That I can officially be considered homeless as of tomorrow. That it’s just a few more scars on my leg, a bit more blood. That I’ve let down my two cats, and they had relied on me so much. I was always the only one there for them. That I wish I had someone to hug and listen, and maybe even tell me it will be alright. That it would be so nice to have someone care, and not just say they care.

That I want it to go away, and I don’t really know how to make it. I’m stuck in a rut, and no matter how much I try to get out of it, I can’t seem to. I want to cut so deep, that I just fall asleep and don’t wake up. That even if I cry and scream and tear out my hair, no one will stop to listen. That I’m so tired of hurting people, even though I don’t mean to. That I’m tired of hurting.

i'm thinking about the pile of homework.
also, im thinking about my brothers 18th birthday and party today, along with my dad's 50th. its going to be HECTIC. i'm hoping i'll be alive by tomorrow.

Thinking about dinner tonight, getting a chinese takeaway for the first time in ages, I can practically taste the chicken curry allready! Thinking about how messed up I am feelingswise at the moment and I hope this break can clear my head. Thinking about the PILE of holiday homework I have and I hope I can get the majority done when I'm at my dads. Thinking about music, college, work, friends, life, career prospects...my head is just buzzing with crap no-one cares about.

Maybe this will finally be the push to get me to stop. I told you it would happen, I'm just glad I gave you everything before it did. Not that it's permanent, though, but eventually it would be. Even if I didn't do anything! But that's okay. I regret so much from there. I realized how truly corrupt they are. One day, it's going to bite them in the ass. Until then, they can kiss mine.

Thinking about maybe going to buy some new sweaters, because I hate the ones I have.
Also, thinking about doing my work all today, so I won't have to worry about it tomorrow.
Also, maybe I could go to the movies with my brothers, I miss doing that...

Once again, I'm thinking of food (does it ever change?) xD

I am thinking why is it so cold here. It's freezing!

That it’s funny how someone will say they are there for you and how much they love you, and you turn around and find out how they were all lies. Then the person who supposedly cared, who you thought would still help you, could make a snide comment over something, get a reaction to that comment, and tell you to move out in two weeks.

But, just last night saying, ‘No one is going to make you leave’. Funny how I believed that lie too. So, what, you get mad, life doesn’t go your way, and you either run away or make the problem go away? News flash…doesn’t change who you are. I thought I knew you…thought you were a nice person, and caring. Didn’t know what a COWARDLY SELFISH LYING SHITPILE you actually were.

Thank you, though, for setting me straight on the subject, as I’d been so confused.

I’m am also thinking how much it pisses me off when this person stands there saying ‘Oh, you called this person this and that’. Yeah, I did. And you know why? Because that’s how you told me this person was. You told me she slapped you and yelled at you and didn’t want you. So, of course I thought she was a bitch. Duh. But once again, the REASON I THOUGHT THAT: BECAUSE OF YOU. So don’t sit there and throw it in my face, then try and run away when I point out your mistakes.

You can’t run from yourself. And I think the biggest reason she doesn’t like me, is because I make sure she knows that she has made me feel like complete shit. I make sure she knows she is a liar. I’m not a perfect person, but I remind myself of that everyday, at least twice. Everyone should be reminded. Her more than most.

So, go ahead, kick me out. Make me lose my cats, the only thing I actually care about.

Cause it makes you ‘that much better’, doesn’t it?

How I actually hate New Look bras, the wires never stay in the cups D:

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. I hate when you threaten me like that.

How annoying I find cats. Seriously! Of all the places my dad's cat could park itself it decided to dominate my lap :gonk:

How I SHOULD be doing my work, but I just can't seem to even LOOK at my bag U_U
I also hate thinking about this guy. He is practically living my my brain/ thoughts!
RAWR!

How I like thinking about this guy. He is the only things going right right now. I’m not sure how he feels about me, but I don’t think he actually likes me and is making up reasons to not see me…I dunno.

@Kisu: Same here!!! But...I just...don't want to think about him because....well...it just hurts to know that I will have to say goodbye to him at the end of the year TT_TT

Why can’t I feel it? If what you say is so true?
Why is it so easy for you to give up?
Am I really that broken? That messed up?
Unforgivable? Ruined?
Spoiled goods?

I'm thinking about how today is a super slow day and I'd like nothing more to go home early and spend the day with my boyfran and the PS3 ;D

BUT that's not gonna happen cause work is evil and I'll be here till 5.00pm but only get paid for 4.30pm huzzah for no overtime but you get to take a longer break if you over work cause they try to balance it out and fail at doing so. /huff

That a nap sounds good…

"Man that guy who tried to run me over earlier was in a hurry... wtf."
"Hey, if turtles could eat ranch dressing, would they prefer it in their normal meal?"

My boyfriend's maybe-boss giving him the run around...and I'm nervous.

Wanting to move into an apartment without parent's or in laws saying what to do or what not to do.
I want to complete this adult life to be more adult... But have fun with it! Not an immature kind of fun, but a free kind of fun. I guess I mean, I want to be happy.
I wish that my cat never had to be put down.
I wish that I didn't lose my job.
I wish that I were allowed to snuggle with my future hubby. ;(
I hope he gets that job and that I get one very soon after. . .
That our wedding goes great. . . With no regrets . . .
That it can just be us and our friends and happiness- no debt, no sorrows, no fighting, no sexual jokes or heart attacks. . .
Surprises, sure. But just. . . happiness. . .
I hope that my mom can stay alive. . .
That my sister can stay out of jail;
That my brother can finish high school;
That my dad will learn a lesson or two and stop getting violent tendencies. . .
Just live, and exist, and learn- like he should have started doing 20 years ago, maybe 50.
I hope that God stays on my side, though I've stopped praying as I used to, stopped reading the Bible so continually. . .
That I will have a baby girl when the time is right,
A second Christmas, maybe with the while family some time . . .
I want to let go of this baggage, and just breathe.

Fire. XD

About how wonderful my boyfriend is. ^ _ ^
But why he hasn't texted me back and what we'll do on our next date.
Why the weather is so awful and cold and why almost every day this week has been complete and total crap(besides Monday :]).
What I have to get done tonight homework and such.
What on earth I was thinking when I didn't eat lunch this afternoon because now I'm starving.
That I should get up and stopped being a lazy bum. XD

[Why doesn't he talk to me when he is with her? We are friends aren't we? Well it's okay. You can hang out with her as much as you want. I support you in whatever like 24/7.
I wonder what -K- is doing....I bet he is watching Yu Yu Hakusho! <3 I can't believe he loves it as much as me. He is so cuuute when he smiles and is confused at me. Hmm but I don't know him that well..Well...I kind of do. But I haven't really known him for that long...I wonder if there is anything good to eat right now. I really just want some water. My mouth feels all...dry? This lamp is really burning my eyes. But I'm too lazy to get up and turn it off. OW! I need to stop pinching my skin. It's going to stretch and feel all weird. I wonder when my brother will come home. Nothing fun happens when he isn't here. Please come home already! UGH I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. It's such a drag! Honestly!
i'm going to go downstairs now...]

i think about a boy.. :P like all the girls do

I'm thinking about those yellow and red argyle socks that I want to buy for this outfit I'm working on. But I'm super broke Dx

I'm also thinking about getting a text code thingy, to make my posts all pretty and unique ;D