, and quickly exited the building, locking the door behind them.

“I hate when people take up the whole fucking sidewalk like they own it,�� Marshall complained as they started down the street towards the bank. Despite the late hour, the sidewalks were still fairly populated with people, and they had to weave and shuffle to avoid collisions. “Anyway, how’s Krista?�

“Um…she’s okay, I guess.� Smooth. Good cover. No, I don’t care about you and Krista. Not jealous. My mood didn’t just take a sudden nosedive. Nope, not at all.

“Sucks that she got caught like that. Do you know how long she’s grounded for? She didn’t say in her email.�

“I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything to m---us about it. I think it’s at least for a few weeks though.�

Marshall sighed. “It’s only been a day and I miss talking to her already.�

The deposit pouch suddenly felt very flimsy in her hand, and a quick glance down confirmed that she was just about crushing it. She forced herself to relax her grip, and managed to mutter, “Yeah. Must be hard for you.� She was sure that she didn’t sound the least bit sympathetic, but she was fast approaching the not caring point.

They walked the remaining distance to the bank in silence, and Marshall kept an eye out while she finished up the deposit. The last of her duties done, she turned and prepared to bid adieu to Marshall when Meg and Shelley suddenly manifested right next to them.

“Hey,� she exclaimed in surprise. “What’re you guys doing out and about?�

“Saturday night, Hoffa. Can’t be cooped up at home,� Shelley said, glancing over her shoulder. It was then that Taryn noticed the two boys standing a few feet away, obviously waiting for them.

“Oh boy. That sounds like trouble waiting to happen,� she joked.

“We hope so,� Meg added, winking. “So, you two…�

“No.�

“I was just helping her close up the store,� Marshall explained.

“Well, Tar, you should come with us,� Shelley offered. “We’re going to Club Venture. I bet at least a few of the guys there will be up to standards.�

“No thanks. I’m gonna call it a night, lay low a little.�

“Since when do you lay low?�

“Yeah, it’s taking you a lot longer to get back at it again since the last one,� Meg observed.

“Maybe I’m not into that any more,� Taryn snapped. Her patience was suddenly very thin, and she knew it was time to excuse herself before she said something she would regret- something she wasn’t ready to really own up to. “Look, I gotta get home. You guys have fun. Thanks, Marshall. See you next week.�

Without another word she turned and headed back towards the record store where she had parked her car, leaving her friends to gawk after her in surprise. She needed to get home fast. She felt raw and vulnerable all of a sudden, and the questions that had tapped her mind earlier that evening were emerging in full force. This time she couldn’t block the maelstrom out. What was her next move going to be? Dating again? But women this time? Where would she meet them? But she was getting ahead of herself. She could not very well start dating anyone if she was still hung up on Krista.

And in the end, wasn’t that the real problem?

Krista silenced the blaring alarm seconds after it started. She had slept fitfully and was more awake that morning than she had been since school had started. She stretched, attempting to alleviate the jittery feeling deep in the pit of her stomach that had started last night. It reminded her of the nervousness she experienced every time report cards were due to come out. It was a feeling of anticipation, of not knowing, and it only grew as she contemplated the evening before her. The music concert was that evening, and as with any performance, she was starting her stage fright early.

She concentrated in her morning classes harder than usual in an effort to push the feeling down. She welcomed the clanging of the lunchtime bell. The trio of Shelley, Meg, and Candace were sure to take her mind off of the concert, filled as they were with the usual gossip and scandal. They were already well into their first dish of the period when she found them in their usual spot. She exchanged a quick greeting with the group before unwrapping her lunch and starting in on her meal. She was content to listen in for a bit before participating, taking a moment to reflect on the changes in her life since moving to Alexander. She had found herself doing that quite a bit over the last week, mainly focusing on the ever-shifting landscape of her relationship with Taryn. Things had been improving considerably between them, and she was pleased with her ability to put aside her romantic feelings and make a true effort to get back the friend that she’d had- and gratified to sense that Taryn wanted the same thing. Maybe in time it would pass completely, the way it had with Diana. That was her hope at least, but as she surreptitiously watched Taryn laughing at a comment Candace had made, she felt a different flutter in her stomach that had nothing to do with nervousness about the concert, and knew that she had a long way to go.

“Penny?�

“Huh?� Krista was startled to find Taryn addressing her directly.

“Alright, you drive a hard bargain. Quarter.�

“Oh.� She laughed as she got the meaning of her question. “Nothing.�

“Tonight’s gonna be great. I’m excited.�

There she goes again! “Yeah, I think so too.�

“What’re you gonna wear, Taryn? Slinky black cocktail dress?� Shelley waggled her eyebrows.

“Maybe,� Taryn teased. “I don’t get a swanky tux like everybody else, so I’ve gotta make something up.�

“They oughta let the girls wear dresses instead of those tuxedos,� Meg commented.

“I bet Jay looks good in his.�

“Damian’ll look hot too. That boy could look good in a pinstriped suit with a pocket protector.�

“Are you guys going?� Taryn asked.

“Of course,� Shelley answered, placing her hand to her chest in mock offense. “Would we miss seeing our favorite singer and bassist going outside the box? How often do we get to see you sing jazz, Taryn?�

“First and final performance,� Meg said in an announcers voice.

“I didn’t figure a lot of students went,� Krista said. The jitters were re-emerging at this new piece of information. “I thought it would be mainly like parents and stuff.�

“A fair number of students tend to show up to these concerts. School spirit and all,� Taryn informed her. She added, “But, it’ll be fine. A lot of them have already seen you play anyway, as Meg was so nice to point out.� She leveled a playful glare at Meg, who cowered.

“I’ll never live that down, will I?�

“No,� the group answered in unison. They dissolved into laughter, and the conversation migrated to them sharing embarrassing stories of being caught by their parents. Krista relaxed and let herself be carried away by their tales. She didn’t have much to contribute to the topic save for her recent event, which was still too raw for her to see as too amusing. Perhaps she could laugh about it after she was done being punished.

Lunch ended- always too soon in her opinion- and the quintet parted to go to their respective classes. As Krista made her way down the hall to her 6th period Algebra class, she noticed several people smiling her way. A few gave her thumbs-up gestures. She smiled back uncertainly. It reminded her of her earlier days at Alexander, and she wondered what she had done recently to get her noticed by her classmates. For a brief moment she worried that someone had spread the news of her recent confinement and the events leading up to it, but she dismissed that suspicion as quickly as it had surfaced. It would be just plain weird if people were congratulating her on getting grounded.

Her question was answered just before she entered her Algebra class, when a passing student tapped her on the arm with a rolled up newspaper, which she recognized as the school paper. “Great stuff. You’re a really good writer,� he said before continuing down the hall.

“Thanks,� she called after him, and the pieces clicked together. She had completely forgotten. Today was the day the literary magazine came out. Her poem was included in the creative offerings. She slipped inside the classroom just as the final bell rang, and quickly found her seat. Just as the teacher was starting to address the class, an announcement came over the P.A. system.
“Good afternoon, students. Please make sure to pick up your copy of the Alexander Sentinel, featuring an insert of the very first installment of Alexander High’s new literary magazine, ‘The Looking Glass’. Please also remember that we are now accepting submissions for next quarter’s issue. Thanks and have a great afternoon.�

“I see that many of you are already showing your support for the school paper,� Ms. Howell noted, and Krista looked around the room to see that indeed, several students had copies of the paper open on their desks. “I appreciate your school spirit, but let’s put those away until after class, because right now I have a surprise for you.� There was a collective groan, and she smiled. “Ohhh, yes, it’s terrible, I know.� She picked up a stack of paper from her desk and began passing one to each student. Krista looked at the received paper with dismay. Awesome. A test. Her curiosity was killing her. She wanted to see her work in print, as well as get a glance at what the magazine looked like, but it would have to wait until after class. She reached for a pen from her bag and waited for the go ahead to get started

“Where can I get one of those?� Krista asked, stopping the first person in the hall that she saw with the paper.

“Right there.� The student pointed towards a basket underneath a nearby bulletin board.

“Thanks.� She hurried down the hall. She could see the supply in the basket rapidly depleting as students moved by on their way to their next class. An increasing number of people were stopping to compliment her on her submission, and she was started to glow with pleasure. This celebrity business is addictive, she thought, picking up the paper and eagerly flipping through it. She was impressed with the print quality of the paper itself. Stoughton’s paper had been little more than photocopies folded and stapled into a booklet. She found the magazine tucked into the center, and whistled out loud at its glossy finish. It really did look like a real magazine. She started down the hall, unseeing as she skimmed the pages looking for her poem. She stopped as she spotted a familiar title and smiled. That’s my poem, she thought with pride. She was surprised to have received so many compliments on it. It wasn’t one of the ones that she considered to be her best work. Truthfully, she had just thrown it in there because she’d needed something, seeing as how she had forgotten about submitting anything at all during that tumultuous time. Her smile was short-lived however, as her eyes moved across the page and caught sight of another title- just as familiar, but unexpected in that context.

“Oh no,� she muttered, stopping in the middle of the highway. Her expression was one of disbelief and horror, her lips moving soundlessly as she read to herself. She was oblivious to the curious glances being directed her way. The sounds of the hall faded away, replaced with the growing sound of her own heartbeat as it drummed louder and louder in her ears. She shook her head and closed her eyes, but when she opened them again no miracle had occurred. The words were still there, in black and white Arial font, her name attached mercilessly to the poem with one word: ‘by’. I’m dead. I’ve gotta get out of here. She shut the magazine forcefully and rushed down the hall, colliding blindly into whomever she passed. She knew she looked like a freak, but she didn’t care. She would be labeled a freak anyway, by the only person in the school whose opinion mattered to her anyway.

Taryn knew that something was on Jay’s mind as soon as he slid into the passenger seat. He had an expectant look on his face as he watched her, and was clearly waiting for her to ask what was going on. Okay, she thought, sighing.

Just to be peevish she waited until she had pulled the car out of the school parking lot to ask, “What?�

“Has Krista been seeing someone?�

Her first instinct was to glare at him- she had thought this obsession of his with Krista was over- but something in his voice gave her reason for pause. He sounded…sure, as if he weren’t actually asking her a question, but was rather trying to gauge her level of honesty.

“N-no,� she stammered, her thoughts going to Marshall. Were they actively seeing each other now?

“Really? So, do you think this was written about an old boyfriend?� He held something up in her periphery, and she glanced at him to see what it was. The school paper- or more accurately, the literary magazine.

“Oh right, I forgot she was writing something for that.�

“So you haven’t read it?� he asked.

“No, not yet.�

“Well, let me read it for you.� He flipped through the pages, and she waited for him to find what he was looking for. Her anxiety rose at each passing second. What was he talking about? Why would he ask if Krista was dating someone, and then want to read her poem to Taryn? She had a sinking suspicion that she would not like the answer.

He cleared his throat and started to read.

“If You Only Knew, by Krista Evans.
Seconds that passed slower than an eternity
Seconds that seared a memory
Onto my lips
If you only knew how I replay those seconds every second
Of every day

The softest touch, but able to move the heaviest stone
The softest touch, felt to the marrow of my bone
When I needed it most
If you only knew how I still feel that touch inside me
Every day

Distance that grows, you perceive it as a mistake
Distance that shows, and every piece of me breaks
Watching you
If you only knew how this silence tears me
Every day

Defeat sitting on my shoulders, devouring me
Defeat as I realize we will never be
Together
If you only knew how my fantasies pale to remembering you
Every day�

She felt his gaze shift from the magazine to her face, and she struggled to maintain a neutral expression. She knew she must be failing, as wild as her emotions were at that moment.

“What’s wrong with you?�

“Nothing.�

“Then why aren’t you driving?�

She came back to herself abruptly, and realized that she had not managed to hide one bit of how much the poem had affected her. Her knuckles were white, her hand holding the steering wheel in a death grip. A glance at the speedometer showed that she had slowed the car down to a crawl- which explained the honking behind her. She pressed down on the gas and brought the car back up to a reasonable speed, all the while not sparing a glance in Jay’s direction.

“Surprising, huh?� he asked, smugness dripping from his voice. “I mean, the poem is awesome, and like, deep. But who knew she had this in her?�

She wished he would shut up. She wanted nothing more than to pull the car over and make him get out and walk home so that she could be alone. Every nerve in her body was screaming at her to floor it, get back to Crestview Place and find Krista to demand an explanation. Was she talking about her, about that night? Her instincts told her yes, and she wanted to whoop for joy that Krista felt the same thing she did. She also wanted to bang her head against the steering wheel at the time they had both spent fearing how the other was reacting. God, we’re so stupid! Then again…there was nothing explicit in the poem that guaranteed that she was barking up the right true. But you know. You know it just like you know that you’ve got to find her and make this right. No matter what.

Her mind was awash with too many thoughts all at once, deluged with too many emotions. She knew Jay was still talking to her, and she forced herself to concentrate on his words. He doesn’t get it. He has no idea, and I can’t even begin to deal with telling him right now. Pull it together, Taryn. Gathering herself, she said, “I’m sorry. What?�

“Dude, why are you freaking out like this? I mean, I was surprised, but you just plain flipped.�

“Sorry. I just---it was really good.� She held her breath, hoping he would buy the lame excuse.

“Yeah, well, it’s good, sure, but…I don’t think it’s heart-attack material. And most important, more important than quality, is source. She’s been holding out on us,� he complained.

“Are you still hung up on her?� she asked. The question came out harsher than she’d intended, but there was so much more potentially at stake now. “Honestly.�

“No, I’m not,� he answered firmly. “But, I guess I’m curious, y’know? Like, if she was still hung up on some ex or if she’s been seeing some guy all this time.�

“Well, look. Don’t come at her with a barrage of questions when you see her. As a matter of fact,� she continued, an idea forming, “why don’t you let me talk to her first, see if I can get at some details. Y’know, some girl time.� She felt a twinge of guilt at the slight lie, but she wasn’t feeling particularly held to morals right then. There were more important things at stake.

“Yeah, alright. That’s not a bad idea,� he agreed.

She nodded, and slowly increased her speed. Her patience, barely there to begin with, was waning faster and faster. She was eager to have this done one way or another.

A knock on her door forced her to lift her head from the pillow. “Yeah?� she called.

She groaned as her door slowly opened. Since when was ‘Yeah?’ an invitation for entry? She buried her head back into her pillow, hiding eyes that she knew were red and swollen.

“How’re you doing, hon?� her mother asked softly, placing a gentle hand on her back. “Still feeling badly?� Krista nodded. “Do you need me to call the school and let them know that you won’t be able to perform tonight?�

Her shoulders stiffened and she muffled a groan. Of all the nights…She wanted nothing more than to say yes, and stay in bed for the rest of the night- and the week too for that matter. A sense of responsibility, which she cursed at that moment, prevented her from doing so. Instead she answered, “No. Give me a little more time to see if I feel better.�

“Okay. By the way, Taryn stopped by just now. She said that she hopes you feel better soon, and hopes to see you at the concert.�

That made her head pop back up off the pillow. “Taryn was here?� Oh shit.

“Yes.� Her mother looked at her quizzically.

She remembered that she was supposed to be sick, and laid her head back down with a groan that was not entirely pretense. “Oh.�

“I’ll check back in on you in an hour or so.� Krista received one more pat on the back, and a kiss was placed to the back of her head before she heard her mother let herself out and close the door behind her. She waited until she heard her footsteps receding down the hall before she sat up in bed.

“Oh God,� she groaned. Taryn had come over to see her. “I bet she wants to see me at the concert. To chew me out.� She reached her hand under her pillow and extracted her notebook, easily finding the page that she had been stared at in disgust several times since she had arrived home earlier that afternoon. The page that used to house a poem that was never meant to leave the confines of its binding. She had replayed the day that she had handed over the poem that she had meant to be published- the only poem that she had meant to be published. Now that she understood what had happened, how it had happened, she could remember every detail clearly. She had tortured herself for hours, thinking of the little things that she could have done that would have prevented this disaster from occurring. She hadn’t been entirely dishonest when she’d told the school nurse that she was sick and needed to go home early. She was very sick, down to the deepest pit of her stomach. She was sick with fear and embarrassment. She glanced at the floor on the other side of her bed, where the copy of the magazine lay. There was no way that, upon reading that poem, Taryn would not know to whom and what she was referring. And we were just getting back to being friends, she lamented. That was over now. She was sure that after today, she would not only be unable to call Taryn her friend, she would also be ejected from the band. Surely Taryn would feel uncomfortable being I such close quarters with her.

And what would she do about that evening? Mr. Brannigan was counting on her, not only for the trio, but for the show as a whole. If she didn’t show up, her grade would suffer and she might even find herself without jazz band to turn to. And Jay. Oh, it just keeps getting better. No doubt Taryn had told him everything by now.

She shook her head slowly and lay back down, burying her face once again into her pillow. Life in Alexander had just gotten harder. Of that she was certain.

She made her way backstage, her steps slow and careful. To the casual observer she seemed merely to be taking care not to trip over any of the cables and rope strung along the floor. In reality, although her head was bent, she was carefully watching the people around her. She was hot and uncomfortable in the band tuxedo, and she wanted nothing more than to slip in and be unnoticed. She hoped to find the jazz band and become embroiled in the flutter of preparation, which she intended to aid her in avoiding confrontation. She was actually counting on Taryn not being there at all yet, since she was only performing the one number with them, which wouldn’t happen until midway through the evening.

She spotted the other band members gathered in a corner. Mr. Brannigan was speaking to them, presumably giving a pre-show pep talk. She walked to the edge of the gathering, her steps light and soft, hoping to evade notice. Her shoulders slumped in defeat as that hope was shattered, Mr. Brannigan’s eyes seeming to find her immediately.

“Krista! Good! I was worried you wouldn’t be able to make it,� he said, moving closer to make himself heard over the sound of the orchestra that was currently on stage. “Mrs. Colby told me that you’d gone home sick. Are you feeling better?�

She nodded. If by better you mean I feel like throwing up on your shoes, sure, I feel better.

“Good. I went ahead and tuned your bass up for you and placed it on stage.� He turned back to the group at large and continued speaking. She ventured a glance up from the floor, expecting to see disapproving looks from the other students. To her surprise, few paid any attention to her at all, and the ones that did look her way only smiled in greeting. She frowned, momentarily confused, until it dawned on her. Of course. She probably hasn’t told anyone. She doesn’t want people to know about it any more than I do. They might think she was a lesbian too. She took some comfort in that. At least if she was cast out of the Q social circle she wouldn’t be completely damned at Alexander.

“Hey, glad you could make it.� She jumped, surprised to find Jay standing next to her.

“Yeah. Thanks.� It came out sounding more like a question as she searched his face for any sign of duplicity. She found none there. He seemed genuinely pleased to see her. Could it be that Taryn hadn’t even told him about it?

“Hey, nice poems in the mag by the way. Especially the second one.�

“Thanks.� He’s serious! There didn’t seem to be anything insincere about his comment, and she felt even more confused than before. Maybe Taryn hadn’t read it after all. Maybe she would be able to get through this night without incident. Maybe---

“Hey.�

Maybe not. The sudden lump that had formed in her throat threatened to choke her as she turned to face the person standing behind her. Her fear was so strong at that moment that she almost didn’t notice that Taryn was actually wearing a black cocktail dress, and that she looked amazing in it. Almost.

“I think we need to talk.�

Krista forced herself to meet the other girl’s eyes. Her expression was hard to read in the dim backstage lighting. “Um…,� she started, but lost her voice. She had no idea what to say to that- although the idea of pleading for mercy was a strong one.

She was saved from having to continue by the sound of Mr. Brannigan clapping his hands together and announcing that it was time to take the stage. Relief washed over her in a cool wave, and she gestured helplessly towards the stage. “Gotta go,� she said. stepping aside to allow the incoming orchestra members to get by, while making her way towards the cluster forming at the stage’s entrance.

Taryn watched her walk away with frustration. Krista had looked so miserable, and the way she could hardly bring herself to look Taryn in the eyes…there left no doubt in her mind that her feelings were indeed reciprocated, and it made her heart hurt to think how easily this could all be resolved. Several scenarios came to mind and were quickly dismissed. Sure, she could simply grab Krista and declare her feelings for her right then and there, but would that really go over well? She doubted it. Krista was obviously not ‘out’ and would probably not appreciate her personal business being dragged into the open like that, no matter the circumstances. She even considered dedicating the song she would sing to her, but there were Krista’s parents to deal with. She would bet that they didn’t know about their daughter’s interest in girls, and with Krista already n the dog house, she didn’t want to risk making things worse for her. She blew out a puff of air in frustration. She would just have to wait till after the show to get her alone.

Out on stage, Krista made her way to her bass, set up in the back near the drum set. She was grateful for the relative cover of her position, and tried to ignore the fact that Taryn was still able to fully see her from her spot backstage. She’s probably staring holes into me right now and wishing me dead or something. She turned her body slightly so that her back was to the wing where Taryn waited. She looked up and out into the audience. Save for a few faces in the front row, the audience was mostly vague shadows that hinted at forms. The stage lights were hot and bright, and she felt herself starting to sweat in the hot suit. She gave her instrument a soft pluck and moved her hands over the strings in readiness while she waited for the other members to get situated. She wanted this evening to be over, preferably soon. Come on folks, let’s get started.

As if hearing her thoughts, Mr. Brannigan turned his back to the audience and stood at attention, his eyes moving over the band members one by one to gauge their state of readiness. He raised his hands in the air, waiting. The onstage shuffling ceased, and the idle chattering from the audience came to a stop. He counted off quietly. “One…and a two…and a…� He lowered his hands on three, and the band started into their first song.

Krista struggled to concentrate on the music, but knowing the songs as she did, found herself playing on autopilot a good deal of the time. Each song they completed brought them closer to the end number, to the quintet performance. Closer to Taryn again. And then she would somehow have to make her escape, avoid a confrontation, if just for tonight. She couldn’t avoid it forever; she knew that. But one more day couldn’t hurt, could it? A night to sleep on it and try to devise some sort of plan. Or maybe, if she avoided it long enough, Taryn would just give up and go back to ignoring her, and they wouldn’t have to discuss anything. Deep inside she knew that to be a false hope. The determined tone of Taryn’s voice when she had tried to talk to her earlier left no room for misguidance. They would talk about this, and soon if Taryn had her way.