Author Note: This is a peice I wrote several years ago. I've posted it on Deviantart, but not had much luck with reviews, so I was wanting to post it here and get some feedback. All characters in this are mine~ And it's completely original. It's a vampire story, and a bit dark. All criticism is highly encouraged.
Warnings: Some language, very minor gore.

Victor knelt down next to his latest victim. She was a cute blond with once bright blue eyes, now turned a glassy gray in an unseeing haze. He pulled on the sock of his victim’s right foot and put her shoe back on her foot. He wasn’t even paying any attention to the blood trickling down his lips and the pain from his nose.

It wasn’t easy being a vampire with such an odd attraction to feet. If he didn’t capture and fog the minds of his victims quickly enough they would kick him in reaction to him grabbing them and going for their feet. Sometimes they would even hurt him as his victim this night had done.

You see, vampires drink blood from the part of the body that are usually most attracted to so that they can gain power from the life-giving blood in the person they are drinking from. Unfortunately for Victor, he was stuck with this attraction to feet.

A human may be disgusted by the feet; to a vampire, though, they have virtually no fear of any such things. They are immune to poisons except one and can’t catch disease. So what’s there to be afraid of? Still, they do have the one poison that they are to avoid at all times or else death is certain. A vampire, if he were to feast on the blood of any human whom had eaten of his fellow man, would most certainly die a slow and painful death. No vampire truly knows the reason why the blood from a cannibalistic human was poisonous, but they quickly learned to avoid all humans who had fed on their own kind, something that wasn’t too hard at this point in time.

Victor placed his victim up next to a dumpster. Someone would no doubt find the body and report it. If he was lucky they would play it quiet when they examined the body, and they would try to rationalize the fact that the cause of death for this girl was loss of blood. It happened so often. People didn’t want to believe anything they thought wasn’t real and would write it off as something other than what it really was. Then again, every once in a while, the people who would investigate the body would be superstitious and start actually looking for a vampire. It had happened to Victor before, and he’d had to face the consequences.

At the moment, Victor pulled out a back handkerchief and wiped away the blood from his face before he set his nose back in place with a small crackling sound to that it wouldn’t heal wrong. A moment later, he used his powers to rapidly heal his battered nose in a matter of moments.

That’s when it happened.

Victor felt a small pressure on the back of his head, and before he could even react, what seemed like a thousand volts of electricity ran through his body as if a lightning bold had just struck him. Whatever amount of electricity it was, it would have surely killed him if he had been a helpless human; Victor was luckily a vampire, though.

The world around Victor slowly faded away as his body fell heavily to the ground, knocking what little air he held in his lungs for talking out. It was like the night he was killed all over again. His body was a dad lump trapping his soul within. He felt the old fear of that night begin to well up inside of him again. The fear of dying and not knowing what would happen next. The fear of being completely powerless to the elements both inside and around him consumed him. He knew that these fears were groundless. After all, he had already died once so what else did he have to fear? All of this rolled through his mind in half a second.

Suddenly, Victor found it extremely hard to keep his eyes open and they slowly began to shut against his will. He thought this might be the last time he ever opened his eyes again, and that though, beyond anything else, terrified him completely through.

He heard it then, just as his eyes were but slits of shadow, there were footsteps walking around his body and a moment later they were moving away.

‘They’re checking the body,’ he had enough thought left in his mind to reason.

When Victor’s eyes had fully closed, he heard more footsteps and then two voices whispering quietly. He probably wouldn’t have even heard them if it weren’t for his vampire hearing. Still, though, he couldn’t make out the words that they were speaking. There was no way to know what sort of situation he was in, other than it wasn’t good.

Two pairs of hands lifted Victor in their vice-like grips. This wasn’t enough to keep his mind from slowly drifting away, though. A veil of night quickly fell over his mind and he was drifting away… drifting… floating… gone.

~-~+~-~

‘What the hell is that noise in my coffin,’ was the first thought that came to Victor’s mind as he slowly became conscious in an absolute blanket of darkness. Victor tried to lift his head but was met with an unfamiliar throbbing at the back of his head and he was forced to lay flat again; he hadn’t even been able to rise more than an inch.

It was then that his memory kicked in and he remembered the blond, the shock, and being carried away by two sets of hands. How long ago had that been? A day? A week? A month? However long ago it was, Victor could sense he was weak from not having fed upon any blood in a while. He had to have been out for about a week for his powers to be this weak. Victor could sense his mind starting to slip into that blood thirsty state for which all vampires turn into mindless blood sucking zombies when they go too long without having had any blood.

The noise, music, whatever it was, drifted back to Victor through his thoughts. It was like the throbbing pulse of an odd music that sounded oddly familiar, as if it were something from a dream. Victor tried to remember where he had heard it before but whenever he thought he could remember the memory slipped away from him again.

“Where the hell am I?” Victor whispered to himself, not really expecting any sort of answer to come. Shit, though, this was something he didn’t know how to deal with.

“I see you are well, Victor,” a masculine voice echoed from somewhere above head.

“SHIT!!” Victor cursed. “Where the hell are you, you bastard, Argret?”

“Ha! Ha! Ha!” the voice echoed back to Victor condescendingly. “What? No; ‘Hello Master, so pleased to see you after all this time,’ or, ‘I’ve missed you so much over the years, Master,’ or my personal favorite, ‘Master, how long has it been? Have you been feeling well? Oh, how I’ve missed you.’ Yes, the later does seem the best. It is always good to great a long lost friend with a showing of concern. Really, Victor, these things should come automatically for you after so many years of life. Tsk-tsk-tsk.”

Victor growled ferociously and tried to get u again if only to search blindly for Argret. As he tried to force himself up, Victor found himself restrained. He tried to push himself up in order to break the restraints. Despite his efforts, though, he found that even with the super human strength that all vampires held, he couldn’t break the chains that bound him down. He may have been weakened from not having had any blood in such a long time, even weakened, though, he should easily be able to break any chain, unless…

“I’m betting you are finding yourself quite tied up at the moment, judging from the menacing growl I just heard,” Argret’s words drifted in, condescending as ever. “Of course, I wouldn’t be able to bind such a powerful vampire as yourself without using-”

“You used silver chains on me! Argret, you bastard!” Victor roared in anger.

“Yes, well, you always were a difficult one to handle,” Argret said in the first serious tone of voice he had used since he had begun to speak with Victor. “You are probably wondering why I have you here… or is your mind too far gone already to have even thought of that question…?”

Argret had a point. Victor’s mind was beginning to scramble. Soon he would be nothing but a mindless blood sucking revenant. He couldn’t keep anything straight any longer and was trying his best to follow what was going on. But how could he think with that thrumming noise becoming louder by the second and echoing through his head?

“Get to the damn point,” Victor growled loudly.

“You have become a problem for me, Victor,” Argret replied in a bland tone of voice. The stupid bastard was actually trying to sound sympathetic, it seemed.

“Not just me, though, but all vampire kind. You have exposed us time and time again. You’ve disobeyed the very laws that keep the vampire race in their place. Now, I have no choice, but I am being forced to see that you are taken care of under the council’s orders.”

The words took many long moments to sink in as the throbbing noise was now invading every thought that ran through his head. When the words at last his home, though, even with Victor’s mind as it was, he had enough sense to fear those words.

“What do you mean ‘taken care of’?” Victor asked, trying hard to keep his thoughts in order.

“I think you have enough sense left to know what I am telling you, Victor,” Argret stated, that condescending tone seeming to slowly return.

The words only slightly sunk in this time. Only the throbbing noise could be heard like a driving beat to which a drum would play. It was a sound that called to him, making his body ache with the need to move nearer to it.

The cold pit in Victor’s gut doubled, but his mind was so far gone that his body began to try and break free of the silver chains of its own free will, going against everything thought that remained in his head.

“I am very sorry for this, Victor,” Argret’s voice came softly now and then it was gone, drowned out by the noise that still invaded his senses… that noise that was driving his vampiric body mad.

Victor heard the faintest of clicking sounds as the locks were released and Victor was suddenly sitting up strait and with agility he only had as a revenant, he was suddenly crouching in a matter of seconds.

His body was out of control and that noise was driving it.

The lights flashed on. Victor was in a white room with brick walls, but that wasn’t what was holding his attention. Hanging by the chains around their arms were ten strangely dressed humans from some barbaric island that still practiced cannibalism. The scent of human blood hung thick all around them. Their heartbeats throbbed through his ears, and his eyes locked onto their feet.

‘No,’ a desperate whisper of thought whirled through Victor’s lost mind before his body sprang to life and he was suddenly in front of one of the humans with their foot held delicately within his hand.

“Bon Appétit,” Argret's voice rang in laughter from above as Victor’s fangs sank deep into the foot he held fast in his hands.

Yeah, Dev doesn’t seem to be the best place for writing unless you have art to go along with it. Well, I hope this is the criticism you were looking for!

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

He pulled on the sock of his victim’s right foot and put her shoe back on her foot.

Whose foot did he put the sock on? I think you meant that he put her sock back on her, but it seems a little vague. You might also knock the second ‘shoe’ out of the sentence. The reader should be able to figure that that’s where he put it. =]

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

It wasn’t easy being a vampire with such an odd attraction to feet.

-gigglesnort- That’s awesome.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

You see, vampires drink blood from the part of the body that are usually most attracted to so that they can gain power from the life-giving blood in the person they are drinking from.

I’ve never been a fan of using ‘you’ in a fiction piece. You’ve kept this in third-person limited (to Victor) and are suddenly acknowledging the reader as being present. While this can be done, it either needs to be done throughout the piece or dropped here.
This sentence also seems a bit unwieldy. Could you split it up into two? I think the word ‘they’ also needs to be put in after ‘that’ and before ‘are’.
‘…part of the body that they are most attracted to. By doing this they can gain power…’

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

A human may be disgusted by the feet; to a vampire, though, they have virtually no fear of any such things. They are immune to poisons except one and can’t catch disease.

Most people who don’t like feet, from my experience, tend not to like them because they’re sweaty and smelly, not because we view them as carrying poisons. I thought it was a bit of a stretch to mention both.
Also, unless this is part of something bigger, I’d knock out the bit about the poisons, diseases, and the one they can catch. It’s not mentioned anywhere else in the story, so I don’t feel it adds anything to it.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

At the moment, Victor pulled out a back handkerchief and wiped away the blood from his face before he set his nose back in place with a small crackling sound to that it wouldn’t heal wrong.

I think ‘to’ should be ‘so’. ‘…a small crackling sound so that it wouldn’t…’ I’m also not sure ‘crackling’ is the right word. That makes me think of something repetitive and lasting, rather than a quick snap. Perhaps ‘cracking’ in its stead?

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

Victor felt a small pressure on the back of his head, and before he could even react, what seemed like a thousand volts of electricity ran through his body as if a lightning bold had just struck him.

This thought is rather long. Could you split it into two? Perhaps a period after ‘his body’ and beginning the new sentence with something along the lines of, ‘It was as though a lightning bolt…’

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

The world around Victor slowly faded away as his body fell heavily to the ground, knocking what little air he held in his lungs for talking out. It was like the night he was killed all over again.

Well, this really depends on how your vampires work, but if he’s dead, why would it matter if the wind was knocked out of him? I understand he can’t talk, but he doesn’t seem to be trying anyway. You could keep this thought and make it more useful if he made the attempt to speak somewhere here.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

His body was a dad lump trapping his soul within.

‘dead’ instead of ‘dad’, yeah? Heh.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

He had to have been out for about a week for his powers to be this weak.

This sentence felt redundant to me. You’ve essentially stated this before in the few bits prior.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

Victor could sense his mind starting to slip into that blood thirsty state for which all vampires turn into mindless blood sucking zombies when they go too long without having had any blood.

Another sentence I feel is a bit too long. I’d split it into two. Also, this is a bit that I feel is a wee bit comical for the overall darker tone of the piece. The ‘blood sucking zombies’ could be changed to something less… humorous, I think.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

“I see you are well, Victor,” a masculine voice echoed from somewhere above head.

I’d change the comma after ‘Victor’ to a period and change the ‘a’ to ‘A’. Arget doesn’t continue a speech within this line so I think a period is appropriate.
‘I see you are well, Victor.” A masculine…’

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

“SHIT!!” Victor cursed. “Where the hell are you, you bastard, Argret?”

I think the double exclamation point is unneeded. It seems just as forceful to me with only one. And, just as a suggestion, I’ve known people to say the name and then the insult: ‘Where the hell are you, Arget, you bastard.”
It really depends on how your character speaks, of course. Just my two cents.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

Victor growled ferociously and tried to get u again if only to search blindly for Argret.

‘u’ should be ‘up’, yeah? I’d also add in a comma after ‘again’.
‘…to get up again, if only to…’

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

“You have become a problem for me, Victor,” Argret replied in a bland tone of voice. The stupid bastard was actually trying to sound sympathetic, it seemed.

‘Bland’ doesn’t really make me think sympathy, or even faked sympathy. It makes me think apathy, like he really doesn’t care what he’s doing. If you want to it seem like falsified sympathy I’d change the word ‘bland’ to something else.
I also think ‘it seemed’ could be dropped; it has a more forceful impact behind the sentence without it.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

The cold pit in Victor’s gut doubled, but his mind was so far gone that his body began to try and break free of the silver chains of its own free will, going against everything thought that remained in his head.

Well, if he wanted to get free of the chains initially ‘if only to blindly search’, then why is this considered ‘against everything thought’? I understand you’re trying to describe his decent into to madness, but I’d do it with a different approach. Only because this is what he was trying to do initially.
The second part of this sentence seems odd to me. Could it be altered to, ‘going against everything he had thought’ or ‘everything bit of sanity that he retained’ or something to that effect? It seems like you started to write one thing and changed into the other at the end. Happens to me all the time. =]

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

“I am very sorry for this, Victor,” Argret’s voice came softly now and then it was gone, drowned out by the noise that still invaded his senses… that noise that was driving his vampiric body mad.

I’m not sure the ellipses are needed here. I think a simple period would suffice and get your point across.

Originally Posted by Vampire Requiem

Victor heard the faintest of clicking sounds as the locks were released and Victor was suddenly sitting up strait and with agility he only had as a revenant, he was suddenly crouching in a matter of seconds.

It felt like a lot was happening in this sentence, and that made it a little unwieldy. Could you make his sitting upright and crouching into two separate sentences?

I like the idea, I really do. But his foot fetish, while clever on its own, doesn’t seem to fit with the more serious tone of the rest of the piece. By simply moving it up the ankle, it takes away a bit of the comical aspect and can be taken more seriously. Assuming, as a vampire, he’s going for arteries, there are three in both ankles. It should also be close enough that you still have the same general area and idea.

I quite like Arget too. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to, but I do. I hope we hear more about him at some point. =]