I need help :cry:

My mum is always borrowing money off me, she currently doesn't work as I have a 3y/o brother she takes care of full time and she recieves government benifits for him and also live in government housing so she doesn't pay much rent, I work full time and live rent privatly.

I helped me set up internet banking so I could transfer money back into my account when she pays me back (she hardley ever pays me back), I just logged into her bank and realised she is borrowing money of me when she has plenty of money in the bank eg. she said the car had a petrol leak and needed $70 to fix(car did have petrol leak) but it shows that she had over $200 in the bank. Due to her borrowing so much money, I often don't have alot of money to spend on myself and have been trying to save money so someday I can buy a house but end up using my small amount of savings to buy groceries or something similar because she has borrowed money off me.

Should I confront her about the fact that she is borrowing money off me when she has enough money in the bank?
I don't know what she spends her money on, she also lives with her partner who works full time as an electrician but recently every pay check he has been putting it all in the pokies, so she has had to borrow money off me, my grandma/grandpa won't lend her any money anymore as she owes them so much, she has been borrowing money off me since i started work at 15, i'm now 21, I just don't know what to do, I just can't seem to say no, especially when she says she needs to buy stuff for my little brother.


Short version:
-mum borrows lots of money off me, just discovered that she has sometimes had enough money to need to not borrow it off me, but she still is
-how do I say no to her when she asks to borrow money, especially when she says its for my lil bro, and my stepdad spending all his money on the pokies


Sorry its sooo long but this issue is stresssing me out so much it is affecting my sleep and work.
Thanks for reading

hmm, i think the best thing you can do is just sit down with your mom and tell her that her borrowing is seriously affecting you and that you work hard for your money and can't just keep giving it to her

i'm sure she'll understand, perhaps she thought you had enough money since you were able to lend it to her ?

then tell her you noticed she had a lot of money herself at those times and that you don't get why she'd still borrow from you

i hope it works out well for you :C

thanks for your reply Arousal, it's sooo hard to say no to her, if I don't say yes or if I ignore her calls she will guilt trip me into giving her the money or just keep calling/smsing, and I don't want to push her away by getting angry at her, I love my mum so much, and I am the only one of my siblings(except for 3y/o bro) who has a good relationship with mum, ahh feels good to vent, sorry if some of this doens't make sense but its been building up soo much its all just pouring out

i understand, after all she is your mother

but at some point you have to think of yourself as well
you're so young still, you need the money to take care of yourself and buy yourself a nice place

this way you'll never have enough to save for the things that you have to think of most at this time
i'm sure your mother will understand, and as for your brother
how much does a three year old need really?
he'll get bored of his toys in no time so spending too much on them would be a serious waste

i'm sure she'll understand, after all she's your mother and wants best for you (:

thanks for replys again Arousal :) anyway I'm gonna head to bed now (it's 12.20am) gotta get up for work tomorrow :(
Thanks again for your help :hug:

you're very welcome

goodnight sweetie :kiss:

I'm having a similar issue with money...and I'm slowly solving it, by just being blunt about it. It's quite difficult for me, since my mother is...a bit unstable; I have to pick a time when she'll take me SERIOUSLY but not get hostile and defensive...but it is working.

She likes to "borrow" money from me for things she really doesn't need, or (like your case) things she does need but DOES have enough money for. And I've just taken to telling her, "Look, I'm the one saving to move out; I'm still living here because I need to SAVE money. You have enough for this/don't need this. I'll gladly let you borrow some money when I release the album, but for now, quit mooching. I know you don't plan to pay me back."

It's hard to be harsh on a family member for the first time, but sometimes being blunt about it is the only way to get the message across...and this seems like one of those cases.

They're your parents. They should be more responsible with money & get it themselves. It's called BORROWING for a reason. You better start asking for some of that back. You got your own bills & crap to probably pay for too. There ain't enough money to go around for everyone. If she wants to take care of your brother so much (as she should be doing) Let her get the money to do so.

I fucking hate parents relying on kids. Mostly because I had been in the same situation. Don't feel guilty. It's money. Soon you'll be broke and then what?

If you want to hit it really hard on her, be like, "Oh, I don't have money this time. I need to buy food for myself anyway" Make her feel guilty so she has more insentive to get her own.