I have recently gotten into writing. Recently meaning in the past couple of years. During that time period I haven't had much feedback on my writing, so I would like to give a small sample of something I have done. This sample comes from a fanfic I was writing but will not be finishing due to personal reasons. The characters in the sample are original characters from an RP, one being mine and the other belonging to someone else, but I did have permission at the time to use his character to write this. The main reason I'm posting this is so I find out what I need to improve on.

Anyways on to the sample! Thanks for reading!

It had been several months since she had moved to Virginia. Ewan had gotten use to her company, even taken her out a few times. Cho has the same spark that Jae did. Cho was now part of his life and he had to accept that. He figured that not letting her in would make her go away but that didn't exactly work. The more he closed off the more she would give him that smile that told him she wouldn't give up. Even if he hated her she would always be around, learning, and asking about his past. The one topic she never touched was Jai; she always left her to his past.

Deciding it was time to attempt to come to some sort of terms Ewan goes to the back office where Cho was looking over the inventory. It was late and he knew she hadn't eaten dinner yet.

"Hey Cho…" She looks up and smiles. Jae flashes into his mind; he closes his eyes and focuses on the here and now. The past is important but it is the past. "I know you haven't eaten yet. Would you like to come up and grab something to eat? I don't have much up but there are some leftovers."

Confusion washes over her face. Ewan has been nice to her, but he has never invited her up to his apartment. He can tell something is bothering her. "I'm sorry; if you have other plans I shouldn't have bothered you." Cho looked up at him from the desk "Oh I don't have other plans…it's just that you have pretty much closed yourself off from me. I was beginning to think that you hated me and was just putting up with the fact that I was forced into your life."

Ewan moves around the desk, grabs her hand and pulls her gently up from the seat. "Cho I'm sorry if you felt that way. I don't hate you; I just didn't want more people in my life. How about this, we shut everything down, put all the inventory stuff away, go upstairs and talk? I know I haven't exactly been very corporative…" He raises her hand and places a kiss on her knuckles. He watches a flush go across her cheeks.

A smile cross his face and a look of surprise crossed hers. Had he ever smiled at her? She could feel him gently pulling at her, guiding her through the store. They stop at the small elevator in the back of the store. The elevator wasn't large, but there was enough room for Cho to put some space between them. Ewan noticing that she would like a little room lets go of her hand. After a short ride the door to the elevator slides open reveling a neat, comfortable looking living room. Ewan allows Cho to step out first watching her as she looks around at the items that decorate his apartment.

Cho tries to take everything in; actually being more a part of it was harder than she thought it would be. She had talked to Ewan, heard some of his stories, read about his past but never fully took it in. She walked to a bookshelf and ran her fingers over the books. A lot were first editions, some she never dreamed that she would ever see. Hand woven tapestries covered the walls; oriental rugs covered the floor, little things through the years decorated over surfaces. Ewan walked to the bar, pulling two glasses out he poured a couple of drinks. Glenmarangie for him and white wine for her; he closes the distance between them to hand her the glass.

"Thank you, though I thought we were going to have something to eat and talk?" Cho sips the wine "This is very good, so I guess I can't complain about it." Ewan takes a long drink out of his. "I'm glad you like it, I wasn't sure what you would prefer so I went the safe way with the wine." He takes a seat in a comfortable looking chair and motions for Cho to sit. "Cho, I'm not going to bite, please feel free to sit down. I wouldn't be a very good host if you are uncomfortable."

She found a spot to sit, not too close, but close enough to have a conversation. Ewan notices her keeping her distance and tries to think of a way to bridge the gap. Setting his drink down, he gets up and walks over to one of the shelves. Cho couldn't see what he grabbed but he walked over to her. He sits on his knees in front of her and hands her the item he picked up.

"Cho, do you know what that is?" She nods and pulls the dirk out of its sheaf. "It appears to be a dirk; outside of that I couldn't tell you anything else." "That would be correct. That was given to me before I became immortal." Ewan opens his shirt; he wants to be sure that Cho will have a clear aim for his heart. Cho looks at him, confused even more than she was. Why was he doing that?

"Aim the dirk at me…" Cho shakes her head; she could never hurt him like that. She doesn't know why, but she just couldn't bring herself to turn the blade towards him. Quickly he grabs her hand turning it just enough for the blade to face him. "Cho, I am immortal. While this will cause me pain, it won't cause any permanent damage." Placing his hand on her cheek he can feel the nervous energy building in her body, he knows that she doesn't know what will happen next. Suddenly he pulls her forward; the momentum of her body sinks the dirk into his chest. She opens her mouth the scream, but his movements were faster than her natural reaction. He covers her mouth with his and kisses her.

Cho's mind was spinning. She was holding a bladed weapon, one that is now in Ewan's chest. Then there was the warmth of his mouth against hers. All her worries melted with that single gesture. Her eyes close and she returns the kiss. She felt his body jerk in pain, without opening her eyes she pulls the dirk out and tosses it across the room. Placing her hand back over the wound she applies pressure. Cho can feel the warmth of Ewan's blood against her hand, she can feeling the bleeding slow and eventually stop.

Once the wound healed Ewan breaks their embrace. Slowly Cho's eyes moved to where a wound should have been. To her surprise there was nothing there other than the blood that was now starting to dry.

Because it's it's a beginning it's not completely developed yet, but I think you need to answer why he's suddenly moving so fast and why he's choosing to reveal his immortality to a virtual stranger. Interesting so far.