When you're both having a good day bring it up because the way things are going it could lead to a divorce between you two and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want that.
Caleb- I would really like to go talk to someone, but I'm sure he wouldn't agree. Besides we can't afford it anyway. Thank you for your input.
Yesterday we had a little break through, he told me how he though I felt about supper last night. I wanted him to grill outside be he didn't. Something about he thought it was too windy. Later while we were eating he said "You probably think I was just being lazy" which I didn't think that, well maybe a little, but I was proud of him for telling me something like that. He never does.
Also, yesterday we got to talking about when we were teenagers if we ever thought about suicide (no judging, heard someone on the scanner who was trying to) and he told me he did because of his mom and dad. That got me to thinking, I think alot of what is going on between us, whether he realizes it or not, comes from his parents getting divorced.
i think that is a really good possibility
maybe you can ask him to think about that
don't judge or say it is so just put it out there for him to think about
insecurities are hard to deal with and some people put walls up 'just in case'
i know i do that when i worry i will lose some one
So we had a pretty horrible fight, I shed plenty of tears. I think I got my point across though. I don't understand this, but for some reason he thinks I do don't wash the dishes or laundry because I want him to do it. That is totally wrong. Usually what happens is I have somewhere to be or I get distracted and forget about it. I'm just not that worried about it like he is. I really wish he would just let me worry about it, he worry about his "chores".
I'm sorry to hear that, llonka. :( Honestly, if it bothers him that bad I personally would tell him to do them. You've got your hands full and are doing what you can.
I know that isn't going to help you with him, but honestly I think he's being a bit mean if he's going to start a fight over dirty dishes. :/
Last night he was onto me about the laundry. I only washed one load, planned on doing another, but had to get the boys and got off track. He gets home and sees only one load done. He tore me up and down about how he has to do everything around here, even yelled at Jacob for leaving his clothes all over the floor. Yesterday I worked on my biology and american lit. homework, cleaned the kitchen sink, washed the dishes, scooped the litter boxes. I told him I feel like he thinks i'm a little kid that he can punish. Like he thinks this is his work place, they leave stuff undone and he gets all pissy about it there too. You know things happen and sometimes you have to do something else before you do "what needs to be done".
I'm dunno I'm fired up about it again because he came home from taking Kaleb to his football game and started screaming that he does everything around here again because Jacob wasn't ready for his. :/ Like it's that big a of deal to get dressed right quick?
I don't have the concerntration to be able to read all this thread, I've just read the last page of posts and have one immediate question.
Does your husband ever have anything positive to say?
It seems all he sees, about anything is what's wrong. What you didn't do, not the things you have got done, etc. It's his mindset that's all wrong. He seems to focus entirely on what's bad and negative about every situation. No wonder he's not a very nice person to be around.
I agree with hummy (I think it was), he's unhappy and taking it out on those around him. Probably because he doesn't know how to deal with the situation. Also probably because he's male, and guys in general don'tlike to admit (even to themselves) that they don't have everything entirely under control.
If he could learn to turn his mindset around and appreciate all the good in everything around him, I think life overall would improve enormously.
It's going to be tough to get him to change, though, unless he wants to change. I do think that, like Jelly said, he really does look for all the negative around him and is overlooking everything that has gone right. :(
I know I have a tough time of it myself. I'm glad when I'm really having a hard time of it I retreat to my room and become anti-social rather than lash out at everyone. I know doing the latter really makes things worse. :/
Your hubs and mine are twins, for sure. Hello! We have CHILDREN! Nothing in the world will ever go as planned again, until they've moved out, lol. It's okay for the dishes to get done late, or tomorrow. It's okay that the clothes we wore today and yesterday didn't get washed THIS hour. You should remind him, that if the biggest problem in his life is that he might have to wear his other clothes because his laundry wasn't done today, he has it pretty fucking good.
Everything is about the negative, he never sees the good in things. I tend to try and laugh at things most people wouldn't, because then it doesn't seem so bad. Too bad he can't be more like me.
Today is a better day so far, he occupied himself with breaking the old couch (too big won't fit out the door very well). Then his dad called, saying he's fishing, so hubby went out there to fish too. I really think things are worse when he's been talking to his dad. Sometimes his dad calls every night, and late too like 10:30 or 11:00. Father in law also will come over and sit in the drive way on his laptop. He stays for hours upon hours. Builds a lot of tension between us sometimes, he gets tired of his dad too but won't say anything to him.
Family is a tough nut to crack, too, llonka. God only knows both hubby and I have our own separate issues with our parents. It's a delicate situation as it's his dad and you really don't want to make things worse.
Is your hubby having a rough time getting along with your dad, or do you think your father in law is making him turn more negatively toward you? Just kind of curious how he's complicated things other than sitting in your driveway and leeching off your wi-fi. Oh and the calling late at night thing, too...
His dad is NOT married. He's been divorced since hubby was three so over twenty years anyways.
I dunno, I think they are getting along, but then I feel like hubby is scared of his dad? Afraid to be himself? Like he feels like he has to wait hand and foot on him. I should mention his dad is in a wheelchair and i assume while hubby was small, was his dad's go getter. I say that because he still has to go get things that his dad could very well get himself.
---------- Post added 09-29-2013 at 06:14 PM ----------
Anyways a quiet night for the boys and I, hubby went to the races. :/
Ohhh my gosh, my husband is like that with his mom. I always swear that if we end up our separate ways I will NEVER marry another mommy's boy. His mother will be dead. DEAD! Lol I don't understand it either. And his mom isn't married either. (Hasn't been married in so long - yet they hang on everything they do, it's like come on - they aren't married for a reason! Why are you listening to them!?)
He's gotten better over the years, but it's still not something that's been resolved. He does the same thing with his older brother, too. His older brother is bipolar/skitzo and while I like him/tolerate him, I'm not comfortable with him around my child or alone in my home. He shows up at ALL hours, knocking on our door, waking our daughter up, never calling, never taking into consideration that my husband works really early or that we have a sleeping toddler. He smokes cigarettes and feels the need to do it as he rings the door bell, so we open the door and the smoke floods into our house.
It REALLY pisses me off. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, and I don't want my daughter breathing it either. Not to mention, it's sooooo incredibly rude for anyone to show up at my house unannounced or uninvited. If you've called and I didn't answer, either I'm busy, or you need to take the hint. You don't just invite yourself over. His mom and brother are the world's worst about that. -_- I don't know why he doesn't have the nads to tell them to quit. I'm going to snap one day and burn some bridges and he's going to wish he'd found a way to tell them to have some respect before I had to do it.
Hubby's brother is like that also! He just shows up. One time he stayed for a week straight. I finally let him have it in a round about way and he doesn't show up as often or stay very long. It has made our relationship tons better.
Hopefully you can figure out a way to tell him how you feel.
Oh, my husband knows how I feel. And I've bitched about the cigarettes to his brother already. The problem with his brother is that he's crazy. He hears what he wants to hear and twists things around and just makes things up entirely. He's in and out of the hospital all the time. He calls just to sing or ask random ass questions about stuff that doesn't even exist. His girlfriend of eight years finally left him because she had an arranged marriage and he moved back here to live with his mom who lives three minutes from us. *sigh*
It's just frustrating because you have children who are watching your relatives and soaking up everything they do, and everything you say when they aren't around and the way you handle everything. It's cruddy.
It's okay jelly. nobody is going to have all the answers.
So you know what really pisses me off? He called into work today and then he sits on his ass watching TV all morning, then this afternoon he's been in bed. Really? Come on now... I wish he would have just gone to work.
Your hubs and mine are twins, for sure. Hello! We have CHILDREN! Nothing in the world will ever go as planned again, until they've moved out, lol. It's okay for the dishes to get done late, or tomorrow. It's okay that the clothes we wore today and yesterday didn't get washed THIS hour. You should remind him, that if the biggest problem in his life is that he might have to wear his other clothes because his laundry wasn't done today, he has it pretty fucking good.
Lol I don't understand it either. And his mom isn't married either. (Hasn't been married in so long - yet they hang on everything they do, it's like come on - they aren't married for a reason! Why are you listening to them!?)
Hubby's brother is like that also! He just shows up. One time he stayed for a week straight. I finally let him have it in a round about way and he doesn't show up as often or stay very long. It has made our relationship tons better. 