My brother just told me that I need to get over a bullying incident that happened to me 9 years ago. I still hold grudges against the girls who've hurt me.

So I ask you guys - have you ever had a long-standing grudge against anyone? And why?

OR

Are holding grudges pointless? Unhealthy (in an extreme aspect?)

No. Except against myself. And maybe my middle school principal.

Depending on the circumstances, I can hold a grudge for years.

I'm an optimistic person on the whole, and usually, regardless of the argument, I'm over it in about five minutes, I just need a little breather. As a social and empathetic person, I'm also usually the one to cave and say sorry first.

But there's been a few times in my life when I just haven't been able to completely forgive the parties involved:

1. Way back in elementary school, we discovered my father was fatally allergic to cats. We had to get rid of the first pet to ever really be "mine", so we gave him to a "friend" from school who we knew would take care of him. I was easily bullied way back then, and so when she was feeling spiteful she'd tell me awful stuff that wasn't true, like that he'd lost an eye or gotten hit by a car. I used to cry and cry. Even that young, there's no excuse for that. She was a bitch raised by a bitch. I often wonder how she turned out.
2. For years and years, I hated, HATED my parents for moving me around two countries, four states and over eight cities. Now I'm over it... mostly. I see it helped me become a more diverse, well-rounded and open-minded person, but I still insist that it was absolutely the wrong time to start moving me: right at the onset of puberty and through my teenage angst years. I would have avoided a lot of the issues I had back then, I think, if I wasn't so insecure because we were always moving.
3. My middle school assistant principal, who decided that my grades and general lazy conduct weren't a sign that I was too intelligent for the classes I was in, and wasn't being challenged (I was also in Gifted and Talented at the time, and thriving), was me being a spoiled brat who would never amount to nothing, and she told me so in as much words. She also used the words "problem child", which cut deep and always have.
4. I'll probably get over this in a while, but it only happened last month, so it's still fresh and irritating. My English (college) class was having a discussion on perceived image and weight in American women, and as a busty, short woman myself, I shot off a few statistics about the "norm" changing: most women in America these days are a size 14. It's a fact, and I had evidence to back it up. She shot off VERY defensively (my immediate thought was she was sensitive because she had an eating disorder? I don't see why else she would be so sensitive on the 'skinny' side) about how women above size 8 were fat and lazy and weren't doing anything to help themselves. She said mothers shouldn't gain more than 20 pounds when pregnant, which is a COMPLETELY unrealistic and unhealthy statement, and I was the first one to call her out on all of it, taking MAJOR offense to just a boisterous claim. Many other women of all sizes in the class soon jumped in to defend my side as well. She hasn't shown up to school again since.

To me it really depends on what the person did and how it affected me or my friends. If what the person did was something small like stole my pen in second grade I will not care, but if a person hurt me like physically or emotionally then I most likey will hold a grudge...depending on how badly I was hurt

The only person I never really forgave for when she did was my ex. She pretty much lied and then left me for someone that abused her. Last thing I said to her was that I hated him for laying his hands on her and that I can't deal with that kind of drama. I haven't talked to her in nearly two years and it still ticks me off to this day that she lied about so much.

I don't get hurt by much of anyone because I tend not to really care what people think or what they say too much. I tend to fight back if someone attacks me verbally or other wise and I do not stay mad for long.

Originally Posted by Mystic

I don't get hurt by much of anyone because I tend not to really care what people think or what they say too much. I tend to fight back if someone attacks me verbally or other wise and I do not stay mad for long.

This ^.
I won't stay mad, but unless I feel the issue is resolved satisfactorily, it will fester and grow and I will end up holding a grudge for years.

I'm not sure if I hold grudges or not, really. If someone does something particularly bad, I do not "forgive and forget". However, if that person is otherwise nice/likable, I generally don't let the bad thing dictate how I view that person or whether I get along with them--even if, underneath, I'll always think of that thing. Of course, if they apologize and I see that it's sincere, then it's forgiven.

No I don't because grudges Won't Hold me. Life is too short. For things like that let go and let live :heart:

I dont hold grudges for very long. It might last two days, but they rarely last more than a day. I just do not find it to be a good use of my time to be angry at people. I may not even be half way through my life, but I still realize that I cannot get my time back so I want to enjoy the time I have.

I used to hold grudges for ages. I was bullied in school, and was angry at the people who had done it even after I had graduated. It took a long time for me to realize that it didn't matter anymore; yes, those people affected me, but they were no longer relevant and I never had to see them again.

I try my best not to hold grudges now, but I don't always succeed. I'm making an effort to live by what my grandma always says: "life is too short - why spend it being angry?"

Sora does hold grudges, but usually they go away overnight.......kind of a good thing and a bad thing.
Sora doesn't hold grudges for long but it's not that hard to get him jealous and start a grudge.

I generally hold grudges for a very long time. I still hate those who had hurt me by bullying me when I was in elementary and middle school. Now I don't remember those people, but, needless to say, I'm still furious that they made my life a living hell when I was already dealing with a lot of other drama (divorced parents to be exact).

I also hate that I tend to hold grudges against friends for things that have happened in the past. The last two years I've been dealing with a lot of friend drama due to some other people messing up the friendships that I had. Though apparently I had been the "bad guy" during the whole thing when I was just trying to help. Still irritates me that all of that happened. But I'm slowly trying to get over the whole ordeal.

But I mainly hold grudges against those who have really REALLY irritated me, and I will never ever talk to those people again. Because if I did, I would more than likely snap and would try to punch 'em straight in the face '-3-

most of the time no but I have 2 gruges oh people.
my ex and my father.
im not going into details.
but its REALLY hard to get onto my bad side that badly

I didn't think there would be a broad response. Personally I thought I was wrong for holding a 9 year grudge because my brother had told me that I needed to "get over it". But I'm glad I wasn't the only one who has a grudge. I mean, it's unfortunate that we do hold grudges to begin with but there are so many scenarios that created/influenced them.

Yes, us women are famed for holding grudges xD

I, personally, am awful for holding grudges. I hold them for many different reasons, but unless I really like someone, I rarely let things go. Lately, I've grown tired of arguing and being distant, but there are just some cases where I love holding grudges xD

Originally Posted by Disco~

Yes, us women are famed for holding grudges xD

I, personally, am awful for holding grudges. I hold them for many different reasons, but unless I really like someone, I rarely let things go. Lately, I've grown tired of arguing and being distant, but there are just some cases where I love holding grudges xD

Why yes, why do us women hold grudges more so than men?? xDD
Are we just that emotional?

Oh god yes.
I hold grudges really bad.
I still have a grudge against the guy who extremely rudely rejected me when I asked him out to the fifth grade dance. He insulted me and everything. In in twelfth grade now.
^^;

I consider myself a very forgiving person, but there are just some things that I cannot and will not tolerate from someone. If they severely wrong me in anyway, they'll certainly be part of my "hate thoughts" for up to a month. But if the anger lasts too long, I'll usually try and "talk" myself out of it; too much anger can be frighteningly consuming and it can really drain you. :gonk:

With the case of my mother who cheated on her husband and abandoned her family and responsibility for sex, I held a grudge that lasted a good while. But I had to let it go a few weeks ago. For one, it wasn't healthy. Two, feeling disappointed and having no expectations of her feels a lot better than the hatred I felt before.

I have held grudges, but they get tiring. 9 years is a lil' much imo.
I just let things go these days. And yes, it's unhealthy.

Just drop it. You don't have to like them, but when you let it go, it'll feel like a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

Originally Posted by Moogle

I have held grudges, but they get tiring. 9 years is a lil' much imo.
I just let things go these days. And yes, it's unhealthy.

Just drop it. You don't have to like them, but when you let it go, it'll feel like a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

I've tried to let it go - but I guess it's really affected my life in a huge way that I can't just let it go. Maybe I never got any closure from it - I mean, why do terrible things to me when I never did anything to you, you know? But I do agree it's unhealthy - I just wish I could just be more carefree about it.

pinkii: Maybe you could find closure by talking to the person about it? I held a grudge for very long after my mother said something that insulted and hurt me deeply (I'm talking years here), but it went away insantly when I one day found the courage to talk to her about it. Maybe it will help. (:

As for holding grudges, I don't think I do that. When someone has wronged me severely, they just die to me. As in *pouf* gone. Kind of reminds me of Lily's "you're dead to me" look, only I don't need to look. Props for anyone who gets the reference. XD

I have a few victims of that, but the first one was a girl I thought of as a friend for more than ten years. When she started dating my best guy friend, I knew she didn't like him as much as he liked her, and it was going to end badly for them. However, her excuse to break up with him was out of the blue accusing him of cheating on her with me, acused us both of sleeping together. Frankly, if you want to be dead to me, that's all you gotta do: call me a cheater or say someone cheated on someone with me. That's the one thing I do not tolerate.

So the moment I heard she said that, I disregarded her completely from then on. I didn't talk to her about it, I didn't care for her explanations, nothing. One moment she was a friend, the other she was non-existent. Been that way ever since.

I don't think it's a grudge, though. I'm not mad, angry, disappointed or sad. I have no feelings towards this person, whether good or bad. So, that doesn't qualify as a grudge, right? At least, I don't think so. XD

I hold grudges for a long time. Still hate the guys who bullied me, and made life hell in grade 8. And that was almost 10 or 11 years ago. Im sure that if I saw one of them somewhere, if they tried talking to me, I would probably tell them to STFU and GTFO, then leave without hearing anything else they would have to say to me.

I still dislike all of the people who bullied me in elementary and middle school. I don't really see why I shouldn't. Most of them are still fairly unpleasant people to be around, and they're all the type that will bully someone mercilessly and then not even think about what they did later on.

I honestly don't socialize with people enough in real life to really "hold a grudge" against them though, I don't think. I haven't had any reason to speak to most of them for the past few years in the first place. For the most part, people have at least gotten slightly more mature now that we're in high school. (Except in P.E. class; that's quite a different story. Luckily we only had to take it freshman year at my school.)

I don't hold grudges. All they do is make me unhappy. I may decide to not like someone because the way they have acted, but im always either nice to them or politely avoid them.