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Soquira
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07-20-2008, 12:20 PM
This is my newest, untitled story. I'd really like opinions and critique on it. By the way, if it seems confusing, it is meant to be, as the first character introduced is a little....out there. I hope you like. ^^;
One
The harsh sunlight beating down the backs of the team of archeologists was more than enough to tire out the woman walking at a casual pace behind the caravan. Her silver eyes were gleaming in the sunlight, and her overall appearance was hidden beneath a long, hooded black robe. The archeologists had no idea that she was following, her footsteps silent, and due to the heatwave that was unusual - even for the Sahara Desert, which the team was exploring - she could be waved off as a mirage. Still the heat the blazing desert sun emmanated had no apparent effect on the woman. Her pace quickened as the team - her prey in a sense - sped up, there was no doubt that one of them had found something. Or at least, one of the members thought that he or she had found something.
Her cat-like eyes widened as she saw one of the members, a red haired girl, who looked to be barely out of her teens running ahead of the others. It was clear that this was the member who had found something. She silently prayed that the teenager didn't know the location of the lost temple that had been buried under the sand for more than three milleniums. Still the girl resembled her former self in a way that amazed her. Three milleniums had passed since her apparent death and now she stalked the Sahara and its rare occupants, waiting for the one who return her to her true form. A bony hand slipped out of the robe, clutching a silver dagger, and she watched as the team disappeared from view. It was then she realized that she had stopped walking. Continuing once more, she held her distance and returned to her thoughts.
It had been a long time since the sorceress known as Xara had seen anybody in these parts. Located to the south of the Valley of the Kings, very few people had actually heard of the Setari Valley, where the worst pharoah of the ages had been entombed - or in her mind at least. Shoving the sleeve that covered her right arm, a gray tinged arm was revealed. Of course, this wasn't her true form, merely a form she had taken nearly two centures ago. She didn't dare show her face, it was her dark magic that kept the body going, however not even her magic had been able to stop the inevitable aging process of the already hideous body. Still though, the archaeological team that she had spotted left her hopes high, maybe she could use the teenager? If not, the other members appeared to be youthful enough, she'd just use one of them. One thing was certain she needed to transfer, her time in this form was severely limited.
The sorceress walked for several minutes before stopping before a rickety wooden shack, it wasn't much, but it was enough to ensure she had a place to rest. It was rare that normal human beings made it this far into the Sahara, so she never had worried about her belongings. Entering the shack through the low doorway, she looked around. It was simple, and only large enough to fit a small stone bench which served as her bed, and a small table which held an empty vase and an old, tattered book which appeared to be bound shut by a long pink silk ribbon. Glancing into the mirror hang on the wall single word came out in a hiss. "Disgusting."
Removing the robe, she dropped it down on the bed and stared at her reflection. Only two things had stayed with her over the ages. No matter what body she took her silver eyes stayed as well as her oh-so-lovely personality. It was clear that this form had aged dramatically. The pale white skin was creased everywhere and tinged with gray, not to mention it clung to her fragile bones, in the same manner as a wet rag. Her hair that had once reached her knees was gone, with the exception of a tiny wisp of white hair atop her head. The gorgeous figure that men had once adored was now gone, and Xara was left with nothing except her memories and plots. How the many plots would work? She didn't have the slightest idea. She was dressed simply, wearing a gray dress that reached her knees and a pair of gray sandals to match.
No longer able to stand the reflection, she looked away and laid on the robe. Shutting her eyes, she grimaced, trying to ignore the constant ache that she felt in each of her bones. it was as though somebody was taking a knife and stabbing her everywhere. Of course, that had been her punishment for treason milleniums before; or at least a part of it, so she could say that she knew the feeling well. At least her time in this form would be short, then she'd find herself a new body and trap the original inhabitant's soul within the Realm of Mirrors, a place that many believed to be a fable, a place she had often visited in her worst dreams. It was cruel but necessary until she could return to her own form and gain immortality. In order to do that of course, she would have to kill the late pharoah known as Seraph. That would be an issue.
As she drifted off to sleep, she thought of her new form with a smile on her face. The teenager would do nicely, at least until she could return her body to Earth. Many would have said she was crazy, she would have said that she was nothing more than a visionary. Only her visions would become reality.
__________________

This is Soquira
Soquira made a fatal error and lost the game.
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inkhart_9
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07-30-2008, 01:07 PM
WOW!! OMW! I LOVE the period in Egypt with the pharaohs! This is RADICAL, SUPERB!! Will you continue? You ABSOLUTELY HAVE to! If you don't what will happen to Xara, and how will I know what happens? You have to continue this.Don't worry about the character's introduction, you did a splendid job on it. I must say I think you do a better job than I do but so far no one's reall given me some helpful criticism. Will you read mine? It's called the Dreamworld if you ever want to. I say continue and see what happens. I LOVE it!!
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