"I'm disappointed in you" would have worked very well if my Mom said it.

Wouldn't have worked at all coming from my Dad.

Sometimes it does seem as thought the world is against a parent when they want to discipline their children, but when they need it, they NEED it. Any officer would willingly sit there and supervise what some of these spoiled middle-schoolers claim is "abuse" and tell you that all is well.

I'm on the side of appropriate discipline. You don't go spanking a child for dropping a plate or something. I think if they're getting mouthy and refusing to listen to parents... That's definately worth a time-out, in the bathroom or a corner.

But to really deserve a spanking, life or limb should have been at risk, or they were truly unholy terrors.

I know my brother and I both were spanked as young children. And it did work to keep us in line more with how we should act.

I think that true discipline needs to be brought back into parenting. Trying to have adult disciplne for children is rather foolish and frankly counter-productive. You're trying to have children behave as adults... for what reason? So that when they become adults the try to regress and act like children?

Let kids be kids and only when they get way out of line, give them a reminder of why the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence.

There are many ways to discipline without being violent. My mother's words sting far more than any hit she's ever given me. The same goes for my father. I can't stand to be yelled at by either of them. I understand why some parents feel they have to discipline their child physically. When I stayed with a friend in Pennsylvania who has a 3-year-old boy, I quickly grew to see why it was necessary in some cases. It was the only way to get through to the little guy because he didn't listen and had severe behavioral problems.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to discipline my children that way. I have never hit my nieces while babysitting them or otherwise. The way I discipline is by taking a stern tone of voice, which is scary enough to them that they do as they are told without much arguing. It's kind of backwards to hit a child and then tell them it's wrong to hit other people. It's almost like sending mixed signals to a developing mind.

That being said, I took a Sociology class this past semester called Families in Society, which taught that it depends on the background you come from about whether or not "corporal punishment" towards children is acceptable. Supposedly, among some races and classes in the United States, it is expected and acceptable, and people don't look back on it when they are grown and think they were abused at all.

I got spanked as a child, and I don't think I was abused.

My brother however got belted once (spanked with a leather belt). *I* think that was abuse! Only happened once. I think my Mom told my Dad that he had better not ever do something like that again. Of course, this was *years* ago, and that type of punishment was generally the norm in the population.

I got belted once when I was a kid. I don't think spanking is that bad unless it's excessive and every day. But basically, my punishment is the "you-are-a-dissapointment" speech that just strikes a cord in my heart everytime

Unfortunately, whether you want t blame it on bad parenting or bad culture, the "you've disappointed me" speech is working less and less on kids because they have less and less respect for their parents.

Alright this is really a tricky situation to handle. I am 100% on the side of spanking a child though I can see the other side of this as well. I feel that if a child is misbehaving then by all means we should be allowed to spank them and under law we are allowed.....as long as we dont leave a mark. This is where the lines get alittle sticky.

If a child where to go to someone and say they are being abused then the child services will investigate the home. Alot of times this child simply just got in trouble for something they did wrong and got alittle more then a love tap to the back of the head. A child who is really truely abuse is often times afraid to say anything to begin with.

I know this from experience. Sorry this is a touchy subject to me alittle. Both as an upcomming student and as someone who has had to deal with this from a sister who is just rotten. Child Services will not be content with just one visit....they will trail you for up to ten years. The fact that this can happen makes parents afraid to properly disapline there children. Afraid that if they even so much as poke the child the child will be taken away, this is our justice system....also the cause of the horrible youth that is comming as our next generation.

Originally Posted by Kinmotsu

Unfortunately, whether you want t blame it on bad parenting or bad culture, the "you've disappointed me" speech is working less and less on kids because they have less and less respect for their parents.

That's very true! Kids these days seem to have *no* respect for any older people, not just their parents.

Parents don't know everything, but they do have more experience. Kids should at least listen once in awhile.

I've been taught to respect adults ever since I was a kid. And it really pisses me off to see my classmates or younger kids being so disrespectful to teachers. I mean, they're working they're butts off just to give us an education and these kids don't give a damn.

Spanking is swifter and less annoying in public as well. I mean...
Would you rather hear *Swat* "Oww!"
or
"Onnnnnnneeeeeee, ttttttwwwwwwoooooo, ttttthhhhrreeee, etc."

I've never seen the second one work >.<

I have seen children throw shit at their parents in a restuarant in the middle of a temper-tantrum when they wouldnt listen to the parents talking to them. The parent slapped them on the behind with one swift swat. 10 minutes later the cops showed up because someone in the restaurant called the cops. It is a lose-lose situation anywhere in public if the children are not disciplined from the beginning. I do blame part of it on the parents for not disciplining from the beginning. However, society and what is 'right' has made everything so much harder because the people making the rules do not have kids to worry about.

Actually the whole disciplining my children with a firm hand is not particularly an issue of these day. I remember, when I was younger and did something wrong, I got a firm slap on my buttocks. I learned it the hard way, but I must admit, I never listened well to common sense.

Originally Posted by Bartuc

I have seen children throw shit at their parents in a restuarant in the middle of a temper-tantrum when they wouldnt listen to the parents talking to them. The parent slapped them on the behind with one swift swat. 10 minutes later the cops showed up because someone in the restaurant called the cops. It is a lose-lose situation anywhere in public if the children are not disciplined from the beginning.

I don't know about your generation but, when I was a kid, if you acted up in public enough to deserve a spanking, you were taken to the car. People spanked their kids when I was a kid, and they didn't do it in the middle of the restaurant. That particular change in behavior came from selfish parents as well as kids. Now the prevailing attitude is "Why should I have to miss out on [insert thing here] because little Johnny is acting up?"

Here's one thing I've found effective, as it was used on me: challenge the kid. Dare them. In terms of discipline, the insult should be graver than the injury. I grew up with a single parent, and my father would smack me upside the head all the time. But it was always an attention-getter. Something that stung enough to piss me off, but never enough to do any harm. So when you want something done, make a bet. Don't wager cash- appeal to the ego. "I'll bet you can't..." It worked on me, big time.

EDIT:
It also helps if your kid looks up to you. You want that insult to sting, and you want them to want to prove you wrong. I have a 3-year-old sister spoiled as all hell; I cannot voice my complaints to my mother, it is not my place. However, given that her care will at some times be entrusted to me, I may have an opportunity to have her not get everything she wants.

Originally Posted by Jeannesha

Wow, this is a loaded question.
Nowadays if I were a parent, I'd be afraid to swat my kids... you can end up getting arrested for child abuse.

And see there's the original problem. (sorry I've been gone for so long guys) I don't think that's fair; people overreact to the strangest things. Nevermind there's a war on- the neighbor spanks her kids. SHOCKING!

I don't understand why people over react about a lil pop the the rear if a child has been bad. Our parents were punished like that as were their parents and so on. They all have turned out fine, as have those of us that have been brought up to have some respect for others. So many people freak out if someone pops their kid while out in public. So many of those kids that have been to "fragile" to discipline are the ones that seem to get into trouble and are ending up getting locked up or worse. Because they think that no matter what they do they wont get in trouble or if they do all that happens is that they get counted to.Which doesn't work, if you get told something over and over with nothing happening afterward you start to ignore it the same as most kids now a days.Looking at how i was raised and now younger kids are, there is a big difference. They are able to get away with doing whatever they want. I really think if something isn't done now, kids are going to grow up with less and less respect and ability to survive on their own.

The part about parents not poping their kids and making them feel like they can get away with anything reminded me of an episode from The Simpsons, where Bart made Bush's life a living hell and Bush decided to swat him ["I'm going to do something your parents should have done long ago"] when he destroyed a tower of papers with his biography.

... and then Homer is all mad at Bush and decides to play heavy pranks on him [with Bart helping him] because nobody had the right to swat his child. Sheesh.

I'm not a parent, but I have unofficial authority over my sister's children. They do anything bad and I can pull a full range of creative punishments out as opposed to spanking them on the butt or slapping them on the hand. Very rarely do I ever have to use physical means and I'd appreciate if CPS minded their own business since they don't have to deal with my sister's kids on a daily basis.

Am I one of the only people here who wasn't spanked as a kid? XD Well, that's untrue. I was spanked only once in my life, but my mom discovered I was acting out because I was ill so she felt super guilty (which is probably why I wasn't spanked again).

Personally I always found psychological punishment more devastating than physical punishment could ever be. I could take a hit as punishment just fine, but I couldn't stand the idea of disappointing my parents which was my incentive against acting out. I think it's just my nature though since guilt eats me away inside so I do my best to avoid that feeling.

I'm uncertain at this point how I intend to raise my children. Ideally I would like to never lay a hand on them when it comes to punishment, but I don't feel that spanking is out of the question when the child is especially deserving. I'm sure that even though I was sick, my attitude was so horrid that I fully deserved that spank. However, I don't like parents who smack their children for the slightest little thing. To me, that defeats the purpose and will just antagonize your child more.

Personally, I only think spanking should be used in situations that are actually dangerous - for example, after a child runs into the street or tries to play with fire or something hot after being told to stay away.

I was raised by nannies when I was a young child, so my parents weren't used to dealing with kids and, IMO, got lazy with punishments. If I and my brother got in a heated argument, we'd both get a spanking. If we stayed on the computer after being told to go to bed, we got a spanking. It was easier than monitoring us all the time and enforcing other punishments, but it was excessive and may have damaged our relationship a little bit. As a kid, I constantly got the feeling that I only saw my dad at meals or when I was being punished.

Doomfishy, I see where you're coming from and agree that that's rather excessive. But it is necessary in certain instances. It's the popular blanket ban of physical punishment that makes me angry and why I brought this thread up.

Originally Posted by St_JimmyHavok

Nevermind there's a war on- the neighbor spanks her kids. SHOCKING!

That is pretty funny. Violence overload EVERYWHERE else, but don't use it in discipline.

But it's not just for spanking anymore! Coaches can't physically reprimand their players, etc.

@Guivre: Uh... how would a coach be physically reprimand their players? I always feel it's the parents' responsibility to discipline the child so I wouldn't want someone else touching them.

Also, why would a coach have to "physically reprimand" their team? I mean, you shouldn't be physically punishing someone for playing poorly. And if they had a tantrum or something they should kick them out of the game and maybe have a parent take them home.

As a child I had ADHD. All those creative punishments didn't work. At one point I was left with a bed in my room. Thats it. I was pretty much put it prison. Bed and toilet and books. AND THATS IT. And guess what, I didn't care. I would do the same things I got punished for. My mother didn't know how to deal with it. So she spanked. (Mind you it did get pretty abusive). But if you know what you limit is, you'll be fine.
A spank on the rear is FINE! A slap on the wrist will do nothing.

I was scared of a spanking and I stoped doing bad things.

And all of this "If you were spanked you will spank your children" Is dumb.

I think if your punishment works then so be it. But as long as my children (I have none BTW) are healthy, have a roof over there head, and aren't being totured or abused, but ever punishment I want to use is up to me.