Hi everyone. This is one of my first posts in the new forums...and my first post that I can remember here in the Life Issues forum.

Please allow me to introduce myself a little.

My name is Kylie (both here and in real life) and I'm a 17 year old German-American girl who is unhealthily obsessed with Evangelion and Super Smash Bros.

I currently live in California with a close friend of mine. (Those of you who know us will know who I am talking about.) ^-^ ((And no, we're not dating))

First off...I want to go ahead and say I have a really broken family. My parents, I honestly think at one time really did care for me. Old pictures of me as a toddler and them touring Germany...gosh what I would do to relive those memories. Ever since I was like 6 though, they haven't paid too much attention to me. Ever since I was 12-13ish They made me focus on school 150% of the time, and as a result, I graduated early and was a complete OCD headcase and perfectionist.

Anyways...i got away from my parents and lived with some really good friends. More recently, due to help from two very special role-models in my life (Mama and Jelly) I've really started to come of age and get out into the world. I've actually got a job and am working really hard to stand on my own two feet and not be so afraid of people.

Back to the story...last year, my mommy passed away. It sounds heartless now, (and I was absolutely crushed when it did happen) but I really don't care too much anymore about that. I didn't have a very good relationship with her. Um...anyways, even more recently, my Grandmother passed away, who I had a very good relationship with. I was devastated, but I've come to terms and moved on.

Okay okay. That super-wall-of-text for now this part.

My Papa is named Kurt. He's a big, no-nonsense sort of guy who loved my mommy very much. He doesn't love me very much, in my opinion, and I hate being around him. He's more or less become a complete alcoholic since my mommy passed away too. Thankfully he lives two hours away.

The problem is that he has started to put pressure on the people I live with right now for me to return home. The key point in this is that I DO NOT want to return home.

I'm happy living where I am, I have friends, a part time job, and I would be starting my second year of college this coming fall.

The problem...is that he is still legally my guardian. I'm only 17. I turn 18 next year, on February 20th.

He...has recently threatened to bring legal action against the people I live with.

I'm really worried about things, and though things seemed to have calmed down just a little bit, I still do worry that this whole case isn't over yet.

I want to ask...what do you think?

Should...I move back in with him...and live in my room for the next 9 months? I dont really have any friends...and that house is just filled with bad memories.

Or...

Should I try to stay here...but risk hurting those I am with due to legal action...they can't afford to go to court...and I can't ever force them to deal with me in that way...

Or...

Should...I maybe try to find somewhere else...family maybe? I have relatives out of state...it would be a big change but I'm almost desperate not to go home.

Thank you to anyone who can help. I really do appreciate it and I will look at what everyone says with an open mind.

Thank you. ^-^

I think that you should try to stay where you are right now if you're happy there. Being happy with a current situation is a big deal since usually other options look better at the time. As far as keeping yourself from having to go home...I'm pretty sure that even if they do take it to court, you probably won't have to go home. You're obviously a pretty responsible and mature 17 year old and since you're already in college, it seems like it would be pretty easy for you to get emancipated if you had to. I'm not sure exactly how you should go about convincing your dad that you should stay where you are since I don't know him, but maybe you should talk to him and tell him that you want to stay where you are because you're working really hard in college and it's a good opportunity for you. It sounds like he cares about education so that might work. Would the people you live with now have to pay to go to court? I'm not the best at legal stuff, so maybe someone else can answer that. That would be a difficult situation. Have you talked to them about it too?

I dont really know much about emancipation. I know it has to do with showing financial responsibility.

A big problem is that I worry about just being a strain on the people I'm with about a court case. I dont think I'm worth it at all. I'm really worried that they would be wasting their time and money...and money is tight. I work to help with food and bills. ._.;

Even though I work and I have to have responsibility - I really love it here.

I have been talking about my options with them...thats how the whole third idea came to be...living somewhere else. ._.

Well, they obviously think that you're worth it or they would have kicked you out by now. Are they nervous about your dad threatening them with legal action. I guess if they don't feel comfortable with you living there when your dad doesn't want you to, your second best option would be to try to live with other relatives. Make sure you talk to your dad about it first though. Does he not care that you're going to college there?

I've never really been able to talk with my papa very well. I break down easily for some reason when talking to him and get too scared to tell him what I want to tell him.

I have tried to tell him about school...but he just makes comments on how my mommy would just be disappointed in me...which hurts a lot. ._.;

He doesn't even give me any reasons why she is disappointed either!

I...dont think the people I am staying with are too worried about court...but I DO know we they don't have the time or money for a legal battle. /._.\

((Um...thank you very much by the way for replying and talking to me.)) ^^;

I think you should look into emancipation. If you're financially stable where you're at, helping with bills/groceries and working, I don't see how a court could deny you, especially given the fact that your papa has been abusing alcohol and your lack of a good relationship with him. I've had friends get emancipated with no problems, with less reasons.
However it works out, though, I hope you're not miserable, even if it's "only" 9 months.

I understand. There are some people I can't talk to very well either, especially when I'm nervous. One thing I sometimes do to solve the problem is write everything down so that I can finish what I have to say before talking to them makes me change my mind. I'm not sure if that's an option for you or not, but if it is it might help.

I'm not sure I'm exactly the best person to ask about this stuff, but I'm sure that someone else will come along and give the advice that I forgot about.

If you aren't doing summer school, maybe it would be a possibility for you to up your hours at work a little so that you can help the people you are living with a little bit more? Don't work so much that you don't get to relax at all of course, but if you're really worried about finances, I'm sure that would help.

(No problem ^_^. I hope that I'm helping a little bit.)

Originally Posted by Setsunaela

I think you should look into emancipation. If you're financially stable where you're at, helping with bills/groceries and working, I don't see how a court could deny you, especially given the fact that your papa has been abusing alcohol and your lack of a good relationship with him. I've had friends get emancipated with no problems, with less reasons.
However it works out, though, I hope you're not miserable, even if it's "only" 9 months.

I will really look into emancipation. I worry how long it will take and at what costs...or can my papa say "no" to it entirely?

Originally Posted by juniper_silver

I understand. There are some people I can't talk to very well either, especially when I'm nervous. One thing I sometimes do to solve the problem is write everything down so that I can finish what I have to say before talking to them makes me change my mind. I'm not sure if that's an option for you or not, but if it is it might help.

I'm not sure I'm exactly the best person to ask about this stuff, but I'm sure that someone else will come along and give the advice that I forgot about.

If you aren't doing summer school, maybe it would be a possibility for you to up your hours at work a little so that you can help the people you are living with a little bit more? Don't work so much that you don't get to relax at all of course, but if you're really worried about finances, I'm sure that would help.

(No problem ^_^. I hope that I'm helping a little bit.)

*nodnod* I will do that...it would probably really help to write things down...I just do get scared to talk to him.

And I dont have summers school. I'm not in any classes now, so I work 8 hour days occasionally. (Yesterday I did) We're finally able to keep stable financially and we're able to pay for internet (which is really really nice - who needs stupid cable anyways)

I just...its like things are in a very delicate balance right now. Ends meet and its very nice. But...this stupid thing with papa seems to want to ruin it.

It is really late...well 11PM ish...but I've been at work today and I've been up since early.

I really really want to thank you both for your words and if you have more to say, I will read it as soon as I can. Other people, please help too if you want. ^-^

Thank you...night night everyone. *sleepies*

When it comes to emancipation, it's not really something your guardian can say "no" to and shoot it down completely, because the whole idea is that you no longer wish for them to be your decision-maker. They have to participate, and the only way they can choose not to is to just not try to fight for you at all. I don't know what state you're in, but usually you can use a search engine and look up "emancipation of a minor in (state)" and get your information. I know it requires a court petition, and I also know in California there's a fee of around $350, but the laws vary from state to state.

Nine months is a very long time.

If he's going to pursue legal action against your current family if you don't go back, and if you feel emancipation is appropriate for you, pursue it before he takes the first step. Your current family will back you up. You want to be emancipated for a reason. You moved in with them for a reason in the first place, and I feel it hold up in court.

You do not need your biological father's permission to be emancipated. It's a court ruling. I hear the particulars of it vary state to state though. I wish I could be more helpful.

Nothing about this is easy, but you may need to do it.

Hold your head high. You've accomplished too much to let someone else trod it down for the next nine months. You only get one life, so don't let someone else try to rule it for you.

If you really want to avoid going home, and your father is an alcoholic, try to get unrefuteable proof of that. Get a cameral that shows dates, and go visit your dad. Take pictures of the contents of his fridge, the place where he puts the empties, that sort of thing. Make sure they're dated. If you can show how much he consumes over a period of weeks, you might have a chance at having him forced into AA before he's allowed to have you home. This can work in canada, where I'm from, but I'm not sure of the specifics in Cali. Just make sure that YOU do not go into a position where you feel in danger.

Remember, that the police are your friend, sweetie. If you truly feel that your father's threats and harassment are putting you or your friends in harm's way...Restraining Orders are free, so far as I know.

Okies. Here is an update. ^-^

And for all records...im really sorry that I haven't been around much. I dont have much time for computer because...well...

I had decided to move in with family outside of state. Papa had decided to pursue legal action...and I was worried so I made the choice.


But...even more recently...

This morning at 4:00 am as Gabe was getting ready for work, i sat there on the bed trying to rub sleepies from my eyes. I was wearing my favorite pink pajama bottoms and a homemade Menewsha shirt, and it was really really cold in the room because the window was open all night. But oh well...that didn't matter at all. Anyways! He was putting on a tie when he very casually mentioned that his boss would be willing to lend us some money. ...about 350$ worth. I woke up instantly. I was just so excited! I know we dont have very much money but Mr. Zube is a very very nice man. He is an attorney, and has actually offered his services to us if we do get into a court case.

I'm going to try to file for emancipation. I'm really scared, but I'm really really really excited.

I'm scared...but...yes...lets hope for good. ^-^

Its been almost a month...

We haven't had any internet service...'cause we really had to cut back on any sort of cost that we didn't need to spend.

Here is what has happened...

We are pursuing emancipation...under the California state law.

I went and got a second job all on my own to support us. With him graduating high school in two days, he is relieved to fully be able to dedicate his time to work and keeping things taken care of. I'm really proud of I think both of us. ^-^

Emancipation is a really...weird thing. Like...I don't know any of my friends who want this sort of thing...but I can't see myself living with my father at all. It would be a really miserable experience...

Anyways... in California, a minor may become emancipated with a petition to the courts. In this case, a minor (over the age of 14) must state that she would like to be emancipated and is willing to live separate and apart from her parents or guardian. In doing so, the minor must be able to prove that this decision was made voluntarily and that she has her parents' consent or acquiescence to manage her own financial affairs. The minor must explain to the court how much money she makes, and how future expenses will be handled, including the cost of rent, clothes, food, and entertainment.

For all records...we aren't married, which is one of the legal ways to be emancipated, nor will we be married...but in our particular situation, I am making a stable rate of money, and will "officially" be living with two friends who are both over the age of 18, which will cover alot of different terms in emancipation.

I cant really explain it right now...my head is all spinny. I wanted to post on Mene since I haven't in forever. ^-^

Um...yes. So that is update! ^-^


Thank you all for your help and advice...I am hoping for the best now. ^-^