It intrigues me to read more. I was actually disappointed that it ended just there ):
I really do like it, and applaud you for writing such a story!
EDIT: Yeah, okay, crappy critique. Um, let me start over xD
I think your rhythm, for such a small excerpt is good, and it isn't too fast paced. You've explained what has happened well so far, and I like it.
It flows gently and makes sense.
I congratulate you!
Have you sent it to a publisher yet?