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Minoru LaVerite
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#1
Old 06-01-2008, 04:11 PM

Here's a poem that I'm particularly proud of. If any of you have read Wordsworth, this was an 'emulate the master' excercise, so you might recognize similarities in rhythm and end rhyme.

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Rain

The many droplets drown the ground,
Though small and weak they come down still,
And all at once collide and pound.
They fly from heaven with pure will.
And all the people turned to look,
As endless lands the small drops shook.

Relentless as the sea untamed,
And with vitality’s rebirth,
The raindrops gathered for one aim,
One common goal to cleanse the earth,
And make things grow and thrive again,
And wash away the trash of men.

While watching such a pretty sight,
The people’s hearts felt bright with glee.
The sun came out with cheer and light,
And raindrops glistened gorgeously.
And from this happy atmosphere
I learned why raindrops are so dear.

One raindrop may not do much good,
And neither two nor three nor ten,
But rain with many droplets could
Make nature stronger than us men.
We boast of powers strong as steel,
But nature can endure and heal.

Miss Icicle
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#2
Old 06-15-2008, 08:22 PM

BEAUTIFUL!!! <33333

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#3
Old 06-17-2008, 05:01 PM

Awe I really like that one. =]

Minoru LaVerite
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#4
Old 06-17-2008, 07:16 PM

Thank youuuu~
I had to do it for an English project. xD

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#5
Old 06-18-2008, 07:29 AM

I love most of it.
I question the couplet at the end. The word heal, doesn't seem to quite tie up the thought the poem has. Endure, is a strong word. It's obvious that man is impermanent in this poem. But there's no reference to any sort of hurt that the rain needed to heal.

Any who. picky shit. It's really good. Up until that point you totally had me.

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#6
Old 06-18-2008, 11:40 AM

Thanks Penny!

I think the main thing I was focusing on with the word 'heal' is how the rain can 'cleanse the earth' and heal it in that sense.

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#7
Old 06-20-2008, 11:07 AM

Alright, I'll buy that. Good stuff.

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#8
Old 06-20-2008, 11:10 AM

Hehehe, okay. xD

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#9
Old 06-25-2008, 02:52 PM

So many people these days just think they can write bad prose with random hard line breaks and call it poetry.

It's refreshing to see a young writer who actually cares about rhyme, rhythm, form and meter.

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#10
Old 06-27-2008, 02:51 AM

Hehe, thanks Kin!

I was emulating Wordsworth too, so I had to have rhyme/rhythm.

 


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