Dear ___

Did you enjoy treating me that way? Did it make you feel better about yourself? Did you feel more like an adult, did you enjoy watching? Did you care what-so-ever what they were doing or even why? did it ever occur to you that your daughter might not want that kind of attention at such a young age, from such older people at such the wrong time.
I was nothing to do with you anymore. We don't talk, we don't fight, we don't communicate. Either one of us could be dead, the other would never know.
I hope you enjoy where you are now. You are a screwed up woman, but maybe this is where you will find peace. Good luck to you.


Dear ___

How was it when we were together? You were my first main relationship. You were what screwed most of it up. Yeah. I was a mess before you, but you pretty much laid everything out. every hit, every nasty word, ever black eye, how was it? But you know what, it's fine for me now. You know why? I'm successful, and you're rotting away in some cold room. I have my own business, my own future. I've had tons of other relationships, and I am making some good money now. You my friend are doing nothing but sitting alone soaked in your own regrets. You made me realize what the world is truely capable of, and how to conquer it. Thank you.

Dear ______

Hey...I hope your well. I just want you to know how much I like you, how much I enjoy spending time with you and how much I love your sense of humour. You're not like everyone else, who for the most part are complete assholes. Well...Ok, you've had your moments where you've annoyed the crap out of me, but I like you even with all that.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is:

I like you. A lot.

I hope one day you'll like me back.

Love _____

x

Dear Waste of Time,

I'm starting to hate you. I really am. I wish I had the strength to leave your sorry lazy butt! You really are a loser, you're right. You're a sick nasty slob... and you gross me out! I hate how you only take a shower when you know you are gonna go somewhere or when you know you're going to see me. Yeah, I know about it, I'm not as stupid as you might think. I hate how you don't ever trim your toenails, I hate how you don't ever get a haircut and you don't take care of yourself. I hate how all you EVER want to do is play video games, smoke cigarettes and eat all day. I hate how "your money" comes from your father's disability checks and not a job. I hate how your job hunting, in reality, is you playing video games. I hate how you don't clean up your messes, yes, I know about that too. I hate how you lie to me about everything, EVERYTHING. And I hate how when I catch you lying to me, you lie even more to cover the initial lie. I hate how you play head games, and mess with my mind and make me feel like I'm the one being the jerk. I hate how you make promises and never keep them. I hate how when I have the strength to leave you, you suck me right back into thinking it will get better. I hate myself for believing that next time will be better when I know, coming from you, next time shouldn't even exist. I hate how you're a suck up to get people to like you. I hate how you think it's okay to treat your mom as awful as you do, when all she tries to do is love you. I hate how two-faced you are, like when your family talked so bad about me, but you stood up for me... when all along you were talking bad about me and they were surprised at what you told them. I hate how you always have to be right, even when you're making it up and you're dead wrong. I hate how you think you know everything when you don't know anything at all. I hate how you never see the bright side to anything, and won't even try to let a bright side exist, even if there is a 50/50 chance. I hate how you make me feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I hate how you always have to be better than me, even though I don't want competition. I hate how you say you love me but you make me cry all the time. I hate how you break my heart. I hate how you lied about being in love with me when you took my virginity. I was in love with you... and you told me that you were in love with me, too. I said I wasn't ready, you asshole, I said that and you wouldn't stop bothering me about it. You wouldn't get off of me... I HATE YOU FOR THAT SO MUCH. Yeah, I gave in. So it's my fault. It's my fault you pestered me until I gave into something I was unsure of doing. All my fault you say? You were experienced, I was not. When I asked if you were in love with me... you said yes. Come to find out months and months later when I brought up that day... and asked you "Were you really that in love with me back then?" you had the nerve to reply "Well... I wasn't really... IN love... I mean... I liked you a lot". I fucking hate your guts deep down. Why do I think I love you? Why?! Even though you hurt me so much, why do I always let you back into my heart after you break it? Even though you disgust me... why do I always tell myself to believe you that it will be better? It's been a whole year and 9 months... and you have done NOTHING to show me that it is better. Not one single time. You continue to do all the things you have always done... You're a waste of my time.

I hope this time, I can stand up to you and have the courage to say it's finally over. I pray I can finally say, "I want to break up. I'm done, you have had way more than too many second chances. Goodbye." I want to leave you so bad. Please, don't stop me again. I don't want this. I can do better. I can fall in love with someone who treats me right. I am so much more, and I know this! I know all this but why the hell can I not leave you?! WHAT IS STOPPING ME OTHER THAN MYSELF?! I don't get it! I want to why am I so scared?! I'm so angry, so annoyed. I want to scream. You're disgusting, and no woman would find you attractive if they knew you how I do. You won't let me have friends... my best friend won't even talk to me hardly now, and she hates you. I think I hate you, too.
I'm so angry.
I'm SO... ANGRY.
I hate you, you're the biggest waste of time, yet here I am enabling you to waste it day by day. I can stop you, where the hell are you courage? I need you to help me out here!

UGH. You know what? You suck. I wish you had a cell phone so I could call you and end it because I think I'm in the perfect mood to do so. Lets pray I still feel this way when you call me tomorrow or when I call you. You're such a loser! I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Sincerely,
GrapexJuice.

Dear M
I'm sorry for being such a horrible friend and doubting that you really cared. I know that I never really let you in. I know that I often lied to protect myself. I know that you tried your hardest to connect with me.

I'm sorry for all those times when I didn't answer the phone. I'm sorry that I used my sickness as an excuse. I'm sorry that I have come off as coldhearted, I'm sorry about the bad things I sometimes thought about you. I'm sorry that I never really let you help me.

I'm sorry for not sticking around on the weekends when you were all alone. I'm so sorry that I let you down all those times in school and I'm so so sorry that I couldn't help you, that I couldn't eaze your pain. Only thinking of how much you must have been hurting makes me cry.

I'm sorry about your mother being ill, at least I'm sorry that I wasn't there helping you more when she was to the hospital and you were so sad. I'm sorry that I don't know how things are with her now and that haven't asked you about it. I'm sorry that we never talk anymore.

Again I'm sorry that I wasn't honest about things, I was so afraid what you would think. I'm sorry that I said all the wrong things when you and girlfriend broke up. I just didn't know anything. I'm sorry for not holding on harder to our friendship. I am sorry that we have drifted apart.

I miss you more than you could imagine, probably more than you will ever miss me. I'm sure that you look back on me with pity, but I don't mind, I deserve it. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciated you more when you where here. You mean a lot to me, you were the first real friend of mine. No other friend have cared about me as you did.

I'm scared that you might think that any of the things that happend were your fault. It wasn't! I'm sorry that I don't dare calling you, that I don't dare sending this letter. I'm just hoping that you are happy now.

With only love
/B

Dear ________

Do you have any idea how much of a jackass you are? How the hell you ever became a staff member there is beyond me. You're so rude to anyone who has a differing opinion than you and you make yourself seem more self inportant than you actually are.

She had a very simple request, and she made her post perfect clear. You were instructed on what not to do and any other normal person would just read it, abosorb it and deal with it. But you couldn't handle that could you?

No! You had to go and make a total idiot of her now didn't you? You had to post plainly obvious things that she quite obviously knew. That isn't the only time that you've done something like that either.

Just because you may be a "dear friend" of ______ doesn't mean that makes you better than anyone else. You're the same as the rest of us there, infact, you were insulting someone of higher power than you. Why the fuck someone like you even got picked for "sweetness" is something I will never get.

You have a serious attitude problem, and I mean serious! You seriously better change the way you treat others other wise I seriously will complain about you, and I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

You're a fuckwit. If we have to work as a team I'd rather you didn't act like that. Got it biatch?

Regards, Vex.

Dear ____
I can't be friends with you anymore. I know you like my ex boyfriend and I know you'd betray me in a heartbeat if it meant getting closer to him. He's just using you to boost his own ego because I dumped him. It's not up to me to tell you who you should or shouldn't get involved with but I feel bad. He told you to ditch me but instead of saying "No she's my friend." you decided it would be best to just pretend you did. I'm sorry but you can't have it both ways. You're a smart girl I know he seems cool now because he's older and charming but it's all an act. He loves to play mind games and you're allowing yourself to be pulled into them. It takes a naive woman to get with him and a strong woman to get away from him. I'm sorry but you are only one of those things. Please don't let him use you.

Dear Father,

I've tried and tried and I'm sick of it. I don't want to be your son anymore. I mean, jeez, is nothing ever good enough for you? You always complain about my grades, but I AM trying my hardest, and you're just too conceited to see that. I've sent you stories that I poured hours of my time into and you don't even read them. I do drawings all the time, but I've stopped showing you, and you don't even notice. You say that you don't trust me, and that's something I know I brought onto myself, but do you realize that the only time we talk anymore is just for you to say that? You also always say how I'm "disrespecting" you. That a son shouldn't talk to his father like that, lower your voice, don't you curse at me. You're right. A son shouldn't speak to his father like I speak to you, but maybe that's because I don't see you as my father. So I've tried, you never seem to notice, you don't care, and so now I don't either. I'm done being your son.

Dear Roommate

I know that you say you had issues in the past with people 'not liking you', which is, perhaps, is the only thing that has held my tongue from this. My consideration for you and your feelings, unreturned, or so it would seem.

You make everyone in the apartment feel like crap, just for your own benefit. I hope that it's not intentional, that it is purely by arrogant accident, but I can promise you that it is maddening.

You at one point said that 'you were the center of the universe', then you proceeded to preach your religion to me while I attempted, albeit drunkenly, to challenge the philosophical ramifications of your God. But now I ask you this; if you are the center of the universe, and god is the center of the universe, then you are saying you are god.

And, if you are not saying you are god, then answer me, why would someone as 'perfect' as yourself openly blaspheme in such a way?

And if you are, in fact, God, should you not be more aware of the plights of She and I?

In the end, that's what it all boils down to; you are insensitive to the plights of She and I. We pick up after you; we do the dishes, we cook, we clean, we organize, just to keep the house running. we greet your guests and bring them drinks and food if they thirst or hunger, and what do you do? You go to school, you go to work, you party, you bring people home, you go to bed when it's time to clean up.

You drink my beer and eat my food, and expect things to 'not be awkward' when yo bring up my ex or his friends.

You chastise She and I for having little to no self-confidence, then you treat us like maids, nay, like slaves in the house that She and I set up BEFORE you came back from Japan?

and you don't even know how to do without, though you say you were raised in a 'ghetto'. You come from money, face it. You flipped out when YOU broke the garbage disposal, you wanted a couch and a television, you wanted wireless internet, you wanted a working dishwasher.
Those are all things we could have done without! Don't go making extravagant purchases and then expect us to help pay for it! We don't have money, we can't ask our parents, and we have other things to worry about. I already spend half my paycheck feeding your fat ugly ass, and what thanks do I get? Chicken sitting out on the counter for twelve hours and you crawling in drunk and going to your room while I clean it up.

I'm tired of your shitty, disgusting southern cooking and 'way of life', I'm tired of your weird friends coming over.
I don't really like Martel. he's annoying, and his 'black' attitude is so infuriating! So black people can't be racist? or say racist things? well, I'm white, and I'm offended by half the shit he says, yet you lay into me for saying the 'n' word ONCE? How is it that he gets away with his crap?

And i hate hte way you smack your lips and chew with your mouth open! It's revolting, to be honest, and you sit there in the living room with that stupid blank look on your face!

I hate how you always speak in Japanese, after we've told you multiple times that I am not as fluent as you are! I know what you're saying, and it's rude!

I hate how you lead my sister on like that; you 'yo yo' in between emotions and feelings and confuse the f***k out of everyone! You say you've loved someone, but I honestly don't believe it! You're too big of a 'manwhore'. You sleep around so much that all you really seem to want in life, in your friendships, and in your relationships is sex.

You are part of the reason why I am afraid to say 'I'm bisexual', becuase I don't want people to think it's just 'sexual' like you make it out to be.

You smell terrible, and frankly, leaving the 'STD Test Price List' out on the dining room table was ABSOLUTELY THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN ANYONE DO. Have you no decency? Have you no shame?

Sincerely, your roommate (imoto)

Dear Asshole

GET A LIFE YOU CREEP

Regards, Vex

Dear ___
I like you. (: We have a lot in common and it's always fun talking to you. I don't know how you feel about her though which is actually really important. I don't want to be too forward I know we haven't know each other that long. I wish there was some way to find out how you see me. I wonder if you like like me or just like me. It's like I want to know but I don't want to ask lol. Hopefully you read this so I don't have to say anything.

Dear K.
By this letter I end all my thinking of you. For.. for several years you've been poisoning my mind with your bare existance. But now I am deleting you.

I don't even know why you got stuck in my mind, you're not that special. You're pretty aweful sometimes you know. You can be extremely rude, especially when you know that people are listening.

You have hurt me, I don't think you cared. I never told on you even though you thought so. You humiliated me in public. You use your friends for your own plessure.

So goodbye. For hereby you don't exist for me.!

Sincerely B

Jen

I'm not mad at you, I'm really and truly not.
Yeah, my mood is a little dampened that I ACCIDENTALLY got locked out of the apartment, especially after having such an awful day for both of us.

I'm honestly not angry about that. I'm a little annoyed that you're holding it against me that you didn't get your laundry done. I understand where you're coming from, but please don't blame me. I honestly wasn't sure where to go at 11:30 on a Thursday night with a broken shoe, a dead computer, cell phone, and ipod, in the pouring rain. I didn't mean to hinder your study and laundry time. i was just cold and tired and locked out.

I'm not mad at you, please don't be made at me.

Always,
Your Imoto

Dear ___,

I'm missing you right now. You may not know this but I've always loved you. From the first day we met, I have just fallen in love. You are my Peanutbutter to my Jelly sandwhich. When I look into your bright crystal eyes I'm hypnotized, and I'm happy. You've been my friend for about a year now, and we never get to see eachother. My heartache grows much darker and deeper. You where my missing piece, and now...

Well, now, I truley miss you.
This message is to you.
Telling you, I'm going to find you.
I know I will, and when I do,
I'll tell you...

...I miss you.
...You are perfect.

...I love you.

-_____

Dear Ex boyfriend's friends
He made me out to be a monster and all of you just went along and believed everything he said. None of you even took the time to have a conversation with me to decide for yourselves if you liked me of not. Even now after his true colors have been shown you blame me because apparently I made him that way but that isn't true. He has been an arrogant immature little liar this whole time. The worst part is I let him get away with it, maybe I'm terrible for that. I let him get away with going "She's a bitch, and makes me feel bad. and is inconsiderate, and selfish LOL JK I love her she's the best thing that ever happened to me." just because the second part always sounded so sweet. Did you guys know that he cheated on me? He told me that if I wasn't so horrible to him that he wouldn't have. You see, even if he was wrong I was more wrong because some how I made him wrong. He would say hurtful things to me and if I said anything to him about it I was a terrible person for making him feel bad. To be honest even though he's two years older than me i think he's just a little boy who refuses to grow up. He used to get mad at me for going out with my friends and having fun. God forbid if I said anything to him jokingly, I'd have to apologize for it. He made me say things to boost his ego and I was stupid for doing it. He used me to make himself feel better. I don't even know how many times I had to lie about being attracted to him. Your guy's "friend" put me through more emotional and metal abuse than I could even imagine. He mind fucked me over and over and over again and then called me every bad name and mean word he could think of when I was finally strong enough to leave him. You guys can continue to say horrible things about me I just hope that at some point you look at your "friend" sitting beside you and realize that he isn't who he says he is. Oh and to all of you who hated me because you wanted to be with him I'll tell you this not because I like you but because it helped me get away from him, it takes a naive woman to get with him but it also takes a strong woman to get away from him. Don't let yourself be fooled by his fake charm and stolen jokes. He's just going to use you to make himself feel special because in reality he's nothing special. I'll admit sometimes I think about messeging him of facebook but I realize that'll just put me back into his game and that's the last thing I way. So go ahead say I'm a bitch and that I'm terrible and an over all shitty person because I know I have a lot more going for me now that I'm away from your "freind."

___________,


I've made mistakes plenty of times before, but I feel like they are forgivable at the very least. There is so much I've done for you, so much I'm willing to do for you still. I know I'm not the easiest person to date with all of my imperfection, but I feel like you're the only one who can accept that. You're not perfect, but I see that perfectly. It feels like you need someone to make you sane, to make your life live-able. Be quite honest, I love that about you.

I said something I wish I could take back, but you won't let me. Out of everyone you've dated, you still can't see that I'm outlandishly different? That a second chance could change our lives. I don't want to leave you. In the of my mind, I will always wonder what it will be like if we were still together. I love you, I really do. I've been trying to apologize, and it's been an entire week without any response. Although I am desperate for you, I am not pathetic and when I declare my love for you as dead, there is no reviving it.

Dear ____,

Yes, I make mistakes.
Yes, I forget things you've told me.
Yes, I need attention.
Yes, I need to communicate.
Yes, I want to hear your problems.
Yes, I'm emotinal.
BUT AT LEAST I DON'T LEAVE YOU EVERY OTHER FLIPPIN WEEK!!!

I understand that you don't abandon a friend,
I'm fine with that.
I understand that you keep track of the girls you've loved,
I'm fine with that.
But this is a bit OVER THE TOP.

You SHOULDN'T have been seeing another when you mated me in the FIRST place!
You SHOULDN'T have kept her when she said she wouldn't take me in the FIRST place!
You SHOULDN'T have kept going after her when she left you in the FIRST place!
BUT YOU CAN'T FLIPPIN LET GO!!!

I listen to you talking about how much you love and want her.
And smile at you lovingly.
I listen to your pain when she bitches at you, and argues with you.
And smile at you lovingly.

I hold in my tears, until you look away.
I hold in my fears, until you look away.
I hold in my screams, until you look away.
YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO HOLD IN EVERYTHING!!!

I won't leave you.
I'm not going to abandon you to the DOGS of society.
I know what they do to you.
I know your luck in the world.
I know that if I don't stay with you, no one will.

I love you.
And it's tearing me apart.

Forever Yours,
_____

Dear College applications,

Why do you have so many components. Yes, you need my transcript and my name, adress and all that junk. Hell, I even understand the essay. The payment? I can live with that too. Even recommendations, I can handle. But supplements? Why the FUCK do you need supplements of my writing when I already gave you a damned ESSAY. You make no sense. Annoying. I wish I could just write about how ridiculous supplements are. I mean, aren't you colleges just going to ask the same questions in the interview?

You. Suck.


D

Dear Sister
Here we are again in the same place we always end up. You've crossed the line agian but this time I don't feel the pain I just feel numb. You've done so many terrible things to me and said so many terrible things to me but I forgive you everytime. I could say not this time but I know that would just be a lie. I will tell you the clock is ticking once I move out I wont deal with your nonsense. You're a selfish little brat. You're seriously mad at me for vistiting with your boyfriend for an hour while he waited for you. What was I supposed to do let him sit at the kitchen table by himself? Oh yes and I'm also wrong for sticking up for him because after he waited for you you came home and were a complete asshole to him. I used to agree with you and say how stupid he was but I can see his side now too you really are a shitty girlfriend. I'm not saying he's perfect because he has his shitty moments too but you're still really terrible. This isn't really about all your relationship drama though. This is about how you've ruined my life. You're sitting in that college seat because of me don't you ever forget that. I've given up so much so you could be where you are and you just treat me like shit in return. I love you, I really do you've always been my best friend but I can't wait to do what's right for me. The best thing I could do for myself is to get away from you. You're a destructive person and I'm tired of you destroying me. I can't wait to live like you never existed like the first 18 years of my life never existed. Keep doing what you're doing, the harder you make my life the easier you make my decision to forget you.

Dear love:
Is it actually possible you've captured me despite my age? Is age nothing but a number?
I'm not 'horny' like some girls. And I'm not a stupid airhead either who 'falls in love' every week or so and then moves on three days later to the new 'hottie' in your math class or whatever.
If it's a crush, why has it lasted three and a half painful years? Why do I have the same feelings and theory described by perfectly happy married adults? I've been told I understand you better than some adults these days.
But then I try to talk to someone, to ask for help. But they just shrug it off. "It's a high school crush, you'll forget about it."
I said that I would three years ago, I said I would two years ago, I said I would last year, but here I am. In this same place.

~Victoria

ok baby this piece of paper and whats on it might make you upset but i

had to do it. had to let it out somehow... and it might not make complete sense

cause i havent really slept in 3days cause i cant get it out of my head and this is

the only way i know how to drop it.... so please if you really love me like you say

you do you will hopefully read pretty much all of it and whatever... but papers got

my thoughts and feelings in it so please dont throw it out right now...
love you.... Jakki

----------

ok... we got to talk about these issues in my head. we've been doing great and i know we promised we wouldnt bring up the past, and im sorry. i know what we said but it is the the past, so its there, but because its the past there is no reason to lie about it anymore cause its not going to change anythings right???? Right.
ok.
we have goto to talk about the Subaru summer baby. i know i brought it up not to long ago and you got mad but please just hear me out. i got questions. fucked up questions but i need to have them answered.

when you and her worked on the car, you took her out to lunch and stuff right?
i know you guys gotta eat... so that means that you two rode in the same car together?? (my car) even if it was just to mcdonalds.
( i know what this sounds like baby and its not like that ok? just answer the questions) and when it got hot and stuff u guys went into the house together to cool off... right?
i know if i did any of these things with another man while you were at work you would have my ass and probably throw me to the curve right? so why is it ok for you??? for you to do it with a whore?!?

she was always with you when u came to my to see ME. she called you everyday. texted yoiu all the time, and you'd answer... and call back!! and ask me why she is not texting yu?! LIKE I CARE THAT MY MAN IS TALK TO ANOTHER WOMEN!! LIKE I WANT TO PROMOTE IT!! GEEZ

look, even if you two hanging out wasnt even like that, you two were still together more than we were... and we live together!

why would you let this girl come on dates with us? why would you invite her out to the movies? why did u want her Around so much and then get mad that she's there??? why? u would be mean to me and act like its my fault the date went bad, or act innocent when im mad that you would
sit by her then tell me this is OUR date. WTF KIND OF SHIT ARE YOU ON?!!?!?!??!


omg i cant type this right now.

-JR

Sir Bunny,

You have this hold over me that I can not ever seem to break. Even though you have come and gone, your presence on my mind is still here. I think about you, dream about you, and go so far as to even cry for you. What makes you so different from the rest that I have to hide the truth behind a mask? I've tried to move on but I've failed each and every time. I'm consumed by the memories of you, the sweet kisses you bestowed upon me, your cold body seeking warmth from mine. Your scent invaded my sense's and took over my body, forever numbing the ability to smell anyone else.

Who are you, exactly? You have taken everything from me yet I have nothing of you to call my own, besides the store-bought fake rose you gave me on valentines day. You say there is no meaning besides friendship behind it. Yet sadly, I think there's more. It's a simple of a one-sided relationship. You wanted to fool around with me while being free to go around looking at other people. Have you never noticed that I've been waiting faithfully in the background for you to notice me completely? I don't want to be just 'another girl' who is in your life trying to just get into your pants. I want to be the one who is unforgettable in your life. As a friend and even more. I want to have a hold over you when I'm long gone in your life.

Please understand that what happened in the past was my fault, yes, because I fell into such traps. I feel this guilt tying me down to nothing but anger and sorrow. I want to receive the courage to tell you what really happened that day, but I know that you have already moved on and that this past should remain in the past. Yet something tells me, tells both of us, that we need to settle the dust. Don't you want to find common ground again in hopes of rebuilding what we once had?

So many tears escaped my eyes that one day you decided to walk out of my life. The entire world crumbled beneath my feet and time stopped for the worst. No one could help me through this time, the sense of loneliness. All I thought about was you. I loved you with my entire heart and with one simple gesture, you shattered it and burned the remains, blowing the ashes into the air to never return to you.

Even though months have passed and I've reached for a new person, your hold over me is still apparent on me. I cant get close to this person, and as I continue to think about you, to dream about you, it just makes me think that this is wrong. I want to prove to you that I'm still forever loyal to you and no one else. I still love you with every fiber of my being, and even though I have a new heart, you still hold it in your hands.

I hope that one day you can love me, or even think of me in that way once again. I want to receive your sweet kisses once again, they are nothing but a faint memory now but the addiction is still written on my body.

With all my love in this life and the next,
Ms. Male

My Dear;

Fuck you. I'm so pissed at you right now. I told you I didn't want to talk about it. I TOLD you I wanted to drop the subject. And I TOLD you I can't be nice about the subject because it hurts me so much. But you just had to keep pushing it, until I cracked. The message you just sent makes me wonder if you are about to break up with me. Honestly, at this point, I don't care. I don't deserve this. And this new message...well, guess it is over then. Fine. Leave me. I deserve better than this.

Your ex.

Dear _____,

I love you... I just don't understand you. You tell me that you love me, but you seem so interested in other woman I sometimes can't help but wonder. Why do you have to hide any secrets from me at all? Why do you expect me to tell you everything and then always say nothing when I ask you what's wrong. I doubt you are always fine. You are the most emotionally damaged person that I know... but I still love you. I would always love you! I always will! I promise! I just wish you wouldn't hide any secrets from me.
and I wish you wouldn't spend so much tie focusing on other women. Why do you care so much about what other woman think about you? Why do you even joke about kissing other women? Are you even joking? I don't understand at all... it seems sometimes that you are trying to hurt me on purpose.
and these bruises that are on my arms and the one that is on my knee. Whether you believe it or not, they were from you. I know that you didn't mean to, but I wish you would realize that when you play around, you can be a little too rough. I might not be able to feel pain, but I can't let my mom even think for a second that I'm being abused. I don't want her to hate you, just like I don't want your mom to hate me.
Our life together is complicated! You and I both know that! We've done so many things in the shadows that anyone knowing is dangerous to our relationship. I love you... I just wish you would stop pushing me over the edge.

Dear Joseph,

I'm so sorry that I didn't see you before...well, you know. I was really busy with college, but that's not the main reason. I was scared to see you because I hadn't seen you since we were kids and I didn't want the first time since then to be in a hospital with equipment everywhere. I was also nervous to see your family when they went to Cheeburger Cheeburger because I didn't know what I would say. I was relieved when I saw you were well enough for a while, but I still didn't ask my mom if she could take me to see you. But I was so glad that you were getting better. And then you left yesterday. I found out last night when my day had already sucked bad enough. I cried myself to sleep...I've never done that before. I didn't even know I would cry because I hadn't seen you in so long. I'm glad I did, though- I don't like not crying about something like this. It still hurts to know that you're gone and you can't come back, but I'll be okay. I just wish I could've talked to you more on Facebook, at least. I guess growing up can really change things. Anyway, I'm sorry we lost touch with each other. I hope that I'll be able to go to your funeral even though I hate funerals.

Say hi to God for me, or whoever or whatever is up there where you are. I hear they have some really great video games. And hockey. :)


Love,
That girl your mom always sat for and who bugged you for days to show her how to find the missingno in Pokemon Blue.


P.S. - I'll hug your family for you, one last time.

Dear who ever,
This year was supposed to be my year but as of lately I see this year is just like all the rest. This year I was supposed to be more confident and out going because I finally found myself but in reality I have no clue who I am anymore. Every time I take a step forward I get knocked back a few steps by ex boyfriends, shitty so called friends, family deaths, and teachers who are too jaded to even recgonize a good student. This year my eight month long relationship fell apart, my grandma died, I lost pretty much all my friends, and I'm failing a graduation requirment class. On top of all of those oh so lovely things I've fallen back into a state of depression but I'm not sad I'm just numb. I felt nothing as I ended with with my ex boyfriend who had really loved at one point and I feel nothing when I pass all my old/so called friends in the hall and they look at me like they never knew me at all. This year I was supposed to shine, but I'm invisable not only to them but to everyone. After being ignored all day at school I come home to a sister who was my best friend at one point but now she just treats me like crap all the time. I have a past that could make anyone's jaw drop, this year I was supposed to over come it though but I'm not and I wont. Every time I try to achieve something better for myself some one takes it away from me and I'm just tired. Even though I've been through more shit than anyone could even imagine I'm going to wake up tomorrow get out of bed and go to school because that's all I can do. Keep getting up every morning and hope that the day will come when everything works out.