I'm thinking about how many walls are left, how many I still need to break, and if I can break them only partially and still succeed. I'm wondering and hoping I'll be strong enough to. But I'm afraid, and confused, or maybe just uncertain. I just don't believe I can be uncertain about something like -this-. It seems... impossible. The whole Thing seems impossible, yet I still impossibly feel the same. I guess I'll see after the time has come; then I'll know how many walls are left.

Now I'm thinking about how that felt good, and about how I'm not going to clarify anything beyond that. =D

@ Amani - may not understand entirely, but keeping happy thoughts out there for you :)

Wishing people would focus more on their own frailties than worrying obsessively about what others look or act like and pass judgment on them. Interestingly, these are the same types of people who lack compassion for others while demanding it for themselves. Speaking from the seat of experience and am expressing concern.

Thinking about crying because i have school tomorow :sarcasm:

Right now, I'm thinking about how delicious this gum tastes. It's Sweet Watermelon flavor and is the Extra Fruit Sensations brand. In a few moments I'll probably be thinking of something else equally inane, like zombies or the microscopic creatures that live on our skin. Heh. It's too late to think deep thoughts, don't judge me. :sweat:

About how crazy he drives me, about how much I like him, about how much I wish it were different, about how much it's not gonna happen....

@Elmira: Thanks. :yes:

My thoughts at the moment:

I can sing Memories and Angels near perfectly. I can't believe that. That's a huge accomplishment for me.

Now to polish my voice for singing that high...

Eternity. When I eventually die, I want my music to remain...I don't want to be forgotten.

I want to be a hero.

This kind of thought is what happens when I try to write a song on that subject...*sigh* I think too much. It's distracting.

I've gotta study. This type of language that I'm using...these words are fairly new to me. I'm only figuring out if they're appropriate by looking at how they're written and reading examples. And these are literal, everyday speech examples...thank Minerva I know how to think of something in a more poetic context and still do it right.

Juggling three languages in my head is difficult.

I have to get better on piano. I have to improve my guitar skills.

Should I play rhythm or lead guitar in the band? What would leave me more available to be dramatic?

Will we even divide it between "rhythm" and "lead?" Can't we both share parts?

Ugh...lives. I'm so not ready for lives. That's gonna have to wait for a WHILE.

But...I still wonder, where will our first live be? What will we perform, how many costumes will we use...?

How can I keep my sister and everyone else from getting discouraged during the uphill climb?

How can I lose enough weight to look nice in the kind of costumes I'm designing?

Ugh...Eternity PV. The song isn't even entirely written yet, but somehow I have the PV near totally created in my mind. How is that?

The new year has left me thinking so much about the band it's almost frightening. I've turned into a total workaholic. And this isn't even my real job yet. @[email protected];

But then again, it's partially because of what happened last night...

Why can't I stop thinking about that?

My sister has too much on her mind.

Eternity? She never said much about that one.

It's one that I've just started working on. :yes: It's what I can work the dress idea into.

Also the one I think we can put the cute Ouroboros costumes into, as it IS a symbol for balance AND eternity. ;)

And yes. I do have too much on my mind. @[email protected]

I am thinking that I'm really glad the holidays are over and I'm back home.

Travelling is the pits. While I'm happy to see my family, I'm also extremely happy that things can now get back to "normal".

I hate flying and airports... especially at this time of year.

Amani: good friggin luck with all that. holy crap! my boyfriend is in a band and had been for 10 years and they have only got irregular gigs and an album coming out this January. so yeah ... Good luck... you going to need it.

anyways what am i thinking about right now....

why do i crave attention so much.... its a problem i have had for a while and im trying to face it... but im not sure how...

why does it bother me so much that my boyfriend doesn't like my family... when i hate then, and they are cruel, judgmental and psycho to him in my presence. Even when i defend him its not good enough.... i want everyone to get along... but they dont even get along with me... let alone anyone else....

i wonder about being happy and how important that really is to people.... i wonder if taking the easy road and giving up on your dreams is someones idea of being happy....

i wonder about where im going in life and if it will make me happy... am i graduating with this degree because i want it? will it make me happy? will the job i get with it make me happy? will i be able to help the world? Or will i just help mother nature kill us faster like everyone else?

... does humanity even deserve to be helped into surviving longer? does humanity even want to survive with as much self destruction as we see daily around us?

... that's what i'm currently thinking about... and yeah.. that's kinda how my mind works... not so bad eh?

@bloodstainedwings: Yeah, I know I'm gonna need it. Especially since I'm so far separated from the rest of the band. It's enough to almost make me want to leave with my mother just so I can be within driving distance. @[email protected]

As for now, the thoughts in my head:

Normal. I hate normal....more so every day. I'm tired of having to imitate other people just to seem "normal." But of course if I let my "abnormality" show, I can't be taken seriously anymore.

Case in point - no one believes going out in the sun hurts me. And of course now I'm burned because no one would let me keep my parasol. Just because they haven't found the cause yet...it's a game to them. A game played by a deluded girl who wishes she was a vampire.

All because I showed that I'm INTERESTED by vampires. Which isn't even that abnormal...just abnormal enough for people to stop believing in me.

And it's not even the worst of my "abnormalities." My connection to him...if anyone more than my father and my two best friends find out, it'll be the end of me. Hell...I probably shouldn't even let anyone more even know that I like him like that.

But it's official...he was the first guy I ever really loved. I now have proof of this; that it was really him. And I still love him, and at this rate I probably always will.

It bothers me to no end that I have to lie and say I don't for the sake of "normality."

I'm tired of having to hide half of what I am for the sake of "normality."

I'm tired of having to imitate everyone else for the sake of "normality."

And yet, as hard as I'm working to be able to go out without HALF of that mask...I know that I'll always be stuck into this to SOME degree.

I have to find him. I know he understands. Hopefully he'll be able to appreciate having someone else who understands as much as I will.

....my train of thought is totally out of control lately. Is there some kind of medicine to combat mental diarrhea?

I think that I love this P!aTD album.

I have also been thinking about the book I want to read lying on my bed, but the five feet is just too far away... Yeah, pathetic, I should just get my lazy butt up and go read it instead of sitting here on mene complaining about it. Meh.

I am thinking about a few things at the moment. I feel a little sick, my stomach is bothering me and has been since last night. Besides the fact that my sister is going to have a baby tomorrow and I am going to be an aunt for the first time. She is having labor induced and I do not know why but I am really nervous for her. I do not know weather or not anything bad can happen, I am just really hoping that she will be okay. How do they induce labor anyway? Sorry if anyone thinks what I am talking about is gross, I just need to get it off of my chest.

I'm thinking... I still need to make a lot of gold to get the items I need for the two outfits I've designed on the MAC. And yet, I keep making new outfits that I like and want. I should leave the MAC alone until I get these items bought at least.

I'm also annoyed as usual with my friend IMing me just to leave during the middle of the conversation with no warning or nothing. She just stops talking. She blames it on her kids, but I've stayed with her. She's really not that busy.

Ghost PV is out!

Interesting timing really.

I feel so good...being among the first people in the world to see it.

I wish the sound quality were better where I'm watching it - I can hardly tell what he's saying and that makes me sad.

But I can figure it out for the most part...and as usual I'm feeling...weird.

I wish I were better at translating Japanese. I hate how it stands totally alone in my mind - I can speak and understand it, but not translate things.

This song is so amazing it's fried my brain.

This PV has really recharged my appreciation of all things cyberpunk. |D

I feel like rewatching Ghost in the Shell now.

...you know, there's a REALLY amusing story here, really...but we won't be going into it because it's embarrassing. MOVING ON NOW.

I'm so recharging my cyborg character and inserting her into an RP on here if I can.

....there he goes again, bringing out another side of me that few people knew I had.

I'm still floored by his piercings. That's so awesome. And yet so depressing...they really do look infinitely better on him than me, and I've had them longer...if only by a few months. XD

This will always go down in history as something I DID FIRST. Proof that I DON'T copy him in every aspect of my life, even though I always did say I wanted to be like him...even though we have so many similarities it's almost scary...I don't copy him. We're just that much alike. XD

Also, I WAS A CYBERPUNK FAN LONG BEFORE THIS AND CAN PROVE IT, SO HA. |D

...my mind has been kicked into obsess mode. And the switch has broken. What now?

I am thinking about how much Word Games hurts my head every time I meander in there to see what is going on.

@Bartuc: I would love word games, if someone started a Word Disassociation game.
That game is fun. You say a word, and the next person has to say a word that is completely different.

I'm thinking about what to have for breakfast.

...how did I not realize last night what day that video was released?

Yeah...I so got the best birthday present EVER. I can't believe him. XD

I'm thinking about taking a nap. And I need to take the trash can to the road... And get a shower. And do some laundry.

I am thinking I should take something for my cold, go salt outside, and clean.

tired.... so tired. need sleep but need to get work done...



OOOH! SPACE INVADERS

im thinking of running into a wall actually..... i dont know why o.o;

I'm thinking about how awful people can be, and how nice the people in the Menewsha Community is, compared to other forums..

My current thoughts are about the previous topic I was on as well as how weird this Tool album sounds.

Some job offer (additional animation to a clip for a local singer) which I'm not going to take (due lack of time and...pay).

:(