The morning light hit Josiah's face when Atlas moved. Despite not being fully away, he noticed and let out a small noise, then turned and curled up on the far side of the bed, his back to the window. He didn't need to be awake to know his head hurt and he'd feel hellishly awful if he let himself. It was the weekend right? He let out another noise and tried to stave off the bad feelings that made him want to wake up. He knew he hated mornings, but this was just strange. What the hell had he done yesterday?

Atlas shifted and placed an arm around Josiah's waist, pulling his friend closer to him and burying his face into the other male's neck, pressing his lips against the skin in a kiss before settling back down. Atlas gave a soft sigh as he shifted minutely before completely settling back down.

Josiah finally blinked his eyes open as a certain amount of awareness came to him. "Atlas?" he asked, feeling another close to him. That was strange wasn't it. He wanted to sit down and think about what happened yesterday, but his head hurt and he didn't want to. "Why are we sleeping together?"

"Mmmm...vodka...cheesy movie...kissed." Atlas spoke brokenly, only one word at a time before he yawned and tried to bury his face into Josiah's neck. "Was gonna...you said no... s'ok, I wait." He murmured sleepily, slowly cracking an eye open now that he had been made to talk his awareness was coming back to him and he gave a soft groan. "If you are un-comfortable I'll move and get us some pain meds and gatorade." He said, tightening the arm around Josiah's waist momentarily before he started to remove it from around his friend.

Josiah blinked multiple times as he tried to make sense of what Atlas said. The words brought broken memories flashing in his mind though. A fragment of kissing on then couch, then a frenzy, looking at the other boy, snippets of conversation that made no sense out of context. He groaned and shifted far too fast, making himself dizzy. He misjudged and dropped off the side of the bed. "No. I'm fine," he very nearly snapped, but his voice held far too much grogginess to count as irritated. "This is all just...last night didn't happen," he managed to say. "I don't know what I said before, but I'm not looking for anything real. All I wanted was a night and I couldn't even do that." After breathing deep, he stumbled to his own bed and flopped down, burying his face in the pillow.

((sorry it took me so long to reply, life got in the way, although I don't think I will be posting as often as I first did anymore.))

Atlas sat up and groaned, stretching before he reached down to grab his pants. He pulled the jeans on before standing, swaying just a little once he was on his feet. He quietly padded to the kitchen, grabbed two bottles of Gatorade and the aspirin from the cabinet. He popped a few himself first before he made his way back to their beds.
"Josiah...look, it's not a big deal, I am not looking for anything serious with anyone else at the moment." He held out the Gatorade a few aspirin pills for his friend. "Of course I want you, some one would have to be stupid to not want you, but as I said I am willing to wait until you are ready, and if you never are then that's fine too. I'll live. He shrugged gently before he gave a smile and sat on the floor next to Josiah's bed. "If you end up marrying a chick down the road that's fine, I'll be happy for you, what ever you want Josiah." Atlas paused as he took a deep drink from his Gatorade bottle. "I just want to see you happy." He said softly and looked at the floor, mentally slapping himself as he thought if he had just done it with him on the couch and not moved, not allowed Josiah time to think. He mentally snorted to himself in disgust, this wasn't about him, not by a long shot.

Josiah didn't take the Gatorade and aspirin even though he wanted them. He didn't want to move or lift his head enough to see Atlas, to acknowledge that he was even though. He needed to ignore these words from Atlas, he needed to ignore them. Groaning, Josiah squeezed his eyes shut. "Go away. I don't want to see you today," he hissed and even to him his tone sounded harsh. He meant it to sound that way, but it made him want to wince. Atlas said the kindest things he'd ever heard and yet he didn't want to return a single ounce of it. Still not lifting his head, he continued to push the other boy away. "Even if you want me, I don't want you."

Atlas' eyes widened at Josiah's words, and his normally open and expressive face closed off. He stood, placed the Gatorade and aspirin on Josiah's night stand before he padded over to his side of the room, thew a shirt on before he stripped his jeans off and put on a pair of running shorts and his sneakers. He grabbed his phone, keys and i-pod after shoving his wallet in his pocket.
He left the flat quietly, just because Josiah decided to be an ass did not mean he had to be. He closed the door quietly and made his way outside before he let out a frustrated bellow and slammed his fist into the brick wall surrounding the main door to the apartment building. He slid his earbuds into place and started running, ignoring the open wound on his hand.

Josiah listened to Atlas leave, wincing at every sound he made before the door closed behind him. He winced less from the noise level than from the meaning behind every action though. Atlas left. Of course he did; Josiah told him to go. Groaning again, he pulled himself into a half seated position before he gulped down some of the Gatorade. It did help and he felt grateful to Atlas for leaving the bottle there.

God, what was he supposed to do now? He looked up to the heavens as if an answer might come from there even though God frowned on gays. His answer might not be the one Josiah wanted. The reality was, no matter what he said, he wanted Atlas just enough not to want him. That thought in mind, he slipped out of his bed and went to take a shower, planning to be out of the apartment before his roommate got back.

Atlas would not return for hours, not until the sun had already set. He had eatten out when he had gotten hungry, what ever fast food place he had happened to be by at the time. He came to a stop in front of the apartment building and paused, he stared at the door for a moment before he sighed and went in. He climbed the stairs and stopped once again outside of their door. He took a deep breath and slid the key into the slot incase it was locked and opened it. He was quiet as he made his way to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet and turned on the water.
he hissed as he slid his hand under the stream and started to clean the dried up blood that covered his hand from what was a swollen, and probably broken knuckle. He did not know what time it was specifically, just that it was after midnight, so he was being as quiet as possible.

Josiah didn't have other friends. It would be amazing if he had more friends. That being said, he did find someone from school to spent the night with after a day of hanging out in the library. But, this guy, Josh, wasn't not a friend. Sighing, Josiah lay on the couch in Josh's apartment and stared at his phone. Not that he expected Atlas to have sent him any messages, but it also felt bad that he hadn't. Eventually, he gave up staring and sent a message of his own. 'Not coming home tonight. Don't wait up for me.' The message felt odd after their fight, but he didn't know what else to say. Laying his head back, he contented himself with finding sleep.

His phone buzzed and he looked at the message before he chucked his phone out of the bathroom and finished cleaning up his hand. He bandaged it and sighed as he cleaned up the bathroom before sitting in his gaming chair and started working on some class assignment.
By the time morning rolled around Atlas hadn't slept, his eyes bloodshot he rubbed at them underneath his glasses and groaned. He got ready for school and started walking, his bag over one shoulder and his other hand in his pocket. His face was still set in stone making those who knew the gamer in any capacity wary of him as they never had been before.

Josiah had class at 9:30 so he snuck home before he needed to get to school. It seemed that he missed Atlas and he sighed in relief before changing and grabbed a few other things to toss into his backpack. He knew he couldn't keep this game up. He lived with Atlas and would have to stop avoiding him at some point, but at least for now, Josiah needed time. The mask of coldness he normally showed to everyone except Atlas got broke and even his 'friend' Josh asked if he was alright. That said something didn't it? He needed to get this under control before he spoke to Atlas again or he'd take back every single word he said.

The two classes he had went by in a blur with Josiah learning nothing new except that he had an assignment due that he never even started. It didn't phase him and too soon, far too soon, he no more excuses not to go home.

Atlas was in the kitchen cooking, no shirt on and his jeans, as usual, slung low on his hips, the top of his underpants peeking out from the waistband of the jeans. His normally open and expressive face was shut, he had said nothing to anybody all day, many of his class mates and his teachers worried about him and his unusual behavior.
The gamer however refused to say anything, just glare at anyone who tried talking to him, over his glasses. He was thinking, had been all day...there was no point on waiting for Josiah if he would never do anything about it, was there?

Josiah pushed the door open with only a grunt in greeting. Somehow it didn't sound right to say hello when slinking home after a fight. What should he say? How should he act around Atlas now. His friend probably felt upset and hurt by all of this and a wave of guiltiness washed over Josiah not for the first time. He couldn't take any of this back though.

Smelling food, Josiah walked into the kitchen. "Hey," he muttered.

"Hungry?" Was Atlas' reply to the greeting, the counter was littered with everything he used to make the stir fry he currently had on the stove. As usual when he decided to make anything, he had made enough for the both of them, even if Josiah had not shown up he would have put his half of the meal in the fridge.
"I'm thinking about starting to date again...been awhile since I have had any relationship." He said, still not having looked at his roommate and friend.

Josiah grunted in answer, though he meant yes. He didn't want to impose on Josh any more than he had to, so he add junk for food yesterday and he regretted that deeply. By now, he craved real food more than anything and whatever Atlas had on the stove smelled more than divine. Before he could think of anything real to say, he went rigid at what else Atlas had to say.

Date? Atlas was thinking of dating? Since he obviously didn't mean Josiah then he...well of course this is exactly what Josiah pushed him to do. Still, it felt like a stab went through him. He managed only one word. "Oh."

Atlas finished up the stir fry and portioned it out on plates before holding one out to Josiah. "Need to do something, add it to my things I do. I can't just go to school and play games...maybe I'll go to a bar or something." He shrugged as he leaned against the counter and started to eat, his eyes locked on his plate.
he didn't want to date anyone except Josiah...but the other had nixed that option, though Atlas did not look too happy to be on the lookout for a significant other, but he also DoD not want to just sit there and pine for someone who did not want him. "You should find a girlfriend...someone you can bring home to your parents."

Josiah couldn't stop himself from frowning. It just sounded like a too terrible of a plan. "That's dumb. You don't need to go to a bar," he huffed. Taking the plate, he headed to the table and sat at the far side of it. He wanted to just take the food and disappear out of the room with it, but he also wanted to finish this conversation. "Hnnn," he hummed with his eyes stuck on the table. He thought he might have turned a little red at Atlas's suggestion, but that did put him on the spot. "Except I don't like girls at all." He wanted to be able to like guys like he should.

"And yet you are to afraid to do anything about the fact that you like men." Atlas paused and frowned at his plate as he move to sit down across from his friend. "What are you afraid of...the judgement of others?“

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.' Matthew 7:1-2

I may not be of that Faith but I know what has been used against me. No one, not even yourself may judge you, there is also one in there about 'He without sin cast the first stone,' Damn it Josiah, I am willing to fight for the right to love, and I cannot understand why people believe in a being that created something so wrong, besides that are we not a test for others? For how they treat those who are different than them?" Atlas sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I just...Damn it. I love you, I would do just about anything for you, but you have to learn to fight for yourself and what you want."

Josiah snapped his head up to glare at Atlas. "Yes! I am afraid! I'm so fucking afraid of everything that I don't even know how to think and I'm not going to just stop being afraid either!" He growled as he ground the heel of his hand into his forehead. Damn it, why did he have to be so honest right now? He didn't want to be honest. He knew exactly how his words sounded--like a pathetic kid who didn't want to change. Maybe he didn't want to take a chance because he didn't know if he'd like who he came out to be, but yes, he was afraid.

"Love?" he asked in a quieter voice after some time. The word made him cringe and he didn't quite know what to do with it, like should be believe it? "We've only been friends up until now? Can't we just...pretend none of this happened and go back to being friends?"

"No, you won't, and you know what...neither have I." atlas paused for a moment, putting his fork down and clasped his hands together. "When I see the looks people give me I constantly wonder if they will be one of the ones to 'take things into their own hands', or do something else, I don't go to the gym just to stay fit and not get fat...I have to be stronger, and faster than them, that way I can get away if I need to, but it's not that easy." Atlas gave a depreciating laugh, "If a group decides to come at me what then? But I also know I can not be afraid to leave the house, I would never be happy stuck inside all the time. He ran his hands through his hair and gripped the dark strands for a moment before he pushed his plate away from him and let his head fall to the table top with a dull thud. "Ultimatly I would be sick of my self if I could do nothing to be happy." he said hsi voice slightly muffled from talking towards the floor instead of towards Josiah. "And no...I cant pretend that this has not happened, I want so much to be more than friends Josiah, but I am willing to do what would make you happy." He murmured and put his hands on the back of his head with a groan, he had probably just destroyed any kind of relationship with Josiah, but he could not keep deluding himself into thinking he would come around if he would not, even with support.

Josiah dropped his head into his hand, dragging his fingers through the longer strands of his hair. "I don't want to be hated...especially by the ones that love me..." he whispered. That counted for so much of his fear, more than what a stranger could do to him. He didn't want to be looked at differently because no matter how strong, cold, or confident he made his exterior look, he always felt insecure inside.

Without thinking, he reached toward Atlas' hair and almost touched it before he realized what he was doing. Josiah snatched his hand away and bit back the strangled noise that tried to make it through his throat. It probably meant a lot that he hated seeing Atlas look the way he felt inside--all messed up and struggling. The truth was, even if those around him accepted him for being gay, Josiah still had his own mind as an enemy and it was the most powerful one. "I'm sorry." He pushed back his chair and turned away without finishing his food.

"After the other night, I'm not even sure if I should bother trying with us."

"If they can not love you for the way they are they are undeserving of your love." Atlas murmured before he got up, his face set as he cleaned up his dishes before getting dressed. "I'm going out...if you need anything just text me alright?" He asked, sliding his shoes on and grabbing his keys, wallet and phone. Just like that he was gone, the door closing behind him.

It wasn't until about midnight that Josiah's own phone rang.
"Josiah Fenn? I am calling to inform you that..." the woman on the line paused and the sound of rustling paper could be heard. "That one Atlas James Parker is at Mercy General Hospital, his records indicate that we are to contact you in case of an emergency."

"...Atlas-" But Josiah spoke too late. By the time he got his mouth unstuck, the other already left their home and he hadn't even said what he really wanted to say. Somehow, Josiah wanted to make it work. Or maybe he didn't. He still wasn't sure yet. "You know, I need someone to love me though," he whispered to the empty room. "So I can't jeopardize what I already have."

Josiah spent the day just trying to think. He almost called his mom, which would only make things worse, so he stopped himself at the last second. Hours ticked by. Just where was Atlas? Was he playing the same game that Josiah did, maybe giving him a taste of his own medicine for staying away so long? It made him frustrated and cold--maybe because he really did like Atlas despite everything.

Just when he was about to go to sleep, his phone let out a ring. "Yes?" Whatever else he planned to say died in his throat as the woman spoke. He swallowed hard. "Okay, I'll be there soon." Getting into his car, he speed toward the hospital. He didn't think to ask just what happened, but it started to weigh on his mind. By the time he stepped up to the front desk and asked about Atlas, he'd already thought of every worst case possible.